My Ex-boyfriend Still Loves Me But Is With Someone Else

If your ex-boyfriend says he loves you but is with someone else, his actions contradict his statement. They show his focus is on his new partner and that he doesn’t love you romantically. He may care about you as a person and feel bad for dumping you, but that has nothing to do with love.

Love is a romantic craving. It’s a desire to both give and receive affection from you. The stronger the feelings of love are, the more anxious and insecure a person will feel without your continuous attention and reassurance.

Therefore, if the guy loved you, he would have stopped seeing the other person and returned to you for affection and validation. He would have done everything in his power to reconnect emotionally and secure his future with you.

Love is very straightforward. If a person loves you, he focuses on you and makes you feel secure and valued due to the fear of losing you. A bit of fear is normal and necessary because it shows he doesn’t want you to lose interest in him and fall in love with someone else.

An ex-boyfriend who doesn’t love you, however, won’t feel the need to impress you and receive your love. He’ll receive it from someone else (or will be okay without it) and won’t lose any sleep over how you perceive him. He won’t care about your feelings or the lack thereof because he’ll be disconnected from you and in charge of his life.

He may even think negatively about you and get annoyed by you if you reach out and beg for attention, support, explanations, or love. If he loses his cool and gets irritated when you express your thoughts and emotions or ask for something, he doesn’t just not love you but also feels suffocated by you.

He associates negative thoughts and feelings with you and wants you to respect his space and freedom.

So if your ex-boyfriend still loves you but is with someone else, know that love is probably not something he feels. He probably just wants you to feel cared for so he doesn’t feel selfish and guilty for dating someone else while you’re still in love with him. He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, so he tells you what you want to hear rather than what you need to hear (that the relationship and his love have ended).

By telling lies, he may indeed make you feel good and avoid hurting you, but he also gives you misinformation and false hope that will need time to work through.

So why not just be honest and be done with you?

If he was honest, he would have to break your heart, kill your hope, and risk seeing your sad, hurt, and desperate side. Chances are he’d feel responsible for causing you problems and dealing with your emotions. Your pain, shock, and confusion would be much harder on him emotionally than feelings of hope and positivity.

Hence, he chooses to obscure the truth and tell you things that aren’t true. He uses the word love synonymously with care or friendship and expects you to be okay with it.

You have to understand that ambiguous words, half-truths, white lies, sarcasm, and unclear statements are dumpers’ best form of defense. They’re self-protective solutions for dumpers who worry their ex could get hurt and give them a hard time.

And their ex could give them a hard time indirectly by getting hurt or directly by saying or doing something they’re not emotionally prepared for.

Indirectly, they could see their ex cry, panic, and experience a loss of self-esteem whereas directly, they could encourage their ex to ask for love, accuse them of cheating/being selfish, kick them ex out, throw their belongings away, and refuse to be friends and assuage their guilt.

Dumpees can take their dumpers by surprise and make it harder for them to have an easy breakup. Dumpers are worried they won’t be able to let go of the relationship and move forward with their lives smoothly. That’s why they make breakup excuses, such as “It’s not you, it’s me” and assure their ex they still love him or her.

As you now know, that’s usually not the case. They either confuse love for guilt sympathy, and care or think their ex will let them move on quickly and peacefully by failing to notice their deception tactics.

Most dumpers aren’t stupid; they know what love is and what they’re doing to their ex. Despite that, they put themselves first and tell their ex what’s best for them, not their ex. They say they still love their ex, get their ex off their backs, and give the impression that they may be open to the idea of getting back together in the future.

They make their ex think romantic feelings are still there and that something fixable prevents them from getting back together. Something that can be worked on together.

If dumpees think the relationship can be salvaged with effort alone, they may continue to interact with their ex and try to singlehandedly fix their ex’s problem for their ex. By talking and bonding with their ex, they keep their hopes high and refuse to move on despite their ex dating someone else.

In other words, they waste their time and sabotage their healing.

You could be detaching, moving forward with your life, and evolving as a person. You could be doing hundreds of better things that don’t involve holding on to your ex and wasting your valuable post-breakup time.

The time after the breakup is meant for reflection and growth. You must use it wisely to learn and improve as much as you can. The more work you do now, the less work you’ll have to do later.

In this post, we discuss why your ex-boyfriend claims to love you when he’s with someone else.

My ex-boyfriend still loves me but is with someone else

Since the person in question is your ex-boyfriend, not your boyfriend, the title itself tells you everything you need to know. It clearly shows that love and determination to fall back in love are gone and that your ex is happy with how things currently are.

Your ex is happy being your ex-boyfriend because it gives him enough space to self-priortize and do what he wants (date someone else). If your ex had genuine feelings for you, rest assured that your ex would have dumped his new partner in an instant. He would have cut her off like a slice of bread and initiated reconciliation right away.

Due to the start of another infatuation phase, things would have flown naturally and been nearly perfect. You’d have recommitted to each other and gotten along extremely well. It’s hard to say what would have happened after the love (infatuation phase), but that’s beside the point.

The point is that if your ex loved you, you’d feel it. You’d know your ex enjoys spending time with you and strengthening the bond. You wouldn’t have to question your ex’s love and interest and search for reasons why your ex told you he loved you when he’s still seeing someone else.

Most people can’t love two people at the same time. They’re monogamous and can only invest in one individual at a time. They may have doubts about their partner, but that doesn’t mean they have feelings for both. They redevelop feelings for their ex or someone else when the relationship ends or is about to end.

When they’re just having doubts, it usually means that something’s bothering them and that they’re comparing two people’s positive and negative traits and looking for solutions. If they don’t find a solution with their partner, they may consider alternative options.

This includes getting back with an ex, moving forward with a new person, or being single for a while. What they choose depends on what or who gives them the things they want and makes them the happiest.

You shouldn’t assume your ex wants you back if all your ex says is that he loves you. You should always ensure that his words align with his actions before drawing a reasonable conclusion.

The actions you want to see include your ex reaching out (initiating the conversation), apologizing for making an irrational/selfish decision, asking for forgiveness and another chance, showing changes in thinking and behaving, and promising to do better.

If you assume he wants you back but is afraid of leaving his partner, you could string yourself along until you learn that he hasn’t decided to leave yet and that he doesn’t have any romantic feelings for you. Your unrealistic expectations could backfire and make you even more eager to be with your ex.

So bear in mind that your ex needs to prove his love to you rather than just express it. He needs to show he regrets taking you for granted, leaving you, hurting you, dating other people, and thinking he could be happier without you.

Until your ex expresses regrets (not just guilt, nostalgia, or desire for friendship), you should think that your ex doesn’t love you romantically and that he hasn’t changed his mind. This will keep your false hope under control and reduce the odds of giving in to your emotions, reaching out, and begging for another chance.

Whatever you do, don’t ruminate over the things your ex promised you in the past and the emotions he claims to still feel for you today.

Don’t take your ex’s “love” literally. If he was in love, he would have given it to you by now. Your ex would have shown you how important you were to him by investing in you and making you his exclusive partner.

That’s why people in love do. They understand their partner or ex-partner’s worth and become a bit possessive. They don’t want any other person to receive their partner or ex-partner’s relationship perks and benefits because they want them all for themselves.

If your ex wants your love rather than tell you he loves you for some undefined reason, it’s probably safe to assume that your ex has romantic expectations of you and that he won’t be happy unless he gets back with you.

And he’ll try to get back with you right away because he’ll be afraid of losing you to someone else and living with regrets.

With that said, here are 8 possibilities as to why your ex-boyfriend says he still loves you but is with someone else.

How to tell if your ex loves you while he’s with someone else?

You can tell your ex loves you when he abandons his relationship for you or comes back shortly after breaking up with the new person. That would make your ex a monkey-brancher, but at least you’d know that your ex doesn’t love his (ex)partner anymore and that he’s willing to give the relationship with you another chance.

An ex who loves you will give you all his attention and love. He’ll make sure you feel wanted and needed and that you trust him with your happiness and safety. He’ll do this by showing you that his other relationship has ended for good and that you have nothing to worry about.

If your ex talks to you while he’s seeing someone else, that doesn’t mean your ex likes you more than his partner and that you’ll get back with him if you keep talking to him. It probably just means that you make a good friend and that you help your ex get rid of boredom or relieve guilt.

As long as he’s with his partner, his actions indicate that he’s in love with her and that he doesn’t want to get back with you. You must respect your ex’s relationship and give your ex space. Don’t be his friend and hope that he’ll change his mind in the future.

Although he could change his mind, you don’t need to be around for that to happen. Your chances of getting back together will be higher if you cut him off and mind your own business. The longer you go without pretending everything’s fine, the more he will think about you and respect you.

In short, you can tell your ex has feelings for you by looking at how he treats you and what he wants from you. If he enjoys spending time with you, respects you, and tells or shows you he wants to get back with you, he has feelings for you and wants to be a couple again as soon as possible.

A quick reconciliation will let him stop feeling regretful and start feeling loved and appreciated.

All you have to do is observe his behavior and determine if he’s in a hurry to get back with you. If he needs you back urgently, he definitely feels something for you. It could be that he’s going through something difficult and wants your love and support as a partner. He may appear selfish, but it indicates that he thinks you’re the best and quickest solution to his problems.

Like it or not, you’re the best if not the only person who can get rid of his problems and pain and make him feel good.

Don’t waste your time looking for random clues such as what he posts and likes on social media and what he says to his friends and family. That’s unnecessary or perhaps even dangerous for you because it makes you obsessed with your ex. Consider only the things he says and does to you directly.

And if you see that he’s not coming back within days, forget about what he said and ask him not to reach out anymore. You have to keep false hope away from you in order to heal and get your happy self back.

Did your ex-boyfriend say he still loves you but is with someone else? Why do you think he professed his love when he’s with someone else? Share your thoughts below.

And if you want our help with your ex’s peculiar behavior, subscribe to 1-on-1 coaching and get in touch with us.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.