7 Signs Your Ex Doesn’t Really Want You Back

If you’re looking for signs your ex doesn’t really want you back, you’ve probably gotten through the worst of the storm. You’ve had some time to heal and think about your ex’s behavior and feelings. You’re not over your ex yet, but you are open to accepting the possibility that your ex may not come back.

This is quite an accomplishment as most dumpees struggle to accept the breakup and come to terms with their ex’s lack of feelings. They’re in denial and feel hopeful, so they want to do everything in their power to undo the breakup and be with their ex.

Because they’re so eager to be with their ex, they choose an aggressive ex-back strategy and make things much worse for both parties involved.

Usually, they say and do things that immensely pressure and disrespect their ex’s decisions and feelings. They basically show they’re not interested in what their ex wants and that they only want what they want. This tends to trigger their ex in all the wrong ways and bring out the worst in their ex.

Fortunately, you don’t have to reach out and pester your ex to know whether your ex wants you back. You just have to analyze the things your ex has said and done. Your ex’s words and actions will reveal whether your ex has romantic feelings for you and thinks the relationship can still be salvaged.

If you pay attention to them, you’ll know how your ex feels about you and what your ex wants and expects from you.

Always remember that your job isn’t to change your ex’s mind about the breakup. You just need to respect your ex’s need for space and let your ex figure out the things he or she needs to figure out. If your ex doesn’t discover your worth, you shouldn’t try to open your ex’s eyes by force.

Changing people’s opinions, especially after a breakup is impossible. You’ll only make yourself look weak, desperate, and unattractive. That’s because your ex will see that you’re not willing to accept the breakup and leave him or her alone. Your ex will see that you feel insecure and that ending the relationship was the right thing to do.

So try not to do anything impulsive if you want your ex back. Instead, show your ex that you enjoy your life even though your ex is no longer in it.

In today’s post, we talk about 7 signs your ex really doesn’t want you back.

1)Your ex tells you the relationship is over

Although immature and manipulative exes intentionally reject their ex’s apology, love, and desire to get back together, mature and healthy exes don’t play games with the person they broke up with. They understand that their ex already feels hurt and that they needn’t punish him or her for the pain and suffering he or she has caused them.

Instead of hogging all the power, they acknowledge their ex’s feelings and tell their ex they don’t want to pursue the relationship. Some say hopeful things like, “I need to think about it” or “We might get back together in the future.” These statements don’t indicate that the dumper still has feelings for the dumpee but that he or she feels bad for hurting the dumpee and wants to stop feeling bad.

If your ex is a mature, respectful, and rational individual, you should take your ex’s parting words seriously. Your ex doesn’t have a reason to lie when your very presence traps, stresses, guilt trips, overwhelms, angers, or saddens your ex. Your ex’s words mean that he or she wants to be honest with you and properly end the relationship.

Once you’ve accepted the breakup, your ex can stop feeling emotions he or she doesn’t want to feel.

So remember that an ex telling you the relationship is over is the only sign you need that your ex doesn’t really want you back. Even if he or she is nostalgic and has doubts, your ex wants to stop being committed and start focusing on his or her new life. The new life relieves your ex whereas the old one brings back unwanted memories and emotions.

Don’t look for other signs if your ex tells you the relationship has ended. Your ex made it crystal clear that feelings are gone and that you need to give up on making your ex feel how you feel.

2)Your ex is dating someone else

When your ex is seeing someone else, your ex’s actions speak for themselves. They say that your ex’s heart belongs to someone else and that your ex doesn’t want you back. Your ex might want you back if the new partner dumps and hurts your ex, but right now, your ex is enjoying the new relationship and expects to stay in control of the breakup.

The new relationship empowers your ex, so your ex has no intention of abandoning it and reconnecting with you.

You need to understand that your ex doesn’t have any regrets and doesn’t want you back. The new person fulfills your ex’s current needs and prevents your ex from wanting to be with you. You need to accept the fact that your ex has given up on you completely and can’t be in two committed relationships at the same time.

Your ex doesn’t want to date two people because the new relationship feels incredibly empowering.

So if you learned that your ex is dating someone else, consider it a sign that your ex doesn’t want you back. He or she is doing okay and won’t want you back as long as the new relationship is new, exciting, and purposeful. Only a big romantic failure and unhappiness can stop your ex from thinking negatively about you and make your ex curious, nostalgic, and regretful.

Dumpers need to emotionally disconnect from their new partner before they can ruminate about their decisions, discover their ex’s worth, and go back to their ex. They don’t necessarily need to break up to learn that they made a bad decision, but a breakup does tend to bring them back to reality and cause maximum pain and regret.

If they’re capable of reflecting and understanding their mistakes and flaws, they might decide to work on themselves and lean on their ex for support and love.

3)Your ex is reaching out for him/herself (stringing you along)

If your ex is breadcrumbing you and stringing you along for no apparent reason, you have yet another sign that your ex doesn’t really want you back. Breadcrumbs (random/unimportant texts and calls) indicate that the dumper has lost all feelings and that he or she has ulterior motives for talking to you.

Your ex may feel lonely, confused, scared, anxious, or guilty for turning your life upside down. If your ex reaches out for any reason but love, your ex wants or needs something from you that you couldn’t care less about. Your ex wants you to help him or her feel happy even though you’re the one who needs help more.

Whatever you do, don’t get hopeful and entertain your ex’s crumbs. If you respond to your ex’s messages, you could get friend-zoned and invite your ex to talk to you whenever he or she wants. That may be what your ex wants, but it’d be extremely unfair to you. It would constantly remind you that your ex doesn’t want a relationship with you, which would make it difficult for you to focus on yourself and others.

Just because your ex talks to you doesn’t mean that your ex wants you back. On the contrary, it means that your ex wants something from you and is determined to get it whether it’s good for you or not.

When your ex puts his or her feelings above your feelings, problems, and needs, your ex shows that he or she doesn’t care about you romantically. If he or she cared romantically, your ex would have prioritized you and tried to make a good impression. Your ex would have been afraid of hurting you further and coming off as uncaring and insincere.

So don’t think that a communicative ex is having second thoughts and may soon come back to you. It’s much more likely that your ex reached out entirely for him/herself and isn’t interested in helping you in the slightest.

4)Your ex is hot and cold

Hot and cold behavior is yet another sign that your ex doesn’t really want to be with you. A constant change of mood indicates that your ex wants to be on good terms with you but can’t due to unprocessed negative emotions and a lack of space.

Your ex probably feels bad for hurting and dumping you and wants to show you that he/she has nothing against you.

Rationally, your ex wants to do the right thing and be a respectful partner, but emotionally, your ex craves space and time to self-prioritize. He or she feels conflicted and can’t live his or her post-breakup life on your terms.

That’s why, as soon as your ex feels you’re denying him the much-needed space, your ex feels disrespected, stressed, and overwhelmed. As a result, he emotionally shuts down and pushes you away. Your ex likely doesn’t do this to hurt you but to protect himself from your expectations or demands.

If your ex is hot and cold, you shouldn’t talk to your ex and expect your ex to warm up to you. You should expect your ex to get more and more frustrated and angrily tell you to stop what you’re doing.

5)Your ex avoids relationship talks

If you’re on talking terms with your ex, but your ex avoids serious talks, it’s clear that your ex doesn’t really want you back. Your ex probably wants friendship or friendship with benefits. Either way, your ex hasn’t rediscovered your romantic worth and found a reason to be with you.

If your ex wanted to reconnect romantically, your ex would have brought up reconciliation and ways to avoid breaking up. Your ex wouldn’t have become your friend and waited to feel something for you. Dumpers who want their ex back take the initiative and start important relationship topics.

Such topics send the signal that they’ve learned their lessons and that they’re prepared to invest in themselves and the relationship.

So if you talk to your ex regularly or occasionally, remember that your ex avoiding relationship talks isn’t a good sign. It’s a sign that your ex feels comfortable with the current dynamics and that your ex has no romantic expectations or cravings. Your ex just wants to hold on to you as a friend or occasional friend.

6)Your ex doesn’t fear losing you

Fear of losing a person, whether it’s a partner or ex-partner is one of the best indicators of love. Fear shows that a person finds you valuable and that he or she would suffer immensely if he or she were to lose you. Of course, some exes are only scared of losing friendship, emotional/financial support, and other relationship benefits, but such exes don’t cry, obsess, and lose sleep over the loss of their ex.

They get over the breakup right away or relatively quickly.

If your ex doesn’t fear losing you permanently, you have a sign that your ex doesn’t really want you back. Your ex is okay with moving on without you and replacing you with someone or something else. Until your ex understands what you bring to the table and fears losing it, you must distance yourself from your ex, process the rejection, and also stop being scared of losing your ex.

This is necessary for your detachment and emotional well-being.

If you’re obsessed with your ex and highly dependent on his or her return, your chances of reattracting your ex will decrease significantly. They’ll go down nearly to 0 because your ex will feel overprioritized, overwhelmed, and uncomfortable.

7)Your ex reaches out randomly or when he/she needs a favor

If you hear from your ex only when your ex needs you, your ex doesn’t really love you and want to be with you. Your ex only pretends to love you when he or she needs something from you. When you help your ex get what he or she needs, your ex soon stops talking to you and goes back to being silent.

Your ex will have to do much more than talk to you and say that he or she likes or loves you. Words are nice, but they’re meaningless without actions. Hence, your ex will have to back his or her words with actions and prove over time that he or she truly values you and wants to contribute to your life (not just take from it).

By investing in you and tending to your needs, your ex can prove that he or she gets pleasure from helping you and is in it for the long run.

So if your ex talks to you only when there’s a problem he or she needs your help with, remember that your ex has no regrets and feelings. Your ex merely likes you as a person and considers you reliable. If your ex truly cared and understood you, your ex would have left you alone and dealt with problems alone or with the help of someone else.

Relying on you and giving you false hope wouldn’t even have crossed his or her mind.

Did you notice any of these signs in your ex? Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments below. Your story might help others going through a similar situation.

And if you want to discuss your situation in more detail, feel free to reach out or visit our coaching page for personalized guidance.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.