He Disappeared And Came Back Months Later

Sometimes guys get bored, tired, or annoyed by someone who likes them and disappear for a while. They focus on their worries, friends, hobbies, and other people—and then come back to see what the person they abandoned is doing.

Such guys don’t always come back to be in a relationship.

They return because they run out of dating options and need someone familiar and “easy” to connect with. This means that they return to someone they’re certain will be happy to take them back and provide them with the reassurance that they’re wanted, respected, and perhaps even loved.

Feelings of acceptance mean a lot to guys when they get rejected by someone they like. Acceptance makes guys feel confident in their skin and boosts their self-esteem. That’s why they often keep coming and leaving—usually until they get over their ex, deal with their stress, or find someone they admire and want to be with.

Of course, some guys also come back months later because they deal with their attachment/emotional issues and want to be with the person they left. But such guys normally show a lot of regret and eagerness to reconnect. They appear to be very sorry for pulling away and as a result, start investing in themselves and the person they left.

If they were in a relationship with that person, they explain why they pulled away and ask for another chance. They know they must redeem themselves, so they try to prove their worth and commitment.

But if they were just dating, they normally say that they’ve dealt with their issues such as emotional unavailability, depression, hardships, GIGS, or feelings for an ex and try to show they’re ready for a relationship. Such guys want to prove to themselves and others that they’re ready and willing to do whatever it takes to get another chance and have a fresh start.

Guys don’t quit easily. Especially those who regret leaving because they feel an overwhelming desire and need to make things right.

It doesn’t matter how long they knew/dated their partner. If they genuinely regret leaving, they come back months or years later and show that they’re ready to give their best. Some guys blatantly express their wish to reconcile whereas others are afraid of rejection and try to figure out what their ex/dating partner feels before they invite her out and ask to get back together.

All guys who disappear and come back months later to have a romantic relationship, however, have one thing in common. They all feel terrible for what they’ve done and feel apprehensive about getting rejected. They know that the time they’ve spent away from the person they left could have been enough for that person to detach and get over them.

That’s why they sound and/or look scared and seek validation by trying to impress the person they disappeared from. They do this by asking for quality time, apologizing, complimenting, and inviting the person out.

In this post, we’ll talk about guys who disappear and come back months later to be in a relationship. We’ll discuss why they leave and come back some time later and what to do when they come back.

Why did he disappear for months?

When relationships start, guys are highly infatuated with the woman they’re seeing. They like how she looks, talks, behaves, and even smells. They see only the best of her and feel only the happiest of emotions.

But as time goes on (usually a few months later), limerence wanes and relationship dynamics change significantly. No longer do they think that the woman is perfect and incapable of hurting, angering, or smothering them. Now, they’re starting to see things more clearly. They see that she has flaws (like every human being) and that those flaws are hindering them from being as happy as they thought they would be.

Combine this with their personal flaws (negative thinking patterns, unhealthy perceptions, unresolved childhood issues, fears, anxiety, depression, etc., and you have a guy who doesn’t want to be with you. Due to his lack of self-investment, the guy thinks you’re at fault for making him feel a certain way and that the only solution to his problems is to separate himself from you and focus on himself.

That’s how he can do what he wants with whomever he wants and enjoy the peace that he’d been looking for.

Fast forward to a few months later. The guy has just had his second realization. He’s realized that he took you for granted/overreacted and that he can’t blame you for his mistakes and shortcomings. He can only apologize and ask to be friends or get back together with you.

By doing so, he can fix what he’d broken and hope that you’re still interested in talking to him and being of use. By “being of use,” I mean that you still want to talk to him and make him feel the way he felt when he was getting to know you.

Now that months have gone by, he no longer perceives you as a threat – as someone who suffocates and annoys him. He’s had enough time to cool off and reset his perceptions of you. This is why he’s emotionally ready to give the relationship another go, commit, and be the man he should have been last time.

Well, that’s what he wants. Whether he’s capable of being that person is something you’ll have to figure out on your own. You’ll have to observe his behavior and attitude and make sure he truly loves you and wants to share his love with you.

If he comes back just to take love from you and get over someone who rejected him, the chances of this relationship working are very slim. It’s much more likely that the guy will just use you for emotional support and dump you after he’s recovered.

Lots of guys do that. They think they love their ex when in reality, they just don’t love themselves. They’re struggling with another breakup/rejection, so they come running back to the person who supports them and wants the best for them.

They feel the most support from an ex/dating candidate who loves them unconditionally.

So try to figure out why he disappeared and came back months later. The sooner you discover his reasons for leaving and his intentions, the sooner you’ll get this over with.

Here are some typical reasons why guys disappear for months.

• Emotional unavailability
• Fear of commitment
• The grass is greener syndrome
• Unhealthy perceptions and not being able to reach relationship expectations
• Unresolved childhood issues
• Trust issues
• Depression/stress
• Falling in love with someone new
• Ex coming back into their life
• Boredom

Why did he come back after months?

It’s hard to say exactly why the guy came back, but it’s clear that he had some kind of epiphany. He realized that you weren’t at fault for his departure and that the connection he had with you wasn’t that bad. He just couldn’t see it was good last time because something was preventing him from realizing your worth and feeling good around you.

Something that he hadn’t worked on and needed time to resolve.

Now that he’s back, he’s dealt with some of those issues. At least temporarily because those issues could still reappear later if he merely swept them under the rug.

Anyway, the most common reasons why guys come back after months are:

• Romantic failure/rejection
• Financial/emotional support, advice
• Relationship benefits without commitment
• Validation
• Pain, anxiety, depression
• Shattered self-esteem
• Love
• Sex
• Boredom
• Loneliness
• Issues they need help with

If you realize that the guy came back for any reason other than love, you should be very careful about him. Not only will he likely leave again once he gets what he needs, but he’ll also hurt you and make you feel stupid for taking him back and trusting him.

Make sure to take the time to figure out why he came back after months (what inspired him to do that) so that you know whether he’s serious about you or just serious about recovering from the shocking experience he went through without you.

If he came back just for himself – to heal and feel better, he could say that he loves you and that he wants to be with you. That would indicate that he sees you as someone who can be of assistance to him and that you should take his words with a grain of salt.

Know that he may be in dire need of assurance and emotional support and that he could leave again when he meets someone who fits his relationship criteria.

That someone would be equal to him in terms of power and self-worth and would inspire him to work hard for commitment and reciprocation.

So if you’re thinking about giving a guy who disappeared another chance, don’t drop everything for him. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket right away. Make sure to make him work for your affection otherwise he could fall out of love with you and fall in love with someone else.

Of course, you can’t control how a person thinks and feels about you. But if you give your love, money, and time on a silver platter, the guy may not respect you for it. He may get bored of it and gravitate toward something or someone whose relationship benefits he has to work for.

The reason for that is that people tend to appreciate that which they work for. If they work for money, they spend it wiser. If they have little time, they enjoy it more. And if they receive love and attention when they’ve earned it, they reciprocate.

So be as giving as the situation allows you to be.

What to do when he comes back after disappearing?

If your ex, the guy you dated, or someone you liked disappeared and came back months later, you probably overinvested in him and undervalued yourself. You made him feel that he’s extremely important to you and by doing so, overwhelmed him emotionally.

To make it comfortable and safe for him to stay in your life from now on, the first thing you should do is refrain from acting the way you acted last time. If you were needy and clingy, invest in yourself and become comfortable with just yourself.

Focus on your needs more than the guy’s and enjoy your life.

This time, you’ll need to value yourself more and ask or demand less attention from the guy. You’ll have to show him you’ve got your life under control and that you don’t rely on him emotionally as much as you did before.

The easiest way you can prove that is not by rejecting him and playing mind games but by doing things that make you happy. Spend time with family, make new friends, pick up some new hobbies, focus on work, exercise more, read and learn something, and do whatever you like to do but never had the time to do.

That’s how you’ll be able to show that you’re autonomous and that the guy may have the wrong perception of you.

Since he left once, he’ll have to realize that his perception of you was wrong. And he’ll have to realize that on his own. You can’t tell him that he’s wrong because that would tell him he’s wrong and make him see that you’re desperately trying to prove a point.

A point that is very important to you—which would prove the opposite of what you’re trying to prove.

Always remember that the best way to prove your worth is to wait for the guy to learn your worth on his own. You can’t tell him to respect you, want you, and love you. If you try, you’ll likely achieve the opposite results. You’ll show him you need him and that he shouldn’t have come back and given you another chance.

Did someone you like/liked disappear and came back months later? What did you do or intend to do now? Let us know in the comments section below the article.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.