Why Does My Ex Keep Coming Back For Sex?

When your ex keeps coming back for sex and leaves shortly after having sex, you need to understand your ex has no intention of recommitting to you emotionally. Your ex only likes you sexually and wants to get sexual benefits from you. You’re the only person he or she is physically and emotionally close to enough to ask for sexual favors.

Others could probably fulfill his or her sexual needs, but they don’t have such a close relationship with your ex. They’d first have to get to know your ex, desire your ex sexually, and want to get involved with your ex.

Most people aren’t okay with random sex. They have partners or other dating prospects and want to move forward with their lives rather than backward. Sleeping with an ex years after the breakup doesn’t make sense to them because they’re emotionally detached and perceive their ex differently than when they were in a relationship with their ex.

That leaves you the only person in your ex’s dating history your ex feels comfortable with. You’re the only one your ex connects with and can rely on for sexual fulfillment. Until that changes, your ex will come to you for his or her sexual needs and use you for personal gain.

Your ex won’t care about your feelings, wants, and beliefs. All your ex will care about is how to get the most out of the breakup and satisfy his or her urges.

So if you want to know why your ex keeps coming back for sex, there are two reasons for that.

1. You’re currently the only person available to your ex (you’re the closest to your ex).
2. You’re allowing your ex to enter your life as he or she pleases and treat you like a friend with benefits.

If you still have feelings for your ex and want your ex back, you shouldn’t have slept with your ex, thinking your ex will come back because of it. You should have refused to sleep with your ex until your ex gave you something you wanted.

I’m not saying you needed to use sex as a weapon to get something from your ex, but you should have respected yourself and avoided giving your ex your most intimate parts. Your ex should have been given “access” to them when he or she earned them and deserved them. He or she certainly didn’t earn them by dumping you and showing you that you were only desired sexually.

Your ex’s desire for sex without commitment was a huge warning sign. It warned you that your ex hadn’t resolved his or her problems and changed his or her perception of you. Your ex chose to skip these parts and jump straight to the part where he or she felt sexually satisfied.

If you just examined your ex’s behavior a little bit longer, you would have noticed that your ex didn’t mention any regrets, pain, and hopes to get back together. Your ex completely ignored these topics and just jumped straight to sex.

Your ex’s actions and lack of responsibility told you that your ex was sleeping with you for him/herself rather than you as a couple. You just had to pay attention and stand up for yourself when your ex made a selfish move on you.

I know it wasn’t easy to do that because you felt desired and empowered, but you needed to reject your ex anyway. Since your ex had no interest in being with you romantically, your ex had no right to ask for sexual favors. He or she needed to accept that the end of the relationship meant the end of the sexual relationship as well.

In this post, we answer the question, “Why does my ex keep coming back for sex” and share some tips on what you should do about it.

Why does my ex keep coming back for sex?

Your ex keeps coming back for sex without commitment because sex makes your ex feel good and free. It gives your ex just the right amount of attention and recognition to continue to self-prioritize and enjoy life on his or her terms. Your ex doesn’t want to take care of his/her sexual needs alone or with the help of other people (there are no other/better people), so your ex does the deed with you despite breaking your heart.

He or she doesn’t understand or care that sex validates you and makes you hungrier for affection and stability.

Due to a lack of awareness, your ex keeps coming back for sex time after time and gives you hope. He or she makes you think you might get back together if you just satisfy your ex’s urges and present yourself as a positive individual.

You probably already know that your ex would have come back by now if he or she valued you and had feelings for you. Your ex wouldn’t have used you for sex once, let alone multiple times.

Despite that, you keep allowing your ex to come back whenever he or she wants and let your ex be intimate with you. You’re enabling your ex as you’re making it possible for your ex to avoid responsibility.

You’ve got to understand that sexual cravings and romantic feelings are two completely different things. Sex alone can’t bring an ex back, nor keep a couple together. It can only provide temporary satisfaction and a distraction from bigger problems.

Your sex-deprived/hungry ex will likely keep coming back for sex. He or she will continue to crave your physical presence rather than the emotional one. This will go on for as long as your ex is single and you accept his or her sexual approaches.

Gradually though, your ex will find a replacement for you – someone who can satisfy all of his or her urges, not just the sexual ones. That’s when your sexual relationship will come to a halt and make you feel used.

So don’t expect your ex to stick around forever. Sex may be convenient for him or her right now, but it won’t be enough forever. As soon as someone better or different comes along, your ex will switch allegiance and leave you behind as a sexual partner. Your ex won’t feel the need to stay close to you due to a loss of sexual attraction.

My advice is to give up on trying to reattract your ex with your body. Even if your ex is the most visual person on the planet, your ex won’t redevelop love for you because of sex and a few superficial conversations. He or she will first need to redevelop emotional attraction and an urge to invest and be invested in.

Exes come back when you distance yourself from them, stop giving them things they take for granted, and stop caring about them. That’s because they see you don’t want them anymore and trigger their insecurities and desires to keep you in their life.

Sex with them only makes them feel desirable and in control of the breakup. It tells them they needn’t try harder and change anything about themselves. And when they needn’t change anything, they think of themselves as victims and consider you incompatible.

So if you’re wondering why your ex keeps coming back for sex, the answer is in the question itself – sex. Your ex enjoys spending time with you in the evenings and nights because it satisfies your ex’s urges, boosts his or her ego, and deals with loneliness or insecurities.

It gives your ex a feeling of satisfaction and may even alleviate his or her guilty conscience.

The question you should be asking yourself is why do you allow your ex to keep coming back if all your ex is interested in is sex? Are you hoping that sex will restore your ex’s lost feelings and make your ex recommit romantically? Is your self-esteem so low that you’d rather be used than to deal with feelings of abandonment and insecurities?

Figure out where your cravings to be with your ex come from and address them immediately. That way, you won’t turn into an ex-pleaser and avoid degrading yourself over and over again just so your ex stays in your life and gives you a tiny bit of reassurance.

Having said that, here’s why your ex keeps coming back for sex.

What can I do if my ex keeps coming back for sex?

This pattern of coming back for sex and leaving when sexual urges subside must stop. You can’t continue to allow your ex to treat you like a worthless sex object and starve you of validation and purpose. To deal with your ex’s unreasonable expectations, you must say no to your ex when he or she wants to see you and sleep with you.

Tell your ex you’re not open to hanging out and sleeping together. Don’t demand commitment. Simply say that you need time to yourself and wish him or her the best of luck.

Don’t feel bad about cutting off an ex who dumped you. Feel bad for yourself for letting your ex use you for sex and make you think something positive could come of it.

Sometimes it’s necessary to cut people off – and this is one of those times. It’s safer and healthier for you to let go of your ex than it is to hold on to your ex and get used or abused. Sleeping with your ex won’t change how your ex feels or doesn’t feel. Sex will just give you hope and anxiety and string you along.

So remind yourself that you must regain control of your life when your ex keeps using you for sex and controlling your life. You must take away your ex’s ability to control your actions and emotions and wean off your ex. The sooner you do this, the quicker you’ll get your dignity and self-love back and stop relying on your ex.

You don’t need to do anything else.

Just tell your ex that you won’t sleep with him or her and pretend to be friends. Talk to your ex only if you have kids with your ex and/or need to discuss important matters.

Your ex might try to fight your decision and make you look mean or selfish, but try not to mind the projection. Despite the pressure and guilt, stand firm on your decision and stay away from your ex. Let your ex see that you’re no longer open to sex and self-humiliation.

You should have stopped your ex from sleeping with you for fun the first time he or she came back. That was when you should have demanded space and asked your ex about his or her intentions. Since you didn’t do that then, it’s time to do it now. Express your wish to be alone and terminate the sexual relationship once and for all.

You’ll thank me when you detach from your ex and realize that sleeping with your ex was a waste of time.

Why do you think your ex keeps coming back for sex? What drives your ex to keep you around? Share your views in the comments section below.

And if you’d like to talk privately about your ex’s reasons for sleeping with you multiple times, get in touch with us via our private coaching program.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.