Updated on July 29, 2025
The definition of a monkey-branching relationship is similar to cheating. It occurs when people consider other romantic options while they’re still in a relationship with their partner. They get close to others and create a safety net or backup plan in case things go wrong with their current partner. Oftentimes, this backup plan is the most dangerous thing that befalls their relationship. A backup plan may sound harmless in theory, but in reality, it’s anything but.
Emotional connections and backup plans outside of the relationship often tempt people to emotionally and/or physically cheat and leave their partner for someone else.
Cheaters don’t feel the need to stay in a long-term relationship because they get their needs met by someone else, practically for free. By someone who seems to understand them and validates them. When they secure a backup plan and feel good talking and bonding with the new person, they often take their partner for granted and wait for an opportunity to cheat. They find that opportunity when their current partner makes them feel unheard, misunderstood, hurt, stressed, or overwhelmed.
That’s when they decide to branch from one romantic relationship straight to the next without reflecting on the relationship and fixing parts that need fixing.
Monkey-branchers are worse than cheaters because they abandon their partner on top of betraying him or her. They have no regrets for allowing themselves to develop a strong bond with someone else when they should be working hard on strengthening their bond with their partner.
I suppose they can’t resist the novelty and validation of someone else, so they act on temptation and break the loyalty pledge. They discard their loyal partner like trash and focus on being happy with someone else. They don’t see anything wrong with hurting their partner or ex-partner because they’re too focused on the excitement and gratitude of finding someone who makes them feel good.
They think about connecting with their new love interest rather than spending energy and time on fixing the relationship with their ex or providing closure and support.
Their ex-partner doesn’t interest them anymore because they have a new favorite person to attend to. They want to continue to connect with that person and not feel responsible for breaking up with their ex. If their ex makes them feel responsible by reaching out, crying, or asking for another chance, they tend to feel pressured and turn their ex down coldly. They see their ex as the biggest obstacle to their happiness and sense of freedom, so they often respond in a way that pushes their ex further away.
Monkey-branching is a serious issue in today’s society. Because it’s so easy to overbond with a coworker or match with someone similar online, many couples break up because of it. They secretly develop a connection with another person, often without even realizing it. When they realize they’re obsessed with the new person and attached to him or her, it’s already too late because they think the new person is a better match for them than their partner.
They see only the positives in the new person and compare them to their partner’s negatives. By doing so, they stop valuing their partner and feel tempted to replace him or her with someone better.
The more I talk to dumpees, the more I realize just how popular monkey-branching is. Many relationships end not because they’re unhealthy or incompatible, but because one person gets distracted, stressed by work or personal issues, or assumes the grass is greener elsewhere. Their poor relationship mentality leads them to ask questions like, “What if there’s someone better out there for me and I’m missing out?”
They entertain their doubts and, by doing so, make their struggling relationship struggle even more. They don’t realize that they fell for someone new because they prioritized him or her over their partner. The new person isn’t so much better that they just can’t resist falling in love. The problem is that they crossed all friendship boundaries and allowed themselves to develop feelings for a person who liked them.
Monkey-branching happens to both men and women. Both genders bond, cheat, and leave when their new connection feels more exciting or promising than their current relationship. First, they get attracted and form a strong connection. Then, they cross all personal and relationship boundaries and realize they’ve gone too far. And finally, they make a conscious decision to leave the old relationship for the new one and start going through the new relationship stages.
The most noticeable stage is the first one – the infatuation stage, where dumpers appear excited, happy, passionate, unrecognizable, and fully invested. They appear to have changed for the new person, when in reality, all that’s changed is their outward persona. Deep inside, they’re still the same impulse-driven cheaters who prioritized temptation over long-term security and commitment.
It’s no secret that monkey-branchers lack morals and self-control. They have a lot of work to do, so they slap their partners twice – once by cheating and once by leaving. They put their happiness way before their ex’s feelings, and months of suffering he or she will have to endure as a result of their betrayal. Despite knowing that cheating is bad, they do what feels right rather than what seems right.
Mind over matter doesn’t apply to them because, for them, it’s the other way around. They let their emotions lead the way, and by doing so, ignore logic and consequences. This means impulse and desire override careful thinking, making it harder for them to consider the impact of their actions on themselves and others.
Cheaters aren’t the most thoughtful and prudent people. Whether they cheat once or multiple times, they listen to their instincts when they need to make a rational decision. The more they do this, the more reactive they become.
So if you want to know what a monkey-branching relationship is, it’s a relationship that ends because of a loss of focus, gratitude, respect, and love. Monkey-branchers leave not because a new relationship will be better, but because it feels better in the moment. They have no idea what it will be like once they get to know their new partner and see his or her negative traits. All they know is that he or she makes them happy and that they must act on their feelings.
They lack the will to distance themselves from the person they fell for, so they decide to go all-in and see how things go. They refuse to do anything about the person threatening their relationship twice. Once at the start, when they start getting close, and once at the end, when they contemplate leaving their partner.
Both times, they do nothing to address their temptations—and continue to make emotional decisions.
In this article, we’ll continue to discuss what a monkey-branching relationship is and help you understand why people branch.
Monkey-branching is GIGS
Before deciding to monkey-branch, monkey-branchers ensure that they feel fully comfortable, connected, and safe with their crush. They make sure they feel drawn to their crush and that the feeling is mutual.
Usually, they achieve this by regularly calling, videocalling, texting, complimenting, flirting, sending pictures, meeting up, buying gifts, and dating. They may not call their bonding dates, but that’s what they are—times when they’re alone and feel wanted. Their limitless communication lays the groundwork for the grass is greener syndrome, where GIGS begins to develop.
Anyone who repeatedly ignores relationship boundaries because of a new crush is bound to soon lose attraction or even respect for his or her partner. It’s inevitable because spending intimate time with a new person deepens the emotional disconnect from his or her current partner.
The more a cheater focuses on someone else and the better he or she feels around that person, the less the relationship matters to him or her. Usually, it’s only a matter of time before the relationship becomes obsolete and holds the cheater back from being happy.
Sometimes cheaters’ new dating prospects are aware that they’re in a committed relationship—and are okay with it, but other times, they have no idea. They assume the person falling in love with them is single and ready for a new romantic connection.
The cheater may indeed be emotionally ready due to the detachment that happened from receiving so much validation, but he or she is still in a relationship. He or she intends to leave it when the temptation to stop hiding the new person outweighs the benefits he or she receives from the current partner.
This tends to happen weeks or longer into the affair when the new partner starts to want more and pressures the cheater.
Always remember that cheating and monkey-branching are a choice. They occur when people put themselves first and, due to strong cravings, decide to pursue their happiness with someone else. Love is blind for a reason. It makes people do selfish, unreasonable, and impulsive things.
The less moral a person is, the more he or she is willing to sacrifice to feel fulfilled by someone he or she doesn’t know much about but feels attracted to.
My ex monkey-branched
If I got a nickel every time someone said, “My ex monkey-branched after the breakup,” I’d be rich by now. Today’s society is flooded with endless ways to connect with people worldwide. Photos, tablets, computers, and even microwaves these days have access to the internet.
The rise of the internet and mobile technology has allowed us to stay in constant contact with anyone, anytime. We’ve become so dependent on staying connected that we can’t even go to the convenience store without our phones. If we accidentally leave our phones at home, we often feel uneasy because we can’t reach others or be reached by them.
The reason why people carry a communication device with them is that they feel this inner desire to stay interconnected at all times. In a way, they feel addicted to giving and receiving attention whenever possible.
And the same principle applies to monkey-branching.
This constant, restless need to feel close to someone seems to have no limits. We rely so much on external things for happiness that we forget to live in the moment. Instead of appreciating what we have, we focus on what we’re missing and chase the next big thrill.
We do this both in relationships and in life.
Your ex probably wasn’t super unhappy with having you as a partner. He or she merely got close to someone new and felt excited again. It had been a while since your ex felt validated, so your ex found it hard to resist. Despite going through the same experience with you when you first started dating, your ex chose to ignore that and allowed the bond to grow.
Because they bonded regularly, they got more and more attracted to each other. Gradually, they got so close that they became obsessed with each other and wanted to take things to the next level. Next level being a committed relationship. It made more sense for your ex to pursue a relationship with a new person who validated him or her than to return to an unfulfilling/damaged relationship and try to fix things with you.
Why do people monkey-branch?
People don’t intentionally develop feelings for someone else and abandon their partner. They monkey-branch because they take their relationship for granted and think that their new crush will continue to make them feel great and solve all their problems for them.
Little do they know that how a relationship looks at the beginning isn’t how it will be months down the road. In all honesty, they don’t even care much about the future. They care about how they feel in the present moment. And because they’re focused on that, they continue getting to know the new person by further committing to him or her.
Slowly, they abandon a perfectly good, healthy, and stable relationship for a chance to be in a more fulfilling relationship.
Some people don’t settle. They’re constantly on the lookout for better things. Better jobs, richer friends, and more loving and empowering partners. They overestimate their capabilities and self-worth, so they think they must find someone who truly deserves them.
Since people look for internal happiness in all the wrong places (externally), they believe that monkey-branching to another person will solve all their problems and give them the satisfaction they deserve.
In reality, it just brings their unresolved problems from their last relationship into the next relationship and causes them pain, stress, and confusion. Mature people resolve their problems with their partner. They don’t sweep their problems under the rug and expect them to go away.
Shortcomings come back when the same patterns repeat, usually not long after the excitement fades and the new relationship requires work.
Although it’s possible that your ex wasn’t entirely happy with you even before he or she met the new person, rest assured that your ex didn’t monkey-branch because you couldn’t make him or her happy. Your ex branched due to a lack of morals, self-awareness, gratitude, and the ability to deal with negative thoughts and feelings.
Your ex quit when the relationship needed work the most.
That means your ex will most likely repeat the same patterns in the future and struggle to maintain romantic relationships.
People don’t learn anything when they jump from one pile of problems onto the next. They may avoid certain personality incompatibilities and mistakes from the past (especially if they regret them), but they won’t get rid of their immaturity and poor values.
Monkey-branching prevents them from reflecting and becoming the best versions of themselves. That’s because it instantly accepts them as they are and empowers them with validation.
Give your ex time, and your ex will see that the new relationship isn’t all rainbows and sunshine. Like all relationships, it requires him or her to be respectful, loving, kind, generous, supportive, communicative, emotionally mature, and committed.
A few months in, your ex may start to feel guilty. His or her immoral deeds may catch up to your ex and urge your ex to seek your forgiveness. Anything could happen, including your ex’s new partner finding out about the monkey-branching. That could cause trust issues between them and seriously impact the relationship.
Having said that, here’s why people monkey-branch.
Monkey-branching is a sign of weakness
Relationships require full commitment. The moment people stop giving their best and turn their attention to someone else, the foundation of trust begins to weaken, and the relationship starts to unravel.
Soon after, the relationship loses its importance and becomes replaceable. Dumpers, especially cheaters, often blame incompatibility or the other person for the demise of the relationship. They do this to absolve themselves of any wrongdoing. They want to convince themselves more than anyone that they were unhappy and couldn’t save the relationship, no matter how hard they tried.
By doing so, they try to get others on their side and lessen or avoid feelings of guilt altogether.
Keep in mind that monkey-branching is a sign of unresolved personal issues and an inability to stay in a long-term relationship. It indicates that dumpers are prone to temptations and that they’ll stay that way for a very long time. Probably until someone cheats on them and teaches them a powerful lesson.
Karmic justice may show them that they’re not as attractive as they think and that monkey-branching can happen to them as well.
So if your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend monkey-branched from you to someone else, try not to blame yourself and think poorly of yourself. Instead, remember that monkey-branching is the dumper’s fault and that you couldn’t prevent it.
Even if you noticed your ex and the new person bonding behind your back, you wouldn’t be able to stop them from connecting and planning a way out of the relationship. You’d have to catch them early on before they developed a tight bond and decided to leave.
Your ex lacked emotional self-control
Your ex obviously liked connecting with this person without your awareness. Maybe your ex wasn’t okay with leaving you for him or her at first, but your ex nonetheless enjoyed spending time with the person in question and didn’t care that he or she was neglecting the relationship.
The relationship didn’t matter because the new connection mattered significantly more than any commitments he or she made to you. People forget their commitments, nice words, and promises when they feel depressed, unhappy, or tempted to leave for someone else.
When feelings change, they lose their ability to think rationally and follow their instincts. Oftentimes, instincts instruct them to cheat, lie, and deceive, and be with someone they think they’re more compatible with.
If your ex were emotionally strong and self-aware, your ex would have resisted the temptation to get close to the new person. As soon as your ex sensed that things were becoming more than just friendship, your ex would have reaffirmed his or her commitment to you and ended the other connection.
That would have happened if your ex were emotionally strong and valued you.
Since your ex didn’t have the strength to end the crush and pull away in time, your ex continued to get closer until he or she got so close it was too late to do anything about it. Your ex flirted, expressed feelings, or did something to indicate romantic interest and crossed the point of no return.
This left your ex with two options.
- Admit to cheating, feel miserable, and try to fix the broken trust.
- Monkey-branch and make an excuse as to why the relationship wasn’t working.
Your ex probably didn’t consider ending both connections.
Because your ex associated a lot of stress with continuing the relationship, your ex lost the will to fix things and decided to give the other person a fair shot. That way, your ex could focus entirely on the new person and not worry about investing in you, reaching your expectations, and pleasing you.
Monkey-branching happens when a person lines up a new romantic partner before ending his or her current relationship. Rather than facing a breakup alone, he or she emotionally and/or physically connects with someone who offers validation, security, and distraction.
It’s the quickest and safest way for a person to avoid dealing with the consequences of breaking a person’s heart.
This behavior usually stems from low self-esteem or high ego, the fear of being alone, a desire for constant validation, or the belief that there might be someone better out there. It often involves emotional cheating, secrecy, lies, and a lack of commitment to resolving issues within the current relationship.
Do monkey-branching relationships last?
A monkey-branching relationship isn’t necessarily a rebound. It can last months, years, or longer, depending on whether a couple learns to trust each other and improve from their cheating behavior.
Most couples don’t improve, so the relationship isn’t very fulfilling once it progresses and stops being self-maintained. As a result, they either feel tempted to break up when temptations arise or simply break up.
Some couples also settle for the monkey-branching relationship. They know their new relationship isn’t much or any better than the previous one, so they stay with their partner for security, validation, and other relationship benefits.
Whether monkey-branching relationships last isn’t a simple yes or no answer. It depends on how compatible couples are and what their relationship skills are like. If they have no idea how to maintain a serious romantic relationship, the relationship obviously doesn’t last long.
It ends when they get tired of arguing and feeling unheard and disconnected.
It could take a long time before your ex and his or her new partner disconnect emotionally, become bitter, and decide to call it quits. If they don’t learn to work together and evolve as a couple, it’s only a matter of time before stress, temptations, doubts, and other relationship-damaging feelings affect their love and commitment.
If they break up, it won’t be because your ex realized he or she still has feelings for you. It will be because they gave their relationship a chance and failed to establish a strong foundation, built on trust, respect, love, and commitment.
Lots of things can break a romantic relationship. Those who aren’t prepared to fight for what they believe in (especially in a healthy way) break up when relationship-damaging thoughts and feelings overwhelm them.
How to prevent monkey-branching?
There are some things you can’t prevent in this world—and monkey-branching is one of them. You can’t prevent your partner from secretly developing feelings for another person and leaving you for him or her.
The good thing about it is that you don’t need to actively try to prevent monkey-branching. You don’t need to play police and keep a close eye on your partner. Partners need to trust each other and let each other do what they want. If they feel restricted from talking to people and going places without their partner’s consent, they feel controlled and tempted to do those things even more.
Your partner knows what he or she must do and not do to have a successful relationship with you. Loyalty doesn’t need any reminders. It’s common sense that a good relationship requires openness, healthy communication, and bonding. If a committed person bonds with another person and hides it from his or her partner, that’s the opposite of what a relationship needs to succeed.
That’s called cheating—and is likely to bury the relationship.
Always remember it’s not your job to check your partner’s phone and tell your partner who he or she shouldn’t talk to. A person who loves you and cares about your feelings will willingly reveal his or her conversations and avoid putting the relationship at risk. A loyal person won’t bond with others due to the fear of losing the most important person to him or her.
So trust your partner and allow him or her to be free and in control. If your partner misuses that freedom, you probably chose the wrong person to be with. You can either try to work things out or take some time to heal and find someone who appreciates you.
All in all, you can’t prevent someone from monkey-branching if that’s what he or she is inclined to do. But you can focus on being the best partner you can be and create a relationship that’s healthy, supportive, fulfilling, and constantly evolving.
That said, here are a few tips on how to prevent monkey-branching.
Don’t adopt the belief that all women or men are cheaters and live in fear that your partner will one day monkey-branch and hurt you. If you’re afraid of being taken for granted and betrayed, you could create a situation you fear the most.
When you constantly feel stressed, you project that stress onto your partner and make him or her feel overwhelmed. Hence, it’s important not to carry any trust issues into the relationship and make them your partner’s problem as well.
11 early warning signs of monkey-branching
Early signs of monkey-branching often appear during the honeymoon phase of the relationship—when everything feels exciting and new.
You will likely notice your partner acting strangely at times. He or she won’t be home as much, show as much affection, have as much energy to bond, and treat you with the kind of care and respect that you deserve. Due to his or her being able to connect with only one person at a time, the relationship will feel more like friendship than romance. Your partner might even accuse you of the very same things he or she is doing.
With that said, here are 11 early warning signs of monkey-branching:
- Gaslighting: Accusing you of cheating without any proof. This may be a projection of his/her own guilt and a deflection tactic.
- Sudden lifestyle changes: If your partner suddenly picks up new hobbies, changes his or her friends, makes new friends, or shifts interests in ways that don’t match your shared experiences, someone else may be influencing your partner.
- Increased focus on appearance: A noticeable boost in efforts to look good, such as joining a gym or dressing up more frequently, can signal an attempt to attract someone new.
- Dating apps: If your partner is using dating apps while still in a committed relationship, that’s a major red flag. Don’t overlook this one because he or she will most likely monkey-branch.
- Unusual availability: Being active or reachable at odd hours, especially when you’re not around, could mean he or she is secretly communicating with someone else.
- Affection shifts: A sudden spike in affection or detachment can both be signs that your partner’s emotions are pouring into someone else.
- Talking emotionally about someone else: Mentioning another person casually is fine. But repeated, emotional talks may indicate attraction and attachment.
- Avoiding communication: Ignoring your calls and messages while staying engaged with others could signal emotional withdrawal and a loss of feelings.
- Indifference: If your partner stops caring about things that used to matter in the relationship, things like visiting your family or talking about the future, he or she may have emotionally checked out and connected with someone else.
- Secrecy: Hiding his/her phone and being vague about his or her whereabouts could mean he or she is two-timing you.
- Over-the-top compliments: Lavishing you with random praise could be his or her way of calming your suspicions.
A person on his or her way out of the relationship will grow more impatient and uncaring over time. He or she will start making mistakes and prepare him/herself for a new romantic endeavour.
Pay attention to how your partner acts and figure out what’s causing your partner to act that way. If you can’t figure it out but spot the warning signs above, it could be another romantic interest.
What to do if your partner monkey-branched?
If your partner (now ex-partner) monkey-branched to someone else, don’t chase your ex or tell your ex he or she will regret cheating and leaving. Don’t make the breakup more difficult for your ex than it already is.
Getting emotional and saying or doing things to prove a point will only make you look reactive. They’ll make your ex feel angry or uncomfortable and justify your ex’s reasons for leaving.
Remember that your ex has stronger feelings for the new person and that he or she decided to give the new person a try. As long as your ex is convinced that the new person makes him or her happy, you shouldn’t be anywhere near your ex. You shouldn’t even talk to your ex because talking could make your ex see that you’re waiting for his or her return.
If you communicate with your ex, you tell your ex that he or she can friendzone you, string you along, and take as long as necessary to get back with you.
You probably want your ex back very badly despite your ex’s betrayal. If you do, that’s understandable. Your ex has hurt you so deeply that you don’t see any other way to regain your happiness than to reconnect with your ex.
At the moment, you view your ex as both your source of pain and your source of comfort. When you recover emotionally, you’ll likely only see him or her as someone who destroyed the relationship and turned your life upside down.
Give it time, and you’ll see that your ex doesn’t deserve you. You’ll value yourself and understand that you can do much better than a cheating monkey-brancher.
If you want to maximize your chances of success and feel better, you must start the indefinite no contact rule. Go no contact and show your ex that you won’t be friends with someone who betrayed you. Even if your ex was nice to you, you can’t stay close to an ex who dumped you and replaced you with someone else.
This isn’t the time for friendship. It’s time to take monkey-branching seriously and avoid seeking validation from the person who hurt you. Use this time to reflect on the relationship, improve your flaws, fall back in love with yourself, and become emotionally stronger.
If your ex’s monkey-branching relationship fails, your ex could remember that you were a better partner and that he or she needs to get back with you before you move on for good.
It’s important to preserve your value and let your ex get back in touch when he or she is ready to take things further.
Did your ex monkey-branch into a new relationship? Comment below and share your experience.
However, if you’re looking for help with your monkey-branching ex or a relationship that started on monkey-branching terms, feel free to get in touch through our coaching program.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
My ex and I dated for 2 yrs. He then broke up with me saying that I deserve better.
After a week my friends told m they saw his profile on various dating site. Now he now has telegram which was befoe he would never download.
I never felt that he valued me during ou relationship, he never puts an effort when we argue, he always gaslights me saying that it’s always my fault when I started to open up. I deacted all my social media after th break up I knew he has someone new my friend saw a myday a picture of a street but you can see the girl’s legs. I am really hurt because he has money to see a new girl and never do that with me. I never got a gift from him he always says has an excuse.
Also, when we broke up he never blocked me, though he has a new fling or whatever he has he still contacts me. I told him, ”how can I move on when you’re still talking to me. You have a new girl pls I dont want her to feel bad, what if that girl is serious?” Then i deactivate all my social media. Is it okay to do that? I want to heal, I want someone to value and put an effort on our relationship. I’m tired and hurt and I dont know what to do, though I’m currently distracting myself thru work but when i’m in bed i still think of it. I get mix emotions, hurt, sadness, anger everything.
Hi Ayan.
It’s okay to deactivate your social media for a while. It’s also okay to tell him to stop reaching out. It’s about you now rather than him. So do whatever it takes to detach and move on.
Your ex has lost feelings for you and will date other people. You can’t stop him from doing that, so unfollow/delete your socials and spend lots of time with friends and family. You need to heal and rediscover your worth.
Kind regards,
Zan
My ex of 3 years and I split. I left her after she confessed that her “friend” she always told me about was actually an old bf who she use to sleep with. It hurt so bad because I felt disrespected. She would say “my friend is calling me let’s talk later”. This went on for 3 years. I broke up and 2-3 week later she was out on date with an older man who has a child and more money. I feel she cheated. She denied it when I asked her and she then blocked me and changed cell. Been 5 months she’s still with him. I previously forgave her once before too when we had an argument and broke up she was talking to some guy from tinder. I told her how disrespectful it was to do that so soon after break up and how I couldn’t even think of doing that without taking my time to move on. Little did I know that it was 2 months before that split. Seems like she didn’t love or care for me. Used me and saw something new and would go so easily. I was waiting on medical results on time which she knew about what I was going through waiting to find out if I had cancer or not due to tumors. She broke up with me during that. I needed her. 3 months later she comes back asking how I was and wanted to try I was so dumb and forgave and now all this other stuff happened. I feel used and lied to. She would constantly say I love you and I always felt it was me putting all the effort and showing her love which she says I never did. I always forgave and tried so hard to keep her. I didn’t respect myself. I feel her new man is either a monkey branch or rebound. They look happy. I feel she’s prob narcissistic. Everything was either my fault she manipulated and played victim. Never said sorry or took responsibility. Even would talk bad to me to everyone and would complain about me to my family as if I was the bad person. It was always me talking about how her mistakes made me feel and I’d get upset and she’s flip it on me.
Hi Zan
My Ex and I we were in a 4 year relationship
Everything was great and amazing . I stood by him when he had no job life was tough he always said you are a great person you take care of me etc
He suddenly became unavailable took me for granted for like 4 months.
I asked him several times if he wanted to leave he would beg.
Days before valentines he said he fell out of love .
I said okay lets go our separate ways was hurt and broken. Then he started begging came valentines and asked me back confessed to cheating with his high school crush mate . Says you are my person this girl is actually messing up my life life with her is too fast .I cried became hysterical. Next morning said we can work things out but he the decieded he wanted to work things out with the new girl. This girl knew i existed he had even told her im in a committed relationship. I begged , pleaded , became suicidal, which i regret , told him all the pain he caused me , his short comings i used to ignore. I later apologized and never contacted him for a week now he never responded
What hurts is he is not remorseful, he says its not his fault he fall out of love. And also it hurts he is posting this girl doing activities something he never used to do with me which he said he had no interest in .they are so happy 😊 it hurts.
Hi Thandi.
Your ex is a typical cheater. He couldn’t resist his cheating temptations, so he cheated and went cold. He then waited 4 months to figure out what to do just to finally admit he messed up. Because you said let’s go separate ways, he felt rejected and begged. But when you became depressed and needed help, he was nowhere to be seen.
I can tell you that this whole experience is all his fault, Thandi. He stopped valuing you and didn’t have the commitment necessary to stay loyal. You’ll find someone who’ll be a better match for you.
Stay strong!
Zan
Hi Zan , Do you think these people realize their mistake and come back later?
Sometimes, Kavya.
It depends on their self-awareness and pain usually.
Best regards,
Zan
So my ex monkey branched and overlapped were ex engaged and lived together. I paid off his debts and would have done anything for him. He moved on within days of telling me he sees no future with me. I’m 35 he’s 32 his new lady is 50. I got told to leave him alone yesterday. I haven’t messaged that much except when I have had to. I only wanted to be civil. I’m not at all angry at him. I acted a bit stupid after the breakup sure because it was a shock. Now he’s resentful and wants nothing to do with me. I’ve blown all my chances haven’t I? Let’s accept the breakup was his fault – he is now playing victim. I am not pestering him I’m OK with the breakup and now leaving him be. But I have blown my chances for sure haven’t I? He was my first time to make things worse as I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 27.
Hi Roslyn.
You didn’t blow your chances with your actions. The problem is that the guy is resentful/feels smothered and wants to cut you off because he’d met another woman. You did a lot for this person, so now it’s probably a good time to do more for yourself. Invest in yourself because he doesn’t deserve your love and energy anymore.
Best,
Zan
So my ex girlfriend and I were in a seemingly loving and trusting relationship of 2 years. We talked about getting married and moving together, but then I got a scholarship and had to move overseas. She told me she wanted to continue the relationship long distance but then just a couple of weeks after I left she started getting cold and begged me to come back, eventually she broke up with me after a month.
I panicked and bought the earliest fly back home that I could afford. The weeks previous of my returning we started talking again and I told her I was coming back for her and she told me that she wasn’t sure she wanted to get back together just yet. When I came back I figure out why, she was going on dates with different people and partying like crazy and also she became really close with one of her friends and even had sex with him.
I try to play it cool at first and told her that there was no pressure from my part and that we should just hang out. It was working out at first and we were having a good time, with kisses and sex from time to time. But then one day she told me that we should just be friends. I didn’t pay her attention and the next day I stayed over at her house and eventually we started having sex. It all started nice and with consent (I even gave her oral sex and made her come) but then we started actually fucking and after a while she told to stop and… I didn’t. It was a mistake, I thought we both we’re having a good time. I took a long time to stop and she had to repeat it to me several times before I realize what was happening.
A couple of days later we talked and she told me that I broke her trust. I apologized, admited 100% of the fault, told her that I didn’t realize at first, that I got carried away and that it wasn’t my intention to hurt her (By the way this NEVER happened before). She told me she new I didn’t do it on purpose but that she was really hurt and didn’t want to see me in a while. Next thing she blocked me on everything
What can or should I do??? Besides going my own way and respecting her decision??
This explains my ex and I situation perfectly. We were having issues and on the downfall but she quickly brought her close “friend” into the picture and when she quit staying at my place i found out she was staying at his place for about a week before she really broke up with me. I should’ve seen it coming considering she left her ex for me in the almost the same fashion. I was wondering if it’s a bad idea to post this article on my Facebook story for her and him to see? Would that possibly make her see her actions clearly or potentially make her want to prove these points wrong and help their relationship? Speaking from the fact that i want her back.
Hi Tyler.
Don’t post this article for your ex to see. She won’t learn what she needs from it because she’s not ready for learning. Besides, it will prove you’re hurt and still want her back.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,I am hoping to leave a brief description of what is happening in the fallout of my breakup with my girlfriend.Do I just right it up in here
Kind regards .Ned campell
Hi Ned.
You can post your story here if you’d like. Just don’t make it too long. 1-2 minutes of reading time max, please. 🙏
Thanks,
Zan
I was in a relationship for over two years and in the last few months leading up to the breakup, there was some distance but nothing out of the ordinary. We spent one great weekend together and a few days later I get a message from a girl that they have been together for the past 6 months. I feel that my ex monkey branched and she even let me know that she told him to block me on everything and so he did. We didn’t get to have that break up conversation it was just an immediate erase. It has been two months in and I am feeling much better, just wondering if their relationship is something that could last. The relationship started based on lies and there could always be that insecurity of infidelity again. Thankfully, my career and education is going amazing and I have even started to date again and it feels good to be able to start over.
Hi AG.
Whether they have a successful relationship depends on how developed they are. The new woman doesn’t seem bothered by the fact that he cheated on you with her. She’s probably too love blind to see what’s going on. Only time will tell. Don’t stick around to find out.
Best,
Zan
No she wasn’t. In her messages she said some pretty disgusting and foul things to show that she got “picked.” She told me to also leave them alone so they could see how they could progress, which seems pretty ridiculous to me. She is also a single mother and mentioned that he is great with her together and that they feel like a family. So I guess I’m just a bit confused to how he went into the family dynamic when he said he wasn’t ready for that for a good while.
Hi AG.
She’s in for a rude awakening. One day she’ll find out that he didn’t pick her because she’s that great but because he didn’t know how to control temptations. That’s when she’ll start fearing the same could happen to her. It wasn’t hard for him to take the fatherly role because he’s infatuated with her and didn’t mind it. Things will get a bit more challenging with time.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi there. I think my ex definitely monkey-branched. I’m quite shocked at a few things I read in your article. Was in a four year relationship and I feel as though my ex started monkey-branching with a new “friend” around the 1.5/2 year mark. Is it possible for them to monkey-branch for so long before finally breaking up? Thanks for your time.
Hi Isabel.
It’s possible, it’s called (emotional) cheating. A guy flirts with someone behind your back and monkey-branches to her when he develops feelings for her and is certain he can do it without getting rejected.
Best regards,
Zan
So, I met a girl. A beautiful girl. My idealistic “dream girl”.
Young and beautiful. I was immediately weak!
We hooked up in the first week and she left her current boyfriend, telling me about that after we had sex a few times.
I moved into her house… Sitting on her couch as I type this, only a couple months in.
I feel that she is a monkey branched. I am Doomed!
I am head over heels but I feel this article was written about her.
I will enjoy it while it lasts and make the most of it, but at least I am armed with the knowledge that this is going nowhere long-term and I will be the victim of her cheating one-day.
I’m off to see my dr tomorrow to get a “check up”.
Karma for me I guess!
Hi Bob.
You should keep in mind that you got involved with a cheater and that unless she grows within that the same will happen to you. I suggest you talk to her about it and see if she feels any guilt about what she’s done.
Kind regards,
Zan
You keep praying. The end is in sight. Karma going to get him. Stay busy. Get up and start going places with friends. In the end he want her because she is a home wrecker. Why will he even respect her…..
This is exactly what I needed to read. My ex asked for a space before dumping me. Now 1yr later, everything came clear that space was for someone else to fill LOL. she marries her rebound 3months post breakup. theyre still on but obviously shes not happy. shes just covering her unhappiness and confusion with her so-called religious commitments.
Hi Carl.
Your ex’s demand for space was, of course, just an excuse for her to leave without breaking your heart and dealing with the breakup properly. Instead of being honest with you and helping you, she gave you false hope and went to enjoy her new relationship.
You deserve better, Carl.
Best regards,
Zan
So I finally figured out that for months , maybe a year or more my girlfriend was cheating on me. We were living together have a two year old son together and one day out of nowhere when I thought things were going okay she left me put a short note in the mailbox talking about a parenting plan for our son and the key to the house .I came home after work and all she had completely moved out and moved on. She just said how she needs to work on herself and that she couldn’t be in a relationship while working on herself. Some time goes by and I’m still trying to figure out how and why and what happened for her to leave me like she did. Then one day a light bulb turned on in my brain and I totally realized she had been having an affair for I dont know how long . It might have been years. She kept becoming more distant wouldn’t ever want to do anything with me would not go out on a date with me ever it seemed. She supposedly had a job where she was working a night shift . She had two jobs supposedly. It started off where she was only working the night job once a week. As time went on it became more night shifts next thing I know. I’m going to work on a Thursday morning and I would not see her again until Late Sunday night. I was blind to her cheating on me because I totally fully and completely trusted her. I have no hard damning evidence but its like the saying. When you know you just know. And I totally know. I know I know I know! It had felt like on every time for months that to have sex I would have to practically pressure her into doing it with me because it was hardly ever happening between us anymore. She hurt me more than I’ve ever hurt before. I haven’t barely been able to eat for almost two months now . I’m still sick to my stomach about it all. I’ve had diarrhea for like two month straight. I’ve been seriously hurt bad inside and out. I’m all alone now trying to make the best out of each day. Taking life just one day at a time. I’ve completely changed my life since she left. I’ve grieved and mourned like there’s no tomorrow for almost two months now. I’m slowly healing I think and I turned to God for help. I’m growing closer to God now. Maybe the next person I have a relationship some day will have the morals and ethics and everything else that goes with never ever being able to cheat on me like she did.
Hi Adam.
I’m sorry your ex has made you suffer this much. You need to go indefinite no contact so you can heal from her abuse.
Don’t talk to her, don’t watch her posts online, nothing. You have to distance yourself from her and focus on your own life. It will be difficult at first, but it’s necessary so you can rebuild yourself.
In your next relationship, you’ll know that when a person withdraws for more than a few days that something is wrong.
Don’t let this person change how you are as a person and the way you see relationships.
Sincerely,
Zan
Haha they all have the same routine of reasons. My ex did the same. left me asking space, says she wants to be single and ponder on several things in life. i did gave the space she wanted until finally breaking up with me and marrying her rebound 3months later. lol. bitch
Sounds like my wife. Always bouncing around like I don’t know.
Unless YOU did something really deplorable ie: cheating to cause the breakup, let them go, there are plenty of fish out there. My four year fiancé (50) decided to cruise guys on tinder and then Monkey-Branch to one of them, as she says I wasn’t affectionate enough anymore and I knew that she was a “Touch type” Love language. For the first 3 months the depression was bad. I did go NO Contact and she did reach out from time to time, just bread crumbing and it felt worse when she did that. I would have crawled all the way back to Mukwonago over broken glass for her to take me back. Now I realize what that would make me look like, she wouldn’t respect me and I sure wouldn’t have either. Time does heal and I found someone much better, much younger and much, much more emotionally mature. I just saw her face to face and this person whom I thought was the most beautiful woman in the world 7 months ago held zero attraction for me. It was like the movie -Shallow Hal- I could could only see the ugliness she has inside. The first few months are bad, but just go one day at a time. Good Luck!
It has been 14 months since my husband left me because of fundamental differences. He has been in a relationship for 13 months with a woman he has known for as long as me, with a woman he saw every day at work for 12 years, with a woman about whom those 12 years he didn’t have a good opinion …. it is a serious relationship, love
and I … I still love him, I don’t know how and I can’t go on without him. My children are the only bright spot in this life, but unfortunately not bright enough to move on 🙁
My ex left me when my dad’s body (rather just bones and skull and shoes) were found after he’d give missing for 112 days. My ex dumped me when I was begging for a word of consolation. We hadn’t been talking for two months before that bc he wasn’t emotionally supportive when my dad was missing anyways and was being stupid and childish. When I contacted for support when dad was found he’d barely reply to my begging emails telling him my dad’s remains had been found and I just need a minute on the phone with him. Then he just told me he’s met someone a month ago and had just moved in with her. It was such a blow to me especially bc I was already grieving. He just didn’t even care. Just said I don’t blame you if you hate me. I said I wish them happiness and I wouldn’t be a threat and didn’t contact him after that. 2.5 months later he emails me confessing his undying love for me while still in that relationship! He wanted to monkey branch over to me. First I felt a bit happy but then I realized my God he was such a Scumbag doing that to me then doing this to his new gf. I told him it was so wrong contacting me but he became even more vocal about his feelings and at the end I told him to get lost and I won’t take him back after he’d been with someone else and I wouldn’t let him monkey branch and he should do what he did best when I needed him the most and just leave me alone. I knew he’d moved in with that girl to live rent free. He loved free rides. Later I was told by his friend that his new gf is not good looking (not sure if that’s true) and almost a drug addict which figures bc he was a pothead who’d tried all drugs. I’m a dentist. I don’t know why I thought society norms be damned and dated this two timer douchebag. He probably was in contact with other girls when he was with me too bc I remember once i was teasing him and wanted to look at his phone and he wouldn’t unlock it for me and looked kind of scared and anxious. I’m such a fool.
A total of 12 y, of which 8.5 y were (legally, still is) marriage. We have three children (4y, 7y and 8y).
In January of this year, it was suddenly “we are fundamentally different” and “no, there is no other woman”, in February he moved out of the apartment where we lived together for 10.5 y. In June, he told me via message “it’s a matter of years of disagreement and that wasn’t life, it was torture” and he mentioned the official divorce for the first time. In late August, I found that he had begun an emotional relationship with a co-worker only 30 days later. Otherwise she has been present in his life since the first day we met, she knows me, I know her…hey she was at our wedding! During these 12 years, on several occasions, she was presented to me as a fat fool who does nothing and has that position at work only thanks to the love relationships she had with co-workers from the same company only from other region.
And now I should to beleive that his relationship with her did not exist before, while he was still living with me and the children?! By the way, this relationship seems very serious because after only 2 months (from the alleged beginning of the relationship) he introduced her to our children (ofcourse not as his girlfrend) and only 4 months (again from the alleged beginning of the relationship) he introduced her to his mother.
I know the two of us were distanc ourselves and that I put the kids in the first place (it may have been my fault), but with so much of his business commitments (long office stays and frequent business trips), my job, 3 kids and housekeeping, makes me that distancing is inevitable. But I looked at it this way: children are growing, becoming more independent and there will be more and more time for the two of us. I was obviously wrong.
And in all of that, the problem is that he always had my maximum trust, I believed and I still believe that my marriage was almost perfect and that “almost” was that we both lacked more time for each other.
In few days will be 10 months since he moved. Hey 10 months! A new life is born in 9 months, and I am still desperate and broken, my whole world has collapsed!
Hey Maya, how are you now? He ended well with her new gf?
My ex was a professional brancher, always choosing her “next ones” amongs her couple’s friends.
I was stupid enough to go with her and betray my friend. Karma’s went back to me, I deserved it.
She was good at manipulating to get what she wanted, flattery, guilt tripping, belittling, menacing, triangulation, false promises was her way.
She did the same to me and “branched” with one of our friend.
It’s exactly what you say: they’re always the poor victim, they seek for external happiness (easy pleasures?), are never happy with what they have (GIG), take you for granted whatever you do for them and think they always deserve better (while far from being great love partners themselves, mostly narcissistic).
Being with them is like having a Damocles sword over your head.
You’re never at peace because they make you feel (subtly menacing) that if you don’t provide for every one of their desires, they will replace you by someone who will.
And they do… once they sucked all the blood you had.
Hi zan,
My gf of 5 yrs recently broke up with me and chose the other person. Now, she took her time alone for a month or I don’t know until when before she’ll commit herself to the new person. It pains me a lot.
Is this still considered as monkey-branching?
Hi, Wow Read it all ! So it was very good ! Yes sounds like almost
everyone knows of this or has been a part of it, one way or the other !
I’m saving it to re-read. ***** It makes us SHARPER on a very common
but not talked about topic. We need this topic to be sharp in our society.
Thanks
Man from Princeton, MA.
better that it all happened before marriage. imagine that you got married, had 1,2,3 children and after 6-10 years he left you (for another woman or any other reason)
I was in a relationship with this guys for 5 years (both 26), and his family learned of us one year ago. We thought of each other as soulmates and we fought so hard to be together. He moved back to his country but we planned the wedding in January, had the wedding dress and the rings (he bought them in May). it was just a matter of time until I can travel there due to Covid restrictions. Since march he met a new person who he mentioned to me for being a persistent work colleague and that he wants to wear a ring asap. In May he started to fight with me from anything and was being very cold towards me. I confronted him but he denied at that time. I could not do anything from miles away, and she was right at his sight. In June, one month before i was supposed to move there he broke up with me saying that he’s with someone else now and not to interfere with his life anymore. It was the most painful experience of my life and one month i spent begging and pleading with him, he was still calling me almost daily, cause even if he admit his affair, he then took this words bad and started to blame me for an old argument. By the end of July I learned that indeed there’s a third person on the table and i told him i know the true reason of our breakup. The only thing he had to say was I’m sorry, take care of yourself. I sacrificed everything to move and be with him, i left everyone for him but he left me for someone else, all this while i was preparing to be his bride. I’m so heartbroken, not even the worse woman deserves this. My brain says i should never forgive him but my hearts still hopes he will reach out to me one day, after realizing his mistake. But i am sure his apology cannot be as loud as his disrespect was. His family says they will never agree on his new relationship but in the end it’s their son and will accept maybe. They told me to have patience but honestly i don’t want to put my life on standby until his new relationship will fail, nor I am not ready to move on. I”ve been in NC since 1’st of august and in 31 our wedding was suppose to take place. I love him to death, when I should hate him. What’s your opinion on this?
I believe it’s a blessing in disguise. Even if he comes back, would you ever trust him again?
thank u guys, i just left an update x
better that it all happened before marriage. imagine that you got married, had 1,2,3 children and after 6-10 years he left you (for another woman or any other reason)
thank u guys, i just left an update x
Guys it’s me the author. Almost one year later. I thought i could never get out of it, i was considering suicide, went to therapy. Until i took my destiny in my own hands, i had the biggest glow up, still single but dating, met amazing people, handsome guys, been treated like a queen and now my ex looks like a foot to me, he’s out of my league. Don’t give up, life is amazing, i’m the happiest i’ve even been, i achieved thing i didn’t during the 5yrs+ relationship. Time does heal everything, be patient with yourself, feel anything you need to feel, go through each stage, don’t suppress anything, I cried everyday for 6 months straight, I though i’d never get out of it. XOXO