If you’ve just come out of a relationship and your ex happened to be your worst nightmare, then ignoring a narcissist might be the best thing to do.
This is especially true if your ex narcissist broke up with you in a very disrespectful manner.
If you’re not entirely sure whether your ex is a narc, here are 8 surefire ways to tell he’s a narcissist.
Chances are, you’ve been neglected and humiliated throughout the course of the relationship and need a breather. Ignoring a narcissist will give you the time and space away from him or her.
When you finally choose to step away from this person is when you will begin the healing process.
Regaining your strength and self-worth might take a while, so don’t expect quick resultsāespecially if you are a victim of manipulation and schemes.
Here’s what happens when you start ignoring a narcissist.
What happens when you first start ignoring a narcissist?
The first thing that happens when you ignore any person is, they mimic your behavior for a short time to keep the power in their hands. Narcissist’s self-defense mechanism is to hold on to what he fought so hard to have and refuse to show any weakness.
He will keep up with his ignoring and avoiding behavior until he realizes controlling you is no longer within his power. That’s when you can expect him to lash out in a mean and hurtful way.
Due to lack of power and control, your ex narcissist could reach out to you in a demanding manner, expecting you to act the way he wants you to. He may also try to manipulate you by acting out of character and show you a soft side to him.
Exhibiting kindness and showing respect is polar-opposite of who and what this person really is, so don’t fall for it. He will tell you how he misses your company and tell you everything he loves about you just for you to trust him again.
Be careful not to cave
You might receive text messages saying:
- I miss you
- I’m sorry
- please forgive me
- I won’t do that again
- just talk to me, don’t ignore me
- I’ll do anything
- These sweet, yet tricky messages should be overlooked, as they normally occur in the first stage after a breakup/friendly relationship. Don’t fall for the trap a narcissist is setting up for you. Avoid these messages by ignoring the narc and see what happens next.
What happens when you ignore a narcissist for weeks or months?
A few days or weeks after ignoring a narcissist, he will try a different approach to get close to you again. If he has been nice, he will now get angry with you. You will experience all sorts of hatredāfrom insults to threats.
He will try anything to get your attention. The most common way for him to do so is through sheer use of force and manipulation.
You might hear hurtful things like: “I never loved you anyway, I cheated on you, I will post your pictures online, I’ll tell your friends about your secrets, etc.“
No matter what he says, don’t try to bargain with a villain. It does not work, and you will only end up hurt. If the aggressiveness ever gets out of control, there are a few things you can do:
- change your phone number
- remove him from social media
- contact his friends and family
- stay away from him and places he goes to
- involve the police
- file for a restraining order
Treat him like a bully and a stalker that won’t leave you alone. If you let him stomp all over you, he will continue pulverizing you until there is nothing left of you.
Over time, his value will start to decrease and it will really tick him off. Because he is lacking attention, he will begin to feel underappreciated.
You can expect a narcissist to throw tantrums to seek a reaction from you. He will think of anything to get your attention and try to reel you back in his life.
One of many things he could do is use the push-pull technique and other devious psychological tricks to get you to keep an eye on him.
What will a narcissist do to get your attention?
Stalking your social media
You might see random people sending you friend
It’s best you don’t reply or add any new people you don’t personally know for a while. If you are still friends with him on social media, remove him, before he tags you or your friends in posts.
He could examine your online status and discern what you’re up to. If he’s serious, he might even take it a step further and use the information he found online and see you in person.
My advice to you is to never publicly share where you are going on social media, especially when you’re dealing with a narcissist.
Stalking physically
Ignoring a narcissist could make him do crazy things, such as real-life stalking. He may try to find out where you’re going and who you’ve been talking to. If you have a feeling someone has been stalking you, inform your friends and your local authority.
Telling his/your friends to talk to the narcissist
When you have been as silent as a grave and you ignored your ex-narc, he will contact your friends, asking them how you’ve been. He will involve anyone related to you and gather information on how to get closer to you again.
He may go as low as lying to your friends and tell them he is only trying to protect you, or make your life easier in some sickening way.
Warn your friends about your ex’s narcissistic behavior and let them know what he is capable of.
Finding a new partner to get back at you
He will start posing with his new fling or members of the opposite sex on social media or directly to you. He will seek attention by enticing jealousy and attempt to make you reach out.
If you suspect he is doing it on purpose, don’t fall into his trap. Tell him you are happy for him and leave him alone. If you see his desperation online, simply ignore it.
Eventually, he will give up playing the jealousy card and most likely try something new.
Is ignoring a narcissist easy to do?
You will find ignoring a narcissist quite a hard thing to do, as you will often be tempted to reply and feel sorry for him.
Keep in mind that he is throwing a pity party for himself and that he will do anything to get his daily ego boost. To a narcissist, attention and validation are a drug that he can’t resist.
Don’t feel responsible for his addiction as it’s his responsibility to control it. Remember that you cannot help a drug addict, that doesn’t want to help himself.
When he realizes his possessive behavior and decides to change on his own is when he will seek help. Psychotherapy is a great way to start.
Having strong determination and proper support from friends and family is very important when it comes to ignoring a narcissist. Don’t believe that he is capable of changing until he has actually changed.
Can a narcissist change and how do you know?
When a narcissist has identified his personality traits and started the treatment, is when you should still be hiding in the shadows. Let him do all the work and start showing, not saying change.
You will know he has changed when he is consistent at what he says and does. Actions speak louder than words, so wait until they are in complete synchronization.
Changing a personality trait is no cakewalk. It takes a minimum of 21 days and up to 66 days to break a habit. If you are seriously considering reuniting with a narcissist, give him enough time to change.
You don’t want to rush back into manslaughter. Keep your distance from him to prevent additional heartbreak and observe his
When should you stop ignoring a narcissist?
Don’t stop ignoring a narcissist under any condition. They are very manipulative at what they do, therefore you should always be careful around them.
You can stop ignoring him when you are 100% certain his personality traits and his insecurities have been resolved.
Test the waters and feel things out. Test him in every way possible, and even when you think he has changed for the better, don’t just open the doors for him back into your life. Keep him tethered on a chain for an initial period of probation and let his actions do the talking.
Trust me. You will know when he has become a better version of himself. There is absolutely no need to rush anything as time is on your side.
Of course, there are exceptions to when you should quit ignoring a narcissist. If you, your friends, family, strangers or even his life is in danger, are just a few to name.
When he threatens to cause bodily harm to any living person, is when it’s your duty to act.
Inform police or call the suicide prevention line if you suspect he is serious about his threats. Better to be safe than sorry. You don’t want to feel partly responsible for someone else’s deeds. Instead, do what you can to get him the help he deserves.
Are you thinking about ignoring a narcissist or have you done so already? Share your story with us in the comments below.
Narcissists hate to be ignored more than anything. Expect smear campaigns and constant passive aggressive behaviour towards you. They fear that they don’t really exist, due to their poor sense of self. By ignoring them, you are reinforcing this belief.
That’s true, dispeller.
Thanks for your input!
Zan
I appreciate any answers on this , as my situation sounds like NPD on one hand, and nothing like it in other ways.. Please help..Iām curious to hear Thoughts on my what I believe to be a female narcissist I was ( am unfortunately in love with). Or is it some other disorder entirely? I met her in my 20ās . She had a daughter. I wasnāt sure I wanted a pre made family, mainly an influence of my very negative father ( I believe Iām somewhat npd myself from my dysfunctional childhood. We drifted apart. She move from here in Florida back to Ohio where she grew up. Later the love letters were flying ( before cell phones) back and forth. She flew down to see meā¦ I was all in this timeā¦ First time Iād ever fallen for a woman like that.. she pours the love onā¦. Sends me a āsweetheart Teddy 1996 ā to my job with flowers.. One day it all stopped.. I flew up there. My first flight.. I was sick to my stomach and all.. Crushed..I went to where love letters were mailed from. The couple there saidāweāre sorry this happened to you, she does this all the time.. A guy next door almost killed himself over herā) āsheās not looking as good as she used to.. She wonāt be able to do this much longerā¦ Boy were they wrong on that frontā¦ she can turn heads still now at 54 still in a bikini. She was back in Florida with i believe her first ex- husband.I moved on, and was over her.. Life went onā¦ Only thing was, even though Iād married now, I was never in love like that again..
She looked me up on Facebook in 2009-2010. My marriage was not good, I was staying for my kids, so I was stupid and met her for coffee and talked.. She was married as well..Iām pretty sure I could have easily slept with her, but did not.. she was commenting about the āenergy ā she felt when I walked passed her when I first saw her again at the car lot she ownedā¦so this goes to the habitual cheater part, which I feel she is..
Weād sent a text here and there on holidays, etc. In 2019, Iād moved out, and she had been separated for 3 years.. we talked a lot, and became lovers after 3 or 4 months, as Iād went back home temporarily, and she wouldnāt do intimacy in that circumstanceā¦ Because she has ( so it seems) convictions about her faithā¦Hereās where it gets confusingā¦Once I moved out again though, we became lovers..And again she would send constant texts, of ānever let me go, the only hand I want to hold.. my soul mateā¦. All the stuff I now see as love bombingā¦
In fairness, I had a very draining situation trying to get my timesharing with my kids enforced.. Kelly was always trying to help me with writing things for my lawyer, counselors , and my exā¦ She really knew how to be smarter in dealing with her then I was..This is what I need help with.. She does not fit the mold too well at allā¦ At thanksgiving sheād cook all kinds of food, and take it to feed homeless people. And I could give so many examples like this.. I had one afib attack from stress my ex was causing meā¦ She buys me. a $500 Apple Watch cause she was worried about me, and took off work , and came and cared for me in the hospital all day, dumping my pee container and allā¦ Just so caring and amazing..Gave my single 64 year old brother her daughters old Ford Expedition she could have gotten $2,000 out of because she always liked my brother , said he needed a good woman, , etc. weād often go play cards with him so he wouldnt be alone. Sheās not abusive, she treats others with kindness..She does definitely know sheās attractive.. she doesnāt rage, or say things to break me down.. she was always super kind to meā¦ Though I will say she doesnāt like to be told something. She generally doesnāt appreciate that much..
Now hereās the flipā¦ After months of me being the only man in the world( but a lot of stress from my ex), she dumps me, and goes back to her ex-husband.. Makes a lot of reasons about it all started wrong( I wasnāt divorced yet) etc.. she hadnāt healed over her past with himā¦so she turns off like a switch on me, and moves her ex back inā¦A couple months later , sheās dying to be with meā¦ She made a terrible mistake.. I took her back..She even temporarily left her home with him in it, and lived in a small drafty cold house out of tote bins just to be with meā¦. Not a very narcissist thing to doā¦ Big sacrifice for herā¦She hates the cold! We stayed there a month, he move out of her nice home, and we moved back in..So we were golden from January ..All was great till April 2020. She accidentally sends a text to me probably meant for him. ( or someone else) asking the guy to communicate via emails.. Sheād done this with me behind her exes back ā¦I busted her. She lied about it all, and I was in denial as we talk about here due to separation anxiety. I moved out,( at her demanding) and he about a week later he had an accident. He almost bled to death in the road.. She moved him back and took care of him, but was emailing me the whole time how much she loved me, and how intimacy had never meant anything, nor was a priority till me.. Thatās about the only thing I still maybe believe, as she was this career woman. Just donāt think sheād honestly had fulfilling sex. I took her somewhere sheād never beenā¦She was saying she was getting questioned about her puffy eyes from crying all dayā¦ Her letters were so deep. They sure did not seem phony, so I think sheās one of those that āfeels it at the moment, but doesnāt really actually attach? We got back together June 2020. She was studying for real estate exam, and between careers, so money was tight, and she has a nice home and vehicles. I proposed in October, as all was well, and stable.. In December I went to Ohio, and met her family, and weād even planned a big marriage party for the following July with her sisters. We were going to elope here in Florida, and do that later as a party..i dilly dallied a bit on the marriage, but about the time I was making a plan.. February 2021. She feels āchoked outā, and needs time away for a couple days.. she had just started her new job in realty a couple weeks earlier. I wasnāt even texting her at work unless she texted me first.. I did not want to be a distraction, As I knew this was so important to her.. So that made no sense.. she ignored me while goneā¦ Not even a goodnight textā¦ Then I notice a bottle of our ky silicone is missing. I called it out and she said she was so angry Iād think sheād sleep around. She said she used to insert preparation h tip up her buttā¦ sorry, I wasnāt buying thatā¦we, or I anyway was so deep in love, the thought of that was disgusting and heart wrenchingā¦Sheās very in to church, tithes, just not the type.. And I donāt think she sleeps with just anyone, but it was her ex husband. AGAIN! I canāt prove she slept with him, but Iāll tell you this. When she returned, I had to move out FAST. Brutal and horrible emotionally abusive in my opinion. I see her on Facebook like a month later with a ring on.. Side noteā¦. I just NOTICED thatā¦ Another thing that doesnāt fit the moldā¦ She does not go on there and brag about relationships,in fact sheās very private and says nothingā¦ never posted about us either..She remarried him, and fastā¦ A year before she was crying all day dying to get away from him, and be with me. Now she marries himā¦
Later she reaches out to me after 4 monthsā¦ Misses me so bad, etcā¦ Sheād made a terrible mistake..after intimacy with meā¦ Bottom line, we had off the hook intimacy.. She was never not satisfied 110%. . I think she wasnāt comfortable she could sell enough houses to maintain her life initiallyā¦ Hes able to cover it all if she made no money( she actually is doing very well , and exceeding by far a new agents sales).. so I think heās the supply for stability/ securityā¦. Iām the supply for emotional, and sexual fulfillmentā¦. Idk, but she is so outside of what is described as a narcissist on here. Empathetic, will use her time to help people..Not abusive or enviousā¦ She could have always had any man with money, yet she kinda chose blue collar types.. She took me to meet her family, and all of it sure seemed realItās so damn confusing to meā¦ But the way she does the hot/cold, and goes from super love to , you have to go like now is not normal.. But she does not fit the mold of a Narc in most waysā¦ But in that wayā¦ Hell yes.. She definitely in the end defers to her own emotionsā¦ Screw me..What the hell is she? ? Help!
This woman just sees you as a book. Porn for women isn’t so visual, its more like stories. She is stringing you along for years like an addict reaching for the 50 shades of gray book. But she has no intention of making the book with you come to life if you catch my grift. Life is too short to be strung along, but its up to you what to do. Its your life.
I’ve been in a relationship with this Narcissist about 6 years, that’s the worst years that i don’t want to experienced again. In that 6 years, a lot of break up and abuse happened to me. That’s really hard for me to break the trauma bond with him. But i knew that he wont stick with one person. One day i caught him cheating me and dated his co-worker. That’s the worst nightmare that i felt. Now it been 1 year already happily escaped from the abuse relationship. It hard for me to overcome and heal myself but i always read those Narcissist Article and protect myself in future and make my self strong. I’m healed and living my healthy life for myself. That’s so much of knowledge and experiences for me to gain and protect myself from the narcissist ex. He still tries to hoover me but i knew what was his plan and how do i protect of myself.
My ex broke up w me back in November. The cycle continued until January. The last email I sent was about how my parents were discarded as well. The response was that she owed me nothing. Since then Iāve been quiet. I donāt stalk social media and I havenāt sent a text to see if Iām unblocked. In March w the virus I reached out hoping her and the kids were ok. I got no response. In April her good friend was walking her cat in my neighborhood. The 6 years Iāve been here this woman has never walked in my development. Let alone a woman w a cat. I told her to send my regards and have her contact me bc letās put the past behind bc we live close and are bound to run into one another. I wanted to lose the animosity. The other day a friend of 40 years called and said she reached out wanting to know if his bar was open and sheād also cut his hair. He Iām immediately called me letting me know what happened and asked how things ended. When I mentioned the lies and the cat he knew what was happening. I know for a fact none of he friends would take my call. I also know she couldāve called the bar and ask the owner. Then on top of it she had the nerve to say sheāll cut his hair. I was told to stay away from her friends and family but she reached out to a friend of 40 years as if itās not a big deal.
What is she trying to do? I know if I reach out Iāll be basked. āYou donāt change and just by emailing proves itā āI said I Wanted to be left alone, why are you callingā. Iāve heard them all before. Iāve moved on w someone Iāve been interested In for over 20 years. It was a childhood attraction that never went away and itās hard being w Someone whoās secure. I was told if I donāt respond that she will someone reach out again to get a reaction. Does this ever stop? I know where I went wrong in the relationship. Iāve been in therapy. Itās been 8 months and I just want peace. Sheās asked for me to leave her be. Threatened to call the police If I reach out again. Am I losing my mind or is she doing this purposely to get at me?
My ex and i broke up months ago and this been the hardest days of my life because he is narcissistic and i don’t know how to cope with all this..
we been to court and everything.
Hi CURLIES06.
Breakups can be difficult.
Make sure you spend a lot of time with your friends and family and take the attention of your ex.
You will eventually find someone better. Someone who will treat you right.
Stay strong!
Zan
My ex is an alcoholic and bipolar. Iāve stood by him for 3+ yrs. I realized I was enabling him and I started setting boundaries. I have done all paperwork he needs done; medical, etc. He had a $50,000+ medical bill and had no insurance. I jumped thru hoops and put hours in but finally got all the bills dismissed. Thatās just 1 example of the things Iāve done.
Last Saturday I had been invited for dinner at his house. He didnāt give me a time & I just figured heād call me as usual. No biggie. He didnāt. I donāt text him much unless he texts me. On Friday night, he said to text him tomorrow. I texted 4 times; nothin major. Didnāt get 1 reply. He called about 10:30 that night & said he didnāt answer my texts cuz he was busy….and heād āforgottenā heād invited me for dinner. He called on Sunday & acted like nothing had happened & asked if I was gonna stop. I said no. Very short conversation & I hung up. He left a vm on Sunday asking if I wanted to cone over for dinner. I hadnāt answered his call & didnāt see the vm til the next morning.
I didnāt text him or any other contact. So tonight (Monday), he texts me āokā; I asked what that was about & a few minutes later he texted āhow does it feel to be ignoredā? Really?????
I reminded him that I knew exactly how it feels and that he needed to go back to being busy. I know he hasnāt read it yet but he will. For 3 yrs Iāve done SO much for him & Iāve never even gotten a birthday text let alone a card. So now heās mad. Iām not a mean person but I seriously canāt take much more of his crap. I know heās not done; he told me if/when he gets a gf that he still wants me in his life. Iāve told him thatās not gonna happen. If he has a gf, thatās where he needs to be, not watching movies & eatin pizza w me.
Iām exhausted…. and just in case youāre wondering, heās not into me for sex and since he has no gf (unless he was w someone Sat when he was too ābusyā to answer my texts) heās not gettin any anyway. Iām exhausted.
I forgot to mention that intermittently he tells me what a great person I am & how he likes to talk to me because Iām so logical and can calm him down. He dies things just to push my buttons. I donāt have a temperāā except when it comes to his constant pushing that button without letting up. Then he blames me (in a text); āur an angry person ā. The very first thing that came to my mind was āonly when I deal with assholesā, and I went on reading my book. Gaslighting King is he.
I’ve been going through a rough 3 week period my ex narc gf came back after 2 years and 83 0 contact…. long story short we had a 3 year on again off again relationship I would always discard her when she got into her devaluation stage… icing on the cake was bringing her to my country thinking that may change her boy was I wrong so roughly 25 months ago she decided to attack me when I wouldn’t acknowledge her childish behaviors,, that was the end for me she kept trying to triangulation for months afterwards and I got fed up and threatened to let immigration authorities know the full scope of her real reasons for asylum claim.. that when she disappeared for 83 weeks .. her show up 4 weeks ago coincided with my birthday and also her being granted refugee status.. went through a 13 hour love bombing reliving past etc etc agreed that I would see her the next day as she was trying anyway possible to make a connection… I’ll admit it was nice reconnect I actually do care about her was curious and concerned about her but typical narc always pushes starts triangulation the ex she had here events they did places they went where they lived nothing out of ordinary but I know who she is and what she was after the tipping point for me was the grandiose type of attitude when I drop her off it was in a good neighborhood high-end rent… this girl just now 2 years later looking for her first job at minimum wage having to still use Google translate to understand people… that just made me irritated little stupid lies. I drop her off and left about an hour later I decided to direct approach her on her stories via dm you could tell she wasn’t comfortable with the probing and critisms of her.. it was my birthday so it wasn’t a heartfelt attack just a I know your full of it approach as I was busy chatting and video chatting friends… anyways she maintained the cheery facade so the next day I had a 6 hour drive that allowed me to recenter my thoughts that’s when I really went into her and let her know that all her past behaviors are still present and need to be addressed if she has any plans in having any format of relationship with me there’s too much damage from her actions and she never acknowledges them.. well she ran and blocked me.. I felt proud in that moment for myself for standing up for myself but that was fleeting I really felt bad about 10 days later and sent an email apologizing in regards to my approach I could of handled it better instead of the direct assault on her false self which sets her off on destructive behavior. My thoughts actually went further and I became concerned that maybe I missed a cry for help (she is here in a foreign country with nobody but herself) so I looked an old message and found her mom’s number the mom was defensive at first than opened a little that she’s had a hard time here and what not I just let the mother know that if she is really pressed here she can count on me but only if she’s willing to be open and truthful I have no need for lies and manipulations etc etc majestically I receive 2 calls that night diferent numbers and Facebook block removed. I called back the numbers and texted both sent a direct message through Facebook I did screw up and send multiple texts that were passive aggresive but nothing desperate or demeaning just trying to put into focus whom she is and what she wants from me as I am completely opposite of that.. it’s been 16 days now no response and also no contact on my part I’m speculating but it’s her way of punishing me in her mind and also expecting a litany of messages (neither are happening) she got a lot of info from me so she’s secure into October knowing that I won’t be moving on from her I expect a follow up hoover sometime in October. .. my concern is I feel she’s out for vengeance the devalue stage comes way to fast after success of getting back together but I always kick her when she starts I looked at as immaturity and hope the a light turns on but I always find dissapointment.. her hoover worked this time also but I’m proud that I fought all the mental triggers she hit me with and didn’t follow the previous mistakes of dealing with issues after getting back together.. I feel I’m handling it the right way and I can say that I’m emotionally detached but until I actually get to apply it I’m not 100% certain I’ve been reading up on narc stuff for a long time now so I’m alot better prepared for it.. I do still care for her but I know what I will and won’t allow and I just passed that first test I’m pretty sure there’s another coming in the near future and I’m not sure if I’m missing something any advice would help.. I’m not looking to run or close contact I prefer to confront and show strength that’s how we learn and grow
honestly you have done the hard yards, stop everything to do with them or you could end up like me….. 4 years ago, my partner came chasing me, stalking, gifts, pleaded change and I stupidly enough took him back, i married him and the left me after 4 months a complete humiliation of my family and I then avoided every hoovering attempt and picked out all of his flaws, haven’t heard from him since, they are not worth it, block and delete everything or you will end up like me.
Zaaaan help…..so me an my ex where together for 8moths we have been through some crazy things together..he have shared some very personal things with me opened up to me and confined in me so have I…..our bond and vibe is sooooo dope that it draws us together when we do split…our first split started early this year January he told me that he wanted to start back dating stating that things have gotten to serious and we are forgetting how to enjoy each other I wasnāt in agreeance because I didnāt want to share him so we decided to end things…5 days later he reached out we talked and got back together……July of this year I leave go to Vegas come back after not seeing him since Fatherās Day but talking and FaceTime everyday…I was overly excited to see him but when having intercourse i admit I was kinda stand offish and not feeling it he asked if I was okay I lied and said yes but I couldnāt give him a answer to something I didnāt even understand the following weekend he asked me to come over but I was tired and didnāt feel like going so he was kinda bothered by that…. Monday comes around and I make a tinder account Iām not quite sure why I did that but I did and he automatically sees it and send me a screen shot of it š¤·š¾āāļø More things happen that day that lead to me breaking up with him….two weeks passed since the break up and he reaches out once again we talk through text he fills like my reasoning for breaking up with him was bigger than what I mentioned stating that we have been through worst things how is thi
Hi Zan. A narcissist ( I believe to be), started talking to me again a little over a month ago and claimed to have changed. I was open to letting him talk to me but still kept a distance. We’d talk almost everyday for a couple weeks and since then he’s been on and off. He asked about a date a couple weeks ago and I said I wasn’t sure yet. He said he totally understood that and was acting patient about it. We’d still talk here and there after that. He now randomly hasn’t reached out in about a week. Idk if I did something to tick him off, or he’s bored of me right now. I just don’t know what to do, it’s been giving me anxiety. Im afraid to reach out because idk what his true intentions are. Will he reach out again? Any advice?
Hi Ally.
He will probably reach out again soon. But until that happens, put your attention on something that matters. If you keep obsessing over him, you won’t be able to heal and find happiness in life without him.
Also, if you’re ready, date others too because you never know when you’ll meet someone better.
Kind regards,
Zan
If you truly believe he is a narc…you just need to keep moving on with your own life. I just got out of a 4 yr relationship with a narc and believe me I have learned my lesson. He will reach out again but in the meantime I really hope that you will start learning more like through you tube videos. Good Luck!
My ex Narc says he really loves me and misses me and he wants to see me before I leave the country and he also said he wishes me well, he was blaming me for our break up. Iām confused what does he still wants from me ?? I didnāt reply his messages yesterday and today heās seriously calling my phone and messaging me so much that he wants to see me before I leave. What should I do ??
Hi Mary.
It depends on what you want from your ex. Do you want to be with him despite the distance or are you done with him?
Whatever you decide to do, I’d advise you to reply to him so that things can get resolved immediately.
Best,
Zan
Hi,
So he has been giving me silent treatment for 5 weeks and i reciprocated with the same but through out the 5 weeks hes been looking at my snapchat daily and saw all my stories but i ignored everything did not look at any of his stories never saw what he posted on FB or IG… last night out of nowhere he blocked me on all social media platforms but within 10 minutes he unblocked me on whatsapp and then later i saw he was suing my netflix account to watch movies. It has left me so confused as to what is he playing at. I have decided not to react to anything at all. I am not sure what he is doing or what games he is playing? I feel this is his frustration as I have totally ignored him and he is doing this to get my attention. I Could be wrong and it could just be that he is done with me but i dont understand why would he unblock me on whatsapp and then use my netflix account as well???
Hi Seemab.
He probably left a way open for you to contact him just in case you need him.
Don’t take the bait though. He can talk to you when he’s ready (and he’s not ready yet).
Best regards,
Zan
Because that is what they do, they try to discard you as a part of their game, get them off everything, do the same back, then no contact
I recently started to get back into contact with my ex (split for six months, contact on and off but he normally ignores me.) When we broke up he was posting horrible and untrue things about me on FB. I didn’t post anything about him. Last week I went back to our house to clear out my things and I didn’t finish the task. I asked to return to our house to finish cleaning up. He questioned me why I didn’t get it fully done and telling me why I need to clear out my stuff. I replied and for three days he ignored me. I requested again to return to home around 3 PM. At 12 AM he finally replied and instead of saying “Yes/No” he asked if I ever listen to him.
I decided to not reply because I know I can not form a response that will make him happy. How long should I ignore him? He knows I read his message. We were together for 15 years.
Hi Joan.
You shouldn’t ignore him.
You should move on because he’s treating you horribly.
Best,
Zan
Itās been 6 months my narc ex replaced me with a new supply,so I was in full no contact.Now out of no where he reappeared..blowing up my phone every night,i was in still no contact but at some point I loose my patience and picked his call and there he is professing his fake love towards me,like I love u plz come back i made a mistake,u r the love of my life no one is like you,I didnāt gave any reaction I was like donāt call me,and I cut the call.Now Iām feeling kinda regret that I picked his call and break my No contact rule.What should I do?? I blocked his number but he said still calling me from different numbers.
Hi Ramisa.
Your ex broke no contact, not you.
If you don’t want your ex back, just tell him you’re not interested and hopefully he’ll get the hint.
If he doesn’t, do what you must to protect yourself.
He will eventually stop calling and find someone else to bug.
Best,
Zan
I’ll tell you something. 4 years ago, my partner came chasing me, stalking, gifts, pleded change and I stupidly enough took him back, i married him and the left me after 4 months a complete humiliation of my family and I then avoided every hoovering attempt and picked out all of his flaws, havent heard from him since, they are not worth it, block and delete everything or you will end up like me.
I have a concern. My ex narc is also the father of my child. I have been no contact w/ him for almost 3 wks now, despite him trying to reach out regarding our Daughter. I don’t know if this was the best solution, but I was sick of being disrespected and needed some time to distance myself from him. Well, the other day I sent him a text telling him that we need to figure out the best way to coparent. He has not responded , as he is I guess paying me back for ignoring him. I am not trying to make a game of this, I just want to do what is best for our child. I refuse to chase him for communication (as I’m sure that is what he wants). What should I do because I don’t want to continue to keep my child from her Dad?
Hi Dee.
If your ex is truly a narcissist as you say, then he doesn’t care about your daughter. He is messaging you to get a reaction out of you. The father of your child wants you to be worse than him. Don’t play into his hands.
If you are happy taking care of the responsibilities of your daughter on your own, I would suggest you cut him out completely. If you haven’t already, arrange child maintenance and wish him well. Begging a person to look after his own daughter is disgraceful. If he wanted to do it, he would do so already. Once/if he expresses the wish to communicate in a healthy manner for the sake of the child, by all means do what it takes. Make it short and solely about your daughter.
You don’t have to do anything. The ball is in his court. He will soon either begin to cooperate or do something worse.
I wish you the best of luck,
Zan
Hi Cherie.
If I were you, I would minimise the interactions with your mom and keep all conversations concise. Ignoring her on purpose could incite more harmful behaviour than good. Because she is in your life to some extent, it won’t be easy to exclude her completely. Try to focus on what you’re doing, rather than what she is thinking and saying. Agree to what you find acceptable and have a positive attitude. Negativity and bitterness will only bring more of the same.
As for the guy, keep avoiding him as much as you can. Let his friends/family know he is stalking you. Tell them it’s making you feel uncomfortable. That should make him think twice about doing it again. If that doesn’t work, contact the authorities.
Best wishes,
Zan
I disagree regarding the mother. I went no contact with mine 10 years ago. Sometimes it’s the best thing to do.
Hi Victoria.
Sometimes cutting a person out completely is not an option, so minimizing contact is the best we can do.
I’m glad NC has worked for you, and I wish you the best of luck!
Zan
What should i do if i can’t get away from two narcissist that are in my life? One is my mum another is the guy who want my attention and validation. I live with my mum as i don’t have enough to move out and this guy live nearby…so i feel he is stalking…i’m ignoring them by the way.
I’ve dated a narcissist and he is going crazy right now because he now cant come near me for a whole year if he does he goes to jail i’ve tired to forgive him for everything he has done to me but the hate will always be there and he knows it i’ve deletes social media iv changed my number iv even blocked him from sending me emails he cant contact me no way but iv disappeared n he’s looking looking for me but hes at a dead end when it comes to me
Hi Nicole.
You’re doing a great job at staying away from narcissistic abuse. Denying him attention can be infuriating for a narcissist. Disappearing off the radar was the best thing you could have done for your healing. Protect yourself and the people you care about first, and always remember what he is capable of.
Best regards,
Zan