Will no contact make my ex move on is the question most dumpees concern themselves with. They fear that by staying out of touch, their ex will detach further, find someone new, and move on for good.
What they don’t understand is that their ex has already moved on. He or she has fallen out of love and committed to going solo even before the breakup happened. The dumper just didn’t want to officially announce it.
Due to the fear of hurting their ex and/or bringing a strong reaction out of him or her, the dumper kept his or her negative thoughts and feelings to himself or herself and waited for the right opportunity to deliver the bad news. Once he or she found the right opportunity and mustered the courage, he or she initiated the breakup and felt extremely relieved.
The breakup felt like a weight was lifted off his or her shoulder as it allowed the dumper to be free and independent. This new sense of freedom felt empowering. So much so that it probably made the dumper look unrecognizable.
If dumpees see their ex looking different, enjoying life, and not missing them, they may become anxious, lose their composure, and break the no contact rule. Their ex’s happiness can basically cause dumpees to feel worthless and replaceable and make them contact their ex in hopes of reconnecting and getting back together.
Such actions, unfortunately, restrict their ex’s sense of freedom and make their ex want to respond negatively.
Instead of feeling closer to their ex, dumpers feel annoyed and tend to push their ex away as if their ex were a nobody. They don’t care about their ex’s feelings when they think their ex is the reason they feel pressured, guilty, and irritated.
So if you’re worried that your ex will move on because of no contact, know that nothing will make your ex move on faster than frequently or periodically reaching out to your ex and reminding your ex that you have feelings and expect a relationship.
Your behavior or presence will bring back unwanted pre-breakup frustrations and foster post-breakup resentment. The more you contact your ex and show him you’re unhappy and dependent on his validation, the more your ex will dislike you and want to run for the hills.
Try to remember that your ex abandoned the relationship to get some space from you. Space allows your ex to be in charge of his post-breakup life and not worry about your wants and needs.
Your ex, like most people, believes that your emotions and problems are your responsibility. You need to take care of them just as your ex needs to take care of his. If you over-rely on your ex for things that no longer concern your ex, you’ll likely overwhelm your ex and prevent your ex from experiencing true freedom.
That means you’ll suffocate your ex and see how your ex deals with a mixture of power and feelings of being trapped. I can tell you that most people don’t handle such a combination of feelings well.
Most people instantly forget all the nice things their ex did for them throughout the relationship and swat their ex off like an insect. They show their ex that they don’t value the past and that they want to live their life independently of their ex.
Their ex’s cravings simply don’t concern them. They have more important things to focus on, such as avoiding guilt and making the most of their life.
Unfortunately, making the most of life often involves keeping their distance from the dumpee and reentering the dating pool. They feel a strong urge to explore their independent life on their terms and feel in charge of their decisions.
You may not want to hear this, but many dumpers are open to dating someone else. Even though they say things like, “I don’t want to date anyone right now, I just want to be alone,” they jump into a new relationship as soon as the opportunity arises.
What their ex thinks or feels doesn’t bother them enough to take a break from dating. They may feel bad and hide their new partner from the public for a few weeks, but eventually, they’ll stop caring about that too and become more comfortable.
If they’re super excited to date and/or have no empathy for their ex, they’ll show off their new partner as soon as they connect with him or her. The emotional bond is likely to form a few weeks after the initial meeting.
That’s why dumpees who announce a new person on social media weeks into the breakup usually had that person lined up. They connected emotionally or perhaps even physically before the breakup and monkey-branched to him or her after the breakup.
By doing so, they deceived themselves into thinking they didn’t cheat.
So if you’re doubting no contact and wondering if no contact will make him move on, rest assured that no contact won’t worsen your ex’s perception and feelings. It can’t make your ex like you less because your ex will have plenty of space and time to process negative breakup emotions.
All no contact will do is show that you respect your ex’s decision to end the relationship and give your ex time to see what it’s like to live without you. In other words, no contact will give your ex nothing more than what he asked for.
Don’t think that no contact will make your ex resent you or choose someone else. No contact alone won’t do that. If your ex is hateful in nature or wants to get close to other people, your actions and inactions won’t encourage, nor discourage your ex from being someone he is not.
As a dumpee, you don’t have the power to influence your ex. And because you don’t have the power to influence, you must consider no contact your only option. The sooner you start no contact, the sooner you’ll let your ex be happy and allow yourself to detach.
In this post, we discuss whether no contact will make him move on.
Will no contact make him move on?
No contact won’t make him move on any more than he already has. The guy has a certain perception of you. Your absence won’t worsen that perception and make it harder for him to come back. If anything, it will let him do the things he’s been wanting to do, make him content, and improve his view of you and the relationship.
If you let him be in control of his life, he’ll think more fondly of you than if you constantly shower him with texts and expect him to reply and help you feel better. I know that you’re scared of losing him (especially to someone else), but you won’t be able to avoid it by refusing to do no contact. A lack of space will likely make him feel uncomfortable and push him closer to another person.
That’s because he’ll get tired of tending to your wants and needs and decide to prioritize his happiness over yours.
When it comes to moving on, he’s already done that. He detached and moved on before he even left you. Most dumpers do because they associate negative thoughts and feelings with their ex and believe they can be happier without their ex. Because of such beliefs, they leave their ex and expect their life to improve.
And for a while, it does. The breakup relieves them of moral and other responsibilities, making them feel extremely empowered and tempted to show their newfound happiness. Some get a haircut and update their wardrobe, whereas others make new friends, use new words, and act differently. Most dumpers crave some kind of change and wish to take their life in a new direction.
They think it’s time to do what’s best for them and find new sources of entertainment and happiness.
If you refuse to do no contact and try to stop your ex from having fun, you’ll risk aggravating your ex and seeing a side to him you don’t want to see. You’ll see that your ex doesn’t have any regrets and isn’t afraid of losing you. That will make your anxiety skyrocket and make you wish you hadn’t broken no contact.
So trust no contact and the effect it has on your ex. Remember that your ex is slowly going through the breakup stages and that you won’t make your ex want to be with you by staying in touch. By befriending your ex and holding on to your ex out of desperation, you’ll only stay attached to your ex and make your ex lose interest. If you flood your ex with calls and texts, you’ll also lose his respect, which will significantly lower your chances of reconciliation.
No contact isn’t optional. It’s necessary for your ex to cool off, process the feelings he needs to process, explore his new life, and fail miserably. Likewise, you need this time to detach, look at the relationship from a rational standpoint, become the best version of yourself, and figure out if you still want your ex.
You may want your ex today, but that’s because your ex rejected you and stopped your stream of happy hormones. He triggered your separation anxiety and fear of abandonment or other unprocessed (childhood) emotions and traumas. You’ll want your ex back as long as you need your ex to help you deal with problems that either your ex, someone else, or you created.
Codependence fosters obsession and delays recovery. It keeps you anxious, scared, and depressed. That’s why it’s super important to work on your emotional independence. Rely on yourself and those who truly love you for self-love. It will help you process the breakup and realize that going no contact was the smartest thing you could have done.
Your job as a dumpee is to detach and grow internally. You’ll have a hard time doing both if you initiate conversations, tolerate breadcrumbs, and act like the breakup changes nothing between you and your ex.
No contact is your best option. Whether you want your ex back or get yourself back, you need a break from your ex and work on things that are in your power to control. Things such as detachment, personal growth, friendships, and health. Everything else (including your ex’s feelings and reconciliation) is out of your control.
That said, here’s why no contact won’t make your ex move on any more than he already has.
When will no contact work on my ex?
No contact doesn’t work based on a set number of days. It works when or if your ex faces unresolvable problems and thinks that you’re the only one who can help him resolve them. That’s when your ex’s feelings will return and urge him to recommit and invest wholeheartedly.
Don’t expect no contact to bring your ex back in just a few weeks. When dumpers come back that quickly, they still have feelings for their ex or meet someone abusive or highly incompatible. Quick reconciliations often indicate an abuse of power, meant to make the dumpee beg for forgiveness and love.
Healthy reconciliations take much longer. I’m talking about months or years of time. Dumpers take their sweet time to see what else is out there. If they don’t like what they see and feel, they come running back and rely on their ex for support and safety.
So remember that no contact is already working as it’s helping your ex process negative breakup emotions. It will finish all its work when your ex stops feeling relieved and hits a snag. That’s when your ex will think about his happiness and decisions and consider coming back.
Sadly, you can’t help your ex get affected by no contact quicker. Your ex has to go through all the breakup stages naturally, become vulnerable, get hurt, and consider you the best romantic option. When your ex considers you the best person for him, he’ll contact you, apologize, and present his reconciliation plan. You won’t have to do much because your ex will feel unhappy and know it’s his turn to express the wish to be in a relationship.
Most dumpees hear from their ex a few months into no contact. That doesn’t mean they get back together, but that their ex gets curious, nostalgic, or guilty and wants to chat. Oftentimes, it’s just a breadcrumb—but even that is a sign of progress, as it indicates emotional improvement on the dumper’s part.
You shouldn’t get your hopes up when your ex reaches out, but you should consider your ex more receptive and positive. Your ex will still need an incentive to redevelop feelings and want you back in his romantic life. It’s best not to put your life on hold, or you could end up waiting a very long time, maybe even indefinitely.
Try to remember that dumpers come back when they’re ready. They can’t be forced to do something they don’t want. If they feel pressured and disrespected, they react strongly and demand space and respect.
All in all, no contact won’t make him move on. The only thing that will worsen the situation is begging and refusing to accept the breakup.
Are you still wondering if no contact will make your ex move on? How do you think no contact will affect your ex? Post your thoughts below.
And if you’d like support with no contact and navigating your breakup, feel free to reach out for private coaching.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
