How To Save Your Relationship When She’s Pulling Away?

When your partner is pulling away, you have a sign that something or someone is affecting your partner’s devotion to the relationship. You have limited time to take the issue seriously and identify the problem (or problems) before she loses interest and love for you. If things stay as they are and no solution is found, she could cave into stress, fear, temptation, or doubt and completely give up on you and the relationship.

I’m not trying to scare you, but your partner shouldn’t be pulling away (it’s not how healthy relationships function). She should be consistent with her love, appreciation, and interest in general. Pulling away indicates problems and uncertainty in the relationship.

Yes, every couple has a different attachment style, but romantic partners don’t pull away for no reason. Normally, they do so because something or someone else occupies their mind. This could be stress at work, fun times with friends, grief from losing a family member, mental health problems, lack of bonding or love in a relationship, or romantic interest in another person.

They find something else more fulfilling or important than their partner, so they focus intensely on it. If they ignore their partner for long and refuse or fail to prioritize their relationship, they risk falling out of love with their partner and in love with something or someone else.

Saving a relationship when a girl or woman is pulling isn’t easy because it takes two to make a relationship work. One person alone can’t carry the relationship on his shoulders and force the other person to invest emotionally. It especially can’t happen if that person feels victimized, resentful, or more eager to put his energy and time into other people or things.

You’ll be able to save your relationship when she’s pulling away only if she still loves you and is interested in working things out. In that case, you’ll be able to talk about her problems and do something about them.

Maybe she’s just going through a difficult time and needs you to listen and care. If she feels understood and cared for, she could confide in you the next time she feels down and needs help dealing with her crises.

No matter what the issue is, communication, followed by changes in behavior should be able to resolve most behavioral problems, provided you discover them before they affect your girlfriend’s perception of you and damage her commitment to the relationship.

The problem is that many people who pull away don’t want any help. They’re stressed, anxious, or even depressed and want space and time away from their partner. Such people are the hardest to work with because their partner’s presence makes them feel worse. It makes them feel unheard, pressured, guilt-tripped, and disrespected. The more their partners try to help, the angrier, colder, and more distant they get.

So bear in mind that people who pull away don’t usually want you to drop everything for them and solve their problems for them. Some people (usually men) just want to deal with their problems alone. They don’t want their partner to talk to them and help them.

It’s not the healthiest way to deal with personal problems and difficult emotions, but it’s how they choose to tackle them. They don’t want to look emotional and weak, so they distance themselves to hide their vulnerabilities.

That’s why it’s super important to identify your partner’s problem before you jump in with guns blazing and start fixing things. Figure out if the problem your partner is facing is related to you. If it is, you should encourage communication and show willingness to change and improve. You should also encourage your partner to invest in herself and be the best version of yourself.

If she’s interested in working things out, she’ll tell you what’s bothering her and make a plan with you on how to get along better.

However, if the issues are unrelated to you, you should show sympathy and care. Ask your partner how she would like to be supported and if you can do anything to help. Your partner (provided she hasn’t lost feelings for you) will tell you how you can support her and help her feel better. She’ll tell you how she wants to feel supported in ways that make her feel supported.

You may have the right intentions, but your approach may not be the best. Not if she just wants to focus on herself, fix her issues, and not feel smothered in the process. She may be capable of helping herself but is struggling to do so because you expect more love and investment from her than she’s capable of giving. That would imply that she feels pulled from both sides and that you need to stop what you’re doing.

On the one hand, she feels a strong urge to solve her problems and not feel stressed, but on the other, she feels forced to meet your relationship expectations. If your behavior or presence continue to disregard her need to invest in herself and deal with her problems, she could pull away completely when she gets tired of neglecting her wants and needs and doing what you want.

This is just one example of what to do when she’s pulling away from you. Women can pull away for numerous reasons. It can be due to overinvestment, underinvestment, lack of care, poor hygiene, incompatibility, immaturity, anger issues, insecurities, unresolved problems, constant arguing, lack of goals or bonding, and many other things.

Pulling away is something they do out of self-protection. Very few people pull away and expect their partner to chase them and fix the problems for them. Only manipulative people act that way. They want to hurt their partner and force him or her to change certain traits and behaviors.

Other people pull away because they need time to resolve their problems on their own. Either that, or they’re done with the relationship and don’t want to be reasoned with.

You’ll have to do some digging and find out what’s happening to your partner. Talk to her, ask her questions, and learn if she’s open to changes and growth or if she dislikes you and wants out of the relationship. You’ll get to the bottom of things very quickly. Just ask her how she feels, why she feels that way, what she wants, and if you can help.

The answers to these questions will reveal if she wants to stay with you and work on relationship or non-relationship problems or break up.

The topic of today’s article is how to save your relationship when she’s pulling away. We’ll help you resolve problems with your partner as long as she’s open to resolving them.

Is she pulling away temporarily or permanently?

As we’ve discussed, your first and perhaps most important task is to figure out why she’s pulling away. It could be your personality, behavior, or something unrelated to you. Maybe her ex has come back into the picture. Or maybe she’s won the lottery and wants to spend all the green herself.

I’m making things up, but the possibilities are endless. She may be feeling confused, stressed, or unloved and thinks she deserves better. Whatever the case may be, you won’t know until you have a down-to-earth conversation and ask her what the problem is. Say you want to cooperate and help if she wants you to, but that you’ll also give her space if she prefers that.

Tell her you care about her and that you’re sorry if you did something to offend or hurt her.

Once you’ve expressed your regrets, sympathy, and care, wait for her to respond. Let her say what she wants to say. She should open up to you about her problems and feelings and let you know you can help. If she seems hesitant, reassure her that it’s okay to be frank and that you can handle it.

Her response will tell you why she’s pulling away and if or how she wants you to help her.

If she says she’s not happy in the relationship because she keeps feeling neglected, unheard, and ignored, apologize for hurting her and devise a plan on how to be more present and attentive. Reassure her you’ve learned that you weren’t the best partner but that you’re prepared to change that, starting today. Make sure to also ask her to give you occasional feedback and reassurance that you’re on the right path.

This should convince her that you’re willing to put in the effort and change for the sake of the relationship.

Moreover, if she says she needs space to focus on her problems and stressors, say you understand and that you’ll let her deal with her issues alone. Say you won’t get in her way and that she needn’t feel pressured to spend excessive amounts of time with you. Tell her you’ll be staying busy too and that she can focus harder on the relationship once she’s dealt with her issues.

If she says she’s been pulling away because she hasn’t been happy and wants to break up, you should let her. Apologize for the mistakes you’ve made and let her have the space she craves. Don’t guilt-trip her or beg her for another chance because she’ll find your desperation repulsive and lose respect for you.

And lastly, if she says she’s pulling away because she doesn’t know if she wants to be with you, you may as well break up there and then. A person who doesn’t know if she wants to be with you knows for a fact that she doesn’t want you anymore. She’s certain the relationship isn’t working and that she’ll be happier on her own (hence the pulling away).

She’s just afraid to say it to your face.

Don’t ask for friendship or agree to a break. There are no breaks in relationship. Time away from you won’t fix her issues because she’ll continue to enjoy her space and freedom. Simply disband the relationship and wish her the best of luck. She’ll hold you in higher regard if you make it easier for her to be single or with someone else.

I know it’s hard to let go of someone you love and let her talk to other people, but when she chooses to pull away and focus on herself, the relationship has already ended. It may not have ended officially (some people lack the courage to end it properly), but love is gone and so is her commitment to redevelop it.

Your only option is to distance yourself from the cause of pain (your partner) and slowly get her out of your system. It will take time, but it’s all you can do when your partner loses feelings and the drive to invest in the relationship. No amount of reasoning will change her feelings and make her want to work with you.

So figure out if she’s pulling away because of you or something/someone else and if it’s permanent or temporary. If the problem can be resolved, she’s open to communication and wants you to change or do something. She either wants you to support her during her difficult time or expects you to adjust your behavior so she can trust you, communicate with you, and love you.

You need to work on the damaged relationship immediately to stop her from thinking that her only solution to be happy and feel some control over her life is to distance herself from her source of stress and unhappiness (you). Show her that her health and happiness are important to you and that you’ll do your best to make her feel comfortable, safe, and fulfilled.

However, if she’s not open to conversation, then she’s likely pulling away for good. She’s distancing herself without letting you know that she’s breaking up with you. The girl or woman is probably afraid of your reaction and hopes that you’ll accept the breakup without any objections. If she’s done with the relationship, she’ll say she doesn’t want to talk (say she’s tired or make other excuses), ignore you, reply coldly/slowly, or appear to thrive when she’s out with friends.

She’ll look her best self when she’s around people and miserable, emotionally closed off, and silent when she’s talking to you in person or on the phone. This is a sign of emotional detachment and eagerness to leave. If she was going through something temporary, she wouldn’t be happy around others. She especially wouldn’t pull away for days or longer and act like you don’t exist.

Although all couples have ups and downs, it’s not normal for them not to speak for days. Couples who don’t communicate that long are on a collision course with the breakup. Sooner than later, they’ll appreciate each other’s absence and find something or someone else to focus on.

That’s why you should fix relationship issues and cut the distance as fast as you can. The longer you go without talking, the higher the chances that you or your partner will lose the determination to stay committed.

With that said, here’s how you can tell if she’s pulling away permanently or temporarily.

When your girlfriend pulls away, make sure to have a conversation with her as soon as possible. Don’t wait and keep guessing why she’s pulling away. If you can stop her from distancing herself and leaving by expressing the will to invest in your shortcomings, you should make positive changes right away.

My advice is to talk to her in person (if possible). Say you’ve noticed that she hasn’t been herself recently and that you want to see if you can do anything to help her and restore the relationship to how it was. Your girlfriend will likely tell you how she feels and encourage you to change or improve certain aspects of yourself, your life, or the relationship.

When she tells you what’s wrong, you’ll know whether the relationship has ended or if you can do something to fix it.

Remain level-headed no matter what

Whether she tells you that you have a lot of work to do or that she lost feelings and wants to leave, maintain your composure. Thank her for her honesty and accept the outcome, whatever it may be and whether you like it or not.

Your girlfriend or ex-girlfriend doesn’t want to see you lose your cool and get upset with her. She prolonged telling you what was wrong, most likely due to the fear of receiving a strong emotional reaction from you. She was scared you would take it the wrong way and say or do something she wasn’t ready for.

Hence, it may be best to deal with her pulling away as rationally as possible. It won’t be easy to do that because you’ll be scared of destroying her trust and love, but try not to react instinctually at least. Show her that you have sufficient self-awareness and emotional self-control.

It will make a better impression on her than shouting, crying, and begging her to reconsider her feelings and commitment.

Remember that if someone wants to leave you, you have no right to stop her. She has a mind of her own and knows what’s best for her. All you can do is open the door for her and let her live the best life. It doesn’t matter if you made mistakes and forced her to look for happiness elsewhere. If she decides to leave, it’s because she lost feelings and/or faith in the relationship.

She worsened her opinion of you and convinced herself she’d be happier without you. Who are you to say she’s wrong? She may be wrong, but she has to learn her lessons herself. You can’t get angry with her and try to sell yourself to her.

If she doesn’t see your worth, someone else will. That’s the kind of mentality you ought to have if you want her or any other person to take you seriously and appreciate what you have to offer.

So keep calm and let her make her own decisions. If you’re not happy with them, you can always cut her out of your life and focus on yourself and those who don’t pull away and confuse you.

Do you now know what to do when she’s pulling away? How will you handle the situation? Post your thoughts, plans, and advice in the comments below.

And if you’re looking for our guidance on your specific situation, click here to book a slot with us.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.