Some dumpers return to their exes multiple times and make them wonder why men always come back after breaking up with them. They make them ask themselves why their exes come back despite claiming they were done with the relationship and felt no love and will to reconnect.
The reason their men come back every time is because they take the relationship for granted and think the grass is greener on the other side. They believe their exes are the cause of their problems and that they can easily find a replacement for them.
When they fail to replace them and get hurt, they learn they thought highly of themselves and poorly of their exes and that they couldn’t be happy without their ex. This realization shocks them and makes them come crawling back for another chance.
Unfortunately, breakups differ for each individual. Some dumpees watch their exes come back many times whereas others don’t even hear a peep from their exes. They wonder if they hurt their exes too much and if they’re unworthy of another chance.
Before you start blaming yourself and destroying your trust in yourself, you need to know that the dumper’s return depends on many factors. Your personality and the quality of the relationship are important, but what’s even more important is the kind of lives your exes live without you and how they deal with their problems and stressors.
If they have decent coping mechanisms and don’t let personal issues affect their self-esteem, they don’t have a reason to come back. They don’t get hurt enough to reflect and realize your importance. But if they’re codependent, visually unappealing, insecure, impulsive, or mentally ill, they’re much more likely to experience difficult emotions and look for strong people to lean on when they’re in trouble.
You could be one of the people they count on as long as they find you strong and reliable.
So if you’re wondering why men always come back, know that you’ve probably been dating men who weren’t secure with themselves and capable of living fulfilling lives. They (heavily) relied on you and their exes for self-love and meaning, so they discerned you could make their healing process much shorter and less painful. You could give them what they needed the most when they were in pain and felt confused.
Since they were hurt and badly needed someone to help them feel loved and needed, they contacted you and asked you for another chance. They probably took responsibility at first but soon reverted to their regular selves.
Dumpers don’t change their mentalities. Not when they just left the relationship and feel relieved and happy for gathering the courage to break up with you. Those who change their thinking patterns do so when they get back with their ex and adhere to their ex’s conditions.
Anyway, you probably didn’t beg and plead with dumpers after the breakup (not for long, at least). Instead of pressuring them and making them want to run for the hills, you accepted the breakup confidently and went on with your life. This is how you retained your value and appeared valuable to them when they were done exploring other options and failed to find happiness without you.
Because of how you handled the breakup and portrayed yourself, you became a viable backup plan for them. You seemed strong enough for them to get back together and rely on you for their troubles.
It was your strength that made them respect you and their failures that brought them back. As much as you’d like to think it was all you and toot your own horn, the main reason for their return was their lack of luck and inability to find happiness. They did their best to live the best life, but they failed, so they became regretful and came back to you.
So bear in mind that men come back only when they encounter issues they can’t deal with without their ex. Usually, they return to their recent exes, but sometimes, they also go back to people they dated decades ago. It depends on how they think and feel and what they want. If they want a stable connection, they go back to an ex who made them feel safe and secure.
And if they want instant validation rather than a long-lasting relationship, they go back to someone who wasn’t good at maintaining the relationship but made them feel the strongest emotions.
Therefore, men always come back when they consider you someone they can rely on short or long-term. They come back because they lack backup options and see you as someone who can give them what they’re missing.
In today’s post, we discuss why the men you’re dating always come back and why other people aren’t as fortunate as you.
Why do men always come back to me?
Men find certain traits attractive. They find them irresistible, especially when they’re in a lot of pain and lose direction and purpose in life. That’s when they remember their exes and imagine their exes helping them with their problems and pain.
Some of the things exes find attractive when they’re in pain are:
- emotional strength
- courage
- integrity
- respect
- responsibility
- loyalty
- empathy
- forgiveness
- and kindness
Most dumpers expect to enjoy their life to the fullest and not to cross paths with their ex ever again, not even as friends. They don’t think they’ll need their ex until things go awry and force them to need their ex. That’s why they get surprised when their path leads them back to their ex and makes them regret breaking up with their ex.
You need to understand that dumpers don’t come back for no reason. You may be a mature and giving person (and that helps a lot), but that’s not enough to reattract an ex. There are plenty of people out there who share similar values and beliefs as you. The reason they choose their ex is because of familiarity.
They like the safety and comfort their ex provides.
Your ex needs to think that a relationship with you is the only path forward and that your ex needs you back to obtain certain relationship benefits and feelings.
Those who think exes come back entirely for them think too highly of themselves and lack an understanding of breakup dynamics. They think they’re 100% responsible for reattracting their exes even though their exes’ reasons for returning have very little to do with them.
Exes can come back for all sorts of reasons. Many times, they have self-esteem and (mental) health problems, financial issues, difficulties maintaining friendships, expectations and pressure from the family, problems finding or keeping partners, and all kinds of unresolved issues from the past.
When their life doesn’t go according to plan and makes them anxious, they forget their grudges from the past and consider their exes their life vest. They see their exes as people who made them happy in the past and could make them happy again if they recommit.
Until then, they keep moving on and avoid thinking about their ex. They think mainly about the things in the present that give them joy and peace.
So why do men always come back to you? They come back because you leave them alone (avoid pestering them) and let them live their lives in whichever way they see fit. You essentially avoid annoying them and show them you value yourself more than them. This doesn’t bring them back in the short term, but it does bring them back when they encounter problems they can’t resolve on their own.
Sometimes it takes them only weeks to regret leaving. This usually happens when they meet the wrong person and have a quick realization that the new person doesn’t make them happy. Other times, it happens months later when they stop feeling relieved and elated and fail in some important way. This can be a new relationship or anything that stresses them and makes them nostalgic and scared for their safety.
Whether it takes them weeks, months, years, or decades to come back, they always have a reason for it. That reason may not be known to you, but they consider you someone who can resolve their problems and ease their suffering. The more you can help them with their problems, the more they want you back for safety, comfort, and validation purposes.
Many dumpees don’t get another chance with their exes. They’re strong, nice, and respectful people, but they still don’t reconcile with their exes. They don’t get back with their exes because their exes don’t encounter big problems, don’t need them to deal with problems (have decent self-esteem), don’t respect them, or don’t value them enough to become nostalgic and desperate to feel loved.
Only the most hurt, nostalgic, and desperate dumpers come back. Such dumpers come back once or many times. Oftentimes, they keep coming back until they disconnect completely and find someone else to attach to.
When they attach to the new person, they don’t go back to their ex anymore unless they have a terrible relationship with the new person and lack the tools to help themselves.
Having said that, here’s why men always come back to you.
Most people would give anything to get another chance with their ex
Dumpees feel rejected and hurt and are prepared to wait for their ex to reach out, express regret, and want them back. Some are even willing to wait for years to reconnect. They’re convinced their ex is the best person they ever dated and that they mustn’t give up on him or her.
Such dumpees focus on their ex’s good points, stay attached, and fail to see the big picture, which is their ex losing the drive to invest and stay committed. They think they must put their life on hold for their ex and wait for their ex to have an epiphany.
Little do they know that their ex needs more than time to come back. Their ex needs some kind of thought-provoking realization, followed by pain and nostalgia.
If your exes come back all the time, you should consider yourself lucky. Many dumpees don’t make any big mistakes but still don’t get another chance with their ex. They’re forced to accept that their ex has lost feelings and doesn’t want them back.
If your exes always came back, it was mainly due to luck, patience, and self-control. You showed them the door rather than trying to hold on to them and showing them you needed them to survive. Whether they came back dozens of times or not even once, don’t let it boost your ego or destroy your self-esteem (if none of your exes came back).
Simply accept the situation for what it is and move forward with your life.
Reconciliations are complex processes that don’t always happen when and how we want them to. They’re out of our control because they depend on factors unrelated to us. These factors usually have something to do with romantic rejections and failures because such matters affect dumpers’s self-esteem.
If dumpers don’t fail and need you, they usually don’t come back. They keep their heads up and find someone new to be with. And if they come back for random reasons such as boredom or guilt, they leave shortly after because they don’t stay emotionally invested.
All in all, men don’t always come back after the breakup. To come back, things must go really badly for them. They must feel so hurt that the only path to happiness seems to be one that includes their ex.
What do you think? Why do men always come back to some dumpees and never to others? Share your views on this topic in the comments below.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
