No contact works whether your ex has a new girlfriend, new friends, new hobbies, or a completely new identity. It works in the sense of allowing you to emotionally and physically distance yourself from your ex and gain peace and clarity. You can count on no contact to recover from the breakup, detach, and fall back in love with yourself.
99.9% of dumpees rediscover their worth and heal completely.
As for whether no contact can bring your ex back when he has a new girlfriend, it usually doesn’t do that in the short term. Your ex is dating someone else, which means his focus is on his new favorite person. He’s likely infatuated with his new girlfriend and can’t get enough of her.
He has to get to know her on a deep level, encounter problems, and consider his relationship unfulfilling in order to compare her to you, miss you, and want you back. He has to stop feeling empowered by her and the breakup and realize that the grass is greener where you water it.
Some guys realize this early on when they run into similar problems and see that their new relationship isn’t much different than their previous one. Other guys need much longer—often years. They need that long because they must start a new serious relationship in which they get treated poorly and feel unheard, disrespected, or unloved.
When that happens, they often become nostalgic and wish they hadn’t said or done mean things while emotions ran high. Of course, there are also guys who never regret leaving their ex. Such guys typically resent their ex to the core and lack both willpower and the tools to improve their perception of their ex. No contact or not, they can’t/don’t want to let go of the past and wipe the slate clean. Due to self-victimization (unhealthy beliefs) and negative associations, they continue to degrade their ex every time they remember their ex.
Guys like that typically don’t come back unless something so unfortunate happens that it grinds their ego and self-esteem to dust and forces them to seek love and reassurance externally. This could be a serious health issue, a new relationship ending (especially in a way it ended for you – karma), or a loss of job and sense of security. Some guys must hit an all-time low to stop thinking highly of themselves and consider their ex a worthy romantic partner.
If they don’t go through something soul-wrecking, they often don’t come back. And this goes for most dumpers. Dumpers are so convinced their ex is the problem that they need involuntary shock therapy. They must experience something painful, unpredictable, and uncontrollable that they have a shocking realization and realistically evaluate their past choices and partners.
When they do that, they’re much more likely to redevelop feelings and recommit to their partner.
So if you want to know if no contact works when he has a new girlfriend, know that it depends on factors inside and outside your control. Unfortunately, there are significantly fewer things within your power to control. Your influence has less of an impact than you’d like it to have. That’s because other than the power of silence in no contact, you don’t have many other cards to play. You can post on social media to show you’re taking care of yourself and moving on, but that’s pretty much it.
The rest is up to your ex – things that are beyond your control. Your ex has to find a reason to think positively about you and dissociate all the bad things he connected with your persona. It doesn’t matter what that reason is as long as it’s strong enough for your ex to go from not wanting to talk/be with you to desiring you and not being able to get enough of you.
To make it simple, here are the most important factors that determine whether your ex comes back.
The factors you can control: how you treat the breakup and present yourself – whether/when you go no contact and if you portray yourself as a confident, strong, independent, and purposeful individual. Breaking no contact is not an attractive deed.
The factors you can’t control: how your ex rewrites the story of the relationship and how he perceives you, how he justifies his (negative) actions, what your ex does and who he falls in love with, how good his relationships are, what kind of problems he encounters, how mature he is and whether he’s capable of reflecting, forgiving, taking accountability, and evolving, whether he deals with unprocessed (childhood) fears and traumas, how he copes with guilt, stress, and negativity, who he hangs out with and how they influence him, whether your ex blocks you, ignores you, and eventually realizes his mistakes.
If your ex grew up in a chaotic or dysfunctional home where arguments were the norm, there’s a good chance he absorbed some of his parents’ unhealthy traits. Without a major wake-up call or strong incentive to change, he’s unlikely to break those patterns and reinvent himself.
Don’t hold out hope if he’s been mentally stuck for most of his life. Change occurs when people are self-aware and brave enough to acknowledge their flaws and take responsibility for them. Even when they know what they did wrong and regret it deeply, there’s no guarantee that they’ll seek help/put in the necessary effort. Some people merely feel sorry for themselves and don’t make much or any internal progress.
Since your ex has a new girlfriend, it’s clear that he’s skipped the self-improvement stage. Instead of reflecting and working on the reasons the relationship ended, he found someone new to date. The new person distracts and validates him, so he has no reason to want to be a better person. He’s comfortable with who he is and doesn’t feel the need to change anything about himself. He may be doing his best to impress her, but that’s because things are still new.
Once the infatuation fades and he reverts to his everyday self, he’ll reveal his true colors and have to actually maintain the relationship. If he’s not mature enough to maintain it or if he’s incompatible long-term, he’ll likely break up and reflect on what he really wants.
In today’s article, we shed some light on whether no contact works if he has a girlfriend.
Does no contact work when he has a new girlfriend?
No contact can work in all kinds of situations. It can make the dumper realize that he made some bad decisions and that he was happier with his former partner. For that to happen, though, he must fail miserably with his new girlfriend and be capable of admitting his mistakes and seeking reassurance.
Not all sad guys go back to their exes. Even though their new relationship fails, they focus on the present and the future rather than the past. The past doesn’t concern them because they don’t see their ex’s romantic value. Many dumpers can’t go back to their ex because they associated negative beliefs with their ex, did awful things to their ex, ruined their ex’s public image, and/or lost all respect for their ex.
They burned all bridges and can’t:
- Like and love their ex
- face unresolved emotions such as guilt and shame
It’s easier for them to run away from the past and connect with people they didn’t ruin things with. That way, they don’t have to be responsible and risk getting hurt/feeling uncomfortable. Dumpers essentially look for the easiest way to be happy. If they determine they can be happier by moving forward (with someone else) or backward (with their ex), they let go of their ex and do what’s best for them.
Don’t expect your ex to return just because you’re in no contact. No contact may be the best tool at your disposal, but it doesn’t mean your ex will definitely go through the emotional phases he needs to go through. He could skip the reflection phase entirely and keep the same mindset and level of maturity.
No contact isn’t successful 100% of the time. Not when it comes to reattracting the dumper. That’s because a healthy reconciliation mostly depends on what your ex is like and what he does, rather than what you feel, do, and want. For many dumpees, this is one of the hardest reality checks to accept. They want to think they can influence their ex’s thoughts and feelings and bring their ex back with willpower and actions.
Usually, it’s the exact opposite that brings the dumper back. It’s when they give up on their ex and let go of control. Such actions (or inactions) make dumpees look strong and confident, pique their ex’s curiosity, and redevelop their ex’s feelings. No contact tells dumpers that they’re not as attractive as they think and that they’re solely responsible for their successes and failures.
When they fail, they have only themselves to blame. They might blame their new partner, but that would put them in denial, making them look immature and incapable of taking responsibility and growing within. You probably don’t want someone like that back. You want someone who can grow individually and together with you. I’m talking about a person who brings stability to your life.
So keep in mind that no contact works when you give it time to work. Sometimes weeks or months suffice, but other times, dumpers need much longer to get in trouble and miss the security their ex provided. They need to first explore their options, hit a wall, and realize that they didn’t have it as good as they thought. Their unrealistic expectations must come crashing down on them and bring them back to reality.
All in all, the success of no contact is hard to predict because it often depends on the dumper’s and the new person’s personality and maturity. If they’re compatible, they could stay together for years. They could keep dating or even get engaged or married until someone takes the relationship for granted and/or cheats. I don’t want to sound negative, but things happen in long-term relationships.
Sometimes, even healthy and compatible partners make irreversible mistakes and break up for good. Whether they get back often hinges on who they meet and how lucky they are. I’m not saying relationships are purely based on luck, but luck does play a bigger role than most people like to admit. This is especially true when couples rush into a relationship without getting to know each other and get married within months.
A rushed relationship or marriage can work, but oftentimes, it fails because it happens for the wrong reasons, such as insecurities, infatuation, loneliness, or the desire to have children. In my opinion, people who commit/get married on a whim are gambling with their lives. A relationship built on impulse rather than understanding often lacks the foundation needed to endure real challenges.
Challenges that may strain their compatibility, question their shared values, and expose gaps in emotional maturity.
You shouldn’t expect no contact to force your ex to abandon his new girlfriend for you. No contact is a self-respect preservation tool. If you do it properly, you won’t appear desperate for recognition and give your ex additional reasons to want to stay away from you. The point of no contact is to give your ex the freedom to give his new relationship a try and see how it goes.
If it doesn’t make him happy, he might give it some serious thought and return to you if he doesn’t see a better way to feel fulfilled.
That said, here’s how no contact can work on him when he has a new girlfriend.
What if no contact doesn’t have any effect on him?
If no contact doesn’t bring your ex-boyfriend back, it’s okay. It simply means he hasn’t returned in the short term, and that he still might return in the long term. Try not to get too hopeful about that. No contact or not, your goal should be to detach and feel better. When you feel better and think clearly, you might not even want your ex back. You’ll probably be glad you’re over him and no longer obsessed and stressed.
Whether no contact brings your ex back, it will still accomplish its main purpose, which is to help you detach and lose interest in being with him. Slowly but surely, it will regrow your self-esteem and return your non-romantic purpose. With a clear purpose and healthy self-love, your ex will gradually fade into a distant memory and give you peace of mind.
So even though you want no contact to work on your ex-boyfriend now, know that this won’t always be the case. When you discover your worth and process the breakup, your focus will naturally shift from your ex to yourself. That will be all the proof you need that no contact is working and that you have better things to look forward to than a reach-out from an ex.
Try not to think of no contact purely as an ex-back strategy. Although it can bring your ex back, its main task is to patch your breakup wounds and return your lost power. If your ex notices, envies, or covets your power, your ex might find you impossible to resist and might decide to initiate reconciliation talks.
While you’re waiting for your ex to reach out, make sure to work on yourself. Improve your flaws and reconnect with your purpose in the world. I promise that things will get much better when you put yourself first and learn to live without your ex.
Still wondering if no contact works when your ex has a new girlfriend. Share your breakup story and reconciliation plans below.
However, if you want personalized advice on the rules of no contact and how they might affect your ex, get in touch with us directly by signing up for breakup coaching.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
