Never Take Back An Ex Who Dumped You Before You Question Your Ex’s Motives

It can be tempting to take an ex back who dumped you and made you feel extremely miserable. It can feel like the person who can complete you has finally noticed your worth and is ready to give you what you need to be happy.

But before you take your ex back, it’s of utmost importance that you comprehend your ex’s reasons for leaving and coming back. You need to have a clear understanding of what made your ex dump you and whether the reasons for dumping you are still there.

If they are there, getting back with your ex would be a huge mistake as you’d most certainly get dumped again. Your ex might stay for a little while (depending on his or her reasons for coming back (some dumpers get depressed)), and leave you months later when he or she has recovered. That would give you undeserved pain and make you feel ridiculous for trusting your ex and being vulnerable around your ex.

It’d make you think that your ex acted selfishly, took advantage of you, and wasted the time you could have spent moving on, improving yourself, and doing more productive things.

So if your ex left you for any reason at all, let’s say because your ex took you for granted and stopped maintaining the relationship, don’t just accept your ex back on a whim and allow your ex to do what he or she wants. You already did that once – when your ex left you. You can’t let your ex do that again as it would be wrong in terms of power and self-respect.

The moment your ex expresses the desire to be with you, you must take back all the power your ex took from you by leaving you. You must show that you’re in control of your life and that you won’t let your ex come and go as he or she pleases.

You can do that by letting your ex know things will be different from now and that you’ll observe how your ex behaves and treats you for a couple of weeks or so.

If you’re not happy with what you see, say you’ll have no choice but to leave and stop communicating. This should keep your ex on his or her toes until you’re satisfied with his or her improvements. Bear in mind that you’re in control now and that you must stay in control by letting your ex prove his or her commitment to you and show you (not just tell you) that things will be different next time around.

Your ex can prove that to you by matching his or her words with actions and being consistent. Consistency is what you’re looking for as it shows that your ex is serious about growing and obtaining your forgiveness. Your recognition should compel your ex to stay on his or her best behavior and impress you until you’re ready to fully trust your ex again.

In today’s post, we discuss if it’s true that you should never take back an ex who dumped you. We elaborate on whether reconciliations are doomed for failure and if you should have a backup plan prepared in case things go awry after getting back together with an ex.

Should you never take back an ex who dumped you?

Getting back with an ex who dumped you is always risky. No dumper can guarantee that he truly regrets leaving you and that he will do everything in his power to earn your trust back. Sometimes dumpers say all the right things but still end up leaving. They can’t stay committed for long because they come back for reasons that have nothing to do with their ex.

Reasons such as depression, stress, financial issues, pressure from family, etc. Such dumpers detach in a matter of days after returning and leave again when their ex helps them heal and makes them feel smothered or uncomfortable.

Dumpees who are aware of the risks of taking an ex back and want their ex back need a little bit of luck and blind faith. They need to convince themselves that although reconciling with the dumper is risky, it’s what they want and that they’re mentally prepared for another rejection if it comes to it. If they aren’t prepared to break up, they shouldn’t get involved with their ex in the first place.

They should stay away from their ex and work on improving their emotional health and well-being. Only when they don’t need their ex back is when they should consider giving a relationship with their ex another try. Sadly, though, many dumpees don’t wait until they’re healed. They can’t control when their ex wants them back, so they normally jump back into a relationship with their ex the moment their ex comes running.

That’s how they put themselves in a risky situation and let their ex control how happy and healthy they are.

So if you want your ex back, should you even take an ex back who dumped you? Should you lower your pride, accept your ex back, and live in fear and uncertainty?

Well, it depends on each person (on what you believe and what the dumper thinks of you). Some dumpees have a lot of pride, high self-esteem, and strong beliefs that they should never take back someone who dumped them. They’re against reconciliations and can’t or don’t want to lower their guard around their ex.

They prefer not to as they don’t want to see their ex in a better light, fall back in love, and risk getting hurt again. I suppose we could say they’re afraid (have trust issues), know their worth, or simply want to reject their ex and feel good about it.

In any case, it’s up to you to decide if you want your ex back or not. If your ex has hurt you badly and it’s only been a few weeks since the breakup, you’ll probably take your ex back the first chance you get. You won’t have to think twice because you’ll feel a strong compulsion for love and validation.

But if months went by and you became more rational, then you’ll likely start to notice that your ex wasn’t as perfect as you initially thought. Your ex made mistakes too. You just weren’t able to see them or care about them because you were in pain and focused on getting back with your ex.

When you take your focus off your ex and regain your composure, you might not want your ex back at all. That’s because you’ll repair and increase your self-esteem and know that someone who leaves you doesn’t deserve you. If he or she loved you and was serious about you, he or she wouldn’t have left you and made you go through such a difficult experience.

Lots of people say you should never take back an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend who dumped you. Many of them are red-pillers who chant that breakups happen for a reason and that you should avoid getting involved with an ex for your own good.

Although a little bit of space is essential after the breakup, not all relationships are undeserving of a second chance. Every breakup happens for different reasons, so some ex-couples may have less severe reasons for breaking up than others. Those couples can get back together and try to make their relationship stronger than before. But they must work hard on making sure they don’t repeat the same mistakes.

The following picture shows when you should not take back an ex who dumped you.

You should try to steer clear of cliches you read on the internet and use common sense. Common sense entails rationality, experience, and observation. If you discern that something’s not right (that your ex is acting odd and appears to be cold, angry, or different than you’re used to), you should be careful.

You should avoid getting back with your ex. Always remember that when your ex wants you back for the right reasons and has something valuable to give you (something like love) that your ex will show you love with his or her actions.

Your ex will commit to you more than ever before and do his or her best to prevent you from developing doubts and leaving the relationship.

Do couples who get back together break up again?

Oftentimes, couples who get back together indeed break up again. They don’t make the necessary internal changes to adapt to each other and evolve individually, so they encounter similar personality clashes/differences and break up when they run out of patience and love.

You see, love is not unlimited or unconditional as some people want it to be. It’s composed of respect, peace, common goals and beliefs, determination, patience, and need or desire for attention, support, and reciprocation. If a person doesn’t get or want these things, he or she may detach and want them from someone else instead.

And that could cause the relationship to experience disagreements and fall apart when disagreements snowball into resentments and contempt. So bear in mind that getting back together with an ex isn’t risk-free. There are certain issues you may encounter.

Issues such as:

• worries that you’ll get broken up with again
• separation anxiety
• overdependence on your ex
• being overly self-conscious around your ex
• old personality clashes
• and temptations to abandon the relationship when things get tough

To make the relationship work, you would have to let go of your fears and think of your relationship as a new relationship. If you treat it like the old one, you’ll perceive your ex the same as before, stagnate, and find it difficult to move forward with your ex.

Decide what kind of ex you should never take back

As a person of value, you have to have standards. You have to know what kind of behavior is tolerable and what you shouldn’t downplay and ignore. For example, if your ex tried to ruin your reputation or did something really nasty to you, your ex probably doesn’t deserve another chance.

Your ex doesn’t deserve it no matter how strongly he or she apologizes and expresses regret.

Some things are inexcusable and shouldn’t be forgotten with a mere apology and perseverance. Your job is to set some personal standards (lines that a person mustn’t cross) when he or she breaks up with you.

For me, some of those lines are:

• cheating
• ghosting
• monkey-branching
• mocking
• trash-talking, name-calling, and spreading rumors
• saying bad things about my family
• refusing to talk about the relationship (give me closure)
• suing me
• keeping kids from me

What about you? What are your deal-breakers after the relationship? If you don’t know or haven’t thought about them before, it’s time to give them some serious thought. Contemplate whether your ex even deserves another chance. I’m convinced that every third or fourth dumper shouldn’t be welcomed back.

He or she should be told that what he or she did was too much and that the dumpee is going to keep moving forward and self-prioritizing. I’m not saying you need to be vengeful. All I’d like you to do is know your worth and refuse to get back with exes who haven’t treated you with respect.

Many of you reading this wonder, “Well, my ex treated me really badly. Maybe I shouldn’t want my ex back.” But despite getting hurt by your ex and doubting your ex’s ability to make you happy, you still want your ex back. You want your ex to return and love you the way he or she used to.

I get it, you’re not ready to let go of your ex just yet and that’s okay. You need more time because you’re still in the process of accepting the breakup and detaching. You need to keep healing so that when rationality kicks in, you know what to do or not to do.

When the time is right, personal values and standards will guide you. Make sure to prioritize yourself during this difficult time so that you do the right thing when you regain control over your thoughts and feelings.

Do you think you should never take back an ex who dumped you? What exes deserve another chance? Share your thoughts in the comments below. We’d like to know what you think.

And if you’re not sure if you want to take your ex back yet, sign up for coaching with us so we can get rid of your dilemma. You can learn more about our coaching services here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.