I Made My Boyfriend Cry And I Feel Horrible

We girls oftentimes get emotional during arguments and difficult situations, so we dissolve into tears and release our worries. We do this because crying helps us acknowledge our pain and makes it easier for us to cope with anxiety.

But girls aren’t the only ones who cry. Guys also cry occasionally as they’re also prone to stress, anxiety, depression, and feelings of helplessness.

They may not be as expressive as girls and may not cry as often, but they also get emotional and cry from time to time. Neither gender has exclusive rights to crying as crying is as much a part of guys’ self-soothing behavior as it is ours.

The only difference between the two genders is that crying is widely accepted for girls and that guys still think they shouldn’t cry because they’ll be perceived as weak and dependent.

I suppose society is to be blamed for this as it tends to portray men as a strong and indestructible gender. Society demands that men are stronger than rocks and generally assumes that men’s emotional strength goes hand in hand with their physical strength.

But, unfortunately, this isn’t true.

What we see on the outside doesn’t correlate with what is on the inside. A tall, muscular person who goes to the gym every day doesn’t necessarily possess the most effective abilities to defend himself against stress.

In fact, he probably isn’t very good at battling stress because he’d spent a lot of his time working on his appearance rather than his perceptions and emotional strength.

It goes without saying that physical appearance contributes to external self-esteem. But, sadly, it doesn’t do a whole lot for internal self-esteem as a person who puts a big importance on his looks is more likely to develop a high ego and self-conceit.

And ego and self-conceit are very easy to break because they’re dependent on external factors for survival.

The point is that things haven’t changed much for men over the past few centuries. While women gained equal rights and recognition in many areas around the world, men are still not fully allowed to be themselves.

They still can’t express themselves and cry the way girls do (or at least think they can’t), so things haven’t really changed that much for them.

Most young boys are still taught (or learn by themselves) these days that crying is for girls and that they mustn’t cry. That’s why they learn to suppress their tears and find different ways to cope with their internal struggles.

Those ways are normally unhealthy as they entail shutting down, withdrawing, or conversely, exploding in anger. And they tend to show themselves later in life when boys turn into men and get into a romantic relationship.

Young boys essentially learn from their parents and conform to the standards of society which happens to portray guys as alphas and girls as damsels in distress.

As a result, guys nowadays can have it quite tough at times. They feel that they can’t express themselves emotionally and that they must live up to the image their ancestors have painted for them.

Thanks to the environment they grew up in, they believe they must carry their burden on their own because to them and those around them, crying is a massive vulnerability.

Most girls don’t see it that way, of course, but for some guys, it’s already too late. Their behavior is deep-seated and needs time and effort to change.

Although guys have much lower levels of prolactin (the hormone that makes them cry) as compared to women, women tend to forget that guys are also human beings with emotions.

They’re capable of feeling sad, worried, depressed—and that they sometimes need to express themselves and cry.

The reason men and women cry is because of something we call diffuse physiological arousal (DPA). It’s essentially an alarm mechanism that activates when we sense some kind of danger to ourselves and others.

DPA can affect us so much that we get overwhelmed with emotions and find it difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

So if you made your boyfriend cry with some comment or action, know that you’ve hurt your boyfriend’s feelings. You’ve gotten past his self-defense mechanism and made him feel more vulnerable than he wanted to feel around you.

Why does my boyfriend cry when we argue?

How we react during an argument depends on how we perceive the stressful situation. But sometimes, even if we try to perceive it well, we still have very little control over our emotional responses as the nature of our feelings is predetermined by our upbringing.

This is because we develop the ability to express ourselves during difficult situations the most during our early years – during our childhood.

That’s when our parents or guardians use their skill sets and attitudes to show us how we can respond to stressors.

They teach us whether we can:

• retaliate and defend ourselves recklessly
• express ourselves rationally
• or if we should be afraid of the consequences, judgment, neglect, and disrespect and let the other person have it his or her way

People, regardless of gender have certain views and expectations as well as different personalities, fears, and self-esteem. Everyone perceives and reacts to surroundings differently.

And so does your boyfriend.

He feels hurt because of something you said or did and needs time to heal. It’s possible that you reminded your boyfriend of the past and triggered his deepest fears and insecurities from when he was a child.

Or maybe he’s been stressed recently and your words made him feel disrespected and unloved. There are many possible explanations for his pain. So learn the way your boyfriend works so that you can avoid hurting him in the future.

You probably already know this, but lots of men internalize their problems.

They don’t express themselves the ways girls do, so they hold their problems inside and sometimes (when too many stressors pile up) break down and cry because of them.

I experienced this with my ex-boyfriend. I underestimated his difficulties at work and home, so I started a small argument out of nothing and expected him to defend himself.

But instead of defending himself like he usually did, he ran out of emotional strength, got hurt by my words, and cried. At that time, I didn’t understand why he cried because he wasn’t the type who’d show his vulnerabilities to me.

He’d always portrayed himself as a strong man to me and others. But after talking to him about it, I realized that on the inside, he was just as vulnerable as I was. He just wasn’t showing it to me.

That relationship is far behind me, but today I realize that I should have been more mindful of his feelings. I should have taken the time to understand him (and I mean truly understand him on an emotional level) and be more patient and supportive.

I should have encouraged him to tell me what bothers him and be there for him.

So if this is the first time you’ve seen your boyfriend cry, it’s possible that your boyfriend’s been dealing with stressors. You just didn’t know about them or didn’t know they affected your boyfriend that much, so you didn’t change your approach.

What does it mean when your boyfriend cries in front of you?

Crying may not be extremely common in guys, but it’s still completely normal. There are guys who cry when they feel sad or hurt, so as far as normality goes, it’s completely fine.

As we mentioned earlier, crying helps us soothe our pain, so anyone who wishes to make himself or herself feel better is more than welcome to do so.

It’s only a legitimate concern if your boyfriend bursts into tears almost every day. That could mean that he’s crying too often and that something serious (internal or external) may be causing him pain.

You have to understand that continuous crying can cause depression and greatly affect your boyfriend’s long-term health.

It can also make your boyfriend fall out of love with you and break up with you. So be aware of the consequences of too much crying and treat your boyfriend well.

Don’t baby him, but do be aware of his difficulties and control your anger, annoyance, disappointment, negativity, and disapproval. Keep in mind that people are sensitive beings and that your actions can hurt them badly.

So if your boyfriend keeps crying, remember that he’s fighting his internal battles and that he needs your sympathy and understanding.

He wants you to know that he’s opening up to you and that he’d like you to be on his side more than ever.

What can I do when my boyfriend cries?

There’s a lot you can do when your boyfriend cries in front of you or on the phone.

For us girls, comforting our boyfriend usually comes naturally to us. We relate to the pain our partner feels and as a result, think of more than one way in which we can help a person who’s crying.

The problem though isn’t in not knowing how to help. It’s in instinctually helping our partner in a way that we want our partner to help us.

We girls immediately assume that because we like talking about our problems that our partner will like to talk about his problems too.

But this isn’t always the case.

From what I’ve noticed, guys work differently from us as they prefer less talking, fewer questions, and more reassuring physical touch. They like their girlfriend to show them love, care, and support with her presence and not so much with words of affirmation.

This is why guys feel misunderstood when they get depressed.

I suppose it all comes down to the type of issue the guy is facing. For example, if you’ve hurt your boyfriend by being unfaithful to him, he obviously won’t appreciate your silence nor the physical touch.

He’ll probably get some space from you and want you to explain yourself before he gets close to you.

To make things easier for you to understand, here are a few tips on what to do when your boyfriend starts crying.

1. Apologize and admit you said or did something that hurt your boyfriend (acknowledge his pain). Being sorry doesn’t mean that you’re wrong and that you’re letting your boyfriend win the argument. It means that you’re willing to swallow your pride and stop your partner from feeling hurt.
2. Use subtle words to comfort him. Say that you went too far and/or that you realized what you did when it was already too late. Promise to do better next time.
3. Show him affection by hugging him. As a girl, you shouldn’t expect your boyfriend to always hug you and kiss you first during or after an argument. You should also sometimes take the initiative. Especially when he’s crying.
4. Once he’s stopped crying and starts talking to you again, you can try to lighten the mood by making him laugh a bit. Make a joke at your expense. It’s the effort that counts.
5. You can also tell him something you’ve been meaning to tell him and distract him that way.
6. Give him a gift or make him food.
7. Ask him if he’d like to go for a walk together. A change of scenery might help him get his mind off the issue/s.
8. Once he’s calmed down, talk about what happened and do what it takes to prevent history from repeating itself.

If you want to stop your boyfriend from crying next time, you’ll both have to change. You’ll have to stop lashing out or doing whatever has caused him to break down and he’ll have to eliminate his stressors and become a bit stronger.

Did you make your boyfriend cry? What was his reason for crying? Post your story below.

And if you’re interested in personalized 1-on-1 coaching, click here to see our coaching plans.

Angelie

I’m Angelie, a writer and a designer at Magnet of Success. Whether I’m writing compelling content or designing engaging pictures, I create content that resonates with our visitors and aids them on their self-improvement journey. I enjoy writing about relationship dynamics and the difficulties couples may face.