When He Doesn’t Care About Your Feelings

Before we talk about what to do when your boyfriend or the guy you’re seeing doesn’t care about your feelings, we need to discuss what not caring about someone’s feelings means. Some women are quick to assume that not caring is the same as arguing or handling certain situations inadequately.

But not caring is more than that.

Not caring means that a person is not just upset, angry, or feels victimized, but also unwilling to care about the pain he or someone/something has caused you. An uncaring person lacks sympathy and will put his feelings far before yours. He’ll get tired of listening to your problems, judge you for feeling a certain way, and refuse to help you when you need help the most.

Because of poor emotional intelligence, he’ll make you feel abandoned and alone and cause you to doubt his ability to contribute to your life in ways that you’re with him for. That’s why you’ll experience constant ups and downs with him and feel that he doesn’t understand you and have your best interests at heart.

Sure, you can have days when things are working just fine, but those days are good days. They don’t define the longevity of a romantic relationship nor how happy you are as a couple. What’s much more important is how you handle bad days.

Those days determine if you make it or break it. So focus on the things that aren’t working and need improvement. Focus on trying to grow together before you determine your boyfriend is a hopeless case and decide to quit.

If the guy doesn’t care about your feelings, keep in mind that he could neglect your feelings directly by showing you he doesn’t care or indirectly through actions/inactions indeliberately.

He could tell you to stop being so dramatic or simply go out with his friends instead of staying at home with you when you’re feeling sick. He could basically prioritize his own life and show you that he’s in the relationship for himself rather than for the two of you as a couple.

You must also understand that a guy may occasionally have his own worries and that when he’s anxious or engrossed in work that he may have a difficult time focusing on you and the things you do. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you but that he’s got a life outside of the relationship and that you need to be independent and strong enough not to rely on him for basic emotional needs.

You must have your own coping mechanisms to deal with your own (minor) problems while he’s dealing with his. And if you’re both stressed, anxious, or depressed at the same time, you must learn to work together by taking turns in listening and sympathizing with each other.

In this post, we’ll discuss how to tell that that a guy doesn’t care about your feelings and what you can do about it.

When does he not care about your feelings?

A guy doesn’t care about your feelings when he gets so used to your sadness, pain, tears, and negative feelings in general that he doesn’t get affected by them. That tells you that he stopped caring about you and that he doesn’t intend to start caring any time soon.

He’s happy to just care about himself and expects you to do the same. Doing so makes him feel fewer unwanted emotions and consequently, gives him the freedom to enjoy his life more.

It goes without saying that most men get a bit numb when it comes to women crying and expressing their concerns. But when they completely stop caring about their girlfriend’s feelings, they enter a phase where they care only about themselves. They convince themselves that they can’t continue caring about their girlfriend when their girlfriend constantly hurts them with actions, words, beliefs, or expectations.

In retaliation and self-protection, they take a few steps back to avoid helping their girlfriend deal with strong emotions. They don’t like the idea of going out of their way to help because they tend to get overwhelmed when their girlfriends display intense emotions and need a lot of help.

Some guys can barely control themselves and help themselves, so they feel like they have to help two people at the same time and that it’s not worth the effort. Such guys stop caring about their girlfriend’s feelings and focus solely on theirs.

They feel they have barely enough energy and strength to deal with their own issues.

On the other hand, if your boyfriend doesn’t have anything important to worry about but still doesn’t care about your feelings, then the guy probably doesn’t know how you feel. He’s not you, so he assumes you’re like him and expects you to be like him.

Most guys, unfortunately, fit into this category as they expect their emotional girlfriends to be as rational as them. They aren’t uncaring on purpose, but they haven’t discovered gender differences yet, so they don’t understand that their girlfriends will never be like them no matter how hard they try.

If they expect them to be like them, they’ll be extremely disappointed as they’ll get unwanted results.

You probably already know how to spot someone who doesn’t care about your feelings. But just in case you’re still figuring things out, the following picture should help you understand more quickly. Here are some examples of when he doesn’t care about your feelings.

Whether the person in question is someone you’re seeing casually, your boyfriend, an ex, a friend, or a family member, you need to know that if someone doesn’t care about your feelings today, it’s unlikely that he’ll care about them later. People tend not to change when they’re constantly put in situations that help them get away with not caring.

They usually change if they distance themselves from those situations and feel they have no choice but to change.

Empathy is not easy to develop. Most people who have it developed it early on in their childhood. They learned it from their parents/guardians.

You just need to remember 3 things about a guy who doesn’t care about your feelings.

1. He lacks empathy which is the ability to understand your feelings.
2. He thinks you’re exhausting to listen to.
3. He feels victimized and/or puts himself first.

Relationships require commitment, healthy perceptions, self-awareness, maturity, moral values, and a lot of empathy. The more developed couples are, the more they will understand each other, care about each other, and support each other in times of need and on a daily basis.

Try to learn why he doesn’t care about you

Every guy should pay attention to you and care about what you’re feeling/experiencing, but not every guy will do that. Some guys will feel overwhelmed when their girlfriend criticizes them and expresses her wants, needs, and expectations. They’ll feel that they’re being criticized and forced, so they’ll either explode in rage, shut down, or handle the situation maturely.

Guys’ reaction depends on their personality. If they were criticized severely by their authoritarian parents when they were young and didn’t have much of a say, they’ll probably get hurt and shut down. They won’t know what to say and do, so they’ll instinctually stop talking and wait for the person criticizing them to come to them.

If they feel a person doesn’t understand them and expects too much from them, they’ll probably try to defend themselves and tell their partner she is being disrespectful, needy, clingy, nosy, jealous, or insecure. They’ll make certain their partner understands the problem is with their partner and that they’ve got nothing to do with it. They’re just being “fair” for pointing it out.

And if they’ve always been encouraged to express emotions calmly and listen to other people’s opinions, then they’ll probably listen to others and show they care about them.

Since your partner isn’t doing that, the guy probably has an “every man for himself” mentality and doesn’t care about your feelings. He’s just operating on autopilot and doing things that feel right to him.

Understanding him won’t fix the issues, but it will help you understand where the guy’s deep-rooted behavior stems from and if he can even change for the better.

What to do when he doesn’t care about your feelings?

When your boyfriend doesn’t care about your feelings, the first thing you should do is figure out if he really doesn’t care about your feelings. If you just jump to conclusions and develop a belief that he doesn’t care about you without making sure first, you could start to resent him and fall out of love even though you could have fixed things.

So before that happens, talk to him about the way you feel and see if he understands where you’re coming from. You can say something like, “I don’t want to argue or offend you, but I’d like to understand how you feel when I express myself to you. Do you feel offended or pressured? I’d like to know if you don’t mind. I promise I won’t get upset.”

After your boyfriend has told you how he feels and why he acts the way he does, you should figure out if he has what it takes to work on himself and try to adapt. It will take a lot of work, but if you express yourself maturely and he truly cares about you, he will take you seriously and do the things he needs to do.

If you notice that he doesn’t want to put the work in, though, then that’s an issue. It’s the biggest issue you could encounter as it shows he doesn’t care about the relationship enough to maintain it. He’s just taking it for granted and getting what he can from it.

If that’s the case, leave the guy. Staying with him will be torture and a big waste of time. It will make you feel unhappy and trapped in a relationship that’s never going to grow into a more fulfilling one.

Leaving him likely won’t be easy as you already feel drained of love and understanding and don’t want to feel even less of his love and support. But sometimes it’s important to be brave and strong so that you can do what’s best for you now and in the long run.

You have nothing else to say to someone who doesn’t care about your feelings. If he’s self-centered, arrogant, underdeveloped, and unwilling or incapable of seeing things from your perspective and offering his care, he’s of no use to you. He’s someone who’s going to give you more anxiety than he will relieve.

So gather your courage and determination and get rid of anyone who doesn’t care about your feelings. This includes pretentious friends, envious colleagues, toxic family members, and uncaring boyfriends. Cutting people off may have a negative connotation to it, but it’s necessary for your health and well-being.

If you keep people who don’t care about you in your life you’ll be prolonging your suffering and giving them certain benefits at your expense. Slowly, you’ll show them they can get away with anything and let them treat you the way they want.

People who get away with uncaring behavior lose respect over time and more often than not, leave when their respect hits 0. When that happens, you’ll feel used and discarded and experience even more pain. So break your attachment with the guy who doesn’t care about your feelings.

Do that by force-stopping his unhealthy behavior and stepping away from him to focus on yourself and the things that matter to you. This might hurt him and make him chase after you, but don’t take him back just because he’s hurting.

I’m not saying you should not care about him because he didn’t care about your feelings, but you shouldn’t give him a chance (especially not this quickly) because he’ll need months to change his perceptions and attitude. Even then he might not grow enough to value you.

You should take him back weeks after the breakup only if he’s committed to growing within and shows signs of improvement. Taking him back too soon when he’s still highly emotional could give him closure and help him detach and lose interest.

So get back with him only if he’s realized his mistakes and wants to grow in ways that are good for him and you.

Are you wondering what to do when he doesn’t care about your feelings? What were you thinking of doing about an uncaring guy? Let us know in the comments below.

However, if you’d like to discuss it with us 1-on-1, visit our coaching page for more information.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.