Bisexual Breakup – Interview

This is an Interview with Jay who is 23-year old and is bisexual. Jay’s breakup occurred in 2017, but his psychological scars can be seen even today.

A: Can you tell me a bit about your relationship?

J: I met my ex Val at work during college. I was 18 at the time and he was 22. We thought we had a lot in common, so we quickly connected and fell in love. Everything was like out of the movie for a while. He would visit me and I’d visit him, and we slowly got to know each other.

But as we got to know each other, it became apparent to us that our relationship wasn’t as easy to maintain as we’d thought. We were both immature and had too many personal issues stopping us from staying together.

My relationship with Val lasted for 11 months. I’d say we were happy together for the most part, but insecurity and immaturity were too much for our relationship to sustain.

A: Did you and Val have any long-term plans?

J: We weren’t planning on getting married or anything like that because we were in a same-sex relationship. We didn’t really discuss that sort of future. Besides, I don’t think we were at the point where we knew what we wanted. We just enjoyed each other’s company and followed our gut instincts.

Occasionally, I thought about getting married, but I didn’t express it to Val. I didn’t want to get judged or come off as insecure.

A: What happened on the day of the breakup?

J: Not much happened. He said he didn’t want to continue with our relationship and that we’re done for good. Obviously, we couldn’t stay together after he called it quits, so we stopped renting the apartment we were in and went separate ways.

If I’m completely honest, I saw the breakup coming a mile away. He gave me many hints that I’m too clingy and controlling and that he’s not into me anymore.

The day before the breakup, he also accused me of having an affair with my best friend’s brother. It wasn’t true, but I guess he said that as an excuse to break up with me.

A: Why do you think your ex left?

J: I think he lost interest in me because he thought I was extremely needy and possessive. That I’m restricting him from going out and talking to other people. I think he saw me as a very insecure and demanding person.

A: Did you do anything to make him think that way of you?

J: Sometimes I asked him where he went or who he was with, so he got angry with me. He told me to stop questioning him and to just trust him. I realize now that I was immature at the time and that I should have given him more freedom to be who he wants to be.

A: Did you want him back after he left? What did you do?

J: there was a part of me that wanted to chase him, but I remembered this rule I made about breakups that once a person leaves, there’s no going back. I was okay with being friends at that point in time because I was hurt, but I wasn’t going to give him my heart so he could break it again.

A: How did you cope with the breakup?

J: The break up was the most painful experience I ever went through. I have never been that hurt before. But if I’m completely honest, I didn’t suffer that much because Val and I were over. I soon accepted the fact that I may never see him again. The thing that hurt me the most was remembering the pleasant memories he and I shared. This is what haunted me and still does to this day even though it’s been years since we broke up.

It’s a bit better now, but before, whenever I saw or heard something that reminded me of my ex, I would get hit with nostalgia and get incredibly depressed. I would remember only the good times and become afraid that I’ll never be that happy again.

A: What did you do to avoid pain and nostalgia?

J: I hated the fact that I thought about him all the time, but I knew I needed to move on, so I diverted my attention to online gaming, photo-shooting, video-editing, photography, and writing stories. I did anything that would keep my mind off my ex.

Fortunately, doing my own things helped me have fewer anxiety triggers, so I kept doing what worked best for me.

A: Can you explain how you felt on your bad days?

J: There was a part of me that wanted to fix the relationship and get back with my ex. but then I remembered that my ex had been hot and cold before the breakup and that nothing would change even if I tried to change his mind. I had a feeling that my ex wanted me to be the one to break up with him and make it easier for him to leave.

The truth is that I was in a lot of pain after the breakup. I had frequent anxiety attacks because of my ex as well as issues in my family. But the more I emotionally distanced myself from my ex, the easier it got.

A: Did you have any other relationships after Val?

J: I had three short term-relationships, two of which were long-distance relationships (virtual). All of them failed because of the same problem. I was too childish and possessive.

Now I see that the relationships I had after Val and I broke up were rebound relationships because I tried to forget my ex by getting involved with other people.

A: Did that work?

J: It didn’t work. I was depressed, so I couldn’t give my best self to others.

A: Have you spoken to your ex after the breakup?

J: We only spoke once. A few months after the breakup, he added me on Facebook and asked me how I was. I think he just wanted to check up on me to see if I’m still depressed or if I hate him for breaking my heart. I didn’t want to talk to him because I didn’t want to get hurt again, so I replied in a neutral way and showed him that I’m not interested in him anymore.

This was the best thing I did and I’m proud of myself for it. I needed us to stop all communication so that my anxiety attacks would also stop.

A: Are you completely over your ex now?

J: Yes, I moved on from Val and from the exes after him. But I developed post-traumatic relationship syndrome. If I think about my ex too much, I can get an anxiety attack and get hurt again.

I’ve also recently been diagnosed with mild depression, so I can’t say that I’m completely fine. I get triggered by so many things, such as painful memories and people that have treated me poorly.

It’s difficult to keep my emotional health under control, but I do my best to remain in control. This interview can trigger me too, so I have to be careful.

A: Have you dated anyone recently?

J: I haven’t been in a relationship for almost 2 years now. I realized that my relationships fail because of my personal issues, which is not something I can blame others for.

I could quickly find someone new to love me, but I’ve been down that road before and it’s best that I emotionally and psychologically heal first. When I’m healthy, I’ll think about who I date next.

A: What’s is the most important thing you’ve learned from your ordeal?

J: I’ve learned that before I can love another person and have a successful relationship with him, I need to love myself first. I need to take care of myself (especially my emotional health) and only then consider dating someone else.

If I rush into a new relationship when I’m not happy being me, I could feel insecure again and put a burden on my boyfriend. I must do better next time.

Thank you for reading the interview with Jay. Feel free to comment below.