Seeing an ex with someone new is one of the hardest, if not the hardest things a dumpee can experience. Even a fleeting glimpse of the dumper being physically close and emotionally invested in another person can stir up a whirlwind of unprocessed emotions and cause indescribable pain.
It can hurt the dumpee so badly that he or she experiences panic attacks, self-blame, feelings of worthlessness, suicidal thoughts, and unending obsession.
The happier the dumper appears and the worse the dumpee’s self-esteem and coping mechanisms are, the more hurt the dumpee gets and the longer he or she needs to recover from monkey-branching.
One of the first thoughts dumpees have is whether their ex really loves his new girlfriend or if the new relationship is just a distraction – a rebound. They’re dying to know if their ex has genuine feelings for his new girlfriend or if he’s just exploring his new freedom and trying to get to know some new people.
Although some dumpers don’t want anything serious after a long, intense, and exhausting relationship, the problem is that they’re not incapable of being in a new romantic relationship. Unlike their ex, they’re not emotionally tied to their ex and desperate for love and recognition.
They’re detached and ready for new romantic opportunities, which means they can bond, date, and even be physically intimate with another person. They can do this with multiple people at once if they choose to.
They don’t automatically rebound, as some dumpees badly hope for.
The end of the previous relationship combined with a new romantic prospect lifts the weight of moral responsibility, heightens their sense of freedom, and brings a sense of relief. With that emotional distance, they’re able to prioritize their happiness and well-being over their dumpee even though their ex is still struggling to piece things back together.
Their ex’s problems and feelings don’t concern them because they’re convinced they’ve suffered enough and that it’s their turn to be happy. By changing the narrative and justifying their quick detachment and the replacement of their ex, they protect themselves from guilt, doubt, and pain and focus on things that interest/empower them.
In their mind, moving on takes priority and becomes a sign of strength and clarity, rather than immorality, selfishness, or avoidance.
Those who jump into a new relationship immediately or shortly after a breakup often know deep down that their ex didn’t deserve to be cast aside so quickly. He or she may not have been the best or the most compatible partner for them, but despite that, they shouldn’t have treated him or her so poorly/dismissively. They wouldn’t want their partner to do that to them.
That’s why many of them eventually experience overwhelming guilt.
For some, the guilt sets in almost immediately – while the new relationship is still new and exciting. This tends to happen to the most self-aware dumpers who try to live a moral life.
For others, it creeps in later, when the rush of the new relationship fades and reality starts to settle in. Conscience karma pays them a visit months into the new relationship when dumpers stop feeling infatuated with their new partners.
That’s when they start fighting the internal battle and consider reaching out/checking up on their ex. Many dumpees then start to wonder why their ex is contacting them when he has a new girlfriend.
If your ex is dating someone else and you’re wondering if he really loves his new girlfriend, you first need to understand that there’s a stark difference between love and infatuation. An ex who jumps from one relationship into another might like his partner a lot and even be obsessed with her, but that doesn’t necessarily mean love.
Love is developed much later, typically when a couple experiences and overcomes differences of opinion, personality clashes, and challenges. It truly comes to fruition when they learn to work together and commit to each other despite their imperfections.
In my opinion, new couples shouldn’t proclaim love early on (and neither should you). They should say they’re enjoying each other’s time, personality, and dedication. They’re infatuated not because of love, but because of idealization, physical attraction, novelty, and biological chemicals, such as dopamine and adrenaline.
What you’re seeing at the start of their relationship is merely two people who are visually, emotionally, and yes, even sexually attracted to each other. They know very little about each other, so they’re excited to learn new things and get closer.
They don’t love each other, but they do love being around each other. If their relationship continues to grow, they may develop a unique bond, one that will eventually be tested by various challenges and time.
They’ll discover whether they’re mature and compatible enough to cope with the difficulties life throws at them.
It won’t always be as easy as it is right now. Sooner or later, they’ll get to know each other and progress through the new relationship stages. When that happens, they’ll start encountering relationship challenges and showing how they deal with those challenges.
If they tend to be impulsive, self-centered, or unkind by nature, they’ll likely hurt each other’s feelings and bring the worst out of each other. That means that they won’t stay as happy and carefree as they appear to be now that everything’s new and problem-free.
You’ve been in a new relationship before, so you remember that you went through certain phases. Things started off great as you felt excited and validated, but slowly, the novelty wore off. Before you knew it, you didn’t feel as exhilarated to be with your partner as you did when you first met him.
You still admired your partner, but you weren’t crazy in love, or should I say infatuated?
So if you weren’t that crazy about him, let’s say 3 or 4 months into the relationship, don’t assume your ex will be crazy about his new girlfriend either. As they slowly get used to feeling validated by each other, they’ll start to focus on themselves and things outside of their relationship.
Things like friends, hobbies, and interests.
All new couples go through this. The only exceptions are those who are overly needy or insecure, as they emotionally depend on the relationship for happiness. But that doesn’t mean that things are easier for them. Their lack of self-love pushes them to seek emotional security from each other instead of within themselves, creating a shaky foundation for their relationship to grow on.
In this post, we’ll discuss whether your ex-boyfriend truly loves his new girlfriend.
Does my ex really love his new girlfriend?
Your ex probably likes his new girlfriend. She’s not perfect, but she gives his life meaning and fulfills his emotional needs. She makes him feel loved, important, and needed—and distracts him from thinking about you and feeling guilty.
At the moment, he’s obsessed with her and the benefits she provides. That’s good enough for him to keep bonding and stay with her. He enjoys spending time with her because she’s compatible with him, at least in the short term.
In the long run, that might not be the case. They might discover incompatibilities and realize that they’re not ready or willing to compromise and change their core values and beliefs for each other.
You shouldn’t tell yourself that they’ll break up soon because that would give you false hope, but do remember that many people aren’t compatible. Some realize it early on, while others hold on and try to make the relationship work for as long as they can.
They stay together for months or years—even though they’re unwilling to grow and adapt. Such couples go through constant ups and downs until they eventually run out of love, energy, and patience and initiate a breakup.
Many times, they feel victimized and pin the blame on each other.
I can’t say whether your ex and his new girlfriend are right for each other because I don’t have enough insight into their relationship. They’re the only ones who know what their dynamics are like and whether they’re happy with them.
But I can tell you that your interference won’t make them break up any sooner.
It will just make you look desperate and validate their relationship. You’ll push them closer toward each other and reduce your chances of reconciliation (if you’re trying to get back with your ex).
Keep in mind that the longevity of their relationships depends on what they’re like and what they want from the relationship. If they want unrealistic things, such as a relationship in which they both agree to everything, they likely won’t last long. They’ll break up if or when they push each other too far and start to see each other differently.
So bear in mind that your ex is likely into his new girlfriend. He likes talking, bonding, and planning the future with her. Due to the newness of the relationship, he doesn’t see much, if any, of her shortcomings.
The relationship is too perfect and the attraction too strong for him to see things realistically. This will change when he gets to know her intimately and experiences relationship and non-relationship problems. When he faces reality, he won’t just know who his girlfriend is at her best, but also who she is at her worst. If she’s difficult to work with, he might struggle at times and start to change his opinion of her.
With that said, here’s why your ex is infatuated with his new girlfriend.
Try not to compare yourself to her or take it personally. Instead, consider that he may feel empowered by both the breakup and the excitement of the new relationship.
When will he fall in love with her?
The timeline for couples to develop love depends on many factors, including their personalities, past relationships, unresolved traumas and insecurities, emotional availability, communication styles, self-fulfillment, shared values and goals, time spent bonding, and overall chemistry and compatibility.
Those who spend a lot of time together, get along, share the same values, and want the same things from the relationship might develop genuine care, aka love fairly quickly – a month or two into the relationship.
As for those who only see each other occasionally, have unprocessed feelings for their ex, disagree a lot, or have lots of things to work on, they typically need longer to fall in love. A few months is usually enough, but it can take them even longer – up to half a year.
If they aren’t on the same page and don’t fall in love naturally and quickly, they tend not to develop love in the future. That’s because the relationship overwhelms and suffocates them and makes them crave space and independence.
They realize that they aren’t progressing and that it’s better to put an end to the relationship that makes them unhappy or stressed.
So if you’re wondering if your ex loves his new girlfriend, remember that love takes time to grow. They’ll need to get to know each other fully to understand how they feel and whether they want to stay together.
Don’t stalk them on social media and look for signs of love. People only post the best of their lives on their online profiles. They don’t share all their relationship problems for the world to see.
And even if they do, they might be decent at dealing with them.
All you need to know is that couples who aren’t in love sooner than later break up. They stop feeling the desire to interact, bond, and work on a relationship that doesn’t work, so they lose interest and patience and focus on themselves or someone else.
If your ex isn’t in love, he’ll be single shortly, probably within a few weeks. He’ll give up completely when the relationship causes significantly more harm than good.
That doesn’t guarantee that your ex will come back and recommit to you. Your ex could just move forward and date someone else.
Make sure not to wait for your ex. You could wait a very long time if you convince yourself that your ex will choose you when his relationship ends. You could dedicate months of your time to someone who doesn’t have any feelings or regrets.
Are you still wondering if your ex really loves his new girlfriend? Do you want your ex back? Post your comments below.
However, if you need help deciphering your ex’s love and commitment to the new relationship, reach out to us. At Magnet of Success, we help dumpees find clarity and answers to their questions.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
