Breakups are gut-wrenching. They can bring even the strongest dumpees to their knees and leave them obsessed with their ex for weeks, months, or years. Most dumpees ruminate about their ex constantly and wonder what their ex is thinking, feeling, and doing. They want to know if their ex will ever recognize their romantic worth, regret breaking up, and love them again.
If you’re one of those dumpees, you need to understand that love is only easy to develop the first time. The first time couples connect, they have no negative perceptions, problems, fears, doubts, or incompatibilities/things to resolve, at least not that they’re aware of. They simply enjoy each other’s company and feel grateful and complete with each other.
However, when they break up, this is no longer the case. They find it much harder to pretend they get along in every way and that they’re a great match. Suddenly, they can’t ignore their issues and trust each other naively. To trust again and feel the desire to be close, they must resolve their personal issues and issues they have with each other.
This can happen only when they both feel the same way about each other. And they feel the same way when the dumper fails to find happiness without the dumpee. Typically, the dumper must get involved with a person who’s much less compatible and requires even more work than his or her previous partner. A less fulfilling partner can help the dumper see that the ex he or she abandoned is better than the new person.
When the dumper understands this, he or she may become nostalgic and feel a sense of urgency to reconnect. It’s hard to tell what the dumper will feel and do because it depends on his or her personality, maturity, problems, and ways of dealing with problems. If the dumper has a lot of problems he or she can’t resolve without the dumper’s help, the dumper could run back to the dumpee and rely on him or her for healing and love.
So keep in mind that neither I, you, nor anyone else can predict if or when your ex-girlfriend will love you again. If she’s the type to get in trouble and go back to exes, perhaps she will love you if life gets tough and triggers pain or depression. A difficult post-breakup experience and tendency to rely on exes for self-love and other benefits could incentivize her to redevelop feelings and recommit to you.
Just remember that she’ll have to get her expectations crushed and learn the hard way that it was a mistake to exchange her life with you for a life with someone else.
Of course, not all exes have to date other people (and fail miserably with them) to discover their ex’s worth. Some dumpees can start thinking about their ex, respecting him, and loving him without going through another breakup or rejection. But usually, they need something negative to compare the present to the past, come back to reality, and see that they messed up badly.
Something negative or shocking can tell them that they won’t be happy without their ex and that they better secure their place in the relationship before it’s too late.
Sometimes dumpers come back because they:
- get in fights with family or friends
- flunk their exams
- get fired or struggle financially
- fall ill
- feel unaccomplished
- or experience anything that crushes their self-esteem and purpose
When they come back due to non-romantic reasons, they do so because they struggle to see their value and feel secure. They feel insecure, so they go back to their ex for support and validation.
Dumpees think that they come back solely for them, but that’s not entirely true. They come back for themselves first. If they respect and love their ex, they also develop genuine love and stay with them long-term.
So if you want to know if she will ever love you again, know that it depends on many things, the main one being her happiness. If she’s happy, she won’t feel the need to compare the past, forgive you for your mistakes, and crave your affection. Instead of letting go of the past, she’ll remind herself of it and hold on to it for self-victimization purposes.
She’ll do this until she completely ruins her image of you in her eyes and processes her feelings.
That’s why not all exes come back. Some can’t, or rather, don’t want to change their perceptions of their ex. They know that negative perceptions give them power and hold their ex responsible for the breakup. If they stopped blaming their ex, they would have to admit at least partial responsibility and might even question their decisions and feelings.
They might wonder if leaving their ex was the best thing to do.
So even though you want your ex-girlfriend to be with you and love you again, remember that she has to encounter something shocking or difficult she lacks the willpower or skills to resolve. When she encounters it, she might engage in reflection, learn some valuable lessons, and decide to recommit.
Until that happens, consider her your ex and keep your distance.
Today, we talk about whether she will ever love you again. Thanks for reading.
Will she ever love me again?
First of all, what is love?
Love is much more than a feeling. It’s also a decision to remain loyal no matter the problem a couple faces. When a couple loves each other, they demonstrate trust and commitment both verbally as well as non-verbally, through action. They continuously show a willingness to work toward common romantic as well as non-romantic (personal) goals.
As a couple, they’re united, emotionally connected, and prepared to compromise and sacrifice their happiness for each other.
This doesn’t mean they’re happy to tolerate abuse or disrespectful behavior, but that they understand each other’s importance and fear breaking up. They love each other’s company too much to see themselves being alone or with any other person. A loving couple is kind and patient. Even though the relationship isn’t always perfect, they remember each other’s positive qualities and stick together through the ups and downs.
External factors may affect them emotionally or even physically, but it doesn’t affect their love for each other.
When love is true, it prevents a couple from entertaining negative thoughts, developing negative beliefs, and connecting unhealthy associations with each other. Their trust, gratitude, and loyalty are too good for them to break up.
When couples fall out of love, they need a good reason to fall back into it. They need to realize that they traded a good life for a bad one. This tends to happen when life gives them lemons and causes them to reflect.
So bear in mind that your ex’s love depends on a few conditions, starting with the kind of life she lives without you. If she lives a happy, stable, or risk-free life, it won’t matter how well you got along and whether she’s capable of seeing you in a positive light. She won’t have a reason to reflect, and therefore, won’t rediscover your romantic worth.
She may stop feeling trapped, angry, guilty, or stressed, but it won’t be enough to miss you romantically and want you back to feel secure. She’ll need to go through something difficult and thought-provoking first. Something that makes her stop thinking highly of herself and lowly of you.
Most exes come back when their ego and self-esteem take a nose-dive. Shattered ego and self-esteem make dumpers stop feeling empowered and start feeling anxious, stressed, and depressed.
Negative feelings in general compel them to examine their thoughts, feelings, and actions—and allow them to perceive the world differently.
I know you want your ex back and that you’re prepared to do anything to be with her. But unfortunately, you can’t influence, nor manipulate your ex’s thoughts and mentality. You can’t change your ex’s mind because your ex doesn’t consider you a significant part of her life anymore. She thinks the breakup has freed her and made her happy.
Until that changes, any attempts to reconnect romantically are bound to backfire.
If your ex could come back with begging and pleading, you could just talk to your ex, apologize, and promise to do better. Things would work out smoothly just by professing your feelings and showing a desire to be in a committed relationship with your ex.
Things may seem that simple in the movies, but in real life, reconnecting takes more than just effort from the dumpee. First, your ex needs to see that she’s unhappy and won’t find happiness if she continues on her current path. Secondly, she must engage in reflection and be open to changing her views. And thirdly, she must be willing to let go of unhealthy perceptions of you and consider you a worthy romantic partner.
Some exes don’t go through these steps because they don’t respect their ex, which is a prerequisite for redeveloping love. The events that led to the breakup, as well as their ex’s post-breakup unattractive actions prevent them from reflecting and wanting their ex in their life again. That’s because they reinforce the notion that their ex has hurt them and isn’t the right person for them.
So keep in mind that your ex may not love you again unless things go so badly for her that she has no other option but to move backward and seek happiness with you. She’ll probably stay away from you or occasionally breadcrumb you if she feels guilty, curious, scared, anxious, or confused.
Having said that, here are 7 factors that determine whether your ex will ever love you again.
I’m scared she’ll find someone else
The fear of your ex finding someone else and living happily ever after with him is real and completely normal. Most dumpees fear that if they leave their ex alone, their ex will forget about them and connect with someone different or better. They worry that they’ll miss the opportunity to impress their ex and make their ex want to be a couple again.
I know how they feel because I was a dumpee too. I wanted to rationalize with my ex and get her to see the relationship from my perspective. Because I disagreed with the breakup and insisted on being a couple, she felt trapped and lost a lot of respect for me. And when I noticed that I made things worse instead of better, I blamed myself for acting on impulse and pushing her further away.
I want you to avoid the preventable mistakes I made. Before you instinctively reach out and/or tell her what you think she wants to hear, think about the consequences of disturbing her space and decision. Put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself how you’d feel if an ex you left did that to you. You’d probably feel unheard and want her to respect your feelings.
So don’t do anything she doesn’t want you to do. Don’t pressure her and make her feel bad for prioritizing her happiness. Remember that she chose her path and that she may eventually date someone else. That won’t mean you’re unworthy of love and easily replaceable but that your ex is detached and in a hurry to feel desired and loved.
Maybe she wants kids or other relationship benefits. Whatever she wants, she needs to try to find it so she can fail and think about her best course of action.
Rest assured that you won’t always fear that she’ll meet someone new and be in a long-term relationship with him. When you heal your emotional wounds and discover your self-worth, you’ll feel secure and think about things and people who add value to your life. You won’t care if your ex is dating because you’ll love yourself more than your ex.
You may not recover in a week or two, but you’ll nonetheless feel better every week. The longer you stay away from your ex and the less you stalk your ex online, the quicker you’ll accept the breakup and give up on obtaining your ex’s love and validation.
Also, if you do no contact and follow the rules of no contact properly, you won’t know if your ex is dating again. You’ll be living your own life and minding your own business. By lacking information about your ex’s life, you’ll avoid or reduce emotional setbacks and regain control of your emotions.
I encourage you to do the indefinite no contact rule. Go no contact the moment your ex breaks up with you. This will allow you to start detoxing from your ex and encourage you to rely on yourself and others for healing. If you befriend your ex or try to win your ex back through pressure, you won’t just smother and aggravate your ex but also hinder your healing process.
It’s best to let go of control and let your ex come to you on her own terms.
Are you still wondering if your ex will ever love you again? Post your thoughts and fears in the comments section below.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
