How To Successfully Get Back Together After A Break-up?

Getting successfully back together after a breakup takes a lot of time, space, and growth. Both ex-partners need to understand that a successful reconciliation requires a new start rather than a continuation from where they left off. They must understand why the breakup happened, what they could have done to prevent it, and how to improve themselves as people.

If they stay the same behaviorally and maturity-wise, they can’t expect their relationship skills and the quality of their relationship to be better next time. It won’t happen because their relationship won’t get what it needs to grow respect, commitment, communication, and relationship standards.

Most couples who successfully get back together do the work on themselves before they get back together. That’s because the time they spend apart from each other helps them see things from a clearer perspective and enables them to reflect on their mistakes and shortcomings.

It helps them resolve personal matters and (provided that they miss each other and feel sad about it enough), gives them a chance to get back in touch and communicate about getting back together.

But before that happens, ex-couples must be on the same page. They must want the relationship equally, have equal portions of power, possess adequate self-respect, and desire each other’s validation, love, company, and commitment as similarly as possible.

If one person (usually the dumpee) wants these things significantly more than the other, the relationship becomes severely imbalanced and prone to breaking up. That’s because the more eager person overwhelms the other and kills the attraction that has developed during the time they weren’t speaking (in no contact).

A lot must go right for ex-couples to get back together successfully after a breakup. A lot of growth has to happen so that relationships don’t suffer from old issues and fail because of them. The hardest things to change in life are things that make people who they are. In other words, personality, mentality (ways of thinking), perceptions, and behavioral patterns require the most work because they compose of deep-rooted lessons and beliefs people spend years engraving into their minds.

These things require to set ego and pride aside and lots of open-mindednesses, self-awareness, patience, impulse-control, and an understanding of themselves and others. Only those ex-couples who possess or develop these traits and skills can successfully get back together because they understand their ex’s side of the story, discover their ex’s worth, and feel determined to fix what they broke.

So if you’re wondering how to successfully get back together after a breakup, keep in mind that successful reconciliations require lots of new skills and personal improvements. They demand that couples resolve their differences, childhood issues, traumas, anger issues, self-esteem problems, temptations, and fears—and come back together, willing to forget the past and start fresh.

Only when they’ve fixed the issues that broke them up, let go of resentments, and fallen back in love is when they should consider giving the relationship another chance and work on it harder than ever before.

Today’s post is for those who wonder how to successfully get back together after a breakup. This article will explain what you and your ex need from each other to work together and stay together.

How to successfully get back together after a break-up?

To successfully get back together after a breakup, you and your ex need to go through the stages of getting back together with an ex. You need to work on yourselves individually and process the breakup in different kinds of ways. As a dumpee, your most important task is to avoid making breakup mistakes and annoying your ex. This is how you can keep your dignity and worth and grow inward.

Your ex as a dumper, however, has different responsibilities. Since he or she initiated the breakup, your ex has to stop feeling the emotions that triggered the separation. The main emotion that brought on the separation is suffocation, but some other emotions are likely to be present as well. Some of those emotions can be anger, resentment, fear, guilt, and an overwhelming desire to feel relieved.

Relief is the emotion dumpers need to feel and focus on after the breakup as it occurs naturally due to weeks or months of feeling smothered and unhappy. It’s an emotion that helps them forget the unpleasant thoughts and feelings they’d focused on before the breakup.

When the dumper is going through the initial dumpers stages, bear in mind that the dumper isn’t thinking about getting back together. The dumper may have moments of doubts and guilt, but they aren’t big enough to actually want the dumpee back and risk being unhappy again.

The time after the breakup is the dumper’s time to finally be independent and not worry about anyone other than himself or herself. If you try to make your ex think about you, respond to you, and give you things you need from your ex (attention, care, and validation), you’re going to suffocate your ex more and prevent him or her from enjoying the relief stage of a breakup.

That will, in turn, force your ex to crave space, get irritated with you, and associate even more negative emotions with your already weakened post-breakup persona.

So if the breakup happened recently and you’re giving all of your attention and effort to reconciliation, try to slow down a bit and think. Think about how your behavior is going to affect your ex’s relief-deprived mind and what kind of reaction it’s going to bring out of your ex.

If your ex was angry, bitter, cold, and unreceptive before or during the breakup, chances are that your ex hasn’t had enough time to process the negativity caused by the pre-breakup suffocation and annoyance. Your ex may need more time to work through all the negative emotions before he or she can think, feel, and talk fondly of you.

So no matter how badly you want your ex back after a breakup, remember that the reconciliation needs to happen naturally. If it’s unnatural (forced) or if it happens for the wrong reasons (let’s say someone uses guilt as a tool to create a sense of responsibility), the other person won’t like that. He or she will feel that you’re using manipulation tactics, become resentful, and put up his or her guard.

The only way an ex-couple can have a successful reconciliation is if the dumper processes unhealthy breakup emotions and discovers the dumpee’s worth. And the dumper can discover the dumpee’s worth when the dumpee leaves the dumper alone, focuses on self-improvement, and tries to stay as busy, independent, and contented as possible.

Here are a few tips for couples who just broke up and want to successfully get back together after a breakup.

As you can see, getting back together with an ex requires very little effort on your part. You don’t need to show you’ve improved or changed but that you’re okay with the breakup and capable of living without your ex.

That’s what your ex secretly wants to know. It’s what can attract your ex when your ex becomes curious about you and needs your support and validation.

How to get back together after a breakup naturally?

Natural reconciliations are natural because they happen when both ex-couples want them to happen. Not when dumpees want them to happen, but when dumpers want them the same or more than dumpees and are prepared to lower their pride and see dumpees for the people they are.

If you want to get back together with your ex after a breakup naturally, let your ex enjoy the space and freedom for now and spend your time with friends and family. When your ex is ready to talk (or better yet) get back together with you, your ex will reach out and make plans to see you. He or she will do all the work you want your ex to do because your ex will want the relationship just like you.

All you’ll have to do is wait for your ex to take the initiative and express regret and a wish to see you. It will probably take a while for your ex to want you back, but that’s what it means to get back with an ex naturally. You have to be willing to wait as long as it takes even if it takes decades.

Yes, some exes come back after 20 or 30 years. They need that much time to realize dumpees’ worth and find reasons to fall back in love with them.

A few good reasons for dumpers to fall back in love are:

• Failing romantically with someone else
• Falling into depression
• Reflecting on all kinds of disappointments

Successful relationships after a breakup require A LOT of work!

It may seem like hard work ends when you get back together with your ex, but it’s only the beginning. Couples who get back together usually encounter post-breakup perils. For dumpees, these perils consist of fears of breaking up and getting hurt again—and for dumpers, they consist of running out of patience and willpower and giving up on the relationship again.

Both dumpees and dumpers have their own worries and concerns they need to work on.

Dumpees need to make sure they don’t walk on eggshells around their exes whereas dumpers must learn to respect and value their exes and stay with them through thick and thin. They can’t revert to their old selves or they could leave again at the first sign of trouble.

If you and your ex get to the point of getting back together, you’ll both have to understand that relationships are fragile and that you’ll need to invest your hearts and souls in yours. As a dumpee, you’ll have to take the dumper back on a trial period because that will let your ex know that you take relationships seriously and that you won’t tolerate previous behaviors, disrespect, or another breakup.

You’ll respect yourself much more and cut him or her off if you don’t get what you deserve.

While you’re observing whether your ex is committed to you and self-growth, you’ll also have to work on your fears and self-esteem. Breakups often make dumpees insecure and cause them to crave their ex’s affection. This is something you’ll have to be mindful of so you don’t overwhelm your ex with cravings for connection and reassurance.

Or conversely, you’ll have to pay attention to how emotionally unreceptive you are. Not letting your ex in could prevent your ex from feeling loved and understood emotionally. So try not to deny your ex the love and attention he or she needs from you. It’s okay to be a little bit apprehensive about getting dumped again, but don’t close yourself off and expect your ex to be okay with it.

Your ex might put up with it for a little while (while your ex is hurting and starving for love), but when your ex gets tired of being punished and feeling unwanted, your ex will without a doubt leave again. Your ex won’t have a reason to stay because your ex won’t feel that the relationship has returned to normal and progressed in ways that it needed to.

Not all ex-couples have successful reconnections because some exes (not all) encounter various reconciliation problems.

Here are some of those problems.

If you want to have a successful reconciliation with your ex, you must stop worrying about the issues from the past. You don’t need to forget that cheating or other bad things happened, but you must let go of the emotions you associate with unhealthy behaviors and start anew.

That’s the only way you’ll be able to give your new relationship a chance to thrive.

Did you learn how to successfully get back together after a break-up? Post your discoveries and breakup stories below the post.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.