My Ex Sent Me An Apology Text

When your dumper ex sends you an apology text, it shows sympathy, care, or guilt. It shows that the dumper is sorry for hurting (not dumping) you and that he or she wants your forgiveness and the reassurance that you’re doing okay.

If the dumper sees that you’re not desperate (on social media or through an apology message), the dumper doesn’t need to hear you say that you’re moving on. He or she can simply think of your lack of response and desperation as you being resentful and healing nicely.

Your silence can be enough for the dumper to forgive him/herself and stop worrying about how you’re dealing with the breakup.

Just as you don’t need to hear your ex’s full story to get closure, your ex doesn’t need to hear you forgive him or her to move on with a clear conscience. Hearing you say you’re good would certainly help, but it’s usually not necessary.

If you ignore, block, or express anger or discontent, the dumper can create a self-empowering explanation for your behavior and use it for forgiveness, reassurance, and justification for breaking up with you.

The dumper won’t depend on you for forgiveness forever if you make the breakup difficult and give him or her a reason to dislike you.

At some point, the dumper will convince himself or herself that he or she has the right to be happy and that it’s time to stop worrying about you and start holding you accountable for your actions and inactions.

That’s when the dumper will stop apologizing for hurting you and start blaming you for hurting him or her. His or her behavior toward you will change due to his or her changed perception of you and a victim mentality.

So keep in mind that your ex sending you an apology text doesn’t indicate that your ex absolutely needs your forgiveness. It likely means that your ex feels guilty for hurting you and affecting/changing your life so much.

If your ex apologized shortly after breaking up with you, the decision to leave weighed on your ex’s conscience and urged your ex to reach out.

But if your ex sent an apology text months or years after the breakup, then your ex probably went through something painful, felt bad for him/herself, and finally realized and acknowledged his or her mistakes.

Your ex wanted you to know that he or she wasn’t perfect, let go of the person he or she was at the time of the breakup, and work on becoming the person he or she wanted to be. That means your ex wanted to admit his or her flaws to you and slowly let go of the past.

Think of it as going to confession. Its purpose is an absolution of guilt and (self)-forgiveness.

Once your ex confesses his or her sinful thoughts and actions, your ex can accept them and disassociate them from his or her persona, provided he or she regrets them enough and learns from them.

A simple apology doesn’t make an ex change into a completely different person. An ex must truly regret his or her actions and be willing to change his or her thinking and behavioral patterns.

Internal change can happen only if he or she wants to be a better person and have a better relationship with him/herself and others. If the dumper just wants forgiveness without putting in the work to break unhealthy patterns, he or she will likely make the same mistakes in the future.

That’s because he or she won’t have developed the skills and habits to react differently to stressors, pain, anger, etc.

So if your ex sent you an apology text and made you wonder why he or she did that, bear in mind it could be both for you and himself or herself. People tend to apologize because they feel guilty and want the person they hurt to feel better.

They want to know they’re forgiven or that they can forgive themselves and move on with their life.

It doesn’t mean that they want to repair the relationship they destroyed and abandoned. Typically, an apology without a profession of love and plans to take things further is just an apology. It signifies nothing but regret for hurting the other person.

In today’s post, we discuss why your ex sent you an apology text and whether you should respond to it.

What does it mean when your ex sends you an apology text?

When the dumper ex sends you an apology text or letter, the dumper wants to alleviate his or her guilty conscience. The dumper wants your forgiveness or to be able to forgive himself or herself.

It could also mean that the dumper has other motives and that he or she wants you in his or her life as a friend, a friend with benefits, or a partner. But if your ex wants any of those things, your ex’s actions will soon follow and match his or her words and desires.

Your ex will basically show you that he or she has expectations of you and that an apology is his or her pathway toward something bigger than forgiveness.

Hence, bear in mind that your ex might ask for something else shortly after apologizing. Whether it’s advice, support, love, validation, information, or something only you can provide, an ex with a hidden agenda will continue the conversation/reach out and get what he or she wants or needs from you.

If your ex wants someone to talk to, your ex will act like nothing happened. He or she may even compliment you at times and ask you for your opinion or emotional support.

If you’re not ready for friendship or anything other than a romantic relationship, don’t agree to your ex’s demands. Don’t make it seem like you’ve processed the breakup and fallen out of love with your ex. Pretending to be over your ex will get you strung along and confused.

It will give you hope and convince you that you may be able to change your ex’s mind and get back together.

If your ex doesn’t say anything important after apologizing (doesn’t express a desire to reconcile), remember that an apology is just an apology. It shows nothing but regret for hurting you and complicating your life.

You shouldn’t spend much time thinking about it.

If it took your ex a while to apologize, your ex probably needed some time to enjoy space and self-prioritize. He or she needed to distance him/herself from the relationship and see that your intentions were good and that you weren’t a horrible person.

Your ex started feeling bad after he or she reflected on the relationship and his or her post-breakup behavior.

However, if your ex apologized during or shortly after the breakup, then your ex didn’t need time to reflect. He or she immediately saw that the breakup hurt you and affected your self-esteem. Your ex noticed the breakup was way more painful for you than it was for him or her and that he or she needed to ease your pain and his or her guilt.

Your ex managed to do that simply by apologizing and expressing regret.

So pay attention to the behavior your ex exudes after he or she has apologized. It will tell you what your ex’s intentions are and whether you should entertain your ex or cut him or her off. In the meantime, avoid associating apologies with romantic regret otherwise, you could think your ex wants you back.

Remember that an apology (that leads nowhere) helps your ex accept his or her mistreatment or decision to leave. It has nothing to do with you and getting back together. An apology coming from your ex is meant for your ex to accept his or her mean, inconsiderate, or self-centered behavior.

That being said, here’s what it means when your ex sends you an apology text.

Do exes usually apologize?

Some dumpers apologize for losing interest and breaking their ex’s heart. They feel bad for putting their ex through a lot of pain, so they contact their ex and breadcrumb their ex. They tell their ex they’re sorry for hurting him or her and sometimes even slap their ex with a friendship offer.

Such dumpers reach out and apologize for themselves. They want to forgive themselves for causing pain and problems and move on as quickly as possible. They don’t love their ex but make their ex think that they do.

Unintentionally, they make their dumpee ex hopeful and eager to get back together.

Of course, not all dumpees get their hopes up. Some dumpees understand that an apology doesn’t indicate regret and love and that an apologetic ex just wants to assuage guilt or shame. They know their ex has lost feelings and that reconciliation is out of the question.

Dumpees are usually the ones who apologize with the intention of getting back with their ex. They’re in pain and regret saying or doing things that made their ex detach and leave. That’s why they apologize multiple times and ask their ex for forgiveness and love.

They forget that apologies won’t bring back lost feelings and that they’ll smother and guilt-trip their detached ex.

If they over-apologize for their mistakes, they could also frustrate their ex and make their ex lose respect for them. Apologizing once is okay. But doing it convincingly over and over again pressures the dumper and gives him or her too much power and control.

It lets the dumper decide what to do with his or her desperate ex.

So keep in mind that dumpees shouldn’t apologize more than once. They should do it only once (during the breakup) if their ex treats them well. If their ex treats them badly, ignores them, or blocks them, they should forget about apologizing and figure out a way to improve their self-esteem and move on without their ex.

Should you respond to your ex’s apology text?

You should respond to your ex’s apology text. Whether you’re a dumpee or a dumper, acknowledge your ex’s efforts and apologize back. Show your ex that you forgive him or her and that you want to leave the past behind.

That will make you look strong and mature whereas ignoring your ex or refusing to accept your ex’s apology will make you look resentful, vengeful, and weak.

Your ex won’t care more about you if you act mean, cold, and distant. Your ex will probably think less of you and be glad that you’re no longer a couple.

So always respond to an ex who reaches out and apologizes. It doesn’t cost you anything to respond and forgive your ex.

But as soon as your ex expresses him/herself and gets what he or she wants, go back to no contact. You don’t need to keep talking to your ex if you’re not ready for it. You just need to keep unnecessary information out of your head and by doing so, avoid emotional setbacks.

Let us know what you think about an ex sending an apology text below the post.

However, if you want to confide in us about your ex’s apology text or anything breakup-related, get in touch with us through our private coaching.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.