Updated on September 15, 2025
Wishing your ex a happy birthday is seldom a good idea. Not only do birthday wishes count as a breach of no contact, but they also cause more problems than they solve. They invade the dumper’s privacy, reduce the dumper’s guilt and curiosity, force the dumper to respond, and make you look dependent on recognition.
The moment you break the silence to wish your ex well, your ex learns you’re still thinking about him or her and wanting to get back together. Your ex feels your pain and desperation through your voice or text and knows that your reach-out comes with expectations. Expectations that are overwhelming and incapable of being fulfilled.
To you, a simple birthday wish may not seem like much, but to an ex who left you to get space and regain emotional independence, it can be a lot. It can put immense pressure on the dumper and cause him or her to lose all respect and treat you like a stranger (or worse).
Of course, not all dumpers go crazy when they receive a birthday text from someone they dated. Some dumpers consider it a positive or neutral gesture and don’t overreact. They respond kindly and even engage in a friendly conversation.
But unfortunately, many dumpers don’t handle reach-outs so well. Instead of thanking their ex, they ignore their ex or soon lose patience with him or her. This is more common for dumpers who recently initiated a breakup, had an ugly breakup, or found someone new to date and don’t want to think about their ex. When they’re busy or convinced their ex is the cause of all their problems and unhappiness, they don’t respond well to birthday wishes.
That’s why it’s often best not to reach out to an ex for his or her birthday. Reaching out is a gamble as the dumper may find offense and say or do something that hurts your feelings and sets back your recovery process. Yes, the dumper might also not make things more difficult, but why take the risk when you know that any wrong move could trap, offend, or hurt your ex and cause him or her to punish you for it. It’s better to keep your thoughts to yourself and let your ex receive birthday wishes from people he or she actually wants them from.
People like his or her friends and family, or perhaps even a new dating partner.
Look, I know you want to be a good person and wish your ex a happy birthday, but before you do that, ask yourself if it’s something your ex wants right now. If you’re not talking, you’re not even friends, so what’s the point of contacting your ex? Reaching out will make things worse for both of you, especially you, because you’ll put your expectations into the reach-out and hope that it melts your ex’s heart and lowers his or her defences.
If your heart still craves your ex, you’re not thinking of reaching out selflessly for your ex. You’re thinking of establishing contact for yourself because you’re not happy with the current situation and see your ex’s birthday as a way to get back in touch/together. You want to learn how your ex thinks and feels about you, get your hopes up, regain control, and reconcile with your ex. That doesn’t mean you should act on your emotions and ruin all your emotional progress.
It means you should protect your progress and preserve your value as an ex. By staying away from your ex and preserving your value, you can avoid experiencing additional rejections and suffering longer than necessary.
So don’t reach out to your ex, especially for birthdays, anniversaries, or other yearly events. You can’t reach out as long as you’re hurt and want your ex to take you back to validate you (ease your suffering). As badly as you want to talk to your ex, you must remember that your ex stopped valuing you romantically and that wishing him or her happy birthday won’t change things for the better.
As a rule of thumb, don’t do anything that puts your feelings and health at risk. This includes reaching out for your ex’s birthday and hoping that your words touch your ex and change his or her perception of you. Your ex won’t return because of a thoughtful birthday wish. It won’t plant the seed of doubt either. It can’t do such a thing when the dumper loses feelings and considers you responsible.
The only thing that can make the dumper come back is the realization that he or she was (partially) at fault and that you deserve way better treatment than you got. Once your ex reflects and discovers your worth on his or her own, your ex could feel bad, redevelop love, and come back very quickly. It might not even take a day for your ex to run back and apologize for taking you for granted and promise to make things right.
A birthday wish, however, is unlikely to change anything. It’s much more likely to suffocate your ex and ruin your ex’s remaining respect.
So is it safe to wish your ex a happy birthday? Most of the time, it’s not. A happy birthday wish brings back unwanted reminders and forces the dumper to interact with you instead of letting him or her do that voluntarily. Dumpers don’t like being forced to chat and feel emotions they’re trying to run away from. When they feel pressured to do something they don’t want, they often get irritated and make their ex regret reaching out.
I’m not saying your ex will hurt you for sure. There are dumpers who thank their ex for the birthday wish and chat for a while. But the longer they chat, the more information they receive, and the longer they need to process it. That means they add extra stress and worry to their life and sabotage their recovery process.
If you want to heal, you must avoid looking for reasons to contact your ex and avoid the temptation to talk to your ex. How you do this is entirely up to you, but you mustn’t reach out just because it’s your ex’s birthday. You especially mustn’t do that if you ended things on bad terms or if your ex stayed quiet on your birthday.
Your ex’s birthday isn’t the time to reach out. It’s time to stay in no contact and let silence speak for you. Silence will convey that you respect yourself and his or her boundaries.
In my career as a breakup coach, I’ve seen plenty of different breakup situations and reconciliations. I can tell you that birthday reconciliations aren’t very common. They’re extremely uncommon because dumpers lack reasons (feelings and regrets) to return. They aren’t ready to leave the past behind, so they continue to blame their ex and feel victimized.
So don’t count on your or your ex’s birthday for reconciliation. Exes get back together when they live alone for a while and discover that they were happier as a couple.
In today’s post, we’ll discuss whether it’s safe to wish your ex a happy birthday.
Should you wish your ex a happy birthday?
Dumpees shouldn’t risk their happiness and health just to wish their ex a happy birthday. As long as they need their ex back, their well-being is at risk, so they should stay in no contact to give their ex space to breathe. Their ex needs space to process the breakup, enjoy life, and figure out if leaving made things better.
If they contact their ex prematurely (before their ex is ready to talk and feels something for them), they tell their ex they need a relationship more than their ex does and kill their ex’s interest.
So no, you shouldn’t wish your ex a happy birthday. You especially shouldn’t do it if you think it will help you get back with your ex. When you reach out under the pretense of celebrating your ex’s birthday, you make it clear that you’re using it as an excuse to impress your ex and reconcile. The moment your ex picks up on what you’re doing, it’s game over, as your ex will find it uncomfortable and disrespectful of his or her decisions and feelings.
Instead of texting your ex happy birthday, remind yourself that your ex needs space and that you won’t achieve what you want on your terms. You’ll get another chance with your ex only if your ex fails to secure happiness without you. A lack of happiness could trigger reflection and the realization that you were always there for him or her.
Birthday wishes, anniversaries, Valentine’s gifts, and other types of unsolicited contact can guilt-trip, pressure, and overwhelm the dumper with expectations and also reduce his or her doubts and regrets.
Therefore, your ex’s birthday won’t help you get back together. If anything, it will further disconnect you and your ex and disrupt your healing.
You’ll make a much better impression on your ex if you stay in no contact during your ex’s birthday and let your ex wonder why you haven’t reached out. Even if your ex gets a bit hurt, it’s better not to talk to your ex and risk receiving an unwanted reaction.
I encourage you to stick to the rules of no contact and remember that your ex doesn’t deserve happy birthday wishes from you. Even if your ex wants them, your ex must learn that the breakup changed things and that he or she lost your friendship and care. You can’t continue to act close and friendly when you want your ex back more than anything.
Acting close will either scare your ex off and hurt you or give you false hope and delay your recovery. It’s in your best interest to consider reaching out an unsafe gesture and do what’s best for your healing and growth.
I remember wanting to text my ex happy birthday, too. I saw it as an opportunity to get close to her, show changes and improvements, and get on her good side. Every fiber in my body told me to contact her and see if I could somehow win her over.
As you can imagine, she wasn’t very excited to hear from me. She may not have been rude, but she did appear disinterested and shared things that made me feel hopeless and undesirable. Talking to her gave me more things to take personally and analyze for days.
That’s why I decided that enough was enough and that no contact needed to be permanent. I needed to leave her alone for good and focus on getting over her, not back with her. When I did that, my emotional health improved tenfold and allowed me to connect with someone new.
Someone who actually wanted to talk to me and be with me. My ex didn’t want any of that, so she merely responded for the sake of responding and catching up. My reach-out couldn’t bring back her feelings and make her want to be with me.
Today, I’m thankful things ended then and there. But back then, I was devastated because I was hoping she would notice my growth and come back.
Your story may be different, but it doesn’t change the fact that your ex is set on leaving and doesn’t want to feel hurt or uncomfortable. Your ex wants things to stay as they are and stay in control.
Having said that, here’s why it’s not safe to wish your ex a happy birthday.
When can I wish my ex a happy birthday?
It’s safe to wish your ex a happy birthday when you’re over or almost over your ex and can handle your ex’s response, including a bad or no response. When you’re okay with not getting back with your ex, you can reach out to wish a happy birthday and perhaps even offer friendship.
It shouldn’t be a problem because your ex’s negative response won’t hurt your self-esteem, ruin your happiness, and force you to think about your ex for days. Once you’re over your ex, you can do anything you want. The only problem is that you might not want to. You’ll probably like your newfound peace and happiness too much to risk getting hurt again.
Most dumpees stop thinking about reaching out when they recover and find better people or things to think about. That’s when they take their ex off the pedestal and make themselves responsible for their happiness and success in life.
You can also consider wishing your ex happy birthday if your ex has already reached out. If you heard from your ex recently, your ex probably doesn’t despise you and can handle a simple birthday wish. Just don’t get caught in conversation because you could convince yourself that your ex still likes you and has feelings for you. That could give you false hope and cause another painful rejection.
Remember that it’s okay to interact with your ex when you’re okay with the breakup and have self-esteem high enough to handle anything your ex throws at you. When you’re secure, you can be your ex’s friend if you think it can be beneficial.
Should I give my ex a present for his/her birthday?
You’re probably thinking that your ex will jump up and down in joy and appreciate you giving him or her a present. Well, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Whether it’s a sweater or tickets to his or her favorite band, the present is something you want to give, not something your ex wants to receive.
Your ex doesn’t want it because it comes from you with expectations. The moment you give your ex something, especially something expensive or romantic, your ex sees that you want something in return. You want attention, gratitude, or romance.
Since your ex can’t give you what you want and feels forced to repay you, your ex feels trapped and extremely unhappy. Your ex would rather focus on things he or she feels excited about.
An ex who buys gifts isn’t one of those things.
That’s why you shouldn’t give your ex any gifts for his or her birthday. Don’t send letters, flowers, or anything you wouldn’t want your ex to send you. Put yourself in your ex’s shoes instead and try to understand how your ex would feel. If you do that, you’ll know that gifting an ex is wrong and that it will make reconciliation harder, not easier.
Gifts will make your ex think you’re obsessed with him or her and that you’re trying to literally win him or her back. Your attempts to reconcile will, of course, backfire because you’ll reveal your feelings and stop your ex from redeveloping love.
How to wish an ex happy birthday?
If you decide that there’s no risk to wishing your ex happy birthday, make your birthday wish short and expectationless. Say something like, “Happy birthday, I hope you have a wonderful day.” Don’t start mentioning why you’re grateful you met him/her and that you’ll never forget the connection you shared.
Your ex doesn’t feel how you feel. Your ex shouldn’t know how you feel and think so that you appear more mysterious and interesting. If you reveal your feelings, your ex will probably stop talking to you and avoid reaching out. You won’t hear from your ex for a while because your ex will be afraid of being pursued again.
If you want to wish your ex happy birthday, do it in a way that avoids making your ex feel uncomfortable. You can do that by reaching out not for yourself, but for your ex’s birthday. Act as if you have no expectations and that you’ll be okay whether your ex responds or not.
Your birthday message should contain nothing more than the birthday wish itself. If it includes questions or statements unrelated to the birthday, your ex will see that you’re using his or her birthday as a reason to reach out and make yourself feel validated.
Most exes don’t find that attractive. They consider it repulsive.
To avoid making your ex think negatively about you, make your birthday wish short and strictly birthday-related. Be prepared to end the topic rather than dragging it out.
Now, your ex might talk to you afterward. If that happens, reply to your ex, but make sure not to ask questions you aren’t ready for. It could hurt you badly if you ask personal questions and encourage your ex to open up.
Do you still want to wish your ex a happy birthday? Comment below and let us know.
And if you’re looking for help with your ex, sign up for breakup coaching and reach out. At Magnet of Success, we guide dumpees and help them avoid making breakup mistakes.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
A short question. After a couple of months, she reached me out in the first place wishing me merry christmas and telling me she found a new job in another part. After a week she reached me out again congratulating me on my birthday. After 4 weeks I wrote her to wish her the very best on her new job. And we haven’t talk anymore (I continue doing NC), except interchange likes in linkedin. Should I Wish my ex a happy birthday in a few months. I must say the few conversations were casual and polites. I think it was a good thing after 2 months of pure to be reached out and at least, I am important in their life. What do you think Zan?
Hi Graviton.
You can say hi if you want to be polite, but know that it won’t change anything. It’s up to you. I personally wouldn’t contact her so that I could detach and look forward to my own life again.
Sincerely,
Zan
Dear Zan,
I hope you can give me some advice, my long distance ex-girlfriend broke up with me 4 months ago and I’ve been in NC for 3 months but, recently her bestfriend tagged her in a facebook post greeting her a happy birthday.
So then, I cannot control myself and I commented on that post mentioning her name and wish her a happy birthday, wishing her the best and also told keepsafe in a respectful manner, but I didn’t get any react or response from her. Even before I do that, I promise myself to not contact her never ever again and that would be the last.
I just wanna ask you that did I broke NC by doing that? Even though I did not greet her via private message. And, did I lessen also the chances of hearing again from her or neither a reconciliation in the future? Hope you could give me some piece of advice Zan.
Bt the way, I am one of your avid reader. I’m reading each and every blog you post on your page, and we’re so thankful (dumpees) for helping us to recover after the break up. More power Zan!
Hi Jah.
Theoretically, you didn’t break no contact, but you did make a breakup mistake. I’m not sure how she perceived it, but judging by her lack of response, she probably didn’t like it. Rest assured, though that your comment didn’t ruin things. It was a selfless comment that demanded no answers or attention from her. She’ll get over it and so will you.
From now on, stay in full no contact. Follow all the rules of NC and tell your friends not to tag you. They should know better.
Thanks a lot for reading the blog, Jah. I’m forever grateful. 🙏
Best regards,
Zan
Does it matter how long it has been since they broke no contact? My ex broke no contact after 6 months to apologize etc. and she seemed very nervous and awkward on the phone. I did as this website says – kept it brief and ended the conversation quickly to say I have work to do, and she told me I can reach out if I ever want to talk and I said ok you can do the same. Neither of us have contacted each other since and it has been a few more months since that interaction. I am guessing I should stay in no contact and not send a happy birthday text given no contact was effectively resumed after she initially broke it. Happy birthday would make sense only if she attempted to sustain contact with me once she broke it. Thoughts?
Hi Marvin.
Since your ex reached out already, you can reach out if you want. But if you’re still recovering from the breakup, bear in mind that it will hurt you and set you back. Also, wishing your ex happy birthday won’t make your ex love you, Marvin. It will just ease her worries and/or guilt. So think about whether wishing her is a good idea.
Kind regards,
Zan
I have a doubt. Does a “Happy Birthday!” post on your Facebook wall count as Reaching Out?
She broke up with me almost 6 months ago. (May 11, 2020)
I immediately went No Contact. I didn’t begged or pleaded.
Just hanged up the phone and distanced myself from her.
Never reached out, didn’t stalked her on social media, no nothing. I just vanished from her life.
Last week it was her birthday. I didn’t write her anything. But I did thought of her the whole fucking day. But, I didn’t reached out. I saw that she uploaded some selfies and she was alone at home with a little cake. I felt bad for her. Because she is alone and she drives people away. Like she did with me. And she is older than me. (She is 37 and I’m 28M).
But, she did reached out and wrote me a “Happy Birthday!” a couple of days ago. (Yes, our birthdays are a week apart.) Why would she do that after what she told me when she broke up with me? She was really clear. In fact, she was mean and humiliating with me on the day of the break up.
She said and I quote: “We shouldn’t be in contact. We need to evolve, maybe in 3 years we could try again. IF we ever find each other again.” As I said, I went NCR with her right after hanging up the phone the day of the breakup. And now, after almost 6 months of No Contact, I received a Happy Birthday post from her on my Facebook wall. Why?
I waited until the next day to reply to everybody on my FBook wall. I used the same emojis with everybody and with her I wrote this, “Thank you! Hope you had a good one too! Cheers!” and that’s it.
I haven’t heared from her since and I don’t plan to start chasing her again. I’m gonna keep my NC. If she wants to reach out again, I’m open to talk to her, but I’m not starting any conversation with her, if she wants to talk, I’m here. I’m not going after her.
But, I do want to know Why? Why would she do it? Why reach out? She wanted me to leave, right? So I did, why congratulate me if she didn’t wanted to be in contact in the first place?
Anyway, Thanks for reading. Peace! (:
Hi, even if I don’t know you, I wish you happy birthday. My gift to you is letting you know that a Facebook reply is not considered “reaching out”, it is called “breadcrumbs”. Great for you for what you have done, no contact is the key and your reply to her message was excellent because you were respectful by replying to her contact, polite by replying and not opening a conversation and the most important, continuing with your life.
It’s normal that you think about her, even most on her birthday or on a date that used to be important for you, but your mental control is the key. She could be wondering what’s about you but it doesn’t mean that she would like to get back to a relationship with you. The less she knows about you, the more she will probably will want to know. If she was really into you she will contact you but she will try to do it in the less risky way for her and of course social media is always a safe bet but you should have high standards and set the bar high for her and anyone you want in your life.
My post is already long, but I suggest you reading the post on this blog called “breadcrumbs” and look for it on many others sites and prepare mentally yourself on how to behave if she ever reach out. The rule of thumb is be polite, respectful, give short answer and don’t have any expectations on her contact because she could be looking for any kind of validation from you and disappear again (even replying to “hi” could be was she was expecting from you, then not replying again).
My best wishes to you, you are doing great, keep safe!
Ricardo
Should i wish my ex a happy birthday if she reached out to me for my birthday with a very long and pretty fake text wishing me all the best and bullshit ect.
I have to clarify she broke up with me and even though i don’t have concrete proof i am 95% sure she cheated on me with my best friend and is now with him and he also dumped his girlfriend, even though they still hide it from me.
Hi Zan,
I have been reading some of your posts lately, incredibly insightful I must say. I am not quite sure what to do. My ex boyf broke up with me a couple of months back. He really hurt my feelings and just gave up on me. No arguments nothing, he just comes back from holiday and decides to call it a day. He thought i was the one and just gave me silly excuses and apologised that he can’t change how he feels. He made all these promises to my sister the week before and then he just does a 180. A guy who wont fight for me is not worth it. Essentially after reading your posts I realised he’s a guy who wants to be in a long term relationship but has some of the traits of a serial dater/serial monogamist
He contacted me within two weeks of our break up just to check in to see if I was ok. I just said I was fine and left it at that. Ive been really focusing on myself and self care. We havent spoken since but only the other day did I notice that he posted of him out on a fancy date with another girl celebrating both their birthdays. He’s a guy who literally needs to be dating someone, its like some external validation kind of thing. He seems to have moved on super quick the fact this new girl is now social media friends with his sister and his housemates and they are both posting photos. Its like I never existed. He still views my instagram stories within 15mins. Ive now removed all traces of him, number photos etc and have only got him on instagram but I am going to remove him next week when I feel ready. I pity him that he can’t even be alone or learn the lessons from our relationship.
My ex’s bday is coming up next week. Ive booked dinner with a couple of my friends and keeping busy on the actual day. Do I still wish him happy bday or like a belated bday message? I am not the kind of girl to play games with someone and have a genuine caring heart. My intention is not to get back with him, or show him that I am trying to move on. Just merely as a curtersy. Even when we broke up, I really held my dignity together and just thanked him for the lessons and the memories. He respected that and my strength. I just don’t know if he is expecting me to wish him or something. His bday is what we always used to talk about. Thats why I am baffled, please help!
KT
X
Me and my boyfriend of short term agreed to have a relationship without commitment , to enjoy every moment but after that i felt that i am getting attached to him so i started nagging over everything , i started taking things seriously , but i said that i am sorry for this , he never loved someone before and he doesn’t believe in love either , same goes for me . so i asked for a breakup but i regretted it immediately . but after that he wanted to have a break because he is lost and he has been having some hard time but at the same time he want o stay in touch, to meet each other occasionnaly and that he still likes me . so i accepted his decision but i feel like we broke up . i am having a big crush on him and i want the no contact rule to get him back . but his birthday is near so i am planning to invite him over my house and to give hime a cake and to have some fun time together so that he can feel fine again .sorry for ,making it so long
PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO !!!!!!
She broke up with me. It has been almost 1 month and a half since then and her birthday is near.Its the second time we break up actually,we ve been together for 3 years in total.Im currently in no contact.She recently liked an instagram pic, the only one i have uploaded since the break up and i have reated to any of her uploads.I know 90% it doenst mean anything but you know how these things are.We broke up in good terms, obviously i have feelings for her and i want to get back together.I dont think its a good idea to text her a happy birthday though.What do you say ?
Please some advice….My ex’s birthday is coming up and I’m debating if I should wish him a happy birthday. I was hurt when we broke up and he did apologize for that. I’ve been in no contact for 4 months and no he hasn’t reached out. I’m not looking at reconciliation more as a form of saying no hard feelings as I’m just that kind of person. Do you think I should just let sleeping dogs lie and continue with my progress. Side note he forgot my birthday as he was sick. As I write this I feel like I already know my answer. Can someone please be a voice of reason as I’m just trying to obtain peace in my life.
Don’t do it.. trust me it validates how he treated you..
Thank you. I think it’s best to just let sleeping dogs lie. He ended up messaging due to my phone pocket messaging (it was blank with symbols). We messaged briefly but that’s it. Don’t actually feel the need to message him, you can tell there is nothing left, just two individuals that are being polite.
My ex and I broke up a few years ago but we’ve remained friends since and talk almost every other day. He has a gf and recently found out through social media he is now having a child with her. The last time we spoke was in late March and had a bit of an argument over something stupid. He didn’t necessary say he is done with me but he ended the conversation and neither of us have reached out since then. His birthday is coming up in 2 weeks and am wondering if I should reach out to him and wish him a happy birthday. Or should I let him be? I feel like he should be the one to reach out since he’s the one that ended the convo. I don’t know what to do and it’s stressing me out. I’m also nervous to reach out first because I don’t know what his response will be. Clearly he has moved on I know that and I’m not trying to get him back. I like talking to him as does he but there are times when he can be disrespectful, not follow through with his words, and disregards my feelings ( reason we broke up in the first place). I don’t know what to do. Please help!
My ex and I broke up a few years ago but we remained close friends since. He has a gf and is now having a child with her. The last time we spoke was in late March and had a bit of an argument over something stupid. He didn’t necessarily say he’s done with me but he ended the conversation and neither of us have reached out since then. His birthday is coming in 2 weeks and am wondering if I should wish him a happy birthday. Or should I leave him be? I feel like he should be the one to reach out since he’s the one who ended the convo. I don’t know what to do and it’s stressing me out. I’m also nervous to reach out first because I don’t know what his response will be. I like his company but there are times when he can be disrespectful, not follow through with his words, and not be mindful of my feelings (which was the reason for the breakup).
Please help!!
Hi Christina!
I’m far from being a relationship expert but in my opinion, if your relationship is merely a friendship (no hidden or clear feelings of getting back together in a romantic way), it shouldn’t matter if you reach out to him first. Sometimes, friends disagree and have arguments and most of the time (depending of the gravity of the problem), they are not bad enough to stop reaching out, in fact, I think that his birthday would be a great opportunity to retake the community, no bad feelings, no strings attached.
I wish you the best 🙂
Thanks Ricardo for your response 🙂
Hello, Thank you for your post. I received a “Happy Birthday” text for my birthday recently in a group chat setting from my ex. We have not talked for years, and this is the first year he did so. I know it may not mean he wants to get back together etc. But it is hard to convince myself and stop overthinking. Are there any tips with getting over the emotional responses?
Thank you!
What would you recommend doing if your ex broke up with you because he has depression and couldn’t give me more than what he was already giving me. Obviously he is struggling, should I still not message him during no contact to wish him a happy birthday. I just feel so bad that he would notice and not feel very good for me not reaching out on his birthday.
Hi Zan
” You are safe to show an act of courtesy when your ex has reached out to you first.”
It’s right, but the question is who should reach out first?
Hi Reina, according to my understanding of the situation, the “dumper” is the one who should reach first. The article is based on that the guy dumped her but it could apply the other way around (she dumped him), in any case, the dumpee never reaches out the dumper first