Will it last if he goes back to his ex? Can a relationship with an ex even work? That depends on many things, including the reasons the relationship ended, the lessons he and his ex have learned, their ability to let go of negative perceptions and feelings, levels of regret and gratitude, the quality of their relationship, and their overall compatibility.
For their relationship to work, some time must pass so they can work on themselves, grow as people, and resolve their old issues. Only then can their relationship start anew rather than continue from where it left off.
Exes who rush to get back together after a few weeks of being broken up more often than not break up again. They don’t get enough space and distance to change their perspective and grow as people.
But what about exes who have been separated for over half a year? Do they automatically fail too? Such exes don’t instantly fail. Six months should be enough for them to disassociate the most dangerous thoughts and feelings from each other. It should be enough for them to reconnect emotionally.
But emotional connection isn’t the only thing they need to become a couple. The most important thing about their new relationship is their improvements. Have they improved their relationship mentality, perceptions, communication, childhood issues, ego, pride, self-esteem, self-control, and the things that broke them up?
If they have, their relationship could last. I’m not saying it will last forever, but if they both matured in ways they needed to, I don’t see why they wouldn’t last or last longer than before. They’re probably emotionally compatible and have at least some things in common, otherwise, they wouldn’t have found each other attractive and got into a relationship.
Their success comes down to the work they’ve done, the way they think and feel, and the commitment they have. The stronger the commitment is, the better prepared they are for problems they encounter as a couple inside and outside the relationship.
So if you’re worried about a guy (your crush, boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend) going back to his ex and making his relationship last, bear in mind that whether it lasts or fails is out of your control. You can’t manipulate them and make them break up because their relationship is their business.
They’re responsible for maintaining it and they’re the only ones who can end it. Your involvement will only make you look jealous and unattractive. It will make you look like a crazy-obsessed person and validate their relationship even further.
The thing about exes getting back together is that they skip the get-to-know-each-other phase. They don’t ask all the basic questions and bond over them. Unless it had been many years since they broke up, they just go through a short infatuation period during which they feel connected and loved.
It takes them a week or two to get used to each other, stop feeling elated, and put their new relationship skills to use. That’s when they slowly stop holding back and reveal what they’ve changed and who they are.
You must remember that exes are exes for a reason. Something went wrong, so they broke up and went their separate ways. If they get back together, they must be certain the relationship-breaking issues are gone and that they’re willing to try harder this time.
It’s hard to say if their relationship will last. I can’t give a clear answer because a lot of things must happen for them to even get back together.
They must:
- forgive each other
- disassociate negativity
- be unhappy with their partners or life
- get hurt
- fall back in love
- and both want the same things in life
If they broke up due to religious differences, for example, they must be willing to make some big changes in their lives and adjust to each other. They must think that not being with each other is much worse than leaving things as they are.
When they think that way, they can accept each other or look for ways to fit into each other’s lives.
So if a guy in question goes back to his ex, know that he’s trying to make his relationship work and that he doesn’t love you anymore. He loves the person he went back to because that’s the person he’s willing to spend time with and invest in emotionally.
It doesn’t matter if his ex popped out of nowhere and “confused him.” When a man goes back to his ex, it’s evident he never got over her or that he doesn’t appreciate and value the person he’s with now. He wants things to go back to the way they were—and he’s willing to sacrifice his current relationship for it.
That tells you he’s not a safe investment and that you deserve someone who reciprocates your love and hard work.
Today’s topic is “If he goes back to his ex, will it last?”
If he goes back to his ex, will it last?
If a guy goes back to his ex, his relationship will likely last for a while. They’ll probably stay together longer than a few weeks. Only incompatible couples with no patience and growth break up in a matter of days or weeks. Such couples still resent each other or got back together for the wrong reasons (anything but love).
Mature couples with good intentions stay together long-term or at least for a few months. This once again depends on how ready and willing they are to give and receive love. If they discovered each other’s importance and don’t want to live without each other, they could make their relationship last.
They could do that even if they aren’t a great match. Some toxic couples stay together despite not getting along. However, the majority of toxic couples don’t. They don’t outgrow themselves, but instead, keep getting worse and worse. As a result, they encounter unresolvable issues and break up again.
There’s no guarantee that the guy in question will break up again just because he failed in the past, but chances are quite high. Maybe they aren’t 90% high, but they’re still high enough. They broke up once, so who knows if he and his partner learned enough from the breakup.
You must understand that every time a couple breaks up, their chance of taking the relationship seriously and making it work decreases. I’d say it goes down by at least 20%.
Those who break up 5 times (especially over a longer period), therefore, tend not to reconcile or stay together for long. They don’t get motivated by failure anymore which would allow them to make some healthy changes. Most of the time, such couples are a ticking time bomb as there’s too much water under the bridge to fix things.
That means exes’ first reconciliation is their chance to make things work. If they don’t make it work the first time, they usually don’t make it work the 2nd or third time either. Each breakup demotivates them more and reaffirms the notion that their partner is the problem and that they’re incompatible as romantic partners.
To simplify it as much as possible, the reason exes break up is that they don’t reflect and grow enough to avoid running into similar problems in the future. They prefer to think of themselves as victims and by doing so, refuse to make the necessary changes and adjustments.
If you’re worried your ex, partner, or crush still likes his ex and will go back to him or her, you need to relax a bit and understand that his relationship already failed once. He couldn’t find ways to resolve the issues that plagued the relationship, so they broke up. If he were to go back, love wouldn’t be enough to resolve all the issues.
He’d need to actually work on them and stay self-aware.
If his relationship were to last, it’d be because they both worked on themselves and realized they loved each other and aren’t happy. Unhappiness could force them to repair the broken relationship and be better partners.
If you’re with this person or interested in dating him, you shouldn’t worry too much about him going back to his ex. You should remember that if he wants to go back that he will and that you won’t be able to stop him. You can beg and scream and he’ll still choose the person he feels stronger feelings for.
And a guy who was dumped and hasn’t processed the breakup typically has stronger feelings for the dumper. He may enjoy being with you and likes you as a person, but ultimately, he isn’t prepared to let go of his ex just yet. Not while he’s still recovering from the breakup.
Dumpees often leave their (better) partner when their ex fails to find happiness and asks for another chance.
So if he does leave you for his ex, be prepared for their relationship to last a while. Be prepared for them to go through new relationship stages at a faster rate and to also skip some stages. And remember, exes don’t start from square one. They already understand each other intimately and know what to expect, so they jump straight into the action.
With that being said, here are 6 things that determine whether their relationship will last if he goes back to his ex.
What if he goes back to his ex?
If a guy dumps you for his ex, don’t think it’s because you weren’t good enough. Although that can be one of the reasons, the biggest reason people go back to exes (and not move forward with someone else) is that they don’t take the time to get over their ex. Instead of focusing on their ex’s bad traits and processing the breakup, they idolize their ex and wait for their ex to come running back.
Since they stay obsessed with their ex, they fail to create a deep emotional bond with someone else. And because they don’t create a healthy bond, they crave a more meaningful connection with someone else. That someone is their ex as their ex allows them to feel fulfilled right away.
Therefore, a prerequisite for an ex coming back (and staying committed) is a healthy bond and a desire to bond. A person must think of his ex as a worthwhile partner (have respect and healthy views on the relationship) and have feelings (a romantic desire). Once these conditions are met, he can go back to his ex even if he’s already with someone else.
A new relationship doesn’t stop him because he values and prioritizes a person who completes him.
So what do you do if he goes back to his ex and tries to have a happy ever after with that person? You do nothing. You open the door for him and leave him and his ex alone. You must remember that he used you for healing and betrayed you and that his heart wasn’t entirely in it. He never stopped loving his ex, nor committed to you fully.
Don’t beg and plead with someone who goes back to his ex. Not only does he not deserve your pleas, but he also doesn’t want them. He’s infatuated with his ex (going through the aforementioned stages) and mustn’t be interrupted. If you try to stop him from going back and having fun, you’ll pressure him and bring out the worst in him.
The worst includes ignoring, blocking, ghosting, and all kinds of angry responses.
Such responses won’t give you closure. On the contrary, they’ll invalidate your feelings and cravings and make you even more depressed and eager to be with the guy
So if your ex or the person you’re seeing/would like to see goes back to his ex and you’re not sure what to do about it, don’t compete with his ex-partner. The guy doesn’t think of you as a competition. He thinks you’re someone who distracted him from the breakup, filled the void in his chest, increased his value, and enabled him to be with the person he wanted to be with all along.
To do what’s best for you (and him), cut him off immediately. Move his stuff out of your home (or move your stuff out of his), throw his pictures and gifts away, and start losing hope and feelings. Once you’ve done that, remember that you were either a rebound or someone he was going to ditch the moment his ex came back.
Many people would leave their partner for their ex in a heartbeat—but luckily, not everyone gets a chance to be with their ex. Oftentimes, exes (dumpers) are done with the relationship and don’t see a reason to come back. They’re glad their relationship ended, so they enjoy their freedom and space.
Those who go back to their ex aren’t honest about their feelings for their ex. They just do what’s best for them and ignore the fact that they hurt their loyal partner. They feel guilty only after they’ve stopped feeling infatuated with their ex and realized what they’ve done.
Whether your ex feels bad or not, your job is to avoid taking the abandonment personally. If your ex didn’t like the way the relationship was or got GIGS, your ex would have found a completely new person. But since your ex betrayed you with his ex, it’s evident that he never got over his ex and that he kept the door open.
This prevented him from going all in with you.
Now that your ex left, you must invest in yourself and get over the betrayal. Do that by removing your ex from social media and reminding yourself you had no control over the situation. You could have made fewer mistakes and been more attentive perhaps, but it wouldn’t have stopped your ex from going back to his ex.
Should you leave your partner if you think he might go back to his ex?
This is a personal decision. If your partner isn’t emotionally ready for a relationship with you and you think he’ll leave you if his ex comes back, the relationship isn’t giving you the most basic thing you need – safety. It’s not making you happy because it constantly reminds you that your partner can’t be trusted and that you could get your heart shredded.
Because of that, you should do something about it.
You can either stay in the relationship and hope that your partner gets over his ex or that his ex doesn’t come back. Or (perhaps an even better option) you can leave your partner and find someone who can give you what you’re looking for from the get-go. I can’t tell you what to do, but if I noticed my partner wasn’t bonding with me because of her recent breakup, it would raise a red flag and make me worried.
I would probably leave her because I wouldn’t want her to waste my time and emotions and break my heart.
There are plenty of available people who can give me what I want. That’s why I wouldn’t stay with someone who doesn’t feel ready for me. I wouldn’t do it even if there was a decent chance that my partner would eventually process the breakup and give me the love I deserve.
I suppose I value relationships and people as they are (not as they might be in the future). Waiting for them to get closure and deal with their problems isn’t something I’m willing to take a risk on. If there’s no guarantee of full emotional investment, I would rather not be in a relationship at all.
That’s my take on this matter. You’re free to draw your own conclusions. Just try not to overinvest in someone who doesn’t invest in you.
You can tell your partner isn’t 100% into you and/or still misses his ex when he:
- talks about his ex a lot
- gets emotional or upset when the topic of his ex is brought up
- spaces out a lot
- gets caught talking to or meeting up with his ex
- expresses doubts about you
- stops making time for you
A person who isn’t over his ex will show signs of emotional unavailability and leave you hungry for more love, attention, or validation. I advise you to take control of your life so you don’t get strung along and disappointed.
Are you still wondering if a relationship will last if a guy goes back to his ex? Does someone you know appear to be in love with his ex? Share your story and thoughts in the comments below. We’ll get back to you shortly.
However, if your situation is complicated and would like to talk to us about it directly, reach out to us via our 1-on-1 coaching program.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
one of best articles of yours! And I say it for every article of yours!
Such a good one Zan well done ❤️
I appreciate you saying that, Linda.
Kind regards,
Zan