Multiple breakups with the same person are a warning sign of a deep-rooted problem in a relationship. It’s proof that one person (or both people) are making the same mistakes over and over again and that they’re not able to break their negative patterns.
Due to a lack of will to reflect and grow, they continue to bring the worst out of each other and wait for something to break them up.
Some couples stay together for days or weeks whereas others manage to avoid problems for months or years.
Most reconciled couples, though, don’t recover fully and tend to break up again. Their lack of ability to learn and outgrow themselves causes them to be unhappy, resentful, or detached and makes them go through another breakup.
Couples who break up once have a higher chance of evolving and making their relationship work than couples who break up multiple times. This is because they feel more committed to each other and motivated to make permanent changes and improvements.
The relationship matters to them, so they’re prepared to do anything to stay in a relationship and feel secure and loved.
However, those who break up twice or more fall into the pattern of quitting when things get tough. They convince themselves it’s okay to walk away from a relationship if they feel victimized and unhappy in general.
Such couples usually break up for good as they fail to gather the strength to change their unhealthy habits and work toward common goals.
Multiple breakups with the same person indicate that couples find it difficult to communicate and/or have unmet expectations. They’re not getting what they need from the relationship, so they decide to leave and pursue their happiness elsewhere.
If they’re not able to find what they’re looking for outside of the relationship or if they just want to scare and force each other to change, they get back together. The only problem is that their relationship mentality is usually not the same.
They don’t recover emotionally and improve as people, so they think and feel the same way and abandon the relationship as soon as they encounter problems.
In a relationship, it’s extremely important to stay committed and not break up. Commitment strengthens the bond whereas a breakup severs it. Once a bond has been severed, it can be extremely difficult (for the dumper) to believe the relationship is worth the time and effort and fully invest in the relationship.
A relationship loses its innocence when it experiences a breakup. It changes its appearance from a perfect union to an imperfect one. Multiple breakups, on the other hand, take things to the extreme.
They make a relationship full of doubts and tempt the least committed and attached person to run away from obligations and commitments at the first sign of trouble.
You see, a breakup is more than a physical separation. It’s a mental and emotional disconnection that changes people’s perception of the importance of the relationship. The more breakups couples go through, the less couples appreciate each other and the less scared they are of breaking up again.
I’m not saying they should be terrified of breaking up, but they should see each other’s importance and dread breaking up. Feelings of apprehension tell them a breakup will make them unhappy, alone, and forced to detach.
If they don’t prevent a breakup, their self-esteem will take a toll and cause them to blame themselves for their failures and pain.
So if you had multiple breakups with the same person and don’t know what to do, know that you, your partner, or both have failed to resolve your differences and create or stick with a plan that would have prevented additional breakups.
You remained on the same maturity level and, as a result, broke up multiple times. Multiple breakups imply that you didn’t put in enough effort and that you have some serious work to do. You have to grow as people and either learn to work together or break up.
You shouldn’t keep breaking up and expecting the relationship to magically get better. The relationship will end when something difficult or tempting interferes with it and shows you you can be happier on your own or with someone else.
On-and-off relationships often end in betrayal and monkey-branching. Exhausted ex-couples meet someone else and become infatuated with that person. That makes them completely lose feelings and interest in each other and marks the end of their relationship.
Sadly, couples who break up twice or thrice tend to keep breaking up. They keep doing that until they completely lose feelings and the drive to stay together. Eventually, they realize they won’t get what they need from each other and that they deserve to be happy on their own.
Sure, some couples overcome their issues and find a way to work together. But there aren’t a lot of such couples. Most couples don’t take multiple breakups seriously enough to invest in themselves and each other. They tend to blame each other for how they feel and become bitter with time.
So if you’re going through multiple breakups with the same person, figure out if you and your (ex)partner can even grow together. Do you still love each other and want to work on the issues that broke you up or have you given up on compromising and bettering yourselves?
If you’re comfortable with who you are, you may as well break up right now (or stay broken up). You’ll save yourselves the effort of going through another breakup when you encounter problems,
In this post, we’ll discuss the topic of going through multiple breakups with the same person and explore the options available to you.
What do multiple breakups with the same person mean?
Multiple breakups don’t mean anything good. They show you’ve failed to find solutions to problems multiple times and that you’re on a course to collision. If your personality and problem-solving skills don’t improve quickly, you’ll break up for good one day.
It may not be today or tomorrow, but someday, you’ll break up permanently.
One of your breakups will be the final one as you’ll run out of patience and love for each other and decide to focus entirely on yourselves.
Normally, one person (the dumper) detaches quicker than the other and hurts the dumpee who still wants the relationship to work. This causes the attached person immense separation anxiety and obsession with the dumper.
The more attached the dumpee is, the more he or she can expect to suffer from the breakup.
Therefore, multiple breakups with the same person are no laughing matter. They are a sign that things aren’t working and that you need to find out why.
Is it something you can work on and change, does your partner or ex-partner need to grow, do you both have work to do, or are you incompatible and is the situation hopeless?
You shouldn’t avoid asking yourself these questions any longer. You broke up multiple times, so you’ve avoided them far too many times and too long already. It’s now time to get to the bottom of your breakups and do something to prevent additional breakups.
Don’t just normalize breaking up and getting back together. Movies may depict breakups as a normal and healthy aspect of relationships, but the reality is much darker. When couples break up, they usually do so because they associate negative beliefs with the relationship.
They think poorly of each other and think they need to focus on themselves to be happy.
Although they may get rid of negative beliefs when they reconcile, they tend not to fully process the past. Subconsciously, they hold on to pain and resentment and get triggered when problems arise.
New relationships are very fragile. Issues from the past or new issues can break couples mentally and split them up emotionally and physically.
And yes, sometimes couples grow and admit their mistakes. They realize they lost sight of things that truly mattered to them and that they should have tried harder to make their relationship work.
But such couples don’t need to break up multiple times to value their relationship.
One breakup is enough to motivate or force them to make changes. If one breakup doesn’t make them change who they are, they tend to break up again and keep breaking up until they break up for good.
Some couples break up twice in total whereas others (usually the ones who have an unhealthy/trauma bond) break up 3, 4, or even 5 times. The number of times they break up depends on their self-esteem, attachment, anger/resentment, and romantic options.
If they get attracted to someone else and want to be with that person, they use the breakups as an excuse to cheat and/or abandon their relationship.
Having said that, here’s what multiple breakups with the same person mean.
If you and your ex went through multiple breakups, you need to understand that your situation won’t improve on its own. You’ll have to take control of your lives and get to the root cause of your problems.
By understanding what went wrong and why you behaved the way you did, you’ll know if you should try one more time to make the relationship work.
I don’t suggest you jump back into a relationship without reflecting on the breakup and making plans on how to avoid breaking up in the future.
How many times can you break up and get back together?
There are no limits to how many times you can break up and reconcile.
As long as you value and love each other, you can find your way back to each other dozens of times. Reconciliations aren’t limited by the number of reconciliations but by ex-couples’ ability to process negativity and their desire or need to make the relationship work.
If they’re codependent, they can keep breaking up and getting back together over and over again.
But from my observations, 2 or 3 breakups seem to be the breaking point for most exes. They get tired of reconciling after a few breakups, so they call it quits and focus on things or people who make them feel positive emotions.
I’ve coached people who got back together one time, multiple times, and never, so I know that anything is possible. If I remember correctly, the maximum amount of times someone got back with an ex was 9 times. My advice to this dumpee was to stand up for herself and stop taking her ex back every time her ex contacted her.
Her ex didn’t value her for taking him back every time he came running back, so she needed to say no to him for once. That made the guy anxious and want to be with her more than ever.
Sadly, it didn’t compel him to make any major improvements, so they soon broke up again and stayed broken up.
I also had a success story. A woman broke up with her ex twice. The first time she left was because she developed GIGS and wanted to do other things with her life. Then she came back, stayed for a few weeks, and left him again for someone else.
But because the relationship with her new partner didn’t work out, she felt insecure and lonely and went back to her ex. She felt she needed to be with her ex to secure love and happiness. This happened a year ago, and to this day, they’re still together.
These are just two of many dumpers who left the same person multiple times.
If you’re thinking about whether you should give the relationship another chance after breaking up more than once, make sure your ex wants to be with you and work on the relationship.
You can’t be the only one who puts the work in. If you are, you’ll soon feel taken for granted and tempted to leave. I suggest you have a conversation with your ex about feelings and willingness to grow before you decide to get back together.
You don’t want to keep breaking up and getting back together just because you’re scared of being alone.
Did you have multiple breakups with the same person? What were the reasons for breaking up? Post your breakup experiences in the comments section below.
However, if you want to discuss your breakups privately, take a lot at our coaching options and get in touch.
