When a guy leaves you for another woman, his actions show how much you really mean to him. The abandonment and quick replacement indicate that he couldn’t resist developing feelings for another person and that he didn’t care about the relationship and your feelings. The only thing he cared about was getting to know the new woman and building a strong bond with her.
The guy slowly connected with her and disconnected from you. This didn’t happen because you were a neglectful romantic partner but because he couldn’t deal with temptations and stay grateful for what he had with you. Instead of reflecting on the sacrifices you made for the relationship and resisting the allure of the woman he barely knew at the time, he decided to give in to his temptations and allowed himself to be consumed by feelings he couldn’t explain.
Initially, he had no intention of replacing you with her. He just liked the attention and affection he received. Things got serious days or weeks into the affair when they grew attached and became obsessed with each other. That was when he figured that the new person made him feel stronger emotions and that he could be happy with her if he were to commit.
He had no idea he was living in an illusion and that the illusion would soon fade away.
No relationship stays as thrilling as it is in the beginning. When a couple gets to know each other, they start to show how they operate under stress, jealousy, pain, and other unwanted emotions. They essentially reveal their true colors and stop pretending to be someone they’re not. When that happens, their relationship loses the excitement and the notion that it’s perfect.
So if you dated someone you were in a serious relationship with, know that the guy wasn’t who you thought he was. The guy you trusted with your feelings formed another bond without your awareness (cheated on you) and monkey-branched to a relationship he considered more fulfilling.
In the short term, it definitely was. It was a super exciting connection simply because it was new and had no visible problems. In the long run, though, it’s just like any relationship. It’s bound to have ups and downs and unwanted emotions.
His new relationship isn’t a match made in heaven. It’s a relationship that started on bad terms. They (or at least your ex) are aware of how the new relationship started.
He could experience problems with his conscience or feel tempted to do the same to his new girlfriend. She, on the other hand, could have a hard time trusting him. Since he left you for her, she could think there’s a chance you will betray her as well.
Of course, they may not necessarily break up just because they’re cheaters or supporters of cheating, but they are likely to experience morality and safety concerns. They’ll keep them between themselves, so you probably won’t even know they exist.
So if your ex-boyfriend left you for another woman and you’re in tons of pain, try not to think they’ll always be super happy together. Don’t blame yourself for the things you could have done better. Instead, remember that he’s the one who cheated and gave up in the end and that he’s currently going through the new relationship stages.
These stages prevent him from being anything but ecstatic. They make him feel desired by the person whose validation he badly craves. It’s nearly impossible for him to want to be rational and do the right thing. For a few months, he’ll feel infatuated with the new person and see her as someone he’s been waiting for his whole life.
The new woman will complete him and make him justify or at least try to justify leaving you for her.
The reason he’s in the situation he’s in is because he put his immediate needs before his conscience and commitment and became emotionally dependent on his crush. He liked how she made him feel and decided not to do anything about it. Let me remind you that if he valued you and wanted to grow with you, he would have put an end to the connection he felt tempted to develop behind your back.
Since he didn’t value you and the relationship enough, he chose her over you and waited for the right opportunity to replace you. This happened when he was certain she wanted to be with him and that he wouldn’t end up alone.
When a guy leaves you for another woman, he takes a huge risk. He doesn’t know how things will be and whether his new relationship will last. All he knows is that he feels validated. When he eventually stops feeling validated, he’ll see that some (but not all) things are better than they were with you. This realization won’t be enough to leave his new girlfriend, but it will remind him you weren’t as flawed as he made you out to be.
If his new girlfriend lets him down, he could begin to see more of her flaws and fewer of yours. What he thinks and feels depends on how they get along and what your relationship was like. Try not to expect them to rebound, especially right away. Rebounds happen when people still have feelings for their previous exes or when they’re so frustrated with the ending of the relationship that everything reminds them of their exes’ unhealthy traits and behaviors.
You should think of their relationship as a normal relationship. That way, you’ll avoid thinking it’s only a matter of time before your ex hits a snag and comes running back.
In today’s article, we shed some light on why he left you for another woman and what you should do whether you want him back or not.
Why did he leave me for another woman?
Simply put, your ex left you for another woman because he refused to say no to the new romantic opportunity. Instead of acknowledging his temptations and doing something about them, he acted on them and crossed the point of no return. He crossed that point when he began to flirt with his crush and developed an inseparable bond.
That was when he considered his crush a worthy investment and stopped investing in you. Your relationship quickly lost its purpose and direction and slowed down. It stagnated whereas the new connection with his crush picked up the pace. The difference between you and her was as stark as night and day because he felt empowered by her and couldn’t get enough of her.
She made him feel more empowered than he felt in a long time, so he forgot about all the promises he made to you and stopped being grateful. He probably told himself that he hadn’t been happy in a while and that he deserved to be happy. This kind of self-reasoning allowed him to justify the leap from you to his new partner and allowed him to avoid dealing with guilt (at least for a while).
He didn’t feel bad because he convinced himself you were the problem or that he deserved more than you had to offer. He’ll have to face the consequences of his actions later when he goes through the get-to-know-each-other phase with his partner and realizes you didn’t deserve to get dumped and replaced.
New romantic connections can be extremely enticing. People tend to lose their sense of reason and become overly emotional. They follow their hearts and do what feels right rather than what is right. They chase happiness in the moment when they could be working on long-term happiness and security.
Anyway, your ex probably wouldn’t have left you if he hadn’t met this person. He would have likely stayed committed and in love. The problem wasn’t that she was the most attractive person he could have met, but the fact that she was a woman he had no way to protect himself from. If it weren’t for her, it would have been someone else.
Someone would have captured his heart and encouraged him to leave his relationship with you.
That means your ex was the problem, not his new partner. He wasn’t ready to deal with temptations and a lack of gratitude. It doesn’t matter if he was stressed and the relationship wasn’t as good as it used to be. The fact that he let another person close to him shows that he put his cravings above the relationship and that he lacked the skills and will to identify his temptations and deepen the bond with you.
He had enough time to change his course. What he lacked was resolve. He chose to walk away from a relationship for a chance to be with someone new.
That’s why he left as soon as he:
- was certain his crush felt the same way about him
- found the courage and opportunity to leave
Deep inside, you know that he left because of his unresolved issues and temptations, but despite that, you struggle to accept it. You probably think that you could have prevented him from leaving if you paid more attention to him and bonded. The truth though is that more affection from you would likely have made him feel suffocated or torn between choosing the right person.
Eventually, he would have chosen the new and shiny person anyway. The end result would have been the same because you weren’t responsible for his monkey-branching. He was responsible for pushing external influences away from him and getting closer to you. If he disliked certain things about you, he needed to talk to you about them rather than giving up and connecting with someone else.
Always remember that your ex left you for another woman because he thought all his problems would disappear. They disappeared when he met the new woman, so he assumed things would stay that way forever. He forgot that all new relationships start strong and that the beginning doesn’t reflect what the relationship will be like months down the line.
We could say your ex fell for the fantasy of what he wanted his new relationship to look like and failed to remember that a relationship is only as strong as the people in it. If a couple is immoral, emotion-driven, and short-sighted, the relationship is unlikely to be built on virtues and patience. It’s much more likely that the foundation will be rocky and the future uncertain.
Although some cheaters stay with their new partner for years or longer, this doesn’t always mean they have a great relationship. Oftentimes, they’re aware of what their relationship represents, so they settle for their partner and try to prove to themselves that they can be in a long-term relationship if they want to.
No matter how committed your ex is to his new girlfriend, remember that he didn’t leave you because you weren’t good enough. If that was the case, he wouldn’t have stayed with you until he found another woman. Your ex left for someone else (like a coward) because he lacked self-control, morals, and care. He convinced himself he had the right to be happy even if he needed to hurt you in the process.
Think about that when you miss your ex and want your ex back. Remind yourself that your ex was okay with betraying you in the worst way possible as long as he got to benefit from it. It should help you take your ex off the pedestal and love yourself more.
It’s okay to have strong feelings for your ex. Feelings indicate that you were invested in your ex and that your intentions were good. Your ex did you dirty and showed you who he really is. Your mind may be trying to convince you that your ex is the innocent person he was when you were together, but if that was the case, your ex wouldn’t have done this to you.
Your ex wouldn’t have replaced you with someone he knew nothing about. Don’t let it affect your self-esteem. It’s not about the new person being better than you but about your ex wanting more or something different. Because your ex couldn’t appreciate you and get what he needed, your ex looked for fulfillment elsewhere. Maybe your ex wasn’t intentionally looking for it, but your ex was open to it.
This led to emotional detachment and ultimately, betrayal.
With that said, here’s why he left you for another woman.
What should you do when he leaves you for another woman?
Your instincts may tell you to run after your ex and beg him to leave his girlfriend and give you another chance, but that’s never the right thing to do. Begging can’t bring back your ex’s feelings and change your ex’s decision about leaving you. It can only make him feel trapped, guilt-tripped, and unallowed to focus on the person who currently makes him feel like he’s on cloud nine.
As badly as you want your ex to come back, you mustn’t discard your dignity and tell him you want him to stop feeling infatuated and choose you. If he could stop feeling infatuated by the person he left you for, he would have done that already. He would have realized that what he was doing was wrong in so many ways and that his place is with you.
At the moment, your ex is incapable of being reasoned with and choosing you. He’s already made his decision, so any attempt to change it will be met with resistance (and that’s putting it mildly). The guy will likely feel overwhelmed by your emotions and irritated by your determination to reconcile.
In simple terms, you’ll make things worse. Your ex will see that you don’t respect his decision and that you’re dissatisfied with the situation. Your unhappiness will make your ex feel responsible and urge your ex to distance himself from you. He won’t empathize because he’ll blame you for how you make him feel.
It’s better for you to avoid your ex altogether. Let him leave the relationship and be with his new girlfriend. But once he’s gone, make sure to cut him off. Don’t talk to him and try to be his friend. You don’t befriend a person who betrays you. You get rid of him and form friendships with people who respect and value you.
It’s extremely important to initiate the no contact rule. This rule will slowly but surely return your lost worth and power and reduce your dependence on your ex. It will teach you that life goes on without your ex and that you needn’t worry about losing a person like him. You won’t miss out on anything beneficial.
As for your ex, he’ll need some time just to stop feeling relieved from the breakup and validated by his partner. When he stops feeling empowered, he’ll start to encounter post-breakup, new relationship, and personal problems. This includes things like guilt, shame, disagreements, and stress. He’ll be forced to get out of the La-la land and deal with issues life throws at him.
It won’t be easy; especially not as easy as it seems right now. At the moment, your ex has no worries. His relationship is on autopilot and requires no work. Things will get interesting when they get comfortable with each other and show how they deal with problems.
Try not to worry too much about them and how their relationship functions. You’ll be much happier if you delete, mute, or unfollow your ex. The less you know about his new relationship, the less hopeful you’ll feel and the quicker you’ll find your passion for life.
I encourage you to talk to someone about the cheating. Talking to a friend or a therapist will help you alleviate the emotional burden and help you learn new things about yourself. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, consider giving journaling a go. Journaling can be a useful alternative to opening up to someone you trust.
I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay as long as you leave your ex alone. Don’t threaten your ex with court or send your ex letters or gifts. Your ex doesn’t care about any of that. When or if he cares about them, he’ll reach out and let you know. He’ll probably apologize for the branching and hurting your feelings.
As someone who was dumped and replaced, you don’t have to do anything you wouldn’t want your ex to do if the roles were reversed. You just have to keep your distance and retain your value. The easiest way to go about it is to let your ex do what he wants and be happy.
Eventually, you’ll stop caring about your ex’s happiness. This will happen when you detach, stop feeling insecure, and find happiness within yourself. That’s when your ex’s relationship will lose significance in your eyes. You’ll have better things to do with your time than to obsess over a person who cheated on you.
I hope you enjoyed reading this post. If you have any questions or things to add, post them in the comments below. We’ll respond shortly.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
