Breakups can be messy, emotional, scary, and confusing, especially when the past interferes with the present and triggers unwanted reminders and feelings. It can force you to focus on your ex’s behavior and his feelings for you rather than yourself and your recovery.
Your ex has the power to hinder your post-breakup healing and make you question your worth and his love for you.
The fewer breakup rules you and your ex adhere to and the more mistakes you make, the more you prevent each other from letting go and regaining your independence and individuality. Breakup rules, such as talking, combined with denial, false hope, and expectations make you see your ex as a perfect individual.
Especially if your ex feels bad for leaving you and treats you well. You might mistake your ex’s kindness for feelings and regret—and try to convince your ex to come back. That would tell your ex that you’re looking after your own wants and needs and that you don’t respect his. As a result, your ex would be much less receptive and eager to stay in touch.
Every dumper handles the breakup differently. Some dumpers continue to reach out, use words like ‘I love you,’ stay in touch with their ex’s family, send gifts, refuse to return their ex’s belongings, and do other strange things that confuse their dumpee and make him or her think they still have feelings.
If your ex is giving you mixed signals, your ex is either confused, has feelings, or wants to hold on to you for various non-romantic reasons, such as forgiveness, friendship, loneliness, or boredom. For some reason, your ex refuses to let go of you completely and keeps treating you like a partner without commitment. This indicates he’s putting himself first, even though you’re struggling to cope with the breakup.
He’d rather string you along than let you go and let you heal.
It’s clear that your post-breakup situationship lacks boundaries. Boundaries that would prevent him from saying or doing things that give you hope and make you think he still loves you. The guy is allowed to do anything he wants, probably because you’re afraid of offending him, pushing him away, and losing him (maybe even to someone else).
Fear of failure/loss is telling you that you must hold onto your ex and slowly re-attract him.
If you’re in no contact, however, then that’s a different story. Your ex is likely leaving you alone for the most part. Maybe he pops into your life once in a while and confuses you a bit, but he doesn’t act like you’re still together. Acting like you never broke up would give you immense hope and make you think he regrets leaving.
Whether you’re in no contact or still talk, you probably wonder how he was able to leave you so quickly and if he still has feelings for you. You’re looking for signs your ex-boyfriend still has feelings for you and is searching for the right timing and approach to express them to you.
While everyone expresses emotions differently, some signs might indeed reveal that he’s not entirely over you. They might not be easy to spot, especially if your ex only has a little bit of respect, care, and love left for you. A small amount of lingering feelings creates a subtle desire to possess you, recommit to you, and reconnect with you romantically.
No or little feelings nudge your ex to stay in touch and quietly observe your life from a distance. Typically, dumpers still have (waning) feelings when they’re forced to leave their ex. This may be due to cheating, lying, or something that loses their respect and triggers the need to protect themselves by exiting the relationship immediately.
Such dumpers resemble dumpees as they’re forced to leave due to their values and beliefs. They suffer and may need some time to stop gravitating toward their ex. While they’re detaching and learning to keep their distance, they may occasionally become curious and check up on their ex or even express anger and disappointment.
This doesn’t mean that all angry dumpers have feelings. Mainly, those who had no choice but to respect themselves and leave with little or no premeditation find themselves missing their ex and craving their ex’s closeness. Other exes are angry because they lack space and/or feel victimized and hurt. They take their frustrations out on their ex and hope to feel better because of it.
So if you’re looking for signs your ex-boyfriend still has feelings for you, remember that you might not find any unless your ex still loves you or started loving you again. Feelings come and go. Usually, they go as soon as dumpers convince themselves they need to abandon the relationship to regain control of their time and happiness.
When they believe their ex was the issue and that they deserve better, they hold onto that belief no matter what. Only something painful or difficult can change their mind and bring back their romantic feelings. Something like another breakup. A romantic rejection or failure can hurt their self-esteem and cause them to change their perception of their ex.
Don’t expect your ex to love you just because you had a good relationship. Good women get dumped too. They may even get taken for granted more often than bad ones—simply because they’re nice and available. For dumpers to miss them, redevelop feelings, and regret leaving them, they must lose them, experience some failure, and compare them to people or things much worse than them.
That’s the only way they can realize what they’ve done and want them back in their lives.
In this post, we talk about 7 signs to look out for if you suspect that your dumper ex may still have feelings for you. Let’s take a closer look at these signs and discuss what they might mean.
1)He brings up the romantic moments
Bringing up the romantic moments you shared is one of the biggest signs your ex-boyfriend still has feelings for you. This gesture implies that he’s revisiting the relationship and longing for connection and intimacy. Nostalgia and a lack of happiness are urging him to contact you and tell you that he doesn’t just miss you as a person, but also as a partner.
Someone who only misses the friendship part of the relationship wouldn’t talk about missing the intimate moments. Instead, he’d recall the times you hung out, laughed together, or simply had fun. He’d mention that he misses having someone to talk to occasionally, rather than love and look forward to every day.
Some of the romantic moments an ex-boyfriend with feelings might mention are:
- Late-night conversations
- In-bed cuddling
- Custom-made/personalized gifts
- Dates
- Future plans
- Your skills or unique/pleasant personality
2)He’s unhappy
Unhappiness is yet another sign that your ex-boyfriend has feelings for you. If your ex reaches out when he’s hurt, sad, unhappy, or miserable, something didn’t go his way. Whether it was his studies, work, friendship, or a new romantic connection, he experienced a failure, followed by reflection and a changed perception of you.
Unhappiness, in general, is proof that your ex’s plans failed to materialize and that you weren’t solely responsible for the breakup. If you were responsible, your ex wouldn’t have gotten hurt, let alone reach out to show that he’s struggling to move on. Your ex would have kept his distance, focused on himself and others, and stayed in control of his emotions.
Hence, you must consider the possibility that an unhappy ex has reflected on the relationship, lowered his ego, and noticed your worth. He might have started to realize that the grass isn’t greener on the other side. This is especially likely if he now seeks your attention, validation, and emotional support.
Of course, an ex who confides in you about his problems and pain could merely see you as a shoulder to lean on. But if he also mentions what he admires about you and the mistakes he made, it could be an early sign of gratitude, regret, and rekindling of his feelings. His realizations may indicate that he’s in the process of falling back in love and coming back.
Rest assured that you needn’t pamper or entertain your ex’s breadcrumbs. Your ex can figure out your romantic value even without your help. Deep inside, he knows who you are, so he just needs to find a reason to remember it.
3)He’s scared, nervous, and calculative
An ex with feelings is scared of getting rejected by the person he loves. That’s why he premeditates his every move and appears nervous and scared. He doesn’t want to mess things up and risk rejection, so he stays cautious and observant. He might hold back his true feelings and stay in your life through constant check-ins.
He’ll do this until his feelings exceed his fear of rejection.
All you have to do is keep your distance and let him muster the courage to profess his feelings. He’ll tell you how he feels if he truly loves you and wants you back. He won’t ignore his cravings when his happiness, self-esteem, and future depend on you.
4)He gets jealous and possessive
This can be quite an ambiguous sign, as some exes get jealous despite not wanting to reconcile. They’re super insecure and don’t want their ex to move on without them. At least not until they’ve met someone new and secured a future with him or her.
Their insecurities, envy, and competitiveness urge them to possess their ex and prevent their ex from being happy until they’re happy themselves.
Sometimes, though, jealousy and a desire to possess the dumpee can be a good sign. They can mean that the dumper realizes and appreciates the value the dumpee brings into his or her life and wants it for him/herself. The dumper essentially fears being replaced and forgotten and may try to recommit before it’s too late.
Despite that, you shouldn’t play jealousy games with your ex. If your ex is detached and angry with you, any attempts to make your ex jealous will backfire. They’ll tell your ex you’re bragging and make your ex want to block you. Jealousy can be effective when the dumper still likes/loves you and thinks you won’t find anyone else to replace him with.
5)He wants to see you urgently, not just at some point in the future
A strong desire to see you may be another sign that your ex still has feelings for you and wants you back. It may show that your ex has been thinking about you and fell back in love.
When dumpers express the urge to see their dumpee ex all of a sudden, it may indicate romantic feelings. Especially if they invite their ex out anxiously, fearfully, and unconfidently. A lack of happiness and confidence in the invitation to meet up often means they’ve had an epiphany and want their ex to help them love themselves and feel better.
Just don’t confuse dumpers’ suggestions for casual invitations with romantic ones. When they happily invite their ex out, especially a week in advance, it usually isn’t a sign of wanting to reconcile. Their invitation has no sense of urgency, which is why it typically indicates a wish to catch up and/or be friends.
6)He tries to impress you
A guy who doesn’t care about you romantically won’t try to impress you. He won’t have anything to gain from you, so he probably won’t compliment you and try to score some brownie points. He might do that if he wants to sleep with you, but he won’t compliment anything other than your looks. He’ll stick to superficial compliments.
An ex will try to impress you for the right reasons only when he wants you back in his life romantically.
He’ll tell you he:
- Realized his mistakes/flaws and matured
- Accomplished things at work or in private life
- Reconciled with friends
- Hasn’t dated anyone or anyone successfully
He’ll say these things to paint your past relationship in a positive light and improve his chances of triggering your nostalgia and love.
7)He tells you he loves you and explains why
Some dumpers throw words like ‘I love you’ around very casually. They make it seem like they still have feelings for their ex when, in reality, they just feel bad and want to assuage their guilt. They want to receive forgiveness from their ex and make it easier for themselves to move on.
If your ex told you he loved you but made no effort to back it up with actions, he merely told you what you wanted to hear. He had no feelings, nor intention to reconnect on an intimate level. Real love is followed by consistent communication, effort, accountability, gratitude, and willingness to invest emotionally. When there’s no talk about getting back together, there is no love and regret. There’s just an ex who wants you to know he cares about you as a person.
So take your ex seriously only if your ex explains why he loves you and what he’s willing to do to make things work. When he invests time, effort, and feelings in you, you can be certain that he has romantic expectations and wants to start a new, hopefully healthier relationship built on communication, trust, love, and commitment.
Do you agree with my 7 signs that your ex-boyfriend still has feelings for you? Can you think of any other signs? Post your ideas below—and we’ll get back to you shortly.
Lastly, if you need help identifying whether your ex still has feelings for you, feel free to reach out directly. We’ll take a closer look at your breakup and help guide you in the right direction.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
