My Ex-boyfriend Hugged Me Tightly

Did your ex-boyfriend hug you tightly and you’re wondering what it could mean?

If you are, it means that he got emotional and wanted you to know he cares. Cares not as a boyfriend but as a friend or someone who’s abandoned you and caused you pain.

Hugs and kisses (especially on the forehead and cheeks) aren’t a sign of love and regret. They’re an indication that your ex has been thinking about you and feeling bad for putting you through so much pain and suffering. He’s been hoping that the breakup won’t affect you and that you won’t resent him for what he did.

In other words, your ex was worried about his conscience and needed your help clearing it.

So whatever you do, don’t interpret your ex-boyfriend’s behavior as more than friendship. He’s most likely just regretful of the effects his actions have had or will have on your emotional health and well-being.

Keep in mind that if he wanted you back that he’d have expressed a desire to bond and get back with you. He wouldn’t just hug you tightly once and leave the reconciliation up to you. That’s not what regretful ex-boyfriends do.

When they want their dumpee back, they indeed sometimes meet up with their ex-girlfriend and hug her. But they also have puppy eyes and appear super anxious. They worry that their ex will not take them back and that they’ll get even more hurt.

This is why you shouldn’t try to decipher your ex’s hugging behavior too much. Instead of thinking about it, remember that his tight hug helped him express sympathy and assuage his guilt

I suppose his intentions really depend on when he hugged you. If he hugged you right after the breakup, he obviously felt very bad for breaking your heart and wanted to get out of a sticky situation by making you feel better.

But if he hugged you some time after the breakup (let’s say after a week or two), then he did that because he’s been thinking about you a lot. He’s been wanting you to be okay, so he got emotional and hugged you tightly to express that he’s been worried about you.

Little did he know that hugs would confuse you and give you false hope.

In this article, we’ll discuss what it means when an ex-boyfriend hugs you tightly during and after the breakup.

What does it mean when an ex hugs you tightly?

When an ex hugs you tightly, it’s very easy to confuse his behavior for love and affection. His behavior can give you the impression that he wants to be with you but that something unknown to him is preventing him from being with you.

Something that you can help him with.

But unfortunately, that’s not the case. His hugs don’t mean that he’s looking for a way to love you and change his mind about the breakup. All they mean is that he’s self-aware of his actions and that he wants to ease his guilt as well as your pain.

The thing with breakup hugs is that they are usually a double-edged sword. They can feel good when you receive them, but they can also cause you anxiety in the long term. And that’s because they make you analyze your ex’s hugging behavior to insanity and force you to stay hopeful about reconciliation.

It’s extremely easy to mistake sympathy and respect for romantic affection. As a dumpee, you’re constantly looking for signs that your ex regrets breaking up with you and wants you back. That’s why you dissect everything your ex says and does and wonder if his emotional behavior hints at a reconciliation.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it doesn’t. Dumpers are humans too and they get emotional from time to time. Especially dumpers with empathy and moral values because such dumpers understand the pain their ex is going through.

They know they’re breaking their ex’s heart and forcing their ex to adapt to a life without them. That’s why they get emotional and try to “help” the person they used to love.

Dumpers can feel a variety of different emotions during and after the breakup. Here are just a few more common ones:

• guilt
• sympathy
• doubt
• worry
• fear
• jealousy
• envy
• disgust
• surprise
• anger
• relief
• sadness
• curiosity

You mustn’t interpret dumpers’ eagerness to help you feel better as them having feelings for you. That would most likely lead to more pain and disappointment. So instead, remember that dumpers are fighting their own battles and that their emotions indicate that they aren’t happy with the way things ended.

If you want to know why your ex-boyfriend hugged you tightly, here’s a picture that will explain his behavior.

Things dumpers do when they get emotional

Dumpers are unpredictable creatures. But despite their unpredictability, there are certain patterns they tend to follow when they feel bad for hurting their dumpers.

Let’s first talk about the things they say:

• I’m so sorry for hurting you
• I wish it didn’t have to end this way
• We might get back together in the future
• You’re a really good person
• You deserve someone who will love you better than I can
• I’ll always love you

These are some of the breakup excuses and reassuring emotional words dumpers say when they want to support their ex-partner. They don’t know that these statements keep their ex at a standstill and give her hope rather than closure.

To make things worse, some dumpers also take it a step further. They physically show their ex that they find her valuable and by doing so, increase their ex’s expectations.

They do that by:

• hugging
• kissing
• giving her gifts
• hanging out with her
• and even having sex with her

They do all sorts of selfish unpremeditated deeds that benefit them more than their ex.

In the relationship/breakup world, there’s a term for this kind of behavior. It’s called stringing an ex along. Bear in mind that stringing a person doesn’t have to be intentional. Dumpers can be completely ignorant of the way their actions make their dumpee feel.

Such dumpers sometimes even get angry when their ex asks for space and pulls away. And that’s because they think that their ex owes them friendship for their kindness and that she should try harder to keep the friendship going.

If your ex is trying to be your friend and you’re not ready for it, don’t be afraid to tell your ex that you’re not going to be his friend. Your ex doesn’t know what’s best for you, so stand up for yourself and do what you need to heal from the breakup and get over your ex.

Do it before your ex takes your power and gains control over your thoughts and emotions.

Is it okay to hug my ex back?

It’s okay to hug your ex during the breakup as hugs can give you a feeling of importance and reassurance. They can empower you.

But don’t think that hugging your ex is going to bring your ex back.

Your ex doesn’t think and feel the way you do. He’s detached and you’re hurt which means that hugs affect you both differently. To you, they feel reassuring (ease your anxiety, give you hope, and make you dependent on them) and to your ex, they feel guilt-relieving and hopeful in terms that you can get along and be friends.

Whether you should hug your ex or not really depends on how hurt you are and how hugs make you feel. If they help you process the breakup and boost your self-esteem, by all means, hug your ex from time to time. But if hugs give you hope and make you crave your ex’s affection, then don’t hug your ex.

You should instead distance yourself from your ex and start no contact. No contact will help you detach and keep you from obsessing over your ex and craving his intimacy.

So if you’re hurt and don’t know whether to hug your ex or not, I encourage you not to do anything with your ex that would make you too emotional. Don’t hug, kiss, engage in deep conversations, or sleep with your ex because such things will make you nostalgic.

They will trap you in the friend zone with your ex, force you to crave your ex more than before, and make moving on much more difficult than it is.

My ex-boyfriend hugged me tightly months after the relationship

If it’s been months since your ex broke up with you, something likely encouraged your ex to hug you tightly. Something made him think about you and caused him to desire security and reassurance.

It’s possible that your ex got enough space from you and is finally ready to be your friend. That’s always a possibility.

But if he keeps hugging you out of nowhere and appears very grateful (emotional) to have you, then he probably needs your help because he’s hurt.

He’s not happy with the way life turned out for him and may even want to get back with you. If that’s the case, he’ll make it obvious that he’s in love with you and that he needs you back.

He’ll do that by showing a lot of interest in you.

He’ll:

• plan one-on-one time with you
• ask how you feel (especially about him)
• offer to help you with various tasks and responsibilities
• and appear to be obsessed with you

An ex-boyfriend who hugs you out of pain and self-pity will feel a strong desire to spend a lot of time with you. He’ll be anxious when you’re not available to him and very communicative when you are.

Remember that so you know what to expect from an ex who regrets dumping you.

How to tell if my ex wants me back or just wants to be friends?

You can tell what your ex’s plans are by observing his behavior.

If he’s visibly anxious, worried, insecure, and hugs you because something stressful just happened to him, your ex likely wants you back. Insecurity is a sign that your opinion of him (your approval) is very important to him and that he badly wants you to forgive him and love him.

But if his hug is not very long and emotional and your ex immediately starts talking about something random, then he probably just wants to be your friend. He wants to get along with you and confide in you from time to time.

The key to distinguishing between romantic feelings and friendship is to see what your ex wants from you. For example, if he says things like, “I really like the way you make me feel, you’re amazing in every way,” he wants you to reciprocate your feelings.

Your response matters a lot to him because he has expectations of you and needs you to feel content.

So take appropriate actions to protect yourself and you’ll soon find out if he’s trying to get back with you or just be your friend – someone he can rely on in times of need

Did your ex hug you tightly and made you confused about him? Did he increase your anxiety? Let me know what you think about post-breakup hugs by leaving a comment below.

Or if you’d like to talk to us privately, have a look at our coaching options.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.