My Best Friend Is Dating My Ex Who I Still Love

If you have a best friend that you respect and care about, there’s one thing you must never do to your friend. You must never start dating his or her ex because if you do, you will make things uncomfortable for everyone.

Not only will you show your friend that you’re an opportunist who goes after friends’ exes, but you’ll also show your friend that you couldn’t care less about his or her feelings.

You’ll show your friend (and everyone who knows you) that you’re willing to date anyone and everyone as long as you can benefit from them.

The same goes for your best friend.

If your best friend is the one who’s dating your ex, your friend also shouldn’t have crossed the friendship line with your ex.

He or she should have been able to tell right from wrong from the beginning and have the willpower to pull away before things got messy.

Since your friend didn’t back away in time, it’s obvious that your thoughts, feelings, and opinions didn’t matter very much to your friend.

What mattered to your friend was that he or she is happy. Even if it’s at your expense.

Now that things are as they are, you’re probably wondering why your best friend of all the people in the world would betray you like that. You trusted this person like your family, yet you still got betrayed and mistreated in the end.

Allow me to say that your best friend is as guilty as charged and that the relationship between your friend and your ex didn’t “just happen” as people like to say.

There was clearly some planning and plotting and very little resistance on both sides.

That’s why you should probably re-evaluate your friendship with your best friend and discern if his or her move was ethical and in your best interest.

If it was and you don’t care who your friend dates, you might be okay with your friend getting physical with your ex and talking about your relationship skills, mistakes, and private matters.

You might have better things to worry about in your life. And that’s okay.

But if you’re not over your ex yet and if seeing your friend date your ex gives you pain or makes you uncomfortable, then you definitely don’t want to accept their behavior and stay around them as “just a friend.”.

In this case, you may want to have a discussion with your friend and say that something must be done about it.

Either your friend apologizes, shows respect, and stops dating your ex—or you distance yourself from both of them so that you can heal from the breakup and move on with your life.

I know that giving your best friend an ultimatum doesn’t sound like the best idea, but if you’re not okay with your best friend sleeping with someone you used to have an intimate relationship with, ending your relationship with both of them may be the best thing you could ever do for yourself.

That’s because it could help you get over the betrayal and consequently, allow you to find a new best friend. One that wouldn’t date your ex behind your back.

This article is for everyone who’s looking for information on what to do when your best friend starts dating your ex.

Why should your friend not date your best friend?

Your ex may not feel obliged to listen to your wishes, needs, and concerns, but your best friend definitely should. He or she is your friend – someone you can trust and confide in, which makes him or her by definition a person who is responsible for promoting your well-being.

It’s something your friend should do in person as well as over the distance when you’re not physically present because that’s what friends are for. They’re supposed to support us and be there for us whenever we want them or need them.

In all honesty, they should be there for us even when we don’t need them. Especially best friends.

They definitely shouldn’t be sleeping with our exes, hiding our past relationships from us, and pretending to have our backs when in fact, they’re only looking out for themselves.

It’s no secret that sleeping with your best friend’s ex is not friendship. It’s exploitation, manipulation, selfishness, and abuse.

This is why it’s safe to say that your friend doesn’t care about you as much as you’d like him or her to care. By dating your ex, your friend is just being selfish and disrespectful.

Your best friend is trying to benefit at your expense and doesn’t seem to be bothered by his or her immoral actions.

In my opinion, if you start dating your best friend’s ex, you immediately breach the friend code and show that you don’t respect your friend nor yourself. You show that you’re sly and that your view on relationships is not fully developed.

And for those of you who are thinking that your friend’s ex doesn’t belong to your friend, that may be true. But the thought of dating someone you wanted your friend to be happy with and maybe even have children with should repulse you.

If it doesn’t, you never really supported your friend. At least not as much you needed to.

Why is my best friend dating my ex

First of all, your best friend isn’t dating your ex to hurt you or to get back at you for something you did or didn’t do. Your friend is doing it because he or she saw your ex as an opportunity to get involved with someone new.

Your friend didn’t want to waste any time being single, so naturally, your ex who just came out of a relationship seemed like a good choice.

Whether your ex was a good choice is, of course, debatable, but one thing is for certain. Neither your ex nor your friend considered your feelings before they started dating each other.

They both merely acted on emotions and cravings, and as a result, got close to each other without your awareness or approval.

If you really want to know why your ex started dating your best friend, the simplest explanation is that your ex and your best friend knew each other from before (at least a little bit), so they got in touch with each other after the breakup and gradually developed feelings for each other.

At first, they probably just exchanged information and joked about things. But over time, they developed a bond and decided to give their relationship a try.

You should probably avoid asking them what they were thinking because you could get a “mind your own business response from them.” So instead, ask yourself what you’re going to do about it.

Are you going to be friends with them and pretend that it doesn’t concern you or are you going to do what it takes to recover from their actions and move on with your life?

The decision is yours to make.

But if I were you, I’d do my best to think rationally and make a decision that’s best for my healing.

What to do when your best friend hooks up with your ex

When your best friend hooks up with your ex, it’s probably a good time to consider your friendship with your friend and discern if it’s worth sticking around to see your friend go through the infatuation phase with your ex.

For me, it’s not worth it because I don’t condone immoral, self-centered, backstabbing behavior. I like to stay friends with people who I can trust – who I know will never start dating my ex behind my back.

And if I make a poor judgment and they start dating my ex, I definitely wouldn’t stay friends with them afterward. I would explain to them that dating someone I used to have an intimate relationship with is messed up and that they have an important decision to make.

As I mentioned before, they would either have to stop their relationship or I’d stop my relationship with them.

Bear in mind that this is not a threat or something I would say out of jealousy and spite. I would say it solely out of self-love and self-respect.

To me, relationships (past or current) are something I take very seriously, which is why I wouldn’t want my friends to meddle with them.

Especially not if I still had feelings for my ex and wanted my ex back.

In that case, I wouldn’t be able to give their relationship the support it needs because even if I wanted to support them, I wouldn’t be able to do so.

Emotionally, it would be impossible for me to accept them because I’d still be hurting over the loss of my relationship. I’d need months of time to fully recover.

So if you have a best friend who’s dating your ex who you still love, the best advice I can give you is to distance yourself from both of them. Neither your ex nor your friend truly cares about you, so you may as well stick with the people who do.

If you want to, you can peacefully convey to them that you realized they don’t respect you and that you’ll be staying away from them for the unforeseeable future.

This will tell them that you don’t approve of their relationship and to stay away from you.

However, if you don’t want to tell them anything, that’s fine too.

One of them will probably reach out to you eventually, and that’s when you can tell them that they treated you poorly and that you’d prefer if they didn’t reach out anymore.

No matter what path you take, do your best not to take revenge or anything like that because getting back at them won’t help anyone. It won’t help them and it certainly won’t help you.

All it will do is add more issues on top of the existing ones.

Let your best friend decide what’s best for him/her

If your best friend just started dating your ex who you have feelings for, it’s highly likely the thought of them being together hurts you. It makes you anxious and desperate for reconciliation, so you probably want to say or do something that brings them to their senses.

Before you try to do that, you need to understand that your best friend doesn’t want to be reasoned with nor reminded how to be a decent human being. He or she already knows that and is perfectly capable of making decisions on his or her own.

If your friend wasn’t self-sufficient. your friend would not have started dating your ex in the first place. He or she would still be single or perhaps with someone else.

So try to respect your friend’s decision (as improper as it is) and don’t say anything to your friend that could go against your friend’s desires. If you say something that isn’t in your friend’s best interest, you could badly infuriate your friend, your ex, or both of them at the same time.

You could bring a bad reaction out of them and consequently, start an argument or a war.

The truth is that your ex and your best friend know exactly what they’re getting themselves into. They know they’re hurting you and self-sabotaging their friendship with you, but despite that, they still chose their happiness over yours.

Perhaps it’s time for you to consider cutting them off so that you can prioritize your own happiness.

I can’t make this decision for you, but if you’re not happy with the way things have unfolded and you want the best for yourself and everyone involved, you may want to start accepting the betrayal.

The sooner you start investing in yourself and minding your own business, the quicker you’ll get over the people who hut you.

Is your best friend dating your ex who you still love? How does that make you feel? Leave a comment below the article.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.