My Boyfriend Wants To Break Up After Every Fight

If your boyfriend wants to break up after every fight, your boyfriend is very sensitive and reactive to stress. He gets overwhelmed easily and instead of looking for solutions, looks for an easy way out.

By looking for a way to terminate the relationship, he shows that he’s angry and hurt but also in control of his life and not your puppet. The guy essentially wants you to see that you’re wrong and that you’re not as important to him as you may think.

This isn’t the healthiest way for him to treat you because it makes him want to initiate the breakup easier after every fight, but he does it anyway. If he doesn’t realize what he’s doing to the relationship and stops doing it, chances are he will eventually break up with you and make breaking up into a regular thing.

Lots of people keep breaking up and getting back together over and over again. They have these so-called little breakups that are more like disagreements than actual breakups.

But because they keep threatening to leave after every or almost every argument, their relationship gets progressively worse and eventually hits a point where someone falls out of love and leaves for good.

That person is usually the one threatening the breakup because he or she has a poor relationship mentality and is telling himself or herself to detach and find someone better.

So keep in mind that a person who wants to break up after every fight doesn’t have the right relationship mentality. He doesn’t realize that he’s jeopardizing your and his faith in the relationship and lowering relationship standards.

Instead of making the relationship stronger, he’s reacting to negative stimuli and showing he’s incapable of handling differences, problems, and most of all, unwanted emotions.

It’s safe to say that a guy like that lacks emotional maturity as his emotions control him and not the other way around.

They tell him to overinflate his sense of worth and protect him from pain and his perception of ill-treatment. If he keeps listening to his emotions and failing to gain control of them, it’s only a matter of time before he drags the relationship down with him and perhaps even starts resenting you.

That’s why you need to talk with him about the dangers of threatening a separation so that he breaks the habit of thinking about giving up after every argument and starts thinking more positively about disagreements.

It’s his job to make these internal changes, but as his partner, you should at least try to help him see how unhealthy it is to threaten a breakup whenever things get difficult.

A breakup threat should be the last thing (an ultimatum if you will) a person should use to dissuade or encourage his partner to grow and change for the better. It shouldn’t be thrown around just because someone feels victimized and wants to feel powerful.

Besides, the more times a person threatens a breakup, the less seriously his partner takes him. Repetitive threats lose weight behind them and tend to annoy a person rather than scare her and motivate her to change.

So if your boyfriend wants to break up after every fight, something needs to change quickly and significantly. Your boyfriend needs to mature up, express and handle emotions better, treat you with respect, and understand how fragile and important his relationship is.

If he does that, he might stop wanting to break up after every fight and start being slightly afraid of it. A little bit of fear of breaking up is good as fear reminds him that he has a lot to lose if the relationship ends.

In today’s article, we’ll talk about why your boyfriend wants to break up after every fight and what you as his partner can do about it.

Why does he want to break up after every fight?

There are many reasons why your boyfriend thinks about breaking up when you fight. But the biggest reason is that he lacks a healthy perception of you as well as emotional intelligence. The guy immediately loses his self-control when you don’t act the way he wants you to act and concludes that you’re out to get him.

This kind of harmful thinking is making him react in self-defense and propose ideas that show he’s making the shots in the relationship. He’s doing this because he wants you to know he’s not happy with your behavior and that you should be how he wants you to be – more approachable, understanding, flexible, agreeable, and less argumentative.

Because you’re not that person (at least not in his eyes), he wants to change you forcefully by threatening you and making you scared. This is a straightforward manipulation technique that intends to make you afraid for safety and shape you into the person he desires you to be.

Rather than fighting back, you should try to understand that in the heat of the moment, he means every word he says. If he calls you names, brings up difficulties from the past, and wants to break up with you, he’s very serious and is not just saying things to hurt you and make you care.

The guy is proposing to break up because he’s angry, frustrated, and on the verge of breaking up with you and turning against you. If he goes through with the breakup, there’s a good chance he’ll resent you and try to punish you for hurting him and “forcing him” to break up with you.

Immature people who threaten to break up and blame their partners for their mistakes tend to do that. They sometimes even seek revenge or “justice” as they call it. They don’t realize that they’re highly reactive people who haven’t learned to control emotions of power such as anger, frustration, and overwhelm.

Instead of controlling them, they always gave in to them and sought power over people.

Your boyfriend wants to break up after every fight because he can only appreciate you at his best – when he’s happy and things are going fine. But when there’s an issue, he quickly forgets your worth and shows you his true colors.

His true colors prove that he’s currently not capable of dealing with difficult and unpredictable situations that anger and annoy him. He needs more self-awareness and self-work in general before he can understand the cause of his emotions and handle them better.

Your boyfriend needs to devote a large portion of his time to:

• analyzing his thinking patterns
• learning what a healthy relationship looks like
• understanding difficult emotions and ways to handle emotions
• improving communication
• raising relationship standards
• perceiving you in a positive light and valuing you/being afraid of losing you
• and committing to not making the same mistakes again

The guy basically needs to realize that he’ll lose you and suffer if things stay the way they are. This could be the kick in the butt he badly needs to improve the dynamics of the relationship.

With that said, here’s why your boyfriend wants to break up after every fight.

So what to do when your boyfriend wants to break up every time you argue?

Let’s first talk about what to do when your boyfriend wants to break up during an argument. The moment he brings up the breakup, tell him you understand how he feels and that you sometimes feel tired too, but that you don’t think of a breakup as a solution.

Tell him that breaking up will likely make things worse as it will cause resentment rather than resolve problems. Your boyfriend will probably calm down very quickly when you show him you care about him and want to resolve the argument.

If he doesn’t calm down, takes power from you, and puts you down, though, it may be best to just let him end things because a person who tramples over you when you’re lowering your pride and fixing things likely won’t change no matter how hard you try.

He’ll probably see you as a weak person and use your kindness and willingness to work on the relationship for granted.

During the argument, you shouldn’t be telling him that his behavior is destructive and inconsiderate of your feelings. That comes after he has calmed down and started treating you better again.

You should just show that you’re prepared to listen and talk things out. It’s important not to threaten him back and say things out of anger that add fuel to the fire.

I’m talking about things like:

• go on, leave then, I don’t care
• I don’t want someone who breaks up every time we argue
• there’s no point in talking with you
• I’ll find someone else then

No matter how hurt and angry you are, make sure not to threaten your boyfriend, call him names, and lower yourself to his level. It can be tempting to reply in hurtful ways because that’s what hurt people do, but that won’t accomplish anything.

It won’t make him see that you’re a person of value but that you react similarly to him when you get emotional. And reactive people don’t have good relationships. They tend to bring the worst out of each other and break up when they lose feelings and get tired.

So try not to get super angry with him during the argument. If things get out of hand, get some space, try to collect your thoughts, and then say that you’re not looking for a fight.

Say things like:

• I hear what you’re saying.
• What made you feel this way?
• What can I do to make things better?
• I don’t want to argue.
• Do you want to talk about it?
• Let’s hug and discuss this calmly.

Your boyfriend needs to revert to his calm self before you have an important discussion with him. That discussion should entail his behavior and attitude, the way it’s affecting you and him, and what will happen if things don’t change quickly and substantially.

It should also include a plan on how to grow together and make sure the same problem doesn’t repeat itself.

You both need to take this seriously otherwise you’re going to keep arguing in similar ways and damaging the relationship.

It will take a lot of work to mature up

Your boyfriend will need to go through a long and difficult process to make all the changes he needs to make. He’ll need to first realize his mistakes and then commit to not giving up after every fight. In theory, this seems like an easy thing to do.

But if experience has taught me anything, it’s that changing deep-rooted behavioral patterns takes a lot of willpower and commitment. It requires an understanding that if a person doesn’t change fast that there will be severe consequences.

Consequences that will cause immense inconvenience, pain, and suffering.

So if you’re contemplating breaking up with a boyfriend who wants to break up after every fight, know that he’s currently on step 0, which means he’s oblivious to the situation. He hasn’t even realized the damage he’s caused to the relationship and the way he’s hurt you.

The guy will need to learn that he’ll lose you if he doesn’t put in a lot of effort.

And sadly, most people work on themselves only when they need to – when they’re hurting and feel that they don’t have a choice. Your boyfriend could be one of those people as he had many opportunities to see things from your perspective and change but wasted all of them.

My advice is to talk to him and give him one final chance to figure out what you mean to him. Depending on how he does, you should decide if your relationship has a future or if it’s better to break up now and avoid dragging it on.

Does your boyfriend want to break up after every fight? How does that make you feel? Let us know in the comments section below, and we’ll get back to you soon.

And if you’d like us to help you devise a plan, sign up for coaching here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.