When Your Ex Says “I’ll Think About It”

When your ex says “I’ll think about it,” your ex has no desire to think about anything. He or she is convinced the breakup needed to happen and that getting back together would bring back unresolved problems and unwanted feelings.

If your ex was open to getting back together, your ex would have already realized your worth and wanted you back.

He or she wouldn’t need to think about the relationship and everything you did and can do for him or her in the future. Your ex would already know what you’re capable of and what kind of relationship you will have if you reconcile.

The only reason your ex said “I’ll think about it” is because you were hurt and/or tried to guilt-trip or convince your ex to get back with you. Your ex felt pressured into giving in to your expectations, so your ex said what he or she needed to say to get you off his or her back.

You probably already know that “I’ll think about it” means “No, I’ve made up my mind.” It’s a nicer way of saying no to someone trying to convince you and sell you something you don’t want. It means “I don’t want it today, but I might change my mind tomorrow, next week, or sometime in the future.”

It’s unclear as to when if ever he or she will think about the offer. And because it’s unclear, it means that he or she currently has no desire or urge to think seriously about it.

Dumpers like to say things such as:

• Maybe in the future
• We’ll see how we feel
• Anything could happen
• Life works in mysterious ways
• If it’s meant to be, it will be

Such comments shouldn’t be taken literally and seriously. They’re time fillers meant to give the dumpee something hopeful to cling to after a devastating rejection. Dumpers shouldn’t be saying such things because they make dumpees think they might get back together at some point in the future and that they needn’t let go of the relationship.

I’ve been studying dumpers’ behavior long enough to know that when a dumper talks about the future in an unclear manner without any plans to change and get back together, the dumper doesn’t want to get back together. He or she doesn’t want to reconcile in the present and won’t want to reconcile in the near future.

If a person has to think about being with you, he or she lacks romantic feelings and reasons to be with you. Reconciliation will stay off the table as long as the dumper’s mentality and perception of you stay the same.

You’ll get back together only if your ex discovers your worth on his or her own (probably because of failure rather than just thinking) and determines you are a good or better partner than someone else. When that happens, your ex won’t need long to consider being with you.

His or her feelings will compel your ex to contact you and get back together as quickly as possible. Your ex will be in a hurry because he or she will want your help dealing with problems and providing love and support.

So if your ex told you that he or she will think about being with you, know that your ex most likely won’t decide to be with you. Even if your ex sits down and gives it some serious thought, it’s unlikely that a reflection without an incentive will make your ex see the positives in the relationship.

Your ex would have to have feelings for you to get back together with you. And feelings usually don’t return that easily. They come back when the dumper forgets about the dumpee for a while, fails miserably, and starts missing the life he or she left behind. That’s when the dumper finally does some serious thinking and determines that things didn’t get better as a result of the breakup.

Your ex may not despise you, but your ex does feel negatively about you. Negative feelings and perceptions as well as a lack of feelings prevent your ex from dealing with doubts and considering you an important part of his or her romantic life.

Always judge people by their actions. Their actions will tell you what they feel and want whereas their words will tell you what you want to hear. Words on their own (without actions) are meaningless. They shouldn’t be taken seriously. Especially not after the breakup when the dumper feels bad for breaking your heart and wants you to be okay and leave him or her alone.

Today’s post is dedicated to dumpees whose ex says he or she will think about reconciliation. We’ll discuss why the dumper would choose such vague words that lack assurance and how you should respond to them.

What does “I’ll think about it” from an ex mean?

“I’ll think about it” means “No thank you.” It’s a polite way of rejecting an invitation, offer, product, or service. Dumpers use it when they don’t want to hurt their ex’s feelings and/or receive a negative reaction from their ex. A reaction that would make them feel guilty and forced to help their ex deal with anxiety and depression.

Dumpers like to make breakup excuses such as “It’s not you, it’s me” and give their ex a bit of hope. They’d rather make their ex think there’s a small chance they might get back together than hurt their ex and feel responsible for helping their ex.

Hope now and pain later seems better to them than pain now and less pain later.

They’re happy as long as they can avoid problems in the moment and let their ex deal with false hope later – once their ex has realized they’re gone.

I’ll think about it” is a distraction technique. Dumpers use it to change their ex’s thinking from “It’s impossible to get back together” to “It might be possible to reconcile if I give my ex some space and time to think about us.”

Although dumpers could come back if they have enough space, the problem with this kind of thinking is that it prevents dumpees from getting rid of hope and waiting for their ex to finish thinking. Hope constantly tells them that they don’t need to disconnect from their ex and create a self-sufficient life for themselves.

This is because they think their ex will come back to save them from their problems and misery.

So if you want to know what it means when your ex says “I’ll think about it,” bear in mind that it doesn’t mean anything positive. It doesn’t indicate love, regret, and feelings. If anything, it shows compassion or guilt (usually the latter) and a lack of awareness or care about how his or her comment makes you feel.

Most dumpers who give away hope for free do that because they prioritize their emotions over their ex’s pain. They don’t want their ex to give them a hard time, so they say anything that helps their ex feel better in the moment and gets their ex off their back.

They tell their ex what their ex wants to hear but mustn’t hear and keep their ex from breaking down long enough to make an escape. When they’re away from their ex, they don’t know or care how their ex feels. All they care about is their post-breakup freedom and happiness.

I know I’m making dumpers look bad, but dumpers who truly care about you don’t tell you things that hurt you. They don’t give you hope or tell you there’s someone better for you out there. Although there is someone better out there “waiting for you,” you don’t need to hear it from an ex you love and want to be with.

Sometimes it’s better not to say anything and support the dumpee in ways that help him or her accept the breakup and gain closure.

Many dumpers don’t know how to help their ex move on. Due to unwanted feelings, they don’t want to help in ways that help their ex in the long term. They just want what’s best for them (today) and because of it, make their ex hooked on them longer than necessary.

If your ex gave you false hope by deceiving you into thinking he or she has to think about the relationship, your ex was too scared to tell you the truth. Your ex didn’t want to bring a difficult reaction out of you and be forced to deal with it, so your ex gave you hope you couldn’t reject.

It was the only positive offer on the table you feel tempted to accept.

If days have passed since your ex told you he was going to think about being with you, your ex obviously isn’t thinking about reconnecting with you on an intimate level. Your ex is merely enjoying his or her space and privacy and hoping you won’t reach out and follow up on it.

Since your ex hasn’t reached out and talked about the things he or she was supposed to think and talk to you about, your ex’s inactions tell you everything you need to know. They speak for themselves and reveal that your ex had no intention of reflecting on the relationship and getting back to you.

Your ex probably just wanted to escape the suffocating situation and enjoy life to the fullest.

You must take that seriously and remember that your ex would have reached out if he or she thought about being with you and wanted to inform you about his or her decision. If your ex cared and felt the need to get back to you, your ex would have contacted you and let you know what he or she decided, whether your ex wanted to get back together or not.

Therefore, the comment “I’ll think about it,” followed by days or weeks of silence is of no practical use to you. It’s something space-deprived dumpers say to reassure their ex everything will be fine (even though they don’t love their ex and won’t get back together).

They might come back many months or years later, but that’s a different story. The truth is they don’t think that far ahead because they don’t know what the future holds.

With that said, here’s why your ex said he or she will think about the relationship.

How should you respond to “I’ll think about it?”

When your ex says I’ll think about it, your ex actually means, “There’s nothing to think about. I’ve made up my mind and that’s final. I don’t want to waste time and energy thinking about getting back together because I’m happy and free of obligations. The ball is in my court, so I’ll let you know if I want you back.”

Most dumpers can’t wait to walk away and be left alone. They’re done with the relationship and need time to recover mentally.

They say they’ll think about it but most dumpers don’t think about anything because they like their newfound space and freedom and don’t feel a desire or need to engage in productive thinking. They’re okay with focusing on themselves and not thinking about their ex and the problems they’ve caused him or her.

When your ex says “I’ll think about it,” you don’t need to say anything special to your ex. Technically, you shouldn’t even put your ex in a situation to think about something. As a dumpee, your job is to accept the breakup and take the pressure off your ex.

If you do that, your ex will be in control of his or her thoughts and emotions and like you more because of it.

But if you already rationalized with your ex and pressured your ex into thinking about being with you, then simply give your ex time to think. Whether your ex needs a day or a year, let your ex have the time he or she needs to self-prioritize. If during no contact your ex realizes that he or she still has feelings for you, your ex will get back to you and ask you for another chance (not vice-versa).

Your ex will be the one to do all the work because your ex will crave power and need you back for healing and validation purposes.

So don’t give your ex all your power. Now that you directly or indirectly asked your ex to think about the relationship, stay away from your ex and see what your ex does. If he or she doesn’t talk to you after a couple of days, it should be safe to assume that your ex hasn’t reflected and/or found a reason to be with you.

In that case, you should stay in no contact indefinitely or until you’re both ready to be friends.

Did your ex tell you he or she will think about things? What did your ex promise to think about? Let us know in the comments section below.

And if you’re looking for personalized advice on your breakup, we’ve got you covered. Check out our coaching options here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.