When your ex keeps staring at you, your ex has a good reason for doing so. He or she wants something from you. This may be some service, benefit, reaction, or feeling only you can provide. If your ex is a dumpee, your ex probably finds you irresistible and is trying to establish eye contact. Eye contact tells your ex that you acknowledge him or her and that you like him or her at least as a person.
Prolonged eye contact validates your ex and makes it easier for your ex to process post-breakup pain. The dumpee stares at the dumper to get a positive reaction out of the dumper and read his or her receptiveness, approachability, curiosity, and respect. He or she hopes the dumper will notice the staring and respond in ways that align with his or her feelings and expectations.
If the dumper responds positively, the dumpee feels important and wants more positive non-verbal or verbal interactions. However, if the dumper responds negatively or doesn’t respond at all, the dumpee feels ignored and unwanted and continues to crave the dumper’s curiosity and acceptance.
The dumpee doesn’t give up; at least not yet. He or she typically keeps looking for an opportunity to show interest through eye contact, bumping into the dumper, or reaching out. When the dumpee verbally or non-verbally looks for attention from the dumper, it’s obvious that he or she isn’t over the dumper and wants the dumper to return for love and validation purposes.
The dumpee basically wants the perks he or she has lost.
Most dumpees need nearly a year (of no contact) to get their ex out of their system. They may need even longer if they were super attached to their ex and lacked independence and healthy self-esteem. The point is, they shouldn’t be near the dumper as the dumper constantly reminds them about what they lost and how they messed up.
They should be far away from their ex and focus on healing. That way, they don’t have to look for eye contact and reactions from their ex.
If your ex is a dumper, however, your ex may stare at you out of curiosity, guilt, and shame. Your ex may want to know that you’re doing fine and that he or she needn’t feel bad for breaking your heart and turning your world upside down. If you’re with someone else, your ex may want to know more about the new mysterious person. The best way for your ex to do that is to stare and observe your response.
He or she might try to read your body language, including romantic gestures and overall closeness.
Dumpers stare at their ex not only when things are going bad for them and they want their ex back. They also stare when they haven’t yet broken the habit of interacting with their ex. Some dumpers want to be close to their ex (friends) and don’t know that staring confuses their abandoned ex. It gives their ex mixed feelings and hope.
No matter why your ex stares at you, you shouldn’t let it linger in your mind for too long. Consider it your ex’s curiosity and way of breaking old habits and patterns. Your ex probably misses talking with you and wonders how you’ve been. This doesn’t mean your ex wants you back but that your ex misses the non-romantic times in the relationship when you got along.
Always remember that staring is a sign of interest. For dumpees, it’s usually romantic whereas for dumpers, it’s non-romantic. Dumpees and dumpers lack information about their ex’s life, so they try to obtain it by scanning their ex and obtaining the information they seek.
Seldom does staring mean they dislike their ex. They tend to stare (daggers) when the ex they have feelings for sits or stands next to someone they consider competition or replacement.
So if you keep catching your ex staring at you, know that there could be many reasons for it. The most feasible ones are curiosity, attraction, and guilt. When your ex gets the information he or she needs, the staring will likely stop or decrease. Your ex won’t stare at you (or stare so much) because he or she won’t find you captivating and need anything from you.
You’ll either have given your ex what he or she is after or your ex will process the emotions he or she needs to process and lose interest. Either way, time is on your side. If you focus on moving on with your life, it’s only a matter of time before your ex does the same.
In this post, we’ll discuss why your ex keeps staring at you and what you should do about it.
Why is my ex staring at me?
If you left your ex (especially in an inconsiderate manner), your ex is staring at you because you affected your ex emotionally and left a void in his or her chest. You made your ex fend for him/herself when your ex needed you the most and by doing so, made your ex depend on you for recognition and healing.
The breakup affected if not destroyed your ex’s confidence, self-esteem, and direction in life.
It hurt your ex so badly that every time your ex sees you, he or she can’t help but stare at you and want reassurance. By staring, your ex hopes that you’ll notice his or her wish to converse and initiate a conversation. Your ex fears getting rejected again, which means that he or she feels safer looking at you from a distance and waiting for you to make the first move.
If you walk up to your ex and start talking to your ex, your ex will feel important and get his or her hopes up. But if you do nothing, your ex will feel disappointed and continue to detach. It’s better to disappoint your ex than to make your ex think you’re open to reconciliation.
If you can’t figure out why your dumpee ex is staring at you, ask yourself what would make you stare at your ex after getting dumped. Remember the time you got dumped or rejected by someone and you’ll probably understand that people stare because they’re in pain and obsessed with the person who caused them pain. They want that person to explain things, validate them, and mend their broken ego.
Your ex also wants that. He or she is hoping that you provide some clarity and ease his or her mental anguish. This is especially true if the breakup happened recently. That would imply that your ex’s wounds are still fresh and that your ex considers you his or her doctor.
It’s obvious that your staring ex needs your assistance in coping with the breakup. Your ex wants you to engage in conversation and rebuild the broken bond.
His or her glaring eyes speak for themselves. They reveal your ex views you in high regard and wants what he or she lost. This is likely companionship, romance, validation, emotional support, and commitment. Once your ex gets these things, your ex will once again be happy and focus on him/herself.
So if your dumper ex is staring at you and you don’t know what it means, it likely means that your ex hasn’t processed the breakup yet. Your ex may need answers (closure), reassurance, or more time. At the moment, his or her heart still beats for you and needs your presence.
This will change when your ex detaches from you, improves his or her self-esteem, finds passion in life, and sees you differently.
However, if your dumper ex is looking at you, your ex likely feels guilty for leaving you stranded. Your ex wants to know that you’re doing okay and that he or she needn’t worry about you. When your ex sees that you’re moving forward with your life, your ex will quickly assuage his or her guilty conscience and may lose interest altogether.
Most dumpers do because they’re merely curious about their ex’s happiness and new life.
Some even feel a bit jealous. They don’t want their ex back, but they’re worried that their ex has found someone else. They worry because they don’t want to think that their ex has found someone better, that their ex wasn’t the problem, and that their ex can find a person to date faster than them.
Fortunately, most dumpers don’t compete with their ex. They know they hurt their ex and that their ex deserves to be with someone who loves him or her. Despite that though, they may feel a little bit possessive when they see their ex talking to someone else. This is because they loved their ex and planned their future with him or her.
Anyway, dumpers usually stare at the dumpee to read his or her expressions. They aren’t certain that talking is the right approach, so they try to gauge their ex’s well-being from afar. By doing so, they try to determine if their ex is still hurt or angry and if it may be possible to talk and be friends one day.
Having said that, here’s why your ex may be staring at you.
What should I do if my ex keeps staring at me?
You may feel tempted to talk to your ex and see why your ex keeps staring at you, but ask yourself what it’s going to accomplish. Other than learning that your ex is curious and/or obsessed with you, it won’t change your or your ex’s feelings. It will just bring you emotionally closer to each other.
And closeness is not a good thing. The closer you are, the more you’ll think about each other and the harder time you’ll have moving forward.
I suggest that you leave your ex alone and view his or her staring as irrelevant to what you need to focus on after the breakup. Whether you’re a dumpee or the dumper, acting on it won’t help anyone, especially the dumpee. Not while the dumpee feels hurt and can’t get what he or she needs.
You’ll both feel better if you just keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself and focus on what you need to get over the breakup. And what you need is to get used to living without each other. Create a life that has nothing to do with the relationship. That way, your ex will slowly lose interest in you and make you forget about your ex’s staring behavior.
It’s important not to get annoyed or too curious about your ex’s staring. If you act on your emotions, you could say or do something that scares your ex or gives your ex hope. Either way, you’ll converse with your ex and share or discover things someone isn’t ready for.
So instead of walking up to your ex, act as if you don’t see your ex’s staring. Your ex will come up to you if he or she really wants to. You can say hello from afar or greet with a gesture if you’d like, but avoid starting a conversation. Remember that the likelihood of your ex giving you what you want or need is small.
It’s much more likely that your ex will say or do something unpredictable and give you things to obsess about.
Think of the time after the breakup as time to heal. You must regain your identity and purpose to reattract your ex or better romantic opportunities.
Does your ex keep staring at you? Why do you think your ex does that? Share your thoughts below.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
