My Boyfriend Breaks Up With Me Every Time We Argue

Does your boyfriend break up with you every time you argue? Does he ignore the pain he’s causing you and make you feel even more miserable?

If he does, this is a big relationship red flag that you shouldn’t overlook. Continuous breakups indicate that your boyfriend doesn’t know how to keep his anger or sadness under control and that he keeps associating negativity with you.

He does this because he doesn’t know that his negative emotions are created by his interpretation of the argument and perception of you rather than a good sense of right or wrong.

I know that arguments can be difficult to handle sometimes. When you raise your voice to your partner, reject his ideas, or communicate differently than he’s used to, you hurt his ego, anger him, and make him want to defend himself.

This is normal because you fail to reach his expectations and speak in a way that he understands.

But what’s not normal is to threaten your partner with a breakup or to break up with him during an argument. Threats and breakups are extremely damaging to the relationship because every time you speak about breaking up or actually leave your partner, you get closer to breaking up for good.

You develop resentments, feel victimized, and decrease trust and love in the relationship.

Surprisinglyac, many couples do this. They get so angry or hurt that they say things like:

• I can’t do this anymore
• I’m tired of this
• Let’s break up
• I want a break
• This isn’t working
• I’m not happy
• let’s date other people

Some say these things because they’re overwhelmed with negative emotions, some to threaten their partner, and some because they actually want to break up. No matter the reason, though, these aren’t good ways to break up.

If a person wants to break up, he should calm down first and then discuss the terms of the breakup. He shouldn’t just break up when he’s vexed.

Why?

Because when a person is angry or highly emotional, he often says things he shouldn’t say and hurts his partner. He sometimes even cause emotional scars and trust issues that take years to get over.

So if you’re tired of breaking up with your boyfriend and want him to appreciate you more, start at the beginning – by learning what on and off patterns mean. Learn that they don’t mean your relationship is strong because it’s able to survive mini breakups but that it’s unstable and far from healthy.

It’s unhealthy and because of that, highly likely that it will break once someone (the person with the most power) gets irritated by the more “demanding” person and becomes resentful.

Some people think that toxic relationships last long because they have unconditional love, but I can tell you that there’s no such thing as unconditional love when your partner breaks up with you every time things get heated. Anger and disappointment are the opposite of unconditional love as they prove that your partner has a hard time accepting you and loving you as you are.

His love is, therefore, very conditional – limited because it depends on his emotional maturity which is the way he perceives you and feels about you.

You need to know that your on and off relationship has a breaking point like all other relationships. You’re likely just too blinded by love (or a lack of it) to realize that right now. You’ll be able to see what I’m talking about when you get some emotional distance from your boyfriend and see your relationship from a different perspective.

In the meantime, keep in mind that if you don’t break this pattern of breaking up and getting back together that it’s only a matter of time before one of your breakups becomes your final breakup.

And that’s because your boyfriend’s patience is very low and keeps getting lower. Eventually, it will decrease to such a low point that your boyfriend will reach a melting point and explode.

That’s when you’ll both start craving opposite things. Your boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend) will want space and you’ll want love and validation.

If you don’t want that to happen, you need to communicate and resolve disagreements before they lead to resentments. Instead of reacting to each other, you need to work together and start thinking of arguments as mere disagreements rather than ultimate dealbreakers.

Changing your mental attitudes will allow you to grow together and encourage you to develop a stronger bond whereas following this unhealthy pattern of breaking up and getting back together will lead to a permanent separation and bitterness.

So if your boyfriend breaks up with you every time you argue, keep in mind that the guy has a lot of internal work to do. He has to boost his emotional intelligence and perceive you in a better light.

Only then will he be able to see your worth, respect you for who you are, and become afraid of breaking up.

The topic of this blog post is my boyfriend breaks up with me every time we argue. Throughout this article, we’ll share some tips on what you need to do about your highly emotional boyfriend and what your boyfriend needs to do to be happy with you.

My boyfriend breaks up with me every time we argue

There are two types of guys who break up during arguments.

The first type is the insecure guys who threaten to break up or break up just because they want power and control. Such guys are very manipulative and don’t understand themselves, let alone their partners.

They just like to watch their ex-girlfriends beg for them back and stroke their egos. Seeing their exes on their knees gives them a false sense of importance and makes them think that their ex-girlfriends can’t live without them.

And then there are impulsive guys who are angry and impatient with themselves and others. Guys like this tend to break up with their partners in the heat of the moment. They don’t know why they feel the way they do, but unlike guys who want to hurt their ex-girlfriends to make their ex-girlfriends care about them, they usually leave relationships because they feel victimized.

Such guys usually just need some time to themselves to cool off and come running back. In their defense, they say that they weren’t thinking clearly and that they’re sorry for leaving. Sometimes they even promise not to make the same mistake again.

Both types are very similar in terms of maturity. They both like to control their partners or ex-partners and do what they want. The biggest difference between them is that the insecure guys act from a place of insecurity whereas impulsive guys break up from a place of strength, which is anger and frustration.

Impulsive guys are also much more likely to leave their partners for good because they aren’t afraid of being alone. Their self-esteem tends to be decent, so they usually leave when they lose too much respect for their partner.

As for insecure guys, they tend to stay with their partners even if they aren’t happy. They leave only when they meet someone else and monkey-branch to that person. That’s how they can feel safe and loved at all times.

Here’s a comparison between impulsive and insecure guys who break up with their girlfriends during arguments.

Strangely enough, many guys who break up when emotions run high fit in one category or the other. They either act arrogantly and angrily or seek control in a form of manipulation. Almost all of their behaviors are inherited from their parents. Very few are self-taught and self-developed later in life.

Knowing your boyfriend’s type can help you understand him better. So before you do anything about him, learn why your boyfriend gives up so quickly and then decide what the best course of action is.

What to do if your boyfriend breaks up with you every time you argue?

When you know your boyfriend’s reasons for breaking up with you every time you argue, you’ll obviously have to do something to break this unhealthy pattern of his. He isn’t aware of it, so you’ll have to talk to him and encourage him to:

1. See things from your perspective.
2. See that he’s destroying the relationship.

Of course, don’t do this by telling him that he’s being uncaring and manipulative. He won’t like it if you’re so straightforward about it. He may be a direct guy, but most guys don’t handle criticism very well. They get defensive about it and start a new set of problems.

That’s why you’ll have to converse with the guy about this matter when he’s in an emotional state ready to listen to you.

That state isn’t right after the breakup. It’s when he regrets dumping you and comes back. That’s when it’s time to tell him why he behaves the way he does and warn him that you won’t take him back next time he pulls the Houdini on you.

By setting some healthy boundaries, you’ll essentially tell him that you’re not going to tolerate disrespectful behavior anymore and take your power back.

Bear in mind that it’s okay if your boyfriend gets shocked and hurt. Pain and anxiety will finally make him understand how it feels to get rejected and tell him that he’s going to lose you if he doesn’t get his act together and change right away.

I’m not saying that hurting your boyfriend and bringing out his fears is the best way to help your boyfriend become the best version of himself. But, unfortunately, a guy who keeps breaking your heart thinks he can do what he wants whenever he wants and needs to be taught a lesson.

He needs to get a taste of his own medicine and be forced to change. He isn’t going to change without a motive on his own. He’ll change only if he doesn’t get what he wants.

So don’t give him what he wants and see how he responds.

There are only two ways in which he’ll respond to your request.

1. He’ll either become afraid of losing you and change at last.
2. Or he’ll get angry and leave for good.

Either way, you’ll get what you want because you’ll be happier in a relationship with him or on your own and later with someone else.

You mustn’t be afraid that this guy will leave you for putting your foot down. There’s always a chance that he’ll do that if he has no respect for you and doesn’t want to be with you. But if he loves you (or doesn’t love himself), he’ll notice that you respect yourself and give you back the power he’s forcefully taken from you.

That’s when your boyfriend will start to grow and make you feel more secure in the relationship.

With that being said, here are 6 tips on what to do if your boyfriend keeps breaking up with you when you argue.

How to make your boyfriend stop breaking up with you?

The best way to stop your boyfriend from breaking up with you every time you argue is to have a discussion with your boyfriend.

If you’re a couple again, you can simply talk to him right away.

But if you’re not a couple, you need to wait for him to come back first.

That’s when you can start a conversation with him and say something like, “I’m glad you’re back. But now that you’re back, things are going to be different. From now on, you’re going to talk to me about your feelings and practice relaxation techniques.

You’re going to control your emotions by meditating, breathing deeply, or counting to 10 if you want to. I don’t care what you do as long as you calm down and see things clearly.

This is your final chance to work on yourself and mature up. There’s no more room for mistakes. If you break up with me again because you feel angry and victimized, I promise you that I won’t take you back anymore. I mean it. I gave you enough chances already—and since this is the last one.

If you don’t agree to my terms, please leave and don’t contact me anymore. Just because I like you at your best doesn’t mean I’m going to tolerate you at your worst. I don’t need to accept those parts of you. Not when you refuse to communicate and come and go as you please.

If you’re going to remain this way, tell me right now so I can move forward with my life and focus on myself. I’ve got a lot of things going on in my life. But if you want to give it one last try, let me know as well and I’ll let you know what else I need from you.”

Upon saying that, wait for your boyfriend to reply. His reply will tell you what he thinks about your proposal and most importantly, how anxious and ready he is to invest in himself as well as you.

If he decides to leave again after you’ve expressed yourself, this is it. You can’t expect a guy like him to grow and contribute to your life in a healthy and meaningful way. He’s not ready for it and likely won’t be for a while.

But if he’s sorry and says he knows he has issues, don’t take pity on him and take him back on the spot. Instead of giving him back all his power, stay in charge of the situation and steer the conversation towards your wants and needs rather than his.

Your boyfriend needs to see that you respect yourself and that it’s no longer about him. It’s about your health and well-being.

So say, “There are also some things I want you to start working on today. I want you to figure out why you need power and control so badly and why you feel victimized. Feel free to get professional help if you want to. You probably should so that you can get to the root cause of your emotions and address your issues.

There’s a lot of work to do, so think about what I said. The road ahead is going to be rough. But if you want to take it and show me you’re committed to self-improvement, I might take you back. I’ll have to see how well you do.

Consider it a trial. The moment you go back to your old self and disappoint me, it’s over. It will be me who leaves next time and I won’t go back on my word.

I know I’m not perfect. But if you think I’m solely to blame for all the problems and breakups, you’re mistaken. You need to either communicate with me, change your beliefs, and control your emotions or leave me alone from now on.”

Be adamant about it

When you’re dealing with a boyfriend who keeps breaking up with you every time you argue, you need to know that you’re dealing with an extremely underdeveloped person who lacks control in life. You’re dealing with someone who has no idea how to treat romantic partners because he hasn’t matured up yet and discovered that his anger and impatience are his problems rather than his girlfriend’s.

Of course, both parties should help each other in a relationship, but when it comes to handling negative, self-destructive thoughts, emotions, and associations, it’s every person’s responsibility.

We all need to be aware of them so we can deal with them appropriately. If we just let them be, they tend to get even more destructive with time and cause harm both to us and others.

This means that your boyfriend’s biggest lesson is to learn that he’s projecting his unhappiness onto you and that he needs to stop doing that before he associates so much negativity with you that he won’t have a choice but to dump you.

Most of the things your boyfriend needs to do, he must do on his own. But since your happiness is his happiness, you can still guide him and make sure he’s on the right path. You can do that by communicating with him about the importance of self-growth daily.

Simply talk to him about the things he needs to work on and support him on his journey.

You don’t need to become his personal development coach, but if you understand why he needs to grow, you can assist him in gaining control of himself and being a better boyfriend.

My advice is to remind, encourage, and support him while remaining firm about him needing to grow and you’ll likely see your relationship improve.

What if your boyfriend breaks up with you again?

If your boyfriend doesn’t change and keeps making the same mistakes, you have to be brave and stick to your word. You have to leave him because if you don’t leave him after saying you will, he’ll never respect you.

He won’t do it because he’ll know you’re going to put up with him no matter what. A guy like this will probably abuse your kindness, mess with your emotions, and eventually start dating someone else.

You don’t want to be around when that happens. What you want is to grow your self-esteem so you can detach and get ready to leave him.

It won’t be easy to give up on your boyfriend, but if you ask me, it’s much better to muster up the courage to leave than to wait for him to break up with you and shatter your heart again.

The truth is that he won’t mature if you keep taking him back. He’ll mature when someone breaks his heart into a million pieces and shows him that he’s not as great as he thinks he is.

That’s when he’ll get his ego crushed and realize that he should have been more considerate of your emotions.

So if your boyfriend keeps breaking up with you when you argue and he doesn’t grow when you encourage him or force him to grow, don’t just sit tight and think that he’ll magically grow into the perfect boyfriend.

You’ve tried that before and it didn’t work. Now you need to take the initiative and leave him. Leave him not to manipulate him into caring about you but to distance yourself from him because he isn’t willing to self-invest.

Does your boyfriend break up with you every time you argue? Would you say that he cares about you and is ready to grow with you? Share your thoughts on your boyfriend below.

And if you’re looking for relationship or breakup advice, sign up for coaching here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.