Is your ex’s birthday coming up while you are in no-contact? Do you have doubts about whether you should reach out and wish your ex a happy birthday?
It’s highly probable that you are in no-contact, and you’re trying to decide if reaching out in a kind, respectful manner is the right thing to do. In this article, I will explain when you should contact your ex for his or her birthday after you’ve been broken up with.
Should you wish your ex a happy birthday?
In other words, you are asking me, “should I wish my ex a happy birthday when he or she has kicked me to the curb, belittled and degraded me, and slept with my best friend?”
Excuse my exaggeration. Perhaps your situation wasn’t this bad, but you get the idea. Whether the relationship was amicable, nasty, one-sided, long-distance, or it involved cheating, lying, losing attraction, neediness, disrespectfulness, anger, depression, violence, this isn’t the time for you to act.
Sit this one out, and use this time to focus on healing and improving while you are in no-contact.
Your ex doesn’t deserve to be wished a happy birthday. Doing so would only show your ex that you are under his/her control. Your ex would think you are being needy and extremely available. Reaching out first proves exactly that. Since your ex doesn’t want you to be a part of his or her life, you must act that way.
If you’ve been in no-contact for weeks or months, don’t break your great progress for someone of so little value to you. Repeat to yourself, “I’ve come this far, and I must keep it up!”
Warning!! Do not break no-contact!
No-contact is essentially the time to yourself. You will feel yourself detach and feel better the longer you stay in NC. Breaking it,
He or she is going to want you even less, and you will take another serious blow to the ego, setting you back all the way to the beginning of the breakup.
This is a warning from me to you. By refusing to break the no-contact rule, you are going to keep healing and get better each day. Even if you are hurting and think it can’t get any worse, heed my words. It can, and it will!
Breaking the no-contact rule, and reaching out to your ex first, is going to be incredibly painful. You are going to sweat and your heart will beat at triple your normal rate. You might experience fatigue, dizziness, panic attacks, and much worse.
You’ve put this person way up high on a pedestal, and have as a result become incredibly afraid of him or her. You can avoid additional heartbreak and anxiety by staying true to the indefinite no-contact rule.
When can I wish my ex a happy birthday?
You are safe to show an act of courtesy when your ex has reached out to you first. I’m not referring specifically to him wishing you for your birthday first. That would be a very silly game to play.
I’m saying that you can wish your ex happy birthday only when he has acknowledged you as an equal again. This means that he contacted you first and broke the no-contact. Only then, it’s safe to wish him a happy birthday, because you know you won’t annoy your ex or push him further away.
This is the only surefire way to tell your ex is ready to hear from you. Any time before this is deadly, as the attempt to reach out could backfire, leaving you wounded.
Should I give my ex a present for her birthday?
You’re probably thinking maybe you could give your ex a present – her favorite plushie, or that video game he always wanted. Maybe you could make the present anonymous or just let your ex know you haven’t forgotten about him or her. If that’s the case, you may as well take that 20-something dollar bill and burn it.
At least that way you will get some joy out of it. Whether you go with the former or the latter option, your situation will stay the same. He or she won’t think any higher or you, and you certainly won’t feel any better.
Dropping off a present by your ex’s front doors isn’t going to achieve a thing. As a matter of fact, it will only make him feel more powerful and in control of the situation.
Your ex has to feel he lost you, hence why you thinking of him, and going on a shopping spree for a person from the past sounds ridiculous. You probably want him to know you are thinking about him, and wish for the same in return. This won’t happen – especially when he is forced to think of you.
The best way I can describe his emotions is as if you received a birthday present from that creepy guy that stalked you when you were still in high school. Your ex won’t feel the “OMG, OMG, she got me a present” feeling.
It’s going to be more of a cringe moment, with him staring at the wrapped-up thing for a moment before deciding what to do next. Save yourself the embarrassment, and treat yourself to something nice.
Do you still want to wish your ex a happy birthday? Have you changed your mind? Comment below.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hey Zan,
My ex and myself broke up during the lockdown period. Unfortunately we were not quarantaining together in this time he found someone else. I found out and confronted him and now they together. The thing is the new girlfriend is an au pair and will have to leave the country in August, in August its his birthday as well. Hench I found out he gave her a ring not sure if its an engagement ring or not but she got the ring I always wanted after being together for a year. I removed everything from him photos numbers ect, I even changed my number. I went underground were I’m working on myself as me as a person going forth. But the real reason I wanna text him happy birthday is to show my revenge body and show him what he basically lost, I don’t want to be his friend. Should I text him on WhatsApp were he will see my profile picture and think damn what did I give up but the excuse is a birthday message.
Hi Zan,
Me and my ex split up about 4 months ago, we met in Australia and were together a year and a half he’s from Chile and I’m from England, we weren’t sure how to make it work after our visas expired but after 3 weeks of him being home he told me he didn’t want to leave his country and he didn’t think it would work between us. He ended things and we had a 3 week break where we didn’t talk. After that I reached out and we started speaking again every day for another 3 months, I then questioned what was going to happen after lock down if we would see each other again and he said no he just wanted to move on now because he’s not prepared to commit but didn’t want to lose me forever, I told him I didn’t want to continue talking if he had no intention to commit, it’s now been one month of no contact and his birthday is exactly a month from today. Do I wish him a happy birthday or just leave it now? I do still have hopes of us seeing each other again one day but not sure what to do or whether to ever reach out again.
Hope you can help,
Thanks.
Ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago. Saw him a week later Fri-Sun but had to cut my visit short due to a personal matter. He said he would come over to my place that evening. didnt show or text me he wasn’t coming anymore. He did text me “how you doing?” At 945 pm. I saw text in morning but I felt hurt so I responded with “you didn’t follow through so I’m moving on. Hanging out w/you this weekend helped me and I will be ok :)”. He just “loved” my comment. No actual response. Two days later he texted me with “How are you doing?” But I saw in morning cuz I fell asleep early and I was so numb from all the hurt that I didn’t respond. Part of me didn’t want to speak to him at that moment.
But you do say to never ignore an ex and he technically did reach out first (although I didn’t respond and once I wanted to it felt too late at that point)
His birthday is this Wednesday.
Should I text him Happy Birthday?
Hi Gee.
If you want to appear polite and reaching out to him doesn’t hurt you, feel free to wish him a happy birthday. It shouldn’t be an issue.
Best wishes,
Zan
I was planning on texting him this:
Happy Birthday.
I didn’t mean to ignore you before.
I just needed some space.
Enjoy your day.
Do you think he would ignore me or find me disrespecting myself if I reach out?
I really want to text him now during the day.
I would appreciate the fast response. Thanks!
No.No and no. Don’t do it. The best gift you can give your ex is no contact. What are your expectations and what if you don’t meet the expectations? Don’t forget why the relationship ended. Keep moving forward. Don’t look back.
Relationship 5 years, ended 3 months ago. In that time she got in touch via instagram stories, in which we had a nice conversation. Last week we ended up meeting by chance on the street, where we talked a lot about what we were doing. I asked her out, but she refused because she had many things to do, and said: “maybe another day”. She is on a rebound. Her birthday is 15 days from now. Before the breakup I wrote a song for her, but I never got to show it because it was going to be a surprise. I was wondering if I could wish happy bday and deliver the song.
I feel very guilty for my mistakes in the relationship, I believe I ended up being very controlling with her
I saw you hang tight and save the song for better times AKA when she is more receptive. I speak from experience, right now she is in another mind state and won’t be as open to this gift.
say*
Hi Zan!
Im currently going strong in the no contact, really getting in touch with myself and moving on.
Really starting to get the hang of living my own life, and getting independant.
Her birthday is coming up soon, and im troubled because i initiated the NC by telling her that i couldnt be around her, as i felt stuck, and that i needed to work on myself.
She knows that i had my password on my phone set to her birthday, and we share a mutual friend whom i wished happy birthday and gave a gift aswell.
And a few months prior to her birthday, while we were together, i hyped up her birthday present quite abit.
While i obviously wont give her the gift, my question is; Should i send her a casual “happy birthday”?, seeing as we’re still sorta friends? I think im worried i would come across as ignoring her and immature.
In my relationship, i was the needy type, that needed affirmation of the love once every now and then.
We were friends a month after break up, and i think i managed to try to talk her into taking me back 3 times in that timespan.
I want to add we broke up because of external stuff. She took me for granted, and let go to find peace with something else.
On the topic of feeling taken for granted, not saying anything is tempting. But showing her how much it still bugs me by not saying anything just doesnt seem like the right thing to do. Surely, the right way to go at it, is just playing it casual and cool with something simple. Showing her that im not impacted by the breakup in any way. I dont know, i cant decide. pls send help.
Hi, not sure if this page is still active. My Ex broke no contact after a couple of years, nervously apologized with a small gift and left. I heard she took a short vacation. She returned with another small gift for me. Her birthday is coming up. I want at least to say ‘Happy Birthday’. Should I give her a small gift in return?
Hi Martin.
You can give her a gift if you want to appear nice. It’s completely up to you. Just make sure that the present is something small.
Kind regards,
Zan
My ex broke up with me on February 24th after we didn’t see each other for 6 weeks and I told him I missed him. The situation is that he has a lot of medical bills to pay and his roof is going to require $10K to repair, so he started working 6 days per week and his only day off was Monday. He said at this time in his life he doesn’t have the time or energy for a serious relationship and that I deserve better. I haven’t contacted him in a week. We have the same birthday, which is March 21st. Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Hi Zan,
My Ex-Girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. We were in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years. However, she broke up with me due to several reasons/factors such as cultural background. We had a peaceful breakup and we are in no-contact like 30 days. It was her birthday yesterday, and I did not reach out to her and wish her happy birthday. Should I drop her a message? What do you think?
Best,
Daniel
My ex broke the no contact rule Christmas eve when she wished me merry Christmas. I think she expected me to reach out at new years, but I didn’t. Her birthday is coming up, should I wish her a happy birthday, even though it is nearly a month after she reaches out?
It’s been six months sins the breakup.
Hi there. I have a child with dude who has basically taken no responsibility for his son at all. He has sent me a few emails (mainly about himself) and reaches out every eight weeks or so. He sent me a happy thanksgiving message with an old video of us but no further explanation…never asks about his son etc. his birthday is tomorrow and It’s been on my mind non stop. Do I wish him a happy birthday. I was even tempted to send him a video of myself and my son singing happy birthday. Part of my wants him to know what he’s missing, part of me wants to make sure we are on his mind on his day. I think I already know your answer…
Hi Emma.
You can wish him a happy birthday, but it won’t make him come back.
He needs to see you in a better light first and hit a rough patch before he realizes your worth.
Best,
Zan
Hey,
So I broke up 6 weeks ago, together for 2.5 yrs, we talked the first couple of weeks still. Then after 3 weeks the feeling started hitting me and I texted her about weekly. She had moved on by that point. She tried being helpful and supportive the following 2 weeks… Now the last 2 I couldn’t really ask for help because she has a new dating partner and I felt like I was sabotaging my future chances if I did ask. Now her bday is in 9 days and I wanted to send her a very short letter and her fav sweets. History is that I used to mess something up with the bdays like forgetting a proper present and stuff like that. So should I show her I’ve changed and remembered? I was really hurt to hear her dating couple days ago.. please advise me
Hi Zan,
Me and my ex had a deep bond but some things turned out extremely bad between us and she thought I lied all the way even though I didn’t but she won’t listen and ultimately she played me into thinking that she’s having an affair with her new best friend and also took me on a conference with him to make me listen as they speak which made me furious and I lashed out calling her a whore and then she said she was thinking of talking about what to do about our relationship but because I called her a whore, she became angry and changed her mind and told me to never contact her again. I lost my friends who were our mutual one’s. It’s been 7 months since our breakup, I have blocked her everywhere and I know she’s keeping tabs on me on social media with a fake account. Also recently she has been posting quotes related to me that I saw from one of our friend’s account. The breakup was nasty and painful for both of us but she didn’t show much of remorse as she was busy in her job and the whole thing took a toll on me as if it never meant anything to her and I fell into depression for 4 months. So should I wish her happy birthday as it’s in upcoming week?
Pls hide my identity
My boyfriend breakup with me for a month and few days now
After completion of the no contact
I reach out to him first because am the cause of the breakup and he reply to my test in a good way after some day I test him again he read and ignore my test…and his birthday is coming up can I wish him happybirthday,
Hi Zan,
My ex broke up with me this past tuesday, we dated for 8 months, his birthday is in two weeks, we are currently in no contact! Should i say happy birthday?
Hi Paula.
You’re in no contact so I suggest you don’t break it just to wish your ex.
Best regards,
Zan
My ex broke up with me like 20 days back and I am in NC. Ours was a long distance. Now, her bday will be in a month and a half and I will be in her city for work. Should I drop her a b-day wish? She knows that I would be there in her city cuz this was decided before the break up. What do you think?
Hi Dave.
If you communicate with your ex normally, then wish her a happy birthday. If not, stay in no contact.
Best regards,
Zan
Hey Zan,
So my ex reached out the other day and we had a pleasant convo where i made her laugh and asked if we could meet up for coffee to catch up. She said “that sounds good and i will let you know once this semester stops kicking my ass” Her birthday is in a couple of days and i wanted to know if it would hurt my chances at reconciliation if i sent her a happy birthday text or not?
Thanks!
Hi Ashar.
She reached out to you and conversed in a nice manner, so wish her a happy birthday. It won’t ruin your chances or anything like that.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hey Zan,
Thanks for the reply. Sent her happy birthday and she responded, “Thank you Ash! Means a lot!” Still in nc until she decides to reach out again to meet up
Hi Ashar.
Stay in no contact.
You shouldn’t do anything right now.
Stay strong!
Zan
my ex and I were together for 3 years, we broke up two months ago with him saying “I don’t feel like a man, I need to work on myself but you’re still my best friend”. However I havent heard from him in two months and he stills follows me but blocked me from his posts. His birthday is next week, do I? I’m so conflicted. We were very close and did love each other but he did emotionally abuse me.
*Also I’m not sure if he even cares about me currently
Hi Evnemsi.
He wasn’t happy in the relationship—and that’s why you must let him be for now.
I suggest you don’t wish him for his birthday. He’s not conversing with you right now and he even abused you, so he doesn’t deserve your wishes.
Kind regards,
Zan
Dear Zan,
My ex’s nameday is coming up. He wished me on mine in September, only a week after he broke up with me and left the house. I answered politely and went back to no contact. Then later on September, on his birthday I didn’t wish on him. Now I am wondering whether I should. But I don’t want to break no contact just to be “polite”. Instead I prefer he reaches out because he wants to.
Please advise
Hi Lia.
I strongly suggest you stay in no contact for now. Keep your expectations low and your healing at its maximum.
In this way, you’ll be able to move on properly and patiently await his message when he decides to send one.
Stay strong,
Zan
What if she says it to me on my birthday and hers is a day after mine? This is coming up
Hi Sam.
Then it’s alright to wish her back.👍
Kind regards,
Zan