Should I Let My Ex See My Dog?

Ex-couples who shared ownership of a dog may have been equally responsible for buying dog food and walking the dog during the relationship, but that doesn’t mean their shared ownership should continue after the breakup.

If they resent each other, have conflicting relationship goals, feel pain, and need space, one of them should keep the dog whereas the other should stay away.

They don’t need to stay in touch and frequently make plans to “visit the dog” as that would put them in an uncomfortable situation, keep them connected, and delay their suffering.

A dog or a cat is not a child who deserves and needs both guardians. It’s a pet who needs a loving owner to take care of it. That owner can be you or your ex, depending on who agreed to keep it. If you kept the dog, you became the sole owner of the dog and have every right not to let your ex near your house and the dog. 

You can safely tell your ex you’re trying to focus on yourself and that it wouldn’t be a good idea to see each other. Your ex might not like that (especially if he or she got dumped and misses the dog), but it needs to be done for your sake as well as your ex’s.

You shouldn’t meet up and keep meeting up just because your ex got attached to the dog and wants to see it. Post-breakup attachment needs to be dissolved, not encouraged. It needs practical solutions that will allow your ex to live on without seeing your dog.

It doesn’t matter if you bought the dog together or if you had the dog before meeting your ex. As long as someone is hurting from the breakup, you should keep your distance and avoid feeling sorry for your ex for not being able to see the dog.

I know it’s not easy to let go when you’re attached to an animal. But this is something your ex needed to be aware of before he or she got the dog or agreed to be with you. Your ex needed to know that he or she could start to like the dog and get attached.

That wouldn’t have prevented your ex from getting attached, but it would have let your ex know what he or she was getting himself or herself into and how to handle the breakup when there are pets involved.

Since your ex agreed to take care of your dog, it was only reasonable to assume that in case of a breakup, you’d keep the dog.

You’d become the only owner regardless of who paid for the food and vet bills and who took care of the dog the most. Such is the reality of breaking up with a person who had a dog before you or whose dog lived with him/her during the relationship.

So bear in mind that your ex needs to detach from the dog rather than stay attached. If he or he keeps seeing the dog and stays attached, how will you move on and explain it to your new partner? Will you tell him or her that you broke up a while ago but that you still let your ex come to your house and play with the dog?

I guarantee that no person (male or female) will be okay with that. Most people will instantly become suspicious and wonder if there’s more to the story than meets the eye. The first thing they’ll think about is if you still love your ex and want to get back together.

Then, they’ll also think about their happiness with you and consider the possibility of running into your ex and feeling uncomfortable, anxious, and jealous.

So don’t complicate the situation by letting your ex see your dog. If the dog is yours (you bought it/got it, or you agreed to keep it after the breakup), you’re the new owner of the dog and shouldn’t let your ex keep visiting the dog.

You should let your ex say goodbye, but only during the breakup, not weeks or months after.

That’s the respectful thing to do whereas letting your ex see your dog whenever he or she wants is a waste of time that you and your ex could be spending on better things. Things such as detaching from each other, each other’s pets, and personal property.

Once again, your dog isn’t a person/a child. It’s a furry pet who will be perfectly fine with one owner (you). It doesn’t need “a dad” and “a mom” (or two of the same kind).

Yes, dogs can have separation anxiety too, but this can be treated with proper care. Consult an expert if you think your dog is displaying signs of anxiety.

Just don’t attempt to treat its anxiety by letting your ex see the dog. That would probably hinder the dog’s well-being and delay the time it takes for it to stop feeling anxious. I’m not a dog expert, but I know that anxiety is something people and animals need to get rid of by doing the opposite of what they feel they need.

In this case, your dog may need less of your ex rather than more.

Also, think about your own happiness and what you and your ex need to get over the breakup. You won’t get over each other very soon if you keep communicating and meeting up. You’ll probably develop a habit of talking to each other and by doing so, stay dependent on each other for variant things.

The dumper will feel validated and want the dumpee to come back whereas the dumper will feel uncomfortable, impatient, and eager to get space from the dumpee. Therefore, the only way to get through this is to count your losses, focus on yourselves, and move on.

Time and space will heal your wounds and help you shift your focus toward more meaningful people and things.

Besides, your ex can just get a new dog. They say the best way to grieve the loss of a pet is to get a new one.

In this post, we talk about whether you should let your ex see your pet. We’ll explain what to do in different situations such as when you’re with someone new already or when your ex seems to be using the dog to get close to you.

Should I let my ex see my dog?

If you’re contemplating letting your ex see your dog, the first thing you need to do is ask yourself why your ex wants to see your dog. Does your ex truly miss the dog or does your ex have ulterior motives that involve getting back with you?

You need to think long and hard about that. Especially if you left your ex because in that case, your ex probably wants to be with you under the guise of seeing your dog. Your ex wants to slowly get close to you and create an opportunity to express feelings and reconcile.

In that case, you obviously shouldn’t let your ex see your dog. You should keep in mind that this isn’t about the dog and that your ex could regularly start using the dog as an excuse to meet up and reel you back in.

Regular interactions with your ex obviously won’t make you happy. All they’ll do is make you feel bad for your ex and force you to think you need to give your ex what he or she needs to cope with the breakup.

In other words, you’ll sacrifice your happiness for your ex due to guilt and a lack of understanding that items and pets don’t give exes paternal and maternal rights.

So no, you shouldn’t let your ex see your dog. You should be doing everything in your power to stay in no contact and disassociate from your ex. You should be living independent lives as there are no positive benefits to hanging around your ex and pretending it’s normal to see each other’s pets.

It may not be your idea for your ex to see your dog, but you are its owner and an ex who’s responsible for making healthy decisions. If your ex doesn’t know what’s best or doesn’t want to do it, you need to take responsibility and make sure you do what’s best for all parties involved.

And what’s best is usually a complete separation, followed by the indefinite no contact rule.

Bear in mind that you’re not a bad person for not letting your ex see your dog and mess with your healing. You’re a mature individual who understands pets are pets and that it’s in dumpees’ and dumpers’ best interest to stop acting on feelings of nostalgia.

If you dumped your ex, letting your ex see your dog will only make your ex more nostalgic and more dependent on your validation. And if your ex dumped you, letting your dumper close will likely make you think your ex wants to see your dog because your ex wants you back but is afraid of expressing love to you.

That will make you overthink things and trigger your anxiety and fears.

No matter who dumped whom, you shouldn’t let your ex see your dog. Not until you’re over each other and feel certain you won’t get hurt from being around each other.

You also shouldn’t be interacting with your ex if you’re seeing someone else as your new partner will think you’re nuts for treating your dog like a kid. If you don’t see you’re hurting your partner with your strange custody agreement, your partner may even leave you and date someone who respects him or her.

If you don’t want that to happen, you shouldn’t let your ex close to you and your dog. You should permanently end things with your ex and let the dumpee move on.

That being said, here’s why you shouldn’t let your ex see your dog.

When should I let my ex see my dog?

First of all, you don’t owe your ex time with your dog. You especially don’t owe your ex that if you’re still in love with your ex or if you feel repulsed and uncomfortable around your ex.

Forcing yourself to see your ex after leaving your ex or putting yourself in a vulnerable situation after being dumped will cause more problems than it will solve.

That’s because it will make you feel angry and pressured (if you dumped your ex) or depressed, anxious, or nostalgic (if you got dumped). Either way, there’s a decent chance you and your ex will crave things you aren’t capable of giving each other (validation and space).

The more you crave these feelings, the bigger the chance that someone will cross post-breakup boundaries and ask for things the other person doesn’t want to give. That will make you feel emotions you’ve been desperately trying to avoid.

The only time you should consider letting your ex see your dog is when you’re both fully over the breakup (you became friends) or when the person you dumped is suicidal and thinks that seeing the dog will somehow ease his or her anxiety/depression and encourage detachment.

Letting your ex see your dog and sharing the dog are a big hassle, so figure out if it’s even worth it. Do you want to risk feeling uncomfortable and keep making time for someone you couldn’t make the relationship work with?

You may feel bad for your ex, but would you let other exes see your dog too? I don’t think you would. You’d probably tell them to take a hike.

So how is this ex different?

Do you feel guilty for leaving your ex? Have you convinced yourself your ex is a good person and that he or she deserves to see the dog he or she took care of with you?

Whatever your thoughts may be, puzzle out why you’re considering letting your ex see your dog. When you have the answers you need, you might realize it’s time to prioritize yourself and avoid getting hurt.

That doesn’t make you selfish but rather self-caring.

So if you want to let your ex see your dog, discover your reasons for wanting that and the consequences that may ensue from interacting with your ex. If you’re okay with these things and you and your ex aren’t dating anyone who finds your situation a red flag, let your ex see your dog.

Just make sure it’s a one-time thing and that your ex leaves you alone after that.

Do you think you should let your ex see your dog? What do you think could go wrong? Share your experience and views in the comment section below. We’ll get back to you soon.

However, if you’d like to talk even sooner and in private, sign up for private coaching.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.