My Ex Ghosted Me: Do Ghosters Come Back?

If your ex ghosted you, your ex demonstrated who he or she really is. Your ex revealed that ditching people and hurting them is acceptable as long as he or she benefits from the newfound space and freedom and feels in control of his or her life.

Emotions are more important to your ex than morals. That’s why your ex acted on them soon after he or she realized the relationship wasn’t going to work. Your ex decided to ghost you and be done with unwanted thoughts and difficult emotions.

Ghosters don’t think about their ex’s feelings and feel guilty (at least not at first). They put their feelings, wants, and needs far before their ex and let their ex handle the consequences of their ghosting on his or her own. By ghosting, they guarantee freedom and happiness for themselves and (unwantedly) misery for their ex.

If their ex has feelings (which most dumpees do), he or she takes the ghosting personally and falls deep into depression. The dumpee feels unworthy of explanation and empathy and considers the ghoster inconsiderate and cowardly.

That’s who ghosters are. They’re spineless cowards with unresolved fears and insecurities. Due to fears of confrontation and a lack of moral values, they disappear from their ex’s life and focus on people and things that feel good. People and things that distract them and help them feel only positive feelings.

To others, the only appropriate way to end a relationship is in person (or over a call if there’s no other way). But to ghosters, that seems like a hassle. They’re afraid of their ex’s reaction, so they choose not to spend additional time and energy on a person they consider incompatible and emotionally draining.

They choose to break up with their ex indirectly and hope that their ex gets the message. This encourages them to keep running away from problems that need the most work and disorients the person who loves them.

If you’ve been ghosted by your ex, you mustn’t blame yourself for how your ex ended the relationship. Even if you weren’t your best self and expressed a lot of strong emotions toward the end of the relationship, your ex was the one who ultimately gave up and ghosted you. He or she decided not only that it was okay to ghost you but that it was necessary as well.

Your ex convinced himself or herself that he or she had more to gain than he or she had to lose. This is because your ex felt pressured and did what felt right rather than what was right.

If your ex isn’t a habitual ghoster and if your ex has at least some conscience, your ex will eventually stop feeling the need to run away and reflect.

He or she will realize that ghosting is immature and that you deserve an explanation (closure) after everything you’ve been through as a couple. If your ex learns that he or she treated you badly, your ex could reach out to you and perhaps even apologize for pulling a Houdini on you. It’s unlikely to happen, but if it does, you can expect your ex to try to assuage his or her guilty conscience.

From my observations, most ghosters don’t break the silence. They like to keep their distance from their victim, fearing what might happen if they were to run into their ex or reach out to him or her. Because they don’t know what to expect, they stay far away from their ex and continue to enjoy their space and quiet.

They convince themselves they had no choice but to ghost and focus on things that make them happy. Things that don’t overwhelm, guilt-trip, and anger them.

So if your ex ghosted you and hurt you immensely, you probably want your ghoster ex back. You want to know if ghosters come back and apologize for what they’ve done. The answer to both of these questions is ‘rarely.’ They usually don’t take accountability because that would mean they’re willing to be vulnerable. And as you know, ghosters run away from vulnerabilities (difficult emotions and emotions they don’t understand).

They blame the other person for their emotions rather than taking the time to understand themselves and make healthy changes.

Ghosters would need to feel guilty or learn their lessons the hard way (by getting hurt) to come back and/or apologize. Both scenarios could incentivize reflection and personal growth, provided they want to be better people. The problem for most ghosters is that they’re okay with who they are. They feel comfortable in their skin and think other people should change and adapt to them.

Other people should know which behaviors are acceptable and which aren’t.

Such closed-mindedness prevents them from understanding how they contributed to the breakup and what they must do to avoid ghosting and breaking up in the future. Because they don’t do anything to get rid of their ghosting mindset, they hold on to their ghosting habits and ghost when someone makes them feel pressured and uncomfortable.

That someone can be a friend, a family member, a coworker, a boss, or a new romantic partner.

In this post, we discuss why your ex ghosted you and whether ghosters come back.

Why did my ex ghost me?

The main reason your ex ghosted you is because your ex felt uncomfortable and scared of seeing you hurt or angry, and being criticized for ending the relationship. Your ex wanted to avoid feeling responsible for ruining your relationship expectations and causing you pain.

That’s why your ex decided to ghost you out of the blue and let you wonder where he or she went.

By ghosting, your ex was able to avoid facing a potentially strong emotional reaction to the breakup, which allowed your ex to act as if everything was normal and okay. Coincidentally, it prevented your ex from doubting his or her decision and thinking negatively about him/herself.

Many ghosters block their ex right after ghosting. They don’t want to hear anything from their ex because they fear their ex will express hurt feelings and make them see they’re not mature, caring, and respect-worthy. Texts and calls from their ex could affect their conscience and ruin their positive perception of themselves.

You see, ghosters like to lie to themselves and think their ex forced them to ghost.

They want if not need to believe they deserve to be happy and that their ex made it impossible for them to enjoy their life. Such thoughts make them feel victimized and responsible for helping themselves rather than their ex.

The less they know about how they affected their ex, the more they’re able to convince themselves their ex is the bad guy and that their ex deserved to get ghosted after everything he or she has done to them.

So if you want to know why your ex ghosted you all of a sudden, keep in mind that your ex lacked the courage, knowledge, and morals to end things properly. Your ex acted on undesirable emotions and disappeared from your life because it allowed your ex to live life on his or her terms. Ghosting helped your ex get the space he or she craved and made it easier for your ex to justify his or her inconsiderate behavior.

It wasn’t very hard to justify ghosting because your ex only knew how he or she felt. Your ex had no idea how you felt and how you perceived him or her. The lack of information on your perception of the breakup and his/her personality made your ex put the blame on you and empowered your ex.

Simply put, your ex ghosted you because ghosting let your ex avoid feeling guilty for a while and allowed your ex to quickly shift his or her focus toward something or someone else. If your ex started dating someone new shortly or right after the breakup, your ex was able to focus entirely on the new person and felt no regret.

Ghosting served both as a distraction and a way to avoid confronting emotions. It let your ex think positively about him/herself and feel emotionally fulfilled. Your ex didn’t know that he or she could feel just as good if not better by properly ending things with you. Maybe your ex would have to help you and feel guilty for a while, but eventually, your ex would finish helping you accept the breakup and know he or she did the right thing.

Your ex can justify his or her ghosting all he or she wants, but deep inside, your ex knows that ghosting is immoral. Your ex knows that no one deserves to be ghosted and replaced overnight.

Hence, your ex will eventually process the need to run away and think more clearly. When that happens, your ex could start feeling guilty and regret ghosting (not leaving). It will be too late to improve his or her conscience because your ex will be branded as a ghoster. Your ex won’t be able to change the past and will have to learn to live with it.

Many ghosters have an avoidant attachment style. They develop avoidant tendencies in their childhood or later in life when they go through difficult relationships, breakups, or life experiences. Life indirectly teaches them to prioritize themselves even if they hurt others in their quest for happiness.

With that said, here are 6 reasons why your ex ghosted you.

Do ghosters come back?

Ghosters don’t come back very often. Most of the time, they keep blaming their ex for their decisions and feelings.

When they come back, it’s normally because they’ve:

1. Processed the emotions that made them ghost.
2. And realized they were the problem. They understand their ex had nothing to do with their immoral actions and that they have a lot of work to do if they want to be in a happy stable long-term relationship.

Sadly, ghosters tend not to reflect and admit their mistakes. If they were to admit them, they’d know they must work on themselves and treat people better. That would require an immense desire to change and a lot of work (something they’re not willing to do).

Ghosters like themselves and their newfound freedom too much to return to an ex they ghosted. Not only did they hurt their ex immensely but they also ruined their respect for their ex. Their ghosting behavior destroyed their ex’s value in their eyes and made it extremely difficult for them to miss and value the dumpee.

Immoral, mean, and vengeful dumpers are much less likely to return than people who treat others well. Such people destroy the foundation on which love can redevelop by constantly reminding themselves their ex doesn’t deserve their attention and that they did what was necessary to be happy.

I’ve seen some ghosters come back. They reached out months or years after ghosting, apologized for disappearing overnight, and expressed the wish for friendship or a relationship. It’s important to keep in mind, though that all of them became regretful because something bad happened to them and made them want their ex’s sympathy.

They basically wanted what they weren’t willing to give their ex, so it didn’t surprise me that many dumpees refused to talk to them. They didn’t want to help their ex after getting ghosted and being forced to get closure on their own. Because they recovered from ghosting (improved their self-esteem and changed their perception of their ex), they got over their ex and told their ex to take a hike.

If your ex takes too long to get back in touch, you probably won’t feel like talking to your ex either. You’ll know your ex doesn’t deserve you after what he or she has done to you and that you no longer need your ex to be happy. You’ll consider your ex unpredictable and unreliable and keep your distance.

For now (while your ex is choosing not to converse) remember that ghosters usually don’t get back in touch and that when they do, they tend to apologize or want their ex back because they feel sorry for themselves. They want their ex to make them feel loved and important—and in control of their emotions.

You probably want your ghoster ex to tell you it wasn’t your fault you got ghosted, but you already know it wasn’t your fault. You just need to allow yourself to detach and process the ghosting. When you get your ex out of your head, you’ll wonder why you even cared about your ghoster and wasted so much time thinking about him or her.

So give yourself time to fall back in love with yourself, and everything will go back to normal. You’ll stop caring about whether ghosters come back and think of them as emotionally driven cowards undeserving of your time and feelings.

I hope you now understand why your ex ghosted you and how you should perceive your ex. Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below.

And if you’re looking for breakup coaching, check out our coaching services here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.