Everyone dreams of having a successful long-lived relationship. But being in a dream-like relationship sounds way easier than it actually is.
Social media and movies depict love as something that takes care of itself without any effort.
In reality, it’s anything but effortless. Relationships require a deep understanding of ourselves as well as our partner.
And to my surprise, a small number of people seem to realize that.
Here are the 11 invaluable tips for a successful relationship.
1)Accept your partner’s differences
First and foremost, human beings come in various shapes and sizes. We come from different ethical backgrounds, upbringings, religions and have our own beliefs.
Everyone is different in some way—both internally and externally so don’t try to change your partner. Your partner is who he or she is and that’s final.
By all means communicate your wants and needs, opinions, beliefs and suggestions, but never do so in a self-absorbed way.
If you deliberately try to meddle with your partner’s head, you will probably regret it.
2)Become aware of gender differences
If we’re in a heterosexual relationship, it’s an absolute must to consider differences due to gender.
Women are not men and men are not women. Both genders have different love needs.
In the book The 5 Love Needs of Men and Women, the author differentiates emotional needs between women and men.
| Women need to receive | Men need to receive | |
| 1. | Caring | Trust |
| 2. | Understanding | Acceptance |
| 3. | Respect | Appreciation |
| 4. | Devotion | Admiration |
| 5. | Validation | Approval |
| 6. | Reassurance | Encouragement |
3)Love your partner in his/her language
I’ve heard a man say, “I did so much for her. I bought her a car and gave her most of my money when she had none.”
What this person gave to his partner might indeed be important to him, but not so much to his partner.
In this particular case, his woman certainly appreciated her partner’s gesture, but she didn’t feel much “love” from it.
Instead, she respected him and thanked him sincerely.
According to Gary Chapman, the author of The Five Love Languages, there are 5 different ways to love and be loved.
Everyone has his or her own style of love preference and so do our partners.
Usually, the way we express love is the way we prefer to receive it. This doesn’t, however, mean that our partner’s primary love language is the same as ours.
Here are the 5 different love languages.
| Love languages | |
| 1. | Words of affirmation – receiving a verbal affirmation from our partner, such as “I love you”) |
| 2. | Gifts – feeling valued and loved when we receive a hand-made or a bought gift |
| 3. | Acts of service – deeds, such as household chores increase our love tank |
| 4. | Quality time – emotional fulfillment from spending time together with our partner |
| 5. | Physical touch – receiving love through physical touch |
It’s possible to have more than one love language, but more often than not, there is a predominant one.
4)Communication is key ?
You’ve likely heard this before. If you did, that’s great. Now’s the time you act upon it.
Usually, our upbringing and our thought patterns have a lot to do with our bad communication styles.
But there is usually one particular internal obstacle that makes our relationships much harder than they need to be.
That little rebel is our own ego.
Relationships can be difficult because the thought of being right gives us strength. Contrarily, being wrong or making a mistake can feel humiliating—which consequently reduces our significance.
Of course, this downgrade occurs only in our heads as most people don’t think any less of us, no matter how badly we mess up.
If you are in a relationship, you can combat this inner demon by reminding yourself that you and your partner are fighting for a common cause.
The relationship is the cause and the disagreement or an argument is but a mash of different beliefs and opinions.
Remind yourself that your partner is entitled to his or her own beliefs and allow him or her to express them.
When you give your partner this freedom, he or she will feel valued and avoid an argument altogether. It’s a win-win for both of you.
Express yourself better
Instead of making things worse by saying things, such as “You’re wrong,” express yourself in a constructive way.
You can say, “I understand your point of view and if I were in your shoes, I would feel the same way. However, my thoughts on this matter are slightly different from yours. Please correct me if I’m wrong because I often am. I believe…“
How you express yourself and the tone of your voice is everything.
You can say the nicest thing straight from the book, but in a dark tone and your effort will be in vain. The same goes for defensive non-verbal communication.
Keeping your arms crossed and facing away from your partner shows you are being insincere.
If you have trouble understanding and communicating with the opposite gender, I recommend picking up John Gray’s book, called, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.
The book contains many side-by-side gender comparisons in which the author explains how common verbal expressions are misinterpreted between males and females.
To have a successful relationship, avoid the following words altogether:
- You never help me
- You always do this
- You’re wrong
- You’re right, but…
- No
Don’t nag
One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is to tell your partner what he should and should not do.
By taking up the role of his mother, you render him incompetent. Your partner doesn’t want to feel as if you are responsible for his life.
He is perfectly capable of making his own decisions.
Instead of nagging, you can express yourself in the following manner: “Hi John, I noticed the dishes are starting to pile up. I have to run to the store now to get some milk.
I would really appreciate if you could take care of this task while I’m gone. You’re the best, John!“
For this “trick” to work, be genuine and non-judgmental by avoiding sarcasm and demeaning remarks. Also, pay attention to your gestures and tone.
Don’t criticize
Whatever you do, don’t point out your partner’s flaws. Disapproving of him or her is a rejection and a punch to the ego.
If you must raise his or her awareness, start in a friendly way.
Say, “John, I’d like to talk to you about something if that’s alright with you. I understand you’re very busy, so I’ll make it quick.
Yesterday when Sandra and Nick came over, you talked to them about my relationship with my mother. It made me feel extremely embarrassed when you pointed out my dysfunctional relationship with her.
It would make me really happy if we could keep this just between us. Is this something you’re prepared to do for us?“
Treat your partner as if he or she is the last person on Earth. If you end up losing this person, you will understand his or her true contribution to your life.
Get your partner to say yes
This is one of my favorite Dale Carnegie’s principles of success, mentioned in How to Win Friends & Influence People. Although it’s mainly highlighted in salesmanship, it can capture the attention of any listener—even your partner.
Here’s a video on how to get your partner to say yes.
When you get your partner to say yes many times, you make him believe he’s in charge of the situation by making your proposal his idea. And as you know, people like coming up with their own ideas—as it makes them feel heard and valued.
5)Show gratitude
Expressing appreciation in a relationship on a frequent basis is as important as water is to a plant. Both relationships and plants need constant watering to stay alive.
Telling our partner we love, appreciate and care for him or her tightens the bond. As mentioned before, men feel the greatest when they are needed and women feel the most secure when they are validated.
Expressing gratitude in a relationship is truly one of the best ways to make our partner feel safe.
In normal amounts, it contributes to an increase of self-esteem whereas, in excessive amounts, it’s a boost to the ego.
6)Don’t lose your identity
If there’s anything that contributes to your importance in a romantic relationship, it’s got to be your identity.
Staying true to yourself and your core values is what makes you, you. Never lose yourself in a relationship by becoming too much like your partner.
Remember that your partner is your partner and you, are yourself.
Unite two different identities and you become at great risk of losing yourself in a relationship. Since two identities can’t coexist, the breakup could befall shortly.
Losing yourself means you become:
- full of unrealistic expectations
- insecure
- dependent on your partner for emotional support
- unable to spend time without your partner
7)Relationships require constant work
Getting in a relationship is the easy part. Staying in one and making it flourish, on the other hand, is a much more difficult task.
Breakups happen for a reason. There’s no denying that. Something goes astray and the couple breaks up.
Usually, both the dumpee and the dumper are at fault for the demise.
In a nutshell, this occurs because the couple stops putting in the effort. One or both partners take the relationship for granted and divert their attention elsewhere.
Moreover, a lack of presence in the relationship creates the impression that the relationship is no longer significant. And after that, the relationship becomes a ticking time bomb.
8)Deal with your insecurities
We all feel a little insecure sometimes.
But making a scene because we feel threatened is the worst thing we can do. If our partner is talking to others and he or she doesn’t give us enough attention, we can sometimes feel a little insignificant. Or in other words— jealous.
And that’s when we often do and say things that we regret.
Common insecurities in a relationship are:
- jealousy
- controlling behavior
- fear of loss
- the paranoia of our partner’s whereabouts
- requiring validation
- fear of being left alone for a prolonged period of time
You can solve your insecurity struggles by reminding yourself that your partner is yours and not somebody else’s. The fact that he or she is with you in a relationship, proves that his or her intentions are genuine.
At least for now.
You can’t force your partner to stay with you. As a matter of fact, showing insecure behavior is only going to push him or her away.
Acting insecure shows your partner that you don’t value yourself high enough and that he or she deserves more.
Inadvertently, you express that you feel threatened by another person and that you are easily replaceable.
Needless to say, it doesn’t look good on your record.
9)Give attention when it’s due
Relationships can’t blossom if you make them all about your partner. Just how relationships need to be watered regularly, they also need space to grow.
If we take flowers for an example. Watering them is an absolute must, but drowning them in water is a no-no.
Giving your partner more than he or she needs is going to make your relationship wither away. This is especially true when you start needing your partner way more than he or she needs you.
From my observations, both men and women are guilty of committing this relationship killer.
Neediness stems from:
- low self-esteem
- seeking pleasure in giving attention (quality time as love language)
- childhood by developing an insecure, anxious attachment style
We often interpret neediness in the wrong way. It’s looked upon as something despicable whereas it’s merely an overwhelming desire to be loved.
Because of its misinterpretation, we often react harshly and reject our partner, hurting him or her further.
Pay close attention
Observe your partner and see what he or she needs to be happy. Give attention when it’s due and back off when your partner needs space. Getting the balance right might seem like a difficult task, but it’s actually quite simple.
One of the best tips for a successful relationship I can possibly give you is not to be overly vigilant, but to become aware.
Every so often, ask yourself, “Is my partner happy? Are his or her needs met?”
If they are, you’re doing a great job. And if they aren’t, surprise your partner and pull off a romantic gesture.
You can’t go wrong by spoiling him or her a little bit.
10)Enjoy your life
If you master this point, you won’t have a problem with the previous one.
As much as the other person wants you or needs you, your life always comes first.
If you agree that life is a blessing, you will also agree that it can’t be wasted. It’s precious because it’s yours so try to make it look that way too.
Make sure to stay busy with your favorite hobbies by surrounding yourself with friends and family. If you do, the relationship with your partner will be given the absence to breathe and coincidentally, the ability to grow.
Once you’ve finished working on your projects or socializing with your friends, you can then return to your partner and share everything that’s happened to you whilst you were away from him or her.
Doing this will have a bonding effect.
11)Learn more about relationships
I’ve saved the best for last.
Out of all the tips for a successful relationship, absorbing knowledge from articles and books is probably a good way to start.
There are millions of relationship books out there. That’s why I’ve saved you the effort of looking for them by compiling a list of some of the best self-help books of all time.
I advise you to check them out. Borrow them from your local library or buy a copy online. Whatever works for you is a job well-done for me.
Did you enjoy reading these tips for a successful relationship? I’d like to hear your suggestions in the comments below.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
