What He Thinks When You Don’t Contact Him?

When you don’t contact a guy who broke up with you, he initially doesn’t think much of the post-breakup silence. At first, he appreciates it and ikes it a lot because he can finally breathe and do the things he’d been wanting to do. He can spend more time with friends, talk to other people, go out more, and even start dating if he wants.

He doesn’t have to worry about not being able to reach your expectations because the breakup absolved him of responsibility and commitment. It allowed him to live the kind of life he thinks he wants to live.

But as time goes by and the guy goes through the stages of a breakup for the dumper, his relief and immense need for space slowly subside. They decrease to a point where he no longer feels joy at the thought of not speaking with you. He just feels neutral about it or perhaps even nostalgic and guilty if the relationship was healthy and loving.

How he feels really depends on the guy’s ability to think positively and the mistakes you make after the breakup. If you beg and plead or criticize him severely, it’s unlikely that he’ll think positively of you and want to re-experience the good times from the past. It’s much more likely that he’ll chew over the negative post-breakup experiences and use them as a weapon to distance himself and stay disappointed with you.

So first things first, keep in mind that he won’t think nice things if you get anxious and contact him. Contacting someone who dumped you is not only self-disrespectful but also disrespectful to your ex. It shows that you’re unhappy with the situation you’re in and that you need your ex to relieve your anxiety, increase your self-esteem, and restore your happiness.

And that’s something your ex doesn’t want. He left so he wouldn’t have to invest relationship emotions in you. You mustn’t try to drag him back into the past and make him feel like you’re in a relationship with him. That will make him feel trapped and very unhappy.

You need to let the power of silence after the breakup speak for itself. It may not affect your ex in ways that you’re hoping for (at least not right away), but it will help your ex think as positively about you as his mind allows him to. The more developed he is as a person (morals, behaviors, attitude, perceptions of people and surroundings…), the better things he’ll think about you when you don’t contact him.

This is because space and time will make him see that you’re not running after him and that you’re strong enough to support yourself and move on with your life.

The realization that you’re self-reliant and doing things you like will prove that you’re not obsessing about him and that you respect yourself. And that should be enough to stop him from attaching negative thoughts and feelings to your post-breakup persona and getting frustrated with you.

So if you’re wondering what he thinks when you don’t contact him, bear in mind that it depends on what he’s like as a person and what breakup stage he’s in. If he just broke up with you a week ago (and the breakup wasn’t a temporary split), he’s not thinking about you a lot. He’s just focusing on the things that distract him from thinking about the breakup.

Occasionally, he thinks about you, but it’s nowhere near as often as you think about him. This is because you’re hurt and obsessed whereas he’s detached and relieved.

But if it’s been months since the breakup happened, then he most likely doesn’t feel empowered by the breakup anymore. If you stayed in no contact, he probably wonders how you are and what you’re up to. If he develops enough curiosity and interest, he could reach out to see how you’re doing.

You should consider inquisitive texts or calls to be breadcrumbs because they won’t help your ex come back. They’ll just confuse you and give your ex the information or empowerment he’s after.

In this post, we’ll talk about what he thinks when you don’t contact him. We’ll also discuss how a guy’s thoughts change as he goes through the breakup stages.

What does he think when you don’t contact him?

Right after the breakup, a male dumper doesn’t think about contacting you nor about you contacting him. He’s perfectly happy not hearing from you because he’d put the breakup off for as long as he could. By delaying it, he tired himself out, destroyed his remaining love and interest in you, and made it so that he wouldn’t think about you and worry about you.

Of course, some guys immediately feel bad for leaving their exes and hurting them, but such dumpers tend to reach out and apologize for the pain they’ve caused. They reach out a week or two after the breakup because that’s when guilt gets the best of them.

Most dumpers, however, don’t contact/apologize that quickly. They don’t feel much or any guilt because they first need to process relief and realize that their actions affected their ex. They need time to themselves to detach and see that their ex was a decent person whom they’ve hurt very much.

Dumpers normally enjoy the breakup space dumpees provide and only start feeling bad months later – possibly when they run into trouble. That’s because anxiety helps them engage in introspection and allows them to think about their ex and wonder how their ex is doing.

What you need to understand is that dumpers initially don’t think positive, happy, and nostalgic thoughts about dumpees. They may care about them and wonder how they’re coping with the breakup, but as far as romantic cravings and healthy perceptions go, they’re just not there.

It’s too soon for them to reminisce because dumpers first need to stop feeling elated by the freedom provided by the breakup and focus on their own happiness. They break up with dumpees because of a lack of happiness, so they need to focus only on their own needs for a while and become ready to reflect/feel guilt.

Once they feel guilt, shame, regret, sympathy, and all the emotions empathetic non-relieved people feel, they may reach out and directly or indirectly apologize for hurting you. A direct apology would be a straight “sorry” whereas an indirect message would look somewhat like this. “I just wanted to see how you’re doing. Let me know if you want to talk or anything.”

You need to respond to such messages confidently and politely by saying you want to focus on yourself and that you’ll reach out when you’re ready to talk. Immediately upon saying that, you should go back to no contact and let your ex think and feel whatever he wants.

He likely won’t think and feel much because he’ll have assuaged his guilt and won’t need to continue talking to you. But despite that, you must return to no contact and show your ex you’re not going to be his friend just because he took the initiative to reach out.

Mustering up the courage to reach out is merely the dumper’s first step. He still needs to grow within and change the way he thinks and feels about you. And he can do that by wanting to improve his thoughts and feelings or by being forced to change them.

Most dumpers, sadly, don’t willingly change these things because changing perceptions of someone they dumped is extremely difficult.

Personal change requires a lot of determination, strength, maturity, and goals. This is why most dumpers start thinking differently of their exes only when they need to. And they need to start thinking differently when they get hurt and have no choice but to mature up.

So don’t worry about what he thinks when you don’t contact him. It’s much more important that he fails in ways that hurt him and allow him to reflect on his decisions and mistakes. Failure can force him to improve the quality and frequency of his thoughts about you whereas merely thinking about you alone is unlikely to have the kind of effect you want it to have.

Your ex needs to have some kind of realization before he can think fondly of you. He needs to reflect willingly or forcibly.

But despite what I just said, this doesn’t mean you should contact your ex. No contact is still very important as it gives your ex a chance to respect you for staying strong and in control. It allows him to respect you when things start falling apart on his end and show him you’re much stronger and capable of being happy and independent than he is.

So again, don’t worry about what he thinks when you don’t contact him. He likely doesn’t think about things he needs to. And he won’t think about them until he’s in a pickle because that’s when he’ll acknowledge and desire your strength and happiness.

Here’s what a guy will think when you don’t contact him after the breakup.

Not all exes become regretful, of course. But those who do, see their ex as their savior. They need their ex to help them deal with anxiety, regret, or grief and make it easier for them to accept their mistakes.

If you want your ex back, you have to wait for him to get to the last stage. You can’t force him to get there quicker (especially not with your help) because he needs to discover your worth first. He needs to see that he gave up on someone he took for granted and that he doesn’t want to look for anyone else to be with.

Will he miss me if I don’t contact him?

If you don’t contact the guy, he will think about you more than he will if you message him. But that doesn’t guarantee that he’ll miss you and crave the kinds of emotions he felt when he was in a romantic relationship with you. To miss you, he needs to work through the negative post-breakup emotions mentioned earlier and desire more positive ones.

He needs to become nostalgic and want the kind of relationship he had last time.

This means that something must go wrong in his life. Something or someone must show him that he’s not as happy as he used to be and that he should try to be happy again.

Things that could make him want to be happy again are poor emotional/mental health, romantic rejections, low self-esteem, nostalgia, and the realization that his life now is nowhere near as good as it was in the past.

If you contact him while he’s still figuring things out, you could have a lengthy conversation that feels good and give him emotional support. That could give him the strength he needs to carry on without you and allow him to get involved with someone new.

In that sense, not contacting him could make him miss you as he could think about you and not get emotional support and reassurance. He could want your happiness and be a part of your life again.

But for him to want to be a part of your life, you must stay far away from him and follow the rules of no contact. You can’t let him know you miss him and want him back because that could give him power and just enough support to carry on with his life.

The chances of your ex missing you will be much higher if you depict high self-esteem, confidence, happiness, and self-reliance. These things will make you as attractive as you can be whereas contacting your ex will most likely pressure your ex or if your ex is struggling, help your ex with his predicament and make him think less about you.

What do you think a guy thinks when you don’t contact him? I’d like to hear your thoughts and opinion below the post.

And if you’d prefer to discuss these things in private, learn more about our coaching here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.