How Long After A Breakup Do Couples Get Back Together?

People who want to reconcile with their exes often feel like they’re running out of time. They believe they have a limited window of opportunity to win their exes back and secure a future with them before their exes move on, find someone else, and forget about them.

Dumpees are anxious and panicky and typically don’t understand that reconciliation is a marathon, not a sprint. They don’t know that getting back with their ex depends on their ex more than it does on them.

Sadly, most dumpees don’t reconcile right away (especially on their terms) because they and their ex need to spend some time apart to detach and figure out what they want.

They need to distance themselves from each other and reflect on their relationship and behavior.

Dumpees need to get closure, ponder about their mistakes, and make personal changes whereas dumpers need to go through the breakup stages and experience some kind of problem powerful enough to cause them to reflect.

Therefore, time is a post-breakup ally rather than an enemy because it helps dumpees and dumpers process the breakup and encourages them to look at their relationship objectively from different angles.

It helps dumpees ease their obsession with their ex and dumpers feel less pressured and victimized. Although separation gives dumpees anxiety, it also teaches dumpees to improve their flaws and self-reliance.

As for dumpers, time apart initially lets them focus on themselves and those who make them feel good. It lets them feel responsibility-free and in total control of their life. Independence is a feeling they craved since they developed negative perceptions of their ex.

They think they can’t be happy and respect their ex if their ex refuses to let them do what they want.

If they get the space they need, they can happily pursue old and new hobbies and engage in behaviors that make them take a new path in life. This path is usually filled with immediate rewards and experiences that don’t benefit dumpers long-term.

Because dumpees feel rejected and unwanted, they take their ex’s changes and happiness personally and think their ex’s behaviors are directly related to them. They don’t know that their ex is acting differently because he or she felt trapped in the relationship and wanted to get out of it as quickly and smoothly as he or she could.

Prolonged negative feelings caused by the lack of freedom essentially force dumpees to appear happier than they’ve been in a long time.

Dumpers especially look happy if they meet someone else and go through new relationship stages with that person. A new relationship makes them feel wanted, infatuated, and distracted and gives them hope for the future. 

If you want to know how long after a breakup couples get back together, it depends on the kind of feelings they harbor and their ability and desire to let go of the past and want a better future.

If they blame their exes for all their problems and think they’re the victims, it takes them long (many months or even years) to start seeing their exes differently.

But even then, they usually need something or someone to shock them and force them to adopt healthier mentalities.

The sad reality is that they usually need to experience failure and misery. Whether they’re emotionally mature, intelligent, or super successful in life, failure followed by pain shows them they aren’t ready to pursue happiness on the path they’re currently on and that they might be more successful and happier if they gave people from the past another try.

It’s impossible to answer exactly how long after a breakup couples get back together. Some couples (those who have a fakeup) get back together after days because they don’t mean to break up. They just want to be heard.

As for other couples, they usually need months or years of time. They need that long to experience life without each other and get in trouble. When they see they need each other to thrive, they quickly reconnect and give their relationship another go.

Every couple needs to find a reason to get back together. That reason has to be fueled by love and cravings for validation, security, and connection. If there’s no love and desire to bond, couples don’t get back together.

Either that or they break up shortly after.

You want to make sure you’re getting back together for the right reasons and that you’ve fixed the issues that broke you up. Take them seriously so you don’t suffer unnecessarily and longer than you have to.

So if you want to know how long after a breakup couples get back together, know that there’s no universal answer. Some couples reconcile after a week, some after a month, some a year, some decades, and some never.

Simply put, it depends on their perceptions of each other and reasons for wanting and needing each other.

In this post, we shed some light on how long after a breakup couples get back together. We talk about things that make dumpers question their decisions and want their ex back.

How long after a breakup do couples get back together?

When couples get back together depends on many things. One of the most important things is dumpers’ thinking patterns and their ability to change their thinking. If dumpers are severely underdeveloped and lack the will and tools to take at least partial responsibility for the breakup, reconciliation probably won’t happen.

It’s much more likely that they’ll continue to think negatively of their ex and blame their ex for the breakup and the way they feel.

In the breakup world, we call this the victim mentality. Dumpers justify their decisions, feelings, and actions by painting a black picture of their ex. This absolves them of all wrongdoing and tells them to keep moving forward.

While it’s common for dumpers to feel victimized right after the breakup, it’s not very healthy for them to keep doing that for months or longer. Self-victimization is a sign that they’re refusing to admit fault and grow from the breakup.

It’s impossible to grow and see the dumpee in a positive light when they refuse to acknowledge their problems and work on them.

Another important factor in getting back together is their attachment style. Dumpers with secure and anxious attachment styles tend to experience cravings for love more often and in stronger ways than avoidant people.

They miss their exes more often too because they don’t need that much space and privacy. 

Of course, dumpers can change their attachment style if they work on it, but that doesn’t happen very often and easily. Changing an attachment style for the better requires conscious effort. And that’s something dumpers don’t feel keen about.

They quit relationships because they feel overwhelmed and annoyed. They certainly don’t quit to work on themselves (as some dumpers claim). 

I’m not saying people with other attachment styles or combinations of attachment styles don’t return, but they return less frequently because they don’t feel the desire to reconnect as strongly as other types. They’re used to being okay on their own and return only when the world comes crashing down on them.

That’s when they realize their ex’s importance and ask their ex to take them back.

This takes us to the most important factor when it comes to getting back with an ex. Dumpers need to encounter problems and pain. Problems and pain trigger nostalgia and regret and make reconciliation a necessity rather than an option.

The bigger the problems dumpers face, the more likely it is that they’ll reflect and remember their ex’s positive traits.

It’s impossible to predict when dumpers will come back because it’s impossible to tell when or if they’ll encounter problems big enough to change their opinion of their ex and want their ex back. All we can do is examine their history and make an assumption based on how they handled difficulties in the past.

If they have a history of feeling miserable and going back to exes, they could come back when they hit a rough patch.

Self-esteem plays a big role in getting back with an ex. Dumpers who have a hard time loving themselves are much more likely to return than exes who blame everyone around but themselves. Such dumpers need people to feel good about themselves, so they cling to others for reassurance, support, and love.

Don’t think that exes come back like they do in the movies. In real life, they need a strong incentive to return. And that incentive has nothing to do with their ex. Sure, they must respect their ex and find him or her attractive and worthy of their love, but what’s even more important than that is some kind of need to reconcile.

Dumpers must feel a myriad of negative emotions that make them want their ex back urgently. These emotions range from anxiety and depression to fear, nostalgia, and hopelessness. Most dumpers must feel disheartened, sad, and disappointed about the choices they’ve made.

When they admit to making mistakes and need help (support and validation), they can quickly forgive their ex and forget his or her negative traits and behaviors. They can reach out to their ex, look for a way to get back together, and work on rebuilding trust.

The problem is that this doesn’t happen until they realize their ex’s importance and the need to change things in their life. Most of the time, dumpers show no signs of regret until bad things happen to them and force them to exhibit unhappiness. 

Dumpers are happy until life gives them lemons and makes them want their ex back. That’s when they take the initiative and try to reconcile with their ex.

So if you want to know how long after a breakup couples get back together, bear in mind that couples get back together when circumstances outside of their control ruin their happiness and make them want things to get back to how they used to be.

They come back when their expectations fail and reveal their post-breakup life won’t be as easy as they’d thought.

Speaking from experience as a breakup coach, I’ve seen all kinds of reconciliations. Many reconciliations happened 3 – 4 months after breaking up as that was when dumpers processed the most difficult breakup emotions and got in trouble.

Some dumpers got into a new relationship and realized their new partner wasn’t as good as their ex whereas others failed to find emotional or financial security, purpose, and happiness without their ex.

You need to understand that couples reconcile when life gets tough for dumpers because that’s when dumpers realize they aren’t able to resolve their problems on their own. Their lack of success and happiness brings them back to reality and allows them to see their ex’s strength, confidence, and ability to help them.

With that said, here are some things that determine how long after a breakup couples get back together.

Before dumpers come back, dumpees must think highly of their ex and want their ex’s recognition and intimacy. They need to disassociate negative thoughts and beliefs from their ex and see their ex as someone who can complete them emotionally.

Unless you happen to know when your ex will encounter problems and how your ex will deal with those problems, you won’t be able to predict your ex’s return. You’ll merely keep hoping that your ex fails miserably and that he or she will come back to invest in the relationship.

Don’t wait for your ex to want you back

If you wait for your ex to come back, you’ll stay fixated on the past and waste a significant amount of time. Instead of making emotional progress and moving forward with your life, you’ll keep checking your phone for texts and calls from your ex.

You won’t make much progress and personal growth because you’ll keep trying to impress your ex and get validated.

One of the best things you can do as a dumpee is use rejection pain to your advantage. Channel your sadness and emotions into productive things such as self-growth, gym, work, hobbies, activities, and friends. This will improve your life in many ways and give you a sense of accomplishment and belonging.

Of course, focusing on yourself and not worrying about your ex will be easier said than done because you’ll crave your ex’s love more than ever, but despite that, you need to focus on things that feel good and give you purpose.

Anything that distracts you from your ex is good for your healing and detachment.

Don’t just wait for something to change on your ex’s end because there’s no guarantee that it will. Your ex could keep moving forward and seeing other people, which could make you feel ridiculous for obsessing over your ex and wasting your important self-improvement time.

You might know someone who got back with his or her ex after a certain number of days or months, but that person’s situation is different from yours. You can’t expect your ex to come back for the same reasons and in the same time frame.

You and your ex have different challenges and ways of processing things and perceiving each other. Never compare yourself to others. It will only lead to pain and disappointment.

I know you want your ex to heal your broken heart, but you won’t heal it by refusing to let go of hope. Denial will just make you more obsessed with your ex and reduce your chances of making a good impression on your ex.

To heal, you’ll need to let go of control. Learn to accept and live with rejection and discomfort. It will get easier the longer you stay away from your ex and the better you get at focusing on yourself.

Eventually, what your ex thinks and feels won’t concern you anymore because you’ll realize that you don’t need your ex to carry on with your life and be happy.

So keep in mind that it takes couples quite some time to get back together and that you shouldn’t keep holding on to your ex. You’ll appear much more attractive to your ex and others if you pick yourself back up and regain your self-esteem and purpose.

That’s because you’ll radiate positive vibes and won’t depend on anyone for happiness. You’ll simply be okay on your own and the people who remain in your life and care about you.

How long after a breakup do you think couples get back together? What are some of the things that make them regretful? Post your thoughts in the comments below.

And if you want to talk to us about your ex’s breakup behavior and the time it could take to reconnect with your ex, check out our coaching options on our coaching page.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.