Being Indifferent To An Ex-girlfriend

It’s extremely important to be indifferent to an ex-girlfriend you want to be with. Indifference is essential because it depicts signs of emotional detachment and strength. It shows you’ve accepted the breakup and that you have no romantic expectations of your ex.

A lack of romantic expectations allows your ex-girlfriend not to feel pressured into committing and giving you what you want. It lets her feel relaxed, guilt-free, and independent and that she’s in full control of the breakup.

If you don’t appear indifferent, you’ll probably upset your ex and see a side of her you didn’t want to see. You’ll see that she’s still processing the breakup and that even the smallest expectation causes her to raise her guard.

You must remember that your ex broke up with you because she felt overwhelmed with negative emotions. She didn’t have any more love and patience, so she decided to separate herself from you and enjoy her freedom.

Now that she’s free, you must respect her decisions and actions. You must do so by appearing indifferent toward her.

If you can’t be indifferent, you probably shouldn’t interact with her. Every time you show her you still love her, you unknowingly put pressure on her and make her lose respect and the need and urgency to be with you. 

So if you want your ex-girlfriend to be with you, know that being indifferent to your ex-girlfriend is super important. To your ex, it’s more important than improving your shortcomings. As long as your ex thinks you’re needy, clingy, and willing to get back with her, she’ll feel validated and think she can take her sweet time.

She’ll probably get to know new people and monkey-branch to someone else when she’s certain she can make a smooth transition.

As a dumpee, you shouldn’t be talking to your ex at all. You should be in full no contact, relearning to love yourself and searching for meaning without your ex.

If during no contact your ex reaches out or if you must talk to your ex for some reason, make sure to appear indifferent.

Indifference not only shows you’ve given up on getting back together, but it also proves you’re self-confident and self-reliant. This makes you the most attractive to your ex that you can be as confidence is highly respectable. 

Don’t think you must say something that makes you sound confident or that you must date others to prove you can move on and be happy. Your ex won’t get jealous or jealous enough to come running back. Only insecure dumpers act on their insecurities and reconcile with their ex when their ex starts dating someone else.

But such dumpers tend not to stay long because sooner than later, insecurities influence their thinking and make them lose trust. 

To maximize the chances of getting your ex back, you must be indifferent to your ex at all times. You can’t mess it up because if you do, you’ll empower your ex and depower yourself.

The power difference will then kill your ex’s remaining interest and tell your ex there are more attractive individuals out there who are of equal or higher value than you.

Your job is to preserve your power and value. You must do that both for your ex and yourself because if you don’t believe in yourself, your ex won’t either. And when your ex doesn’t believe in you, your ex won’t treat you with the care and respect that you deserve either.

Your ex will reflect your self-love back to you and affect your self-esteem. That will make you even more dependent on your ex for validation than you already are.

So no matter how badly you want your ex-girlfriend to regret leaving and come back, remember that being indifferent is one of the most important elements of getting back together. Indifference is key because it takes your ex’s power away and turns your ex into an equal.

Mind you, indifference alone isn’t all your ex needs to be with you. Your ex will still need to find a good reason to be with you. That means your ex will have to disassociate negative beliefs from you and desire your closeness.

To do that, your ex will have to fail at finding happiness and stop thinking that things are better now that you’re gone.

Therefore, your attitude toward yourself, your ex, and others is important, but it’s not the only requirement for reconciliation. It’s one of the things you need to attract your ex when your ex hits a rough patch and wants your support.

Today, we take a closer look at how being indifferent to an ex-girlfriend can be a valuable factor in getting back with her.

How can indifference toward an ex-girlfriend help bring her back?

Indifference can improve your breakup situation because it shows your ex what you think and feel without actually speaking to your ex. It communicates in your stead and says that you’re capable of letting go of the dumper and living a joyous life.

This may not seem like much, but it makes a huge difference. Your ability to deal with problems and enjoy life is the most attractive quality you can have. It may not matter to your ex right now, but when your ex experiences problems and feels defeated, your ex will need someone strong and capable to rely on.

That someone could be you, provided you stay indifferent.

Of course, your ex will also need to let go of the past before she contacts you and confides in you. If your ex can’t reflect, forgive you, and emotionally open up to you, your ex won’t come back no matter how tough you appear.

Your appearance won’t make a difference because your ex will be stuck in the past, focusing on the things that bothered her.

Some things you just don’t have the power to control. Your ex’s perception of you and the way she processes things are good examples of your powerlessness. Nothing you say and do can change your ex’s mind before she is ready to change it.

And your ex will be ready to change it when or if life gives her lemons and teaches her some valuable lessons.

That’s one of the hardest things for dumpees to accept. They’re so used to being listened to and influencing their ex’s life that they struggle to comprehend their ex’s lack of romantic interest in them.

Because they struggle to understand how their ex was able to move on so quickly, they take the separation personally and think they’re fully responsible for the situation they’re in.

Little do they know that their ex detached because she stopped maintaining the relationship and putting her best foot forward. Over time, she took the relationship for granted and let the relationship maintain itself. 

Of course, the relationship couldn’t go on like that forever. When problems arrived, they piled up on top of one another until the relationship became too difficult to maintain. That was when the dumper decided to run away from the situation she created and blamed it on the dumpee.

I want you to know that indifference alone won’t make your ex mature and realize how she contributed to the breakup. The only thing that will do that is unrealistic expectations, overconfidence in one’s abilities, and failure. 

If your ex fails to help herself after failing to find happiness, your ex might contact you to get help from you. You must appear indifferent to your ex-girlfriend when that happens so as not to appear too eager to converse, forgive, and reconnect.

Forgiving your ex on the spot will deter your ex from making personal long-term changes and committing to you.

So play your cards right while you still can. Give the impression that you’re doing okay and that you don’t need her to validate you and support you. You won’t get many chances to prove how you feel about the breakup and what you expect from your ex.

So try to get it right on your first try. Demonstrate that the breakup hasn’t destroyed your happiness and sense of direction and that you’ll be okay no matter what your ex says and does. Basically, be indifferent toward your ex-girlfriend and indirectly make her question her importance in your life.

Like I said before, your bravado alone won’t make your ex want to be with you (especially not right away). But it will make your ex respect you or at least not respect you less. It will retain your value as an ex and discourage her from saying and doing things that increase your suffering.

The breakup is a great opportunity for you to gain control over your emotions and actions. Make sure to take the breakup seriously as doing so will not only maximize your chances of making a good impression on your ex but also make you emotionally stronger.

Every time you resist the temptation to act on difficult emotions, you’ll overcome impulsivity and rewire your anxious brain. The longer you do this, the more secure you’ll feel inside and outside of a romantic relationship.

With that said, here’s how being indifferent to your ex-girlfriend could (not necessarily will) affect your ex.

Your ex is probably indifferent toward you as well. That means you should match your ex’s indifference and keep it that way until she feels something for you again. You’ll know she feels something when she takes the initiative to reach out and expresses regret.

What if being indifferent to my ex-girlfriend doesn’t work?

If being indifferent to your ex doesn’t work, that’s okay too! Indifference or pretending to be indifferent will teach you a lot about self-restraint and help you move on. Eventually, it will detox your brain and change your mind from needing your ex to function to not needing your ex anymore.

When that happens, you’ll stop caring about your ex altogether and find better things to obsess about. You won’t care how your ex sees you anymore because you’ll stop tying your worth to your ex’s opinion and behavior.

So don’t worry too much about what you’ll do if your ex-girlfriend doesn’t change the way she sees you. Right now you care about that mainly because you’re dependent on her for love. But when you detach and fall back in love with yourself, this will change.

You’ll no longer need her and care about her thoughts and feelings because you’ll be emotionally independent.

My advice is to focus on your feelings in the moment. Focus on ways you can heal and grow from the rejection, and I guarantee that none of your current concerns will matter a few months from now.

If you shift your attention away from your ex and onto yourself, you’ll recover quicker than if you keep looking for answers on how being indifferent to your ex-girlfriend can bring back your ex’s feelings.

I understand that you have a million questions regarding the breakup and reconciliation and that talking about it eases your anxiety. Feel free to look for different opinions and learn new things about breakups when you feel sad, depressed, and weak.

But when you feel happy and in control of your thoughts and emotions, try not to spend too much time analyzing the breakup. Instead of coming up with different ways to reattract your ex, work on letting go of your ex and enjoying your life instead.

Things will get much easier when you accept that your ex may not come back and that she doesn’t deserve you.

An ex can’t deserve you (not even friendship) when she fails to resolve relationship problems, runs away from difficult situations and emotions, and makes you feel responsible for breaking up. She has to earn your forgiveness first.

And she has to do that over a long period of time.

Are you thinking of being indifferent to your ex-girlfriend? What are you trying to accomplish? Share your intentions in the comments below.

However, if you want to talk about your indifference with us, check out our coaching options and get in touch.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.