Why Do I Get Jealous When My Boyfriend Talks to Another Girl?

Do you wonder why you get jealous when your boyfriend talks to another girl? Does it increase your heart rate and make you feel angry, sad, hurt, or anxious?

If it does, you feel this way because you perceive other girls to be a threat to your relationship. You’re afraid that another girl will fascinate your boyfriend, talk to him more than you do, and ultimately, take your spot.

You’re afraid that the person you love will like someone else more than you and that there’s a chance he will leave you for her.

Before you tell your boyfriend how you feel, you need to understand that jealousy is more often than not just a fear of what could happen, rather than what is happening. It’s a combination of negative emotions caused by low self-esteem and your boyfriend’s (inconsiderate) actions.

As a girl who gets jealous when her boyfriend talks to another girl, you should know that there are two types of self-esteem; internal and external. The internal one consists of your own interpretation of yourself as it portrays what you think about yourself and how you feel in your skin.

External self-esteem, however, is the perception of yourself your boyfriend, friends, family, and even strangers can influence. This is something you don’t have full control over as it tends to depend on what another person says or does. And because it depends on another person, you often wish to impress others and gain their validation.

Both internal and external self-esteem operate on patterns – on events that occurred in the past. This includes thoughts, beliefs, and actions that you experienced as a child, teenager, and adult.

For example, if at some point in the past you created a belief that girls are sneaky and that they steal other girls’ boyfriends, this belief unknowingly stuck with you through the years. You may have forgotten the actual words that triggered this belief, but the belief definitely hasn’t forgotten the strong emotional reaction you’ve carved into your brain.

Because you created an anchor in your brain and didn’t remove it, it’s now a part of you and controls how you feel when your boyfriend talks to another girl.

This is the reason why mental health experts tend to help people by asking them about their pasts. They encourage them to open up and so they can look for key moments in their pasts that started certain patterns. When they identify the causes of those patterns, they can then look for ways to counter them.

Anyway, many people argue that jealousy is a good thing and that it shows you care about a person. I think this statement is only half true. It indeed shows that you care about your boyfriend, but when you throw a tantrum, it also shows that you want him to do things your way – the unhealthy way.

If he talks to someone you don’t like for instance, your instincts tell you that he must stop talking to that girl even if he’s been friends with that girl for years.

Why is that?

It’s because you’re in pain and it’s easier to change your boyfriend than it is to change yourself. Beliefs and interpretations take weeks to alter whereas your boyfriend stopping all communication with another girl takes just a second.

I don’t know your story to say if your boyfriend is being too accommodating to other girls, but as a girl, I completely understand your concern. Lots of guys these days develop feelings for another girl and leave their partner for her. My ex did too. He said that nothing was going on between them and that I have nothing to worry about.

But then he cheated and left.

Maybe your boyfriend isn’t like mine and you really have nothing to worry about. But honestly, the probability that he could cheat isn’t the issue here. The issue is that you feel jealous and that your boyfriend is partially responsible for how you feel. He affects your external self-esteem and therefore, needs to do something about it.

In this post, we’ll talk about why you get jealous when your boyfriend talks to another girl.

Why do I get jealous when my boyfriend talks to another girl?

We all experience some form of jealousy from time to time as jealousy is in all of us. How jealous we feel really depends on 1)our faith in ourselves and 2)what our partner does to make us jealous.

If he talks to other girls and spends evenings or nights at their place, that would affect any girl’s external self-esteem. It’d trigger her worst fears and make her wonder if she can trust her partner. That’s why it’s safe to say that a girl can’t feel calm and confident if her boyfriend does things that make her feel insecure.

She can’t do it because the things her boyfriend does matter to her a lot. She’s emotionally invested.

There are many possible reasons why you get jealous when your boyfriend talks to another girl, but the quickest explanation is that you’re very close to him and feel that his behavior is jeopardizing the relationship.

You feel that he and the girl are getting too close to each other and that he should be focusing on you instead.

Please bear in mind that you feel jealous because you want your boyfriend to give his attention to you. You’re used to having him all to yourself, but now that he’s talking to someone else, your fear of abandonment entered your system and gave rise to a strong need for recognition and safety.

This fear told you that you need to fight hard to stay in the relationship and made you want to possess your boyfriend more than ever before.

So if you’re wondering, “Why do I get jealous when my boyfriend talks to another girl,” look at the infographic below. It will help you find the reasons you’re looking for.

The tricky question is if you’re jealous because your boyfriend and the girl are spending too much time together/being too flirty or because you lack trust in yourself? Figuring this out will help you ascertain whether you need to improve your perceptions of yourself or if you need to talk to your boyfriend about his inconsiderate behavior.

If you recently got jealous because he talked to another girl, start by taking a few deep breaths and try to think rationally. Your boyfriend will appreciate you more if you keep your emotions under control and calmly talk about your feelings.

Is it okay for my boyfriend to talk to another girl?

It’s okay for your boyfriend to talk to another girl. But it’s okay only if he does that in a way that respects you, makes you feel valued, and doesn’t hurt you.

If any of these conditions aren’t met, your boyfriend shouldn’t be talking to another girl. He should be trying to figure out how to work with you, instead of against you. Once he’s figured that out and turned your relationship into a trusting and loving relationship again, your boyfriend can then start talking to other girls again, provided that you’re okay with it.

He should then willingly (on his own initiative) regularly tell you what they talk about and prove that you can lower your guard. This is how trust can grow once it’s been damaged.

It’s hard to say exactly what’s okay and not okay in a relationship because every couple goes through different struggles. Some couples encounter trust issues, some low self-esteem, some depression, some loneliness, and some anger issues and resentment.

When a person in a relationship feels lonely for example, it would be wrong to tell him he has no reason to feel lonely and that he shouldn’t talk to other people because he’s in a relationship. That would restrict him, make him feel unvalued, and make him even more lonely in the end.

Couples need to communicate their wants, needs, and intentions as frequently as possible. They need to do it so they can be on the same page with each other and help each other. They shouldn’t just assume that their partner can detect their needs telepathically and get upset when their partner fails to get the hint.

They’re both different people with different beliefs. Some of those beliefs are caused by gender differences and others by society and upbringing.

So if you get jealous when your boyfriend talks to another girl, know that your boyfriend has the right to talk to anyone he wants. But he doesn’t have the right to hide things from you, call you jealous, insecure, or weak, and tell you to deal with “your jealousy issues.”

He’s your boyfriend and one of his few responsibilities is to make you feel loved and secure.

How do I stop being jealous of my boyfriend’s female friends?

Lots of people don’t know this, but you can improve your insecurities in a matter of weeks. All you have to do is think about what you want to change about yourself, commit to changing, and act as if you are the person you wish to become.

It’s that simple.

To improve your deep-rooted issues and be more secure, I suggest you start by learning where your jealousy comes from. Think back and remember the time or times when you got jealous of your boyfriend or ex-boyfriends and learn what specifically triggered those insecurities. Go as far back in time as you can remember as it’s possible that you started forming your jealousy habits early on during your childhood.

Secondly, start becoming more aware and in control of your emotions. When you’re able to recognize your jealousy and feel a strong desire to improve it, you’ll quickly gain more control over it. Always remember that the key to controlling negative emotions such as jealousy, envy, or anger is awareness.

When you develop some awareness, you won’t just feel more in control of yourself. You’ll also improve your thinking and behavioral patterns and be happier with who you are as a person.

Thirdly, have faith in your abilities. Keep in mind that of all the girls out there, your boyfriend chose you. He may not be the best at soothing your anxiety, but he is still with you today. And as long as he’s with you, he’s committed to you—hence why you need to trust him. If you don’t trust him, you’ll disrespect him and make it hard for him to trust you back.

Trust goes both ways.

Furthermore, make sure you have a life outside of the relationship. The quickest way to boost your confidence and self-esteem is to do things that actually boost your perception of yourself. Hobbies, ambitions, and going out with friends are some of the things you could start with.

Next, talk to your partner. He’s one of the biggest support systems in your life, which is why it’d be a waste not to include him in your life. Talk to him about the way you feel and ask him if he understands where you’re coming from. This will make it much easier for you to grow into the person you want to be.

Last but not least, try to understand your boyfriend’s point of view. If he wants to hang out with his female friends, do your best to accept that they’re only friends and that you need to trust him. Doing so will ease your anxiety, improve the quality of your relationship, and consequently, eliminate your insecurities.

Are you still wondering why you get jealous when your boyfriend talks to another girl? What do you think you should do when your partner talks to another person? Post your comment below this article.

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Angelie

I’m Angelie, a writer and a designer at Magnet of Success. Whether I’m writing compelling content or designing engaging pictures, I create content that resonates with our visitors and aids them on their self-improvement journey. I enjoy writing about relationship dynamics and the difficulties couples may face.