It’s normal to think your ex will come back. The breakup shocked you and hurt your self-esteem, so it’s too early to accept the possibility that your ex is serious about the breakup and might not come back. It’s easier to hold on to hope because hope gives you the strength to deal with pain, confusion, and lack of happiness.
Hope tells you that your ex likes you as a person but that he or she needs some time to think things through. Once your ex has had enough time to think, feel, and do what he or she wants, your ex may realize that leaving you was a bad idea.
That would be great, but what actually happens is hard to predict. People have their own minds and make their own decisions. If they want to think negatively about you, they will. No amount of reasoning and hope will change that. You may have a strong feeling your ex will come back one day, but these gut feelings seldom match reality. When dumpees judge things by their feelings, they usually don’t make highly inaccurate predictions.
They forget that feelings are a combination of anxiety, fear, hope, and desperation and that their ex doesn’t feel like them. The dumper is detached and wants to be left alone to focus on people and things that make them want to put their best foot forward.
The main reason you think your ex will come back after a breakup is because thinking this way lowers your anxiety. It prevents you from thinking your ex will meet someone else and forget about you (further reject your feelings) and make you feel alone, lonely, depressed, scared, and unworthy of love.
It’s essentially a coping mechanism. You wish to protect yourself from pain by convincing yourself your ex will one day come back and love you again. Love makes you feel desired whereas a lack of love makes you feel undesired by the person you admire the most. You’d rather think your ex’s situation is preventing your ex from being with you than consider the possibility that your ex has fallen out of love and may not return.
It’s hard to imagine that someone you love doesn’t love you back, but if your ex had feelings, he or she wouldn’t have given up on you in the first place. Your ex would have stayed committed to you and done his or her best to prevent you from moving on and seeing other people.
That’s why you shouldn’t assume that your ex feels as strongly about you as you feel about him or her. Your ex is the dumper, which means he or she fell out of love a long time ago. Due to a loss of feelings and perhaps even respect, your ex needs time to engage in hobbies and activities that have nothing to do with you.
The last thing your ex wants as a single person is to get back together. Getting back together would bring back unwanted feelings and make your ex regret talking to you.
So if your ex has no intention of getting back together anytime soon, try not to think that your feelings matter more than your ex’s and that they can somehow predict the future. All your feelings mean is that you’re brokenhearted and learning how to accept the breakup. It takes time to fully accept and let go, but despite that, it’s important to work on detachment and understanding that wishful thinking won’t bring your ex back.
It will just keep you obsessed with your ex and waste your self-improvement time.
I used to think that my feelings had something to do with my ex’s return too. By holding on to hope, I convinced myself she’d come back to me as soon as she realized she made a mistake. Unfortunately, she never thought she made a mistake. Her only mistake was not leaving sooner. I got my hopes and dreams crushed because she didn’t do as I expected.
So don’t take your post-breakup feelings seriously. You may want her to take you back urgently, but that’s what you want. What your ex wants is likely something completely different. Your ex probably wants to keep his or her distance and get the most out of life. Instead of prioritizing your feelings, try to look a the situation rationally.
Intelligent thinking will help you determine your ex’s reasons for leaving and the possibility of returning, whereas emotions will cause you to cling to hope for dear life and make you believe things that delay your recovery.
In today’s article, we shed some light on why you keep thinking your ex will come back after leaving you.
Why do I keep thinking my ex will come back?
It’s natural to think about your ex coming back. Your ex has wounded you deeply and made you crave his or her closeness. Since you don’t feel any love from your ex, you now obsess about your ex and the times you felt safe and complete. You want your ex to validate you and make you feel comfortable with who you are.
The thought of your ex’s return calms you as it reassures you that you’re not entirely to blame for your ex’s departure and that you’re worthy of love.
You’re also afraid of moving on and have strong feelings and expectations of your ex. You haven’t yet let go of the attachment to your ex and the goals and dreams you envisioned with your ex. These things take time. Most dumpees need at least a few months to process the abandonment and give up on the idea of their ex coming back to love them.
It can take a whole year or longer to quit thinking about the dumper coming back.
It’s in your best interest to give the process as long as it takes and focus on things that distract you. When you’re over your ex, you’ll realize that you’ve stopped thinking about your ex entirely, not just about him or her coming back.
So why do you keep thinking your ex will come back?
Your wounds are probably still fresh and need more time to close. That, or you’re doing something that gives you constant hope. You may be talking to your ex, analyzing your ex’s socials, or receiving updates on your ex’s life. Post-breakup mistakes like that tend to increase dumpees’ obsession with their ex and make it harder to fall back in love with themselves.
You may also be receiving mixed signals from your ex. Mixed signals string dumpees along and make it extremely difficult for them to focus on themselves. If your ex is talking to you and confusing you, you should know that your ex probably feels guilty and wants to hold on to you as a friend.
It’s in your best interest not to settle for friendship or anything less than you deserve. This is the time for you to cut your ex off and find a way to detox from your ex. You’ll stop thinking about your ex coming back when you become okay with who you are and how your life is. You’ll simply have better things to think about.
An ex who left you won’t be on top of your priority list.
Therefore, you think about your ex coming back because you still want your ex to come back and validate you. You want your ex to show interest in you and boost your ego even if you just want to reject your ex. Most dumpees want their ex back. They struggle to love themselves, so they aim to boost their self-love through their ex’s return.
It’s not until later that they learn they can improve their self-love by cutting their ex out of their life and focusing hard on things that keep them busy and entertained.
So keep in mind that your ex won’t come back any quicker whether you think about your ex once a day or every waking moment. Excessive thinking will merely cause obsession and breakup mistakes and delay recovery. If you want what’s best for you, you must allow yourself to think about your ex, but only when you’re anxious and depressed.
When you’re doing well, you must stay busy and work on getting your ex out of that system. This will let you get your independence back and regain your lost motivation and passion.
Having said that, here’s why you keep thinking your ex will come back after dumping you.
How can I stop thinking my ex will come back?
The quickest way to stop thinking your ex will one day come back is to detach from your ex and get what you need to be happy. If you need to improve your perception of yourself, work on your self-perception. If you need to find someone to confide in and beat loneliness with, do that too.
It’s important to identify your flaws and work on them thoroughly. Unhappiness is the biggest reason why you can’t stop thinking your ex will come back. When you’re no longer unhappy, you’ll forget about your ex very quickly and think about your new life.
So start by working on yourself, particularly things that worry, stress, or depress you. Such things will help you grow as an individual, let go of the past, and reduce your ex’s importance in your eyes.
Secondly, stop interacting with your ex. You won’t stop thinking about your ex anytime soon if you continue to act like friends. Friendships are for friends, not exes. When exes settle for it, they tend to suffer, argue, and bring the worst out of each other. So instead of pretending everything’s fine, ask for space and go no contact.
Show that you respect his/her boundaries as well as your need to heal. Your ex will leave your head when you understand the rules of no contact and follow them long enough to get yourself back. Do your best to stay away from the dumper and you’ll have an easier time coping with the breakup blues.
Moreover, remind yourself that even if your ex comes back, there’s no guarantee the relationship will work. Reconciled relationships have significantly lower chances of long-term success than first-time relationships. That’s because couples who break up learn that giving up is an option and that they don’t have to try very hard.
All in all, you’ll pull through this. It may take longer than you’d like, but eventually, you’ll free yourself from your ex’s ghost and think about people who actually deserve to be on your mind.
Do you wonder why you keep thinking your ex will come back? Why do you think you’re so obsessed with an ex? Comment below and let us know.
However, if you need support with your breakup, check out our coaching options. We help both dumpees and dumpers navigate breakups with confidence and clarity.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
