Why Do I Still Think About My Ex After 10 Years?

There’s nothing wrong with you if you still think about your ex after 10 years. Many dumpees (or even dumpers) occasionally remember their ex and wonder what their ex has been up to. They remember the memorable times, the good times, and even the not-so-good times.

Their ex is a part of their past, so they think about their ex from time to time.

How often they think about their ex and what they think about depends on what they did to get over the breakup, how good they are at getting over the past, what they think and feel about their ex, and most importantly, how happy they are and what they’re doing with their thoughts and emotions.

For example, if they think about their ex and try to resist those thoughts by getting irritated and angry, they usually think about their ex even more. They start a cycle—a pattern of thinking about an ex from 10 years ago and think about their ex more every day.

Eventually, they develop an obsession with their ex and may even start to believe that they still love their ex after years and that they regret breaking up with him or her.

The reason for this particular circumstance is that resisting unwanted ex-thoughts tends to have the opposite effect on people. Instead of helping them nullify unwelcome thoughts, it often makes them upset or frustrated and forces them to push those emotions deeper into their system.

This is how they create their own explanations for their feelings, allow themselves to be pulled back into the past, and prevent themselves from focusing on the present and future.

Because of their emotional barricade, they essentially remember only the good memories and dwell on those moments for so long that they start to crave them. And when they crave them, they convince themselves that their ex wasn’t that bad and wonder if their life would have been any different if they ended up with their ex.

Of course, not all dumpees and dumpers ruminate about their breakup in that way. Most people move on after a year or so (depending on the length of the relationship). But there are some people who become nostalgic and envious upon seeing their ex happy, successful, and living life to the fullest.

Such people don’t really love their ex. They merely covet their ex’s attractive lifestyle and the times when they were happier and less stressed.

So if you still think about your ex after 10 years and you can’t stop wondering why, keep in mind that a thought or two about an ex from years ago is nothing to worry about. Everyone remembers their ex every now and then because they spent a lot of time with their ex. They developed a strong emotional bond which is not that easy to forget.

You should do something about your ex-thoughts only if you’re obsessively thinking about your ex and/or your ex’s new partner after many years. That would indicate that you’ve developed an ex-obsession and that you need to detach from your ex by directing your thoughts and emotions to something more meaningful.

This post is for everyone who still thinks about their ex after 3, 5, or even 10 years or longer.

Why do I still think about my ex after 10 years?

Most of the time, people think about their exes after a decade for the following three reasons:

1. They haven’t processed the past.
2. They haven’t grown after the breakup and found peace and happiness.
3. Or they’ve taken their new life (or partner) for granted and they think and feel that something’s missing.

If you still think about your ex after ten years, you either never stopped thinking about your ex or you started thinking about him or her some time ago because you haven’t been happy and wanted to be as happy as you were in the past.

Whatever the case may be, you need to understand that you haven’t put in the necessary work to put your ex behind you and invest in yourself. You probably just moved on from your ex without addressing your personal issues and making sure you’re ready to deal with new negative experiences.

That’s why you now think of your ex as the person who can save you from the trouble/boredom/or stagnation you got yourself in by neglecting personal growth.

If you’re with someone else, your relationship with your partner has probably slowed down and become a bit repetitious. Because it’s not as exciting as it used to be, you now think about the good times from the past as well as the volatility those times anchored into your brain.

What I mean by that is that you likely feel pulled toward your ex in strange ways because you had many more differences to resolve with your ex than you do now with your current partner. You had a lot more work to do, which is why you now subconsciously crave the ups and downs you went through with your ex and wish that your relationship would feel more alive – more active, energetic, and changing even though stability is actually a very good thing.

Stability showcases that a relationship is strong and that a couple needs to continue to maintain it. Ups and downs, caused by incompatibilities and disagreements, however, indicate that a relationship thrives on the periods of recovery and bonding that occur after a couple has had an argument.

If this is what you crave about an ex from the past, it’d be sagacious of you to change your perception of relationships. You need to understand what a good relationship is and how important it is to maintain it and move forward with your life.

As a person, your ex may be kind and reliable, but that doesn’t mean that you should fantasize about your ex and tell yourself things like, “I’ll never find anyone as good as my ex.”

Such convictions won’t help you solve this issue and move on. Instead, they’ll keep you in the past and make the job harder for you. So much harder that they’ll obsess you with your ex and stop you from feeling attracted to other people (even your partner).

The sooner you realize what your unmanaged ex-thoughts are doing to you, the quicker you’ll understand that your ex has very little to do with those thoughts. You’re the one responsible for your imagination. Your ex is merely a part of your past.

Here are 9 possible reasons why you still think about your ex after 10 years.

How to stop thinking about an ex from years ago?

Whether it’s been 5 years or 10 years, the key to stopping thoughts about an ex is to physically and emotionally distance yourself from your ex. If you’re still talking to your ex, therefore, you need to stop doing that immediately. Tell your ex that you’re having a hard time focusing on the present and that you need some time to yourself. Your ex will understand why you need space if you express yourself in a sympathetic manner.

However, if you’re not in contact with your ex, then do something different but just as important. Start by telling yourself that it’s okay to think about your ex from time to time and that you welcome ex-thoughts any time. Becoming okay with your ex popping up in your mind uninvitedly will tell your brain that you have more important things to think about and that you don’t care whether you think about your ex.

And when you don’t care whether you think about your ex, it’s highly likely that your brain will stop caring too. It will find it too boring to obsess about someone who doesn’t entertain it with strong emotional reactions.

So instead of resisting your thoughts and getting upset or annoyed whenever your ex crosses your mind, send positive thoughts and emotions to your brain. Tell your brain you’re moving forward with your life and that you don’t mind if your ex is still alive in your head.

Accept it as a part of your healing/detoxing process and carry on as if your ex didn’t exist. It will take a while for your brain to see that you’re serious about what you think and feel, but eventually, you should be able to convey your message successfully, improve the way your ex-thoughts affect you, and move on once and for all.

To learn why you’re thinking about your ex and how you can move on quicker, you should also consider getting professional help. A professional may be able to address some of your deep-rooted concerns and explain why you feel so drawn toward your ex even though it’s been years since you split up.

He or she may give you some useful tips and encourage you to work on accepting your ex, rather than unhappily pushing him or her away.

Furthermore, once you’ve accepted your ex and learned why your ex is haunting you like a ghost, you need to do the most important thing left to do. You need to get busy and find something or someone else to obsess about. By distracting yourself, you will put your attention to where it’s needed and have less time to think about your ex.

So find activities and people to spend time with and stop thinking about your ex with their help. You can’t expect to break an obsession without doing anything to break it. Breaking obsessions takes time and commitment—so commit to something entertaining, productive, or worthwhile and push your ex out of your subconscious.

Last but not least, if you’re already with someone and you still think about your ex from 10 years ago, focus on strengthening that relationship. Talk to your partner more, go on dates, make plans the future, find common interests, and try to remember how you felt when you met your partner and why he or she is important to you.

These things are going to help you bond with your partner, whereas thinking about your ex obsessively and entertaining the “what ifs” is going to damage your bond and drive a wedge between you and your partner.

Can my ex help me stop thinking about him/her?

Unfortunately, your ex can’t help you with this particular issue. He or she may be able to give you closure, but your ex can’t lessen the number of ex-thoughts going through your head. If anything, your ex can only make it worse.

Especially if your ex says or does something that stirs up your emotions—because as you know, emotions intensify obsessions. They make you feel that your ex is your solution when he or she has always been the problem.

If you contact your ex with the intention to stop obsessing about your ex, there’s a risk that your ex will:

• give you false hope
• hurt you and reset your healing
• make you nostalgic
• make you feel guilty
• embarrass you
• confuse you
• make you envy him/her
• make you doubt yourself
• anger you
• or force you to stay in the past

It’s much safer not to involve your ex in this as your ex is your ex – a person who is incapable of helping you even if his or her intentions are sincere. You see, your ex is indirectly causing you this problem. He or she is the one you obsess about and possibly even admire or love, hence why your ex won’t help you even if he or she tries to.

All talking to your ex is going to do is give your obsession exactly what it needs to exist – more of your ex. So instead of discussing your problems with your ex, talk to friends, family, or a mental health expert. Honestly, even a complete stranger will do a better than your ex.

At least a stranger won’t raise your expectations and make you analyze everything your ex does.

So if you want to stop thinking about your ex from 10 years ago, start by learning what caused you to think about your ex so much. Are you unhappy with your current situation? Are you not over your ex? Give it some serious thought.

When you figure out the cause and start focusing on yourself, you’re going to notice that your ex-obsession waned and the quality of your life improved.

Are you wondering why you still think about your ex after 10 years? What are some of the things you’ve tried to stop it? Post your comment below and let the readers know.

And as always, if you’d like to talk privately about your uncontrollable thinking patterns, check out ways to do that here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.