When your ex treats you like an enemy, your ex’s actions show that he or she has lost all or most respect and considers you replaceable. Your ex doesn’t feel the need to treat you nicely and give you what you want because your ex stopped relying on you for validation and caring what you think and feel. This happened during the detachment period of the relationship when your ex stopped investing in the relationship, enjoyed freedom too much, prioritized independence, and developed the belief that you’re the root cause of his or her problems and pain.
Instead of looking for solutions to relationship problems and working on them with you, a therapist, or alone, your ex continued to ignore the need to bond and let go of negative perceptions. Slowly, your ex associated toxic beliefs with your persona and transformed you into an enemy – someone who threatened his or her happiness and well-being.
As difficult as it may be, try not to take your ex’s behavior personally. Many dumpers treat their ex as if their ex were the one who dumped them. They do this not because their ex deserves it, but because they feel stressed, pressured, or guilty and want their ex to go away (stop bothering them). They aren’t afraid to show their worst colors and hurt their ex for something he or he did years ago.
Dumpers can be brutally honest and unforgiving. Many times, they’re comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings openly, even if they know it hurts their ex. Their ex’s feelings don’t concern them. Not when they think their ex is asking for too much and/or disrespecting their decisions, privacy, and need for space. How they act or react often depends on what their ex wants from them. If their ex wants to get back together or is looking for some sort of confession, they tend to get infuriated and want their ex to feel hurt just like them.
They hope to express their boundaries in an open manner and push their ex away by force. Most dumpers convey the message clearly because they hurt their ex so deeply that he or she regrets reaching out and triggering unwanted emotions.
So if your ex treats you like an enemy and you don’t know what you did to bring such negative reactions out of your ex, remember that you’re not directly responsible for your ex’s lack of respect and consideration of your feelings. You may have asked for too much and too soon, but that doesn’t give your ex the right to treat you like the worst person on the planet. Whether you begged, blamed, questioned, or simply texted or called your ex, your ex decided it was okay to treat you like an enemy.
He or she was always capable of treating you this way. Your ex just didn’t want or need to because your ex desired you romantically and considered you a valuable, equal partner. Your ex’s behavior toward you only changed after the breakup when your ex stopped seeing your value and began to consider you a hindrance. That was when your ex seemingly transformed into a different person and showed you how little he or she cared about you and other exes.
Therefore, your ex isn’t a completely different person with entirely different thoughts or morals. As much as you’d like to believe that and dissociate yourself from your ex, you need to understand that your ex merely showed you his or her true self. Your ex revealed that he or she has difficulty dealing with ex-partners who don’t instantly get over the breakup and disappear. Your ex either lacks empathy, morals, experience, or all three combined.
Oftentimes, dumpers act rudely and meanly when they feel guilty, trapped, or distracted from pursuing other romantic relationships. New dating candidates empower them, so they feel like their ex is spoiling their fun. That’s why they shake their ex off by responding angrily, coldly, indifferently, or by ignoring or blocking. Whenever they feel that they can’t focus on their newfound happiness and freedom, they take it out on their ex and make their ex’s recovery much more difficult.
If your ex treated you worse than a stranger, you should pay close attention to your ex’s behavior and use it as a tool to devalue your ex, heal your wounds, and move forward with people who deserve you. You don’t need to date anyone while you’re in pain, but you must surround yourself with approving people and stay busy. Maintaining a (socially) busy lifestyle will enable you to stop thinking about your ex’s unprecedented behavior and move on once and for all.
It won’t happen overnight, but eventually, you’ll detach to the point where you stop taking the blame for your ex’s behavior and recognize that your ex is not someone worth admiring or keeping in your life. As long as your ex is set on causing you pain instead of helping, your ex is unfit to remain in your life as a partner, friend, friend with benefits, or an acquaintance.
Your ex must first learn to appreciate everything you’ve done for the relationship, respect you, deal with negative breakup emotions, and communicate as if you’re the most important person there is. As far as you know, you are the most important person. You deserve to be treated respectfully just for staying loyal and investing in the relationship until the end.
When you don’t get the treatment you deserve, you must consider your ex a danger to your health and cut him or her off immediately. By cutting your ex off and prioritizing yourself, you can avoid seeing your ex’s worst traits and taking them personally. You can avoid rejections and emotional setbacks and begin to distance yourself from your ex.
Remember that your ex’s pettiness doesn’t define you. He or he may act like an enemy, but your ex’s behavior has nothing to do with who you are and what you’re worth. Your ex’s behavior merely shows how your ex perceives you and acts during emotionally charged situations.
The worse your ex treats you, the less responsible he or she feels for dumping/hurting you, and the more work your ex has to do to mature as a person.
Someone who attacks your character and ignores your feelings has a lot more reflecting and evolving to do than a person who treats you fairly and empathetically. Such a person must learn the importance of forgiveness and being a decent human being, even though he or she can no longer benefit from you.
So if your ex treats you like an enemy, bear in mind that you don’t make your ex resent you and treat you badly. Your ex chooses to act this way because your ex lacks healthy ways to respond to self-victimization and unwanted emotions of power. Your ex is in total control and knows that he or she can get away with anything, including treating you like an enemy.
How your ex treats you doesn’t matter to your ex. It stopped mattering because your ex stopped feeling the need to impress you and gain your commitment and validation. The instant your charm lost its grip on your ex’s heart, your ex lost romantic interest, turned cold or spiteful, and slipped away.
Now you have no choice but to adapt to the new reality and do the same thing your ex did – change how you view your ex. This shift in perspective will help you forgive yourself for past mistakes and rebuild your self-esteem from he ground up.
In today’s post, we discuss why your ex treats you like an enemy and what you can do about it, whether you love or don’t love your ex.
Why does my ex treat me like an enemy?
Breakups often overwhelm dumpers and bring out the worst in them, especially when they harbor resentment or have started seeing someone new. In such cases, they may sink to their lowest behavior and do what they think is necessary to be happy and in control.
If they think they must get back at their ex for hurting them in the past and asking for things he or she shouldn’t ask for, they punish their ex harshly and feel a sense of vengeance and relief. They don’t feel bad (at least not at first) because they convince themselves their ex forced them to stand up for themselves and retaliate.
If you don’t want to push your ex’s button and see him or her angry, detached, and uncaring, you must quickly cut your ex out of your life. You must avoid trying to befriend your ex and talk sense into your ex. As badly as you regret saying or doing certain things and want your ex to like or love you, you mustn’t make the breakup about you.
You must remember that your ex is incapable of reason and that he or she must first process the breakup and want to talk to you. When your ex cools off and sees things from a more rational perspective, your ex might respond politely or perhaps even reach out to initiate a conversation.
Until then, you must remember that the breakup requires you to forget about your ex and find a way to deal with your unmet wants and needs without your ex’s help. You must essentially leave your ex in charge of his or her life and rely on yourself for healing and regaining your emotional independence.
Your ex can’t and won’t help you feel better when your ex is being guided by the urge to move forward and enjoy life to the fullest. All pestering your ex or appealing to his or her moral obligation will do is pressure your ex and trigger an unwanted emotional response.
And if your ex is like most dumpers, that response will likely be intense, which will further wound you and damage your self-esteem.
As a rule of thumb, you should never resort to guilt-tripping and making your ex feel indebted to you. Even if you’ve done significantly more for his or her professional or personal life, your ex doesn’t want to feel as though you were keeping score or that your kindness was anything other than a gift. If your ex feels that you expect more than you should, your ex may become defensive and treat you like an enemy.
Don’t forget that your ex considers things even. In their mind, they let you go easily after enduring weeks or months of emotional struggle. Hence, if anyone has a reason to ask for something, it’s your ex because your ex felt hurt and angry. Your ex decided it was you who crossed all boundaries and asked for a mean response.
Rest assured that you won’t always crave your ex’s closeness, analyze the breakup, and worry about his or her treatment. When you redevelop healthy self-love, you’ll start to hold your ex accountable for his or her lack of care and morality. You’ll understand it’s not worth wasting your time on someone who won’t be a part of your life anymore.
So if your ex treats you like an enemy when all you want is to get some answers and feel cared for or loved, remember that it’s your ex’s defense mechanism talking. Your ex probably resents you and considers you responsible for his or her pre-breakup and post-breakup pain.
Your ex has all the power and wants to focus on him/herself or others. Because you’re not letting your ex do that and create some distance, your ex feels overwhelmed and thinks it’s okay to project his or her anger onto you.
Your ex may also be influenced by friends, family members, therapists, or new dating prospects. Influential people in your ex’s life may frequently encourage your ex to respond selfishly/uncaringly and try to justify his or her loathsome behavior. Until your ex processes pain and improves his or her perception of you, you shouldn’t expect him or her to treat you better.
You should expect your ex to stay bitter, cold, and unreceptive.
With that said, here are 7 reasons why your ex treats you like an enemy.
What to do when your ex treats you like an enemy?
When your ex treats you like an enemy, your first instinct might be to respond strongly, hurt your ex back, and prove that your ex picked the wrong person to mess with. Your ego might instruct you to cause pain first and figure out the rest later.
Despite feeling tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that fighting your ex won’t fix anything. It won’t make your ex treat you better and like you more. All it will do is tell your ex that you’re incapable of accepting the breakup and moving on.
So first things first, avoid taking it personally, reacting emotionally, and giving your ex additional reasons to dislike you. Your ex already has a negative view of you and needs tons of space to leave the past behind.
Secondly, practice self-control and set some healthy boundaries. If your ex is reaching out and is allowed to treat you like a stranger or worse, you obviously shouldn’t keep talking to your ex. You should be letting your ex know that you’re done with the relationship completely and that you won’t stick around as a friend or less. Your ex must see that you respect yourself and that you won’t tolerate mistreatment no matter who it is and how long you were together.
Thirdly, focus on healing and growth. The breakup is your chance to get to know yourself and make some healthy changes. You don’t need your constant approval, explanations, closure, and tips for handling difficulties better in the future. You certainly don’t need them from a person determined to villainize you and hurt you.
You’re more than capable of getting through the breakup without your ex’s presence and reassurance. You just need to trust yourself and invest in parts that need investing. Eventually, you’ll understand that your ex’s thoughts, feelings, and responses have nothing to do with you and that you’re better off without an ex who treats you like an enemy.
Does your ex treat you badly and hurt you deeply? What’s your ex doing to cause you pain? Let us know in the comments below.
However, if you’re looking for help with your ex’s unethical behavior, feel free to sign up for coaching and confide in us. We’ll figure out why your ex keeps treating you terribly and find a way to defend against it.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
