If your ex moved on immediately and is happy, this is completely normal. Dumpers move on long before they initiate the breakup. They move on days, weeks, or sometimes even months or years before the actual separation.
The only reason they wait this long before they leave is that they settle for unhappiness and wait for the perfect opportunity to leave.
Once they get the opportunity to separate from the dumpee, they take it right away and immediately feel relieved. They’re happier than ever as they finally have the freedom to think, feel, and act as they want.
They’re excited about their life again as it’s been a while since they were free and in complete control of their lives. As a result, they go out more, talk to their friends and new people, drink and party, do new activities, and enjoy their lives.
The breakup empowers them with liberating thoughts and emotions and allows them to be the people they’d been craving to be. The breakup is an eye-opener for them as they can do what they want, when they want, with whomever they want.
After the breakup, they’re the ones who decide everything, including how they perceive their ex and who they blame for the breakup.
Dumpers who appear relieved after the breakup aren’t depressed. They may say they need to find themselves and that they’re to blame, but deep inside, they don’t believe that. They think they’re incompatible with their ex and that they deserve to be happy.
Because of such beliefs, they don’t wait long before they get into another relationship. They normally take the first chance they get and by doing so, quickly transition from feelings of relief to feelings of infatuation.
In other words, they act on empowering emotions and make sure that they get the most out of their breakup.
And they can get the most out of it by putting themselves in situations where they can experience the single life to the fullest.
Often, this includes dating people they have very little in common with.
Sadly, their new relationships are seldom rebound relationships. Most of the time, they’re normal relationships that have the same chances of success as your relationship with your ex.
The only difference is that dumpers who get into new relationships right away are sometimes hypersensitive and hypercautious about behaviors that remind them of their ex.
For example, if they don’t like certain words their ex used to say, they may react negatively to them.
Anyway, if your ex moved on immediately and is happy, don’t think it’s because you were a bad partner. How happy your ex appears to be has nothing to do with you. It’s got everything to do with your ex’s pre-breakup coping mechanisms and desires to escape the relationship.
If your ex told himself or herself you were toxic, your ex painted a black picture of you. Your ex made you look so bad that he or she wanted to leave very badly. That means your ex destroyed his or her feelings for you and replaced those feelings with elation and relief.
You have to understand that dumpers feel happy and expect to be happy for a while. They go from one extreme to the other (unhappiness to happiness) and don’t want to stop feeling the way they do. Not after they’ve convinced themselves they’re the victims and that they should enjoy their new life as much as possible.
So if your ex moved on immediately and appears to be happy and doing well, don’t take that personally. You can’t expect your ex (the dumper) to think, feel, and act like you (the dumpee). That would be unreasonable as your ex has detached and made plans outside of the relationship.
Your ex needs to give those plans a go before he or she stops being so happy.
In today’s article, we shed some light on why your ex moved on immediately and is happy.
My ex moved on immediately and is happy
When your ex moves on immediately and looks happy, it’s obvious that your ex gave up on you a long time ago. Your ex developed negative perceptions of you, associated unhealthy emotions with you, emotionally detached, and lost the drive to invest in himself/herself and you.
This happened because your ex failed to communicate properly and focused on your negative traits rather than the positive ones. Gratitude and determination to resolve problems were missing, so your ex stopped maintaining the relationship and held you responsible for his or her problems and the lack of feelings.
By doing so, your ex refused to take accountability and slowly one day at a time, killed the relationship with neglect.
Although some exes appear sad and cry during the breakup, this isn’t because they’re unhappy and have a hard time moving on. They look sad mainly because they feel bad for hurting their ex and destroying his or her relationship goals and plans for the future.
Once such dumpees distance themselves physically, they immediately go back to thinking and feeling the way they felt before the breakup. They once again feel relieved and eager to do things that give their lives happiness and meaning.
Since your ex appeared to have moved on right away, your ex probably doesn’t feel very guilty. Your ex may have felt bad during the breakup and a bit before that, but probably not now that your ex is enjoying life.
Your ex’s guilt or the lack of it is not related to you. It’s caused by the breakup, your ex’s upbringing, understanding of the breakup, morality, and empathy.
If your ex doesn’t care about you as a person (ignores you, gets mad, talks badly about you, humiliates you, etc.) your ex does this because that’s what your ex is like as a person, not because you don’t deserve respect.
Your ex wants to be happy and isn’t worried about you and how his or her happiness might affect you.
Many dumpers are like that as they lack the self-awareness and empathy required to sympathize with their ex (especially when they blame their ex for the breakup and think badly of their ex).
So if your ex has moved on and is happy, keep in mind that your ex is feeling (and probably acting) like most dumpers. Your ex is focusing on the present moment and is ignoring the past and the people who helped him or her get to where he or she is.
Due to the uplifting breakup emotions, your ex is willing to cut off the past and laser focus on the future. Doing so feels natural to him/her.
You must understand that your ex is going through some temporary breakup phases and that your ex will eventually stop looking so happy and relieved. It will take some time (probably a couple of months) unless your ex gets into another relationship because that would prolong his or her happiness by the length of the infatuation period.
With that said, here’s why your ex has moved on immediately and is happy.
Dumpers often reveal their happiness by posting it online. They don’t mean to rub it in their ex’s face and hurt their ex, but they do that (indirectly) anyway because they don’t know or care that their ex is watching their every move.
They’re on cloud 9, so all they care about is getting the most out of the breakup.
Most dumpers are okay with sharing happy pictures or pictures with their new partners. Only the most discreet, self-aware, or scared dumpers who don’t want to be seen as cheaters (those who fear judgment) delay posting pictures with their new partners.
Whether you saw your ex happy online or in person or heard your ex was happy through mutual friends, keep in mind that your ex is just responding to the breakup and the possibilities it created.
He or she is acting on instinct and is willing to experience new things.
Also, you might have noticed that your ex doesn’t resemble the person you were with. Your ex has become unrecognizable, different, and not the person you fell in love with.
This is because of two reasons.
- Your ex hasn’t felt this empowered in a while (probably since you started dating).
- You never got to know the uncaring side of your ex. You probably saw how your ex expressed problems, but not how your ex dealt with overwhelming (suffocation) and empowering (relief) breakup emotions.
This is all new to you, so you’re shocked and scared at the same time.
Give it some time and you’ll see that your ex was always capable of saying and doing the things he or she said and did. Your ex just never had the chance to reveal his or her worst traits because your ex had feelings for you and mutual plans for the future.
When those plans ended, so did your ex’s care and the need to treat you well.
What to do when your ex is happy?
First of all, don’t do anything impulsive. Don’t reach out to your ex and call your ex a narcissist for being selfish and ignoring your suffering. Anger and blame won’t help anyone.
Especially not you because you’ll soon realize you took your frustrations out on your ex and made yourself look unattractive.
If you want to make the best impression on your ex that you can and be a good person, show your ex that his or her happiness doesn’t bother you. Act as if you’ve fully moved on and that you have better things to worry about than an ex who doesn’t want to be with you.
Your ex probably won’t care about you doing okay and moving on. He or she will likely be glad that you’ve accepted the breakup and focused on yourself.
But don’t let that scare you.
Your ex needs to not feel guilty and have fun for a while. By doing so, your ex can take his or her mind off you and do the things he or she had been meaning to do. Once your ex has enjoyed the space you provided, your ex could then get curious and get in touch.
That will likely cause more problems than it will solve, but at least your ex will reach out of his or her own accord.
Always remember that your ex won’t feel relieved and act excited forever. When empowering post-breakup emotions wane, your ex will revert to the person he or she was prior to breaking up.
Your ex just needs some time to get through the initial breakup stages and return to his or her senses.
Also, make sure to stop getting new information about your ex. If you’re checking your ex’s happy social media posts, asking your friends about your ex, and talking to your ex, you’re constantly seeing or imagining your ex’s happiness.
This is making you think your ex is happy because you’re no longer around, which is affecting your happiness and self-esteem.
So whatever you do, don’t compare yourself to your ex and judge by what you see and hear. Don’t do it by reminding yourself that you’re starting on different ends of the breakup.
You need to process the breakup whereas your ex needs to be free and have fun. Your ex can’t be sad and miserable unless your ex broke up with you due to mental health problems, grief, or some other unresolved issue.
I know it can be tempting to think your ex’s happiness is directly related to you, but post-breakup happiness is much more complicated than that. How happy your ex feels depends mainly on your ex’s pre-breakup perception of you and his or her ability to deal with difficult emotions.
That means people who resent their exes and blame them for their feelings and behaviors tend to be the happiest after the breakup. They feel relieved and think their exes are the reason for their unhappiness.
Such people are the least developed as they have a victim mentality and lack emotional intelligence.
Did your ex move on immediately and is happy? Does that hurt you because you want your ex to suffer like you and come back? Comment below and let us know.
And if you want to talk to us about your breakup, click here to get in touch.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
What confuses me is how could my ex felt smothered by me when in fact not too long before the breakup she tells me she felt like we are living two separate lives as she felt I wasn’t around enough. While I wasn’t with her everyday, I was with her a majority of the week and most weekends (the only time I wasn’t with her on weekends was if she decided to go out with friends, so that’s her choice not mine). She was also supposed to move in with me until we found a new house. I was always there for her anytime she needed me, we talked/message often so I never understood how she could feel like that.
You were right, I never thought she could be capable of acting like she did when she dumped me. That is a side I never saw before. It amazed me how she could be so heartless and careless towards me when after all I did for her and all the love and support I gave her and her son. She only reached out to me once after the breakup and that was to use me as she got rushed to the hospital. She needed someone to hold her hand and I was the closest person around. Like a fool, I went to be there for her. I thought this was going to be an awakening for her, but the very next day when I reached out to her, she was back to her cold hearted persona and couldn’t be bothered with me. Soon after that, she moved over an hour away and got a new boyfriend who I am pretty sure she monkey branched to. That crushed me and my self esteem totally. It’s been almost a year since the breakup and I still struggle with this as my attempts to move on have failed. I am mostly alone and cannot find anyone who will even give me a chance which makes me feel like even more of a failure. I cannot escape the thoughts of her being the happiest she has ever been and life is going great for her. I feel like she had a complete reversal of fortune ever since she left me. While I on the other hand have had nothing but heartbreak and disappointment.
Hi Ed.
When she left (or just before she left), she developed a strong need to be alone. She needed to self-prioritize and not feel responsible for investing in you. Rest assured that when you get over this, things will reverse. You’ll feel relieved and empowered and she’ll feel hurt and disappointed. Things won’t always go this well for her. That’s life.
Sincerely,
Zan
One year ago today I discovered that my ex-girlfriend of almost three years was monkey-branching to a dude who was/is “…dark and fucked up.” She said to me that she was attracted to him because he needed fixing. Upon the discovery, she ended things with me and I went into no contact. She went straight into a relationship with this dude. I know because at 1am one night in mid-October 2022, I received a drunk telephone call from her stating that she was “…taking a well needed break from all relationships.” I’ve maintained no contact since despite the odd breadcrumb. I’ve done the work – therapy, positive affirmations and even been on a few dates with different women. I feel I’m in a good place right now. What I will never understand is the vindictiveness and the nastiness she displayed towards me when all I ever did was treat her well. She went from me right into another relationship and assumed she’d be happy. Maybe she is, who knows? It really hurt at first and I still think of her but now she’s more a footnote in my overall life. I’m a good guy, I deserve better and she blew her chance.
Hi David.
She was nasty because she felt smothered by you, developed resentments, and considered herself a victim. She also detached from you and didn’t see a reason to treat you well. People show their true colors when they don’t need you, David.
I’m glad you’re doing much better and that you’ve realized what she’s like as a person.
Sincerely,
Zan
After I broke up with my ex, I never said a word about him or my new single life on social media. If he learned anything about it, it would have been from another person. I’m naturally a fairly private person, so it wasn’t my impulse to post about that sort of thing anyway, but it would have felt really extra and pushy to do it where he could see it. I felt it was better for both of us to stay out of each other’s business, and gladly he seemed to agree.
Hi Jaycie.
Some exes know what’s good for them whereas others don’t. It depends on their maturity and perception of each other. I’m glad you both went your separate ways and agreed not to communicate.
Best regards,
Zan
It’s also funny that you’re still here Jaycie, since you never looked back and it’s been a while (from your many comments) – why are you still on this website? Not that I’m trying to drive Zan’s audience down or to be agressive towards you. You were the dumper, and mentioned many times you never regretted it. But why are you still here reading all these articles ?
I once had an ex I dated for around 4 months who seemed very very into me to then go completely cold a few weeks later to then end it the week after to then be with someone else the following week. I’ve never experienced anything like it and it still confuses me to this day how someone can go from hot to being with someone new within weeks. It doesn’t seem natural that feelings can change so quickly. Like you say it’s usually a slow death and you can sense them slipping away over time but this seemed very extreme.
Hi James.
Your ex didn’t have the time to develp strong feelings for you, so he/she got tempted by someone else and branched to that person. Your ex probably talked to you and the other person at the same time.
Sincerely,
Zan
I think your right and I heard through the grapevine it was an ex she rekindled with. It didn’t last long as she was single again a few months later but I never heard from her again. She had history of short relationships and seemed incapable of bonding deeply but it was never her fault, always the ex. I think she was a severe avoidant.
Hi James.
It seem that she’s chasing highs and lacks the tools to maintain relationships. This kind of behavior will not help her evolve and be the person she needs to be. She needs therapy in order to rewire her beliefs and change her attachment style.
Sincerely,
Zan
Excellent article as usual Zan! My ex declared his happiness on Linkedin when he left me after 23 years, declaring our relationship toxic. That ‘happiness’ was relatively short lived though, and 6 months later he admitted to not being in a good place mentally.
Unfortunately his victim mentality and resent towards me has grown. The relationship he went into immediately after leaving me is so toxic that our eldest daughter (the youngest one doesn’t speak to him) won’t have anything to do with his new girlfriend now. He’s even admitted to our daughter that his new girl friend is starting to ‘p**s him off’ and it isn’t a forever relationship. My daughter’s repy ‘so why are you settling and bothering with her’.
His behaviour towards me though has gotten worse, to the extent he told our eldest daughter that I infuriate him!!! How I don’t know, we’re not even in touch at the moment!
He won’t go to anything our daughter’s are in/doing if I’m there, even missing their birthday.
Me? I’m doing ok, better than ok. Which apparently is annoying him even more!
So to all newly ‘dumped’. It will hurt to see your ex move on quickly, but the reality is that ‘their’ issues go with them. Unresolved issues from before you knew them. And you don’t need that ‘s**t’ anymore.
Hi Beverley.
Your ex keeps thinking badly of you. He remembers the past and isn’t doing anything to improve his image of you. He like to hold on to it becauase it gives him power and strength. He seems to be quite an angry person and blames others for his problems.
Maybe he expected you not to be doing well and is hating you because he’s miserable. I sense competitiveness and envy.
Sincerely,
Zan