How To Act When You See Your Ex With Someone Else?

If you want to know how to act when you see your ex with someone else, you’re probably very anxious. You’re worried that your ex will notice your nervousness and that you’ll leave a poor impression on your ex.

Before you put on a show for your ex and pretend to be someone you’re not, you need to understand that your ex doesn’t care about the way you present yourself. Your ex is dating someone else already, which means that your ex’s focus is on that person—and that your behavior won’t make any difference whatsoever.

It may cause your ex to think about you for a while, but other than that, it won’t bring your ex back nor cause your ex to miss you.

Assuming that your ex is the dumper, it’s highly likely that your ex will feel apprehensive about talking to you.

But unlike you who feel anxious and insecure, your ex will probably feel smothered and empowered.

Your ex will find himself or herself in a situation he or she doesn’t want to be in and as a result, try to escape it as soon as possible.

Of course, not all dumpers appear disturbed when they face their exes in person. Most of them actually act friendly for a few moments and then later (after the encounter) revert to their smothered selves.

There’s no telling what your ex will feel and do during and after the encounter, but if you’re still anxious and you’re curious to know how to act when you see your ex with someone else, keep in mind that you don’t need to talk to your ex at all.

You should only talk to your ex if you’re emotionally healthy and if you want to talk to your ex out of politeness or some sort of unfinished business.

This post is for dumpees who are trying to learn how to act around an ex who’s with someone else.

Should you talk to your ex?

Now that you know you should converse with your ex only if you’re emotionally healthy (over or mainly over your ex) or if you’ve got something important to discuss, let’s talk about the next step.

First and foremost, before you talk to your ex, you should analyze your ex’s behavior and discern if your ex is even willing to talk to you. As I mentioned a moment ago, most dumpers aren’t interested in talking to their exes. They prefer their space and privacy—and feel extremely uncomfortable when their exes approach them and start talking to them.

For the lack of better words, they feel trapped and obliged to respond even though their emotions tell them to do exactly the opposite – to ignore and to avoid the problem.

That’s why before you say anything to your ex, you should first make eye contact and discern if your ex acknowledges your presence. If he or she looks down or away from you or immediately breaks eye contact despite your efforts to establish contact, it’s obvious that your ex feels embarrassed or smothered (possibly both).

Your ex would much rather not go to the trouble to introduce you to his or her new partner because your ex hasn’t processed the breakup yet.

It’s probably for the best that you don’t approach an ex who’s not ready to talk to you. You’ll get nothing out of your ex other than a fake smile and a meaningless conversation.

But if your ex does look at you (many times or for a prolonged period of time), then it’s probably okay to say hello. Your ex is probably ready to have a conversation with you because eye contact is an indication of some sort of interest.

You can make a better judgment once you’ve said hi.

What if your ex doesn’t know you’re there?

If you enter a room and have no idea if your ex saw you, you’ll need to make a very quick decision. You’ll need to quickly decide if greeting your ex is safe and the right thing to do.

In my opinion, your decision should depend on a few factors, starting with the one I’ve already mentioned:

• emotional well-being
• how your ex treated you during and after the breakup
• and how your ex felt about talking to you after the breakup

These are the factors that should help you decide if you should approach your ex.

You may not be able to tell what your ex thinks about you if you don’t see your ex’s facial expression and the rest of the body language. But if your ex treated you poorly and/or if you haven’t communicated since the breakup, it’s probably not a good idea to walk up to your ex to start a conversation.

Your ex’s emotions for you could still be raw (unprocessed and unchanged)—and could cause your ex to feel extremely uncomfortable.

That’s why I don’t suggest that you take the risk to find out if your ex’s thoughts and feelings had improved. If the breakup is fresh and your ex moved on to someone else almost right away, it’s highly likely that your ex hasn’t reflected on the breakup.

Your ex probably skipped this part as he or she monkey-branched to the next person.

How to act when you see your ex with someone else?

The things you say to your ex don’t matter that much (as long as you don’t appear weak, insecure, nostalgic, or demanding).

What matters is that you exude adequate confidence and self-esteem and speak to your ex as if you are talking to someone you haven’t seen in ages – someone like a friend you drifted away from.

By giving your ex some personal space, you can show your ex that the new person doesn’t bother or threaten you and that you’ve moved on with your life. This will encourage your ex to drop his/her defenses and consequently, earn you some respect.

You probably already know that the ones who leave the strongest impressions are the people who voice their thoughts and opinions in a positive, kind, and secure manner. They are the people who live passionately and independently of others.

If you also want to give off a confident vibe, you must show your ex that you’ve found your happiness. You must prove that your happiness comes first – from within and that your ex’s dating choices don’t affect you.

This, of course, will be difficult to prove unless you’re over your ex and happy with your life. So once again, make sure you talk to your ex only if you feel emotionally ready.

If you try to talk to your ex before you’re ready, chances are that you’ll appear jealous, give your ex unnecessary power, and make your ex avoid you.

With that said, here are 7 tips on how to act when you see your ex with someone new.

1)Make small talk

If your ex treated you well after the breakup and appears to be interested in communicating with you, talking to your ex when your ex is with someone else should not go deeper than small talk.

You should talk only about simple things like health, hobbies, work, school, families and the things that have been keeping you busy.

Anything that goes deeper into your lives such as relationships, personal problems, or conversations about the past can be too much to discuss because you’re no longer each other’s confidants.

You’re ex-partners who are neither friends nor lovers.

So keep your conversations strictly above the surface or you could overstep your boundaries and make your ex feel strange.

2)Acknowledge the new person

If you want to be cordial with your ex, it’s important that you respect your ex’s new partner and get along with him or her.

You don’t need to act like his or her best friend and make the conversation all about him/her, but do introduce yourself and include the man or woman into the conversation.

As a secure ex who’s trying to get on talking terms with your ex, this is a great opportunity for you to display acceptance, confidence, and compassion and treat the new person the way you want to be treated.

You may not like the new person and may think that your ex deserves someone better, but ultimately, who your ex dates is up to your ex.

If you want to be on good terms with your ex, you need to accept the situation and treat your ex’s most important people with dignity and respect. This includes the new person and everyone your ex associates with.

3)Pay attention to your body language

Your body speaks more than a thousand words. It says what you think and most importantly, how you feel about yourself, your ex, and your ex’s new partner.

Your ex doesn’t have to be a body language specialist to know what you feel. Most people come equipped with basic body-reading techniques. So stay mindful of how you physically express yourself.

Your ex will constantly observe your body language and read your feelings—whether you like it or not.

My advice is to keep your back straight, your legs pointed toward your ex, and your eyes locked on the person you speak to/listen to.

During the conversation, nod your head in acknowledgment from time to time and encourage your ex and his/her new partner to continue speaking. This way, you’ll tell them that you’re engrossed in conversation and that you care about what they have to say.

Always remember that respect is earned, not given.

4)Play it cool, but not too cool

One of the most common mistakes dumpees make when they see their ex with someone else is that they overcompensate. They worry so much about appearing confident, secure, and calm that they overdo their act and appear the opposite of their usual selves.

Instead of portraying themselves in a confident light, they come across as pretentious and arrogant and raise their ex’s eyebrow.

That’s why I’d like to warn you not to appear completely different personality-wise. By all means, be kind, secure, and respectful, but don’t forget to stay true to your individual characteristics.

Your ex won’t think much of you if you pretend to be a completely different person. On the contrary, he or she will most likely see through you and protect himself or herself from falling for your schemes.

5)Compliment your ex

This chapter is a continuation of the previous point. It implies that you should congratulate and compliment your ex for his or her accomplishments, but not for anything that doesn’t concern you.

You must know your place in your ex’s life and compliment only things like:

• promotions
• won awards
• lost weight
• a new house/car
• and the things your ex mentions on his or her own

Don’t compliment your ex for getting in a new relationship though. Even if you’re happy for your ex, overcomplimenting is something you shouldn’t do.

Personal matters are for your ex’s partner and his or her friends and family to celebrate and not for you as an ex. This could, of course, change in the future if you become friends or best friends with your ex.

But right now, it’s best that you hold back on the personal compliments. You don’t know what your ex’s relationship is like yet (and don’t need to), so don’t say things like:

• you look so good together
• you seem like a great fit
• I hope your relationship succeeds

I know this should be self-explanatory, but there are people who don’t have the slightest idea how to act when they see their ex with someone else. They feel nervous, so instead of being their natural themselves, they validate their ex’s new relationship and appear jealous.

A quick compliment or two about something superficial should be okay, but don’t get crazy weird and start complimenting their relationship.

6)Don’t try to make plans with your ex

If you’re not over your ex yet or if seeing your ex dating someone else bothers you, don’t invite your ex out. You’re not ready to hang out with your ex yet and neither is your ex.

You should both become friends first (if that’s what you want) and only then consider meeting up.

Don’t use the first opportunity you get to get close to your ex. It’s not going to work because your ex is already close to someone. Your ex is dating that person and you must give them space.

Besides, the new person won’t like your enthusiasm. He or she will probably feel that you’re being too friendly with your ex and tell his or her partner to be careful around you.

It’s impossible to predict what your ex will do if you try to make plans with him or her, but it’s reasonable to think that your ex will reject your invitation and spend time with his or her partner instead.

If you want to be friends with your ex, you have to develop your friendship naturally. You can’t just go straight for the “let’s meet up” line and expect your ex to trust you. Your ex needs more time to know you won’t try anything crazy.

7)End the conversation quickly

Whether you’re nervous or not, you shouldn’t talk to your ex and his or her new partner too long. The first conversation will probably be quite uncomfortable for all of you, so try not to stretch it longer than necessary.

A few minutes of talking should be more than enough to introduce yourselves and ask some basic questions like, “How are you” and “What have you been up to.” If it goes longer than that, it will probably look like you’re trying to stall to get information out of your ex.

It will look like you’re curious about your ex and that you still have feelings for him or her.

So to avoid giving your ex the wrong idea, remember to keep the conversations under 5 minutes. Make some sort of excuse to leave early and wish your ex and the new person a nice day.

And that’s it. Talking to your ex when your ex is with someone new is that simple. The only reason you’re making it seem difficult is that you’re overthinking it.

Are you still wondering how to act when you see your ex with someone else? Comment below.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.