An Ex Is An Ex For A Reason. True Or False?

You’ve likely heard your friends or people on the net say that an ex is an ex for a reason. They’ve tried to convince you that breakups happen for a reason and that you shouldn’t stress over an ex too much.

Although they meant to give you healthy advice, they probably didn’t make you feel any better. You weren’t yet ready to hear things like, “Give up on your ex, your ex isn’t the right person for you, get over it” as you were still in denial or in a lot of pain and anxiety and wanted some sympathy and empathy.

Deep inside, you probably felt that your ex wasn’t your ideal partner otherwise the breakup wouldn’t have happened, but you still didn’t want to hear such crude words. You wanted more understanding and patience. Especially if the people telling you that an ex is an ex for a reason were your loved ones.

You need to keep in mind that not everyone will be empathetic about your exes. Some people aren’t very empathetic, so they’ll tell you what you need to hear even if you aren’t ready to hear it. By doing so, they’ll do two things to you.

1. hurt you immensely.
2. help you get out of denial quicker than if they told you that your ex might still love you and want you back.

So all in all, the saying that an ex is an ex for a reason has a good and a bad side to it. The good side is that you’ll lose hope quicker than normal. The bad side, however, is that you’ll suffer and feel that people don’t understand you and know what you need.

Ideally, you want advice that doesn’t destroy too much hope at once or give too much hope. And the people who may give that to you are the people with breakup experience and empathy. Friends can be those people, but it’s much more likely that family members or therapists will do a better job as they’ll see you’re struggling and that they shouldn’t be too harsh.

While it’s true that an ex is an ex for a reason as no breakup happens without a reason, it’s also true that most dumpees don’t need to hear it. If they’re struggling to cope with the breakup, it would be better for them to hear that their ex should have been more thoughtful towards them.

That way, dumpees wouldn’t be in so much pain. They wouldn’t have to listen to their friends say to forget about their ex and find someone better. Dumpees need months of time to process the breakup and get themselves back, so hearing things like that makes them feel that no one understands them and that they’re all alone in the breakup.

This article will talk about whether an ex is an ex for a reason or if it’s something people say just because everyone else says it.

An ex is an ex for a reason

As much as I hate the saying that an ex is an ex for a reason, it, unfortunately, has a lot of truth to it. An ex is indeed an ex for a reason as something goes wrong in the relationship. Someone stops maintaining the relationship and falls out of love to chase happiness elsewhere.

A breakup can happen for many different reasons such as personality clashes, stressors, depression, anxiety, family drama, doubts, or anything negative you can think of. But no matter what or who causes the breakup, the real cause is not that important.

The underlying issue is that the person leaving loses the interest, willpower, love, patience, and commitment necessary for watering the relationship. He or she starts craving alone time and finds the relationship tiring. That’s why the dumper starts looking for a way out of the relationship and develops negative perceptions of the dumpee.

If these perceptions are strong and unhealthy, they can even turn into repulsion, resentment, and contempt. It all depends on whether the dumper is developed as a person and in control of his or her body. If the dumper is developed, he or she will give you closure, support you when needed, and leave you alone to heal.

And if the dumper isn’t developed (mature), he or she will get angry when you reach out and ask for attention, call you names, get revenge, refuse to take any responsibility, and block you.

No matter what the dumper does, you should never blame yourself for his or her mean and aggressive behavior. Even if you beg for another chance and smother the dumper, the dumper should still be empathetic despite not feeling like it.

Maturity doesn’t mean you don’t feel negative emotions. It means you have control over them and that you do what the situation requires you to do. If you need to be caring, patient, and kind, you’re caring, patient, and kind. And if you must leave your ex alone to heal, you do that too.

You basically read your ex’s emotional state and give your ex what your ex needs (not what you need). This is called being an empathic, mature, and moral person. Everyone (regardless of whether they’re the dumpee or the dumper) should work on these three things.

But, unfortunately, not everyone does. Many people work on themselves only when they need to. And they need to when they’re in pain and feel they have no choice but to grow. Such people grow only once or twice in life. For most of their lives, they stay on autopilot.

Anyway, we can say that an ex is an ex for a reason because he or she ran away when the relationship became difficult to handle. Instead of acknowledging the fact that relationships have ups and downs and that they require work, the dumper thought it wasn’t supposed to be that difficult and gave up.

This says a lot about a person’s relationship mentality and ability to persevere. I’m not saying people should tolerate abuse and a person who won’t listen to them and care about their feelings, but they can resolve most if not all differences and issues if they really want to. The problem for most people is that they don’t want to.

They usually wait so long that they feel exhausted and lose the drive to fix anything. That’s when they normally abandon the relationship and show that an ex is an ex for a very good reason.

Here’s the meaning of the famous saying that an ex is an ex for a reason.

Is an ex always an ex for a reason?

People choose to become exes. Other people may influence their thinking, but they still decide what they want and what’s best for them. That’s why we can say that exes always become exes for a reason. They don’t focus on finding solutions but rather on distancing themselves from problems and making themselves feel better.

As a result, they allow themselves to lose feelings and start desiring something or someone else. That’s when they start looking for an opportunity to leave the relationship and don’t look back.

Some exes feel guilty and communicate with their exes, but they have no intention of getting back together. They just want to stay friends, assuage their guilt, and keep their exes around for convenience and support. Such exes give the impression that they still love their dumpees, but they usually just don’t want to stop communicating with them.

They want friendship or friendship with benefits or convenience.

So if you got dumped and you’re wondering if your ex is an ex for a reason, keep in mind that he or she is. Your ex wasn’t willing and capable of communicating and resolving issues and decided to leave you to focus on himself or herself.

You can’t change the way your ex feels about you now that it’s over. You can only make things worse. Especially if you try to reason with your ex and overwhelm him or her.

If you want the best for your ex as well as yourself, you have to leave your ex completely alone. You have to go indefinite no contact so that your ex can have the space to do what he or she wants. Space and time could make your ex realize you’re a decent person and that the relationship wasn’t that bad.

However, if you did the dumping yourself, then you have to keep in mind that you left your ex for a reason and that you shouldn’t get back with your ex unless that reason is gone or fixable. This means that if you feel resentful, you need to deal with resentment. You have to work on yourself so that if you get back together that your relationship can have a new beginning.

Should you get back with an ex?

It’s not for me to say whether you should reconcile with your ex. But I can give you some advice to follow if you’re on the fence.

The first tip is not to listen to your heart. If you make an emotional decision, you could get back with your ex because you’re feeling guilty, bored, lonely, or afraid to let go. You should get back with your ex if doing so improves your life long-term, not just now that the breakup created some uncomfortable emotions and situations.

People who get back together because of strong emotions such as jealousy and guilt tend to break up again. That’s because they eventually stop feeling painful emotions and realize they don’t love their partner.

Secondly, make sure that the relationship was healthy. If you treated each other poorly, you’ll continue treating each other poorly when you get back together, too. This is because you’ll jump into the same situation and behave the way you used to.

You’ve got to keep in mind that a little bit of space won’t resolve the way you perceive each other and respond to difficult situations. Only self-reflection and a strong desire to improve can do that.

And finally, get back with your ex if months have gone by and you’ve realized you love your ex and that the dumper has made a rash decision. Don’t get back with your ex unless you’re certain that anger/unhealthy emotions are gone and that the person who left the relationship will give the dumpee his or her power and importance back.

If the relationship remains imbalanced, the person with the most power is likely going to lose interest again and cause more pain. So be aware of that and figure out if getting back with an ex is even a good idea.

What do you think? Do you think an ex is an ex for a reason? Post your thoughts below the post.

And if you’re looking for breakup coaching, sign up for a session here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.