If your partner or ex-partner is stringing you along, it means that you’re not getting the romantic attention and recognition you deserve. You’re merely tagging along for the ride while providing your girlfriend or ex-girlfriend the benefits she craves. Instead of mutually benefitting from the relationship, you’re giving way more than you’re getting out of the situationship.
This makes you the only person with unmet expectations and needs.
Your crush, partner, or ex-partner isn’t as unhappy as you because she doesn’t want the same things as you. She’s probably happy with friendship or occasional sex. Emotionally, she just isn’t on the same page with you, so she holds on to you for other benefits you can provide.
Whether she’s emotionally unavailable, confused, in love with an ex, talking to other people, or simply not interested in dating you, her actions and behavior show that you value her more than she values you and that unless she gets rejected or disappointed by other people, she probably won’t choose you.
Women who string men along lack love and a sense of urgency to commit. They want to take their sweet time to explore other options and see who can give them the most and make them the happiest. We could say they lack appreciation for the people they’re with and are unwilling to settle down until they’re certain they’ve chosen the right person.
The problem is that there is no right person. As long as they have multiple options, they see something good as well as something bad in each person. This leaves them feeling confused and afraid to commit due to the fear of making a bad decision and missing out on something better.
Of course, those who string people along don’t always have another person lined up. Sometimes they’re simply not ready to date and/or commit. They believe they need to focus on themselves or others and complete certain tasks or obligations before they give a romantic relationship a try. Some people want to finish school first, establish a stable career, or take care of their parents before committing to a relationship.
They don’t want to invest energy and time in a partner who might hinder them from achieving their goals. They’d rather feel in control of their lives. To stay in control and protect themselves, they only get to know people on a superficial level and refuse to let them into their hearts. By keeping them at a safe distance, they can focus on their goals while keeping potential partners on the sidelines.
Some women are also not ready for a committed relationship. They have unresolved childhood issues or recently got cheated on, dumped, or abused and need therapy and/or time to deal with trauma. Such women may bond with others just to feel attractive and desired. They seek validation to prove they are worth more than their self-esteem leads them to believe.
Eventually, they boost their ego and self-esteem and realize they don’t get any fulfillment from their partner, ex-partner, or potential partner. That’s when they start to make excuses, cancel dates, and prioritize other hobbies, interests, and people.
If someone you like is stringing you along, she’s probably not giving you much time and affection. Instead of acting like a partner or at least moving in that direction, she’s reducing the amount of time spent with you and the effort needed for the relationship to grow. She’s making you question her romantic interest and feelings and keeping you hungry for validation and love.
She’s simply not doing enough to convince you that she’s as interested in you as you are in her.
This makes you anxious and want to try harder to impress and please her. You’re prepared to do anything to be with her because you want her to feel good in your presence and reciprocate your efforts and feelings. What you might be forgetting is that someone who lacks feelings and reasons to be with you won’t feel more inspired to invest in you just because you’re trying harder.
On the contrary, she’ll feel pressured, misunderstood, disrespected, scared, and tempted to push you away. By pushing you away, she’ll gain control of her life, including her choices and feelings.
So if you want to know what to do if she is stringing you along, you first need to know what not to do. Don’t shower her with texts and calls and expect her to like you more. Disinterested women don’t respect men who lack respect and self-respect. They think negatively of such men and treat them poorly.
Also, don’t think that she’ll change her mind if you just talk to her and show her she can trust you. The problem isn’t that she can’t trust you but that she isn’t emotionally ready or doesn’t see your romantic potential. She simply doesn’t see herself reaching her goals with you and feel the desire or need to commit to you.
Thinking that she’ll change her mind will only keep your hopes up and waste your time.
As badly as you want her to choose you, you can’t force her to do something she doesn’t want to do. The girl or woman has to feel connected to you and want to commit on her own. It has to be her choice or she’ll soon turn hot and cold, lose all interest, and leave.
In this post, we shed some light on what to do if she is stringing you along and prolonging your suffering.
What to do if she is stringing you along?
If a woman is stringing you along and you’re not sure how to handle it, you must understand that allowing it to continue isn’t the right course of action. Simply tolerating breadcrumbs won’t change her feelings or actions. It will only enable her to keep stringing you along and maintaining control over the situation.
A woman strings you along not because she’s busy working on her doubts, fears, or problems but because she doesn’t have any romantic feelings for you and is afraid to break things off. She’s scared that by ending the relationship she’ll lose you and all the benefits you bring to the relationship.
If she doesn’t fear missing the benefits, then she probably fears your reaction or others’ response to the breakup.
She worries that she’ll hurt you badly and feel responsible for causing you pain.
For some reason, she doesn’t feel ready to officially break up with you even though she already disconnected from you and lost the will to fight for the relationship. The exact reason for her lack of love and commitment doesn’t matter. The important thing is that she’s afraid to give you what you want or need. Since she can’t commit, nor let you go, you must do the hard work for her.
You must let her know that the relationship isn’t moving in the desired direction and that you’ve decided to end it.
She may feel slightly rejected or worried about losing the friendship, but beyond that, she won’t be deeply affected—especially not in the long run. After all, she wasn’t the one who wanted a relationship and got strung along.
It’s normal to feel guilty and sad and doubt yourself. If you feel that way, remember that she chose this path by giving you false hope and refusing to commit. She forced you to protect your feelings, leave, and rely on yourself for happiness and success.
I strongly urge you not to let her keep stringing you along. Although she could commit when she reaches her goals or gives other people a try, she could also not. There’s no guarantee that she’ll choose you of all people in her life and decide to be with you. Many people move forward with someone else because they can’t or don’t want to improve their perception of the person they string along.
They’d rather start anew with someone they feel eager to be with.
If you wait for this person to develop feelings, you could wait a very long time. I’m talking about months or years of time you could spend on better things. Anything is better than a person who strings you along and lacks the courage to let you heal.
So be brave and do what the person in question isn’t brave enough to do. Let her go and show her that you’re dissatisfied with what she’s currently giving you. You must stand up for yourself because a person who strings you along certainly won’t. She’ll keep giving you false hope until she finds someone or something better to focus on.
It won’t be easy to end the relationship, but you don’t have a choice. You must do it if you respect yourself and want the best for yourself. You must also cut this person off. If you let her stay in your life and keep saying and doing confusing things, you’ll stay unhappy and dependent on her for validation.
Avoid these unwanted feelings by pulling away from her and taking away her ability to string you along. Do it for yourself, those who care about you, and your next relationship. This is the time to respond actively to her passiveness. Show her and others that you won’t entertain a person with no romantic feelings and desire to be with you.
You have nothing to gain and everything to lose. So get rid of the person who keeps you in her life for non-romantic purposes. Tell her that you’re tired of trying to make the relationship work and that you must focus on yourself from now on. If she respects your decision, she’ll let you go. But if she doesn’t care what you want and wants to keep you in her life despite it hurting you, she’ll likely guilt-trip you or periodically break the silence.
It’s in your best interest to set some healthy boundaries and ensure she sticks to them. If she crosses those boundaries, you should calmly but decisively reaffirm them and make it clear that you won’t tolerate being strung along.
Having said that, here are my tips on what to do if she is stringing you along.
If she just started to appear wishy-washy and you lack evidence that she’s stringing you along, you should talk to her and figure out why she’s not committing and giving you the reassurance you need. Maybe you can resolve the misunderstanding with communication.
But if she’s been doing it for a while and there are no signs of stopping, then you should simply stop talking to her, recover emotionally, and look for someone who can give you what you need. There’s no point in staying loyal and close to someone when she’s not loyal to you and willing to take the relationship to the next level.
How to tell if she is stringing you along?
If a woman is stringing you along, she won’t make any real effort to get to know you, deepen her connection with you, or move toward a committed relationship. Instead of making you feel loved, important, and needed, she’ll take a passive approach, treat you poorly or inadequately, and exude no or very little fear of losing you.
She won’t make you feel like her partner or a potential partner, but rather as someone she already got what she needed from.
It’s not difficult to see that she’s leading you along. If you pay close attention to her interest in you, you’ll notice that she doesn’t give, nor need your love and validation. All she needs is the benefits you provide. If you make her life better financially and she only shows care and affection when you open your wallet, almost as if rewarding you, she’s not just stringing you along but also using you.
She’s keeping you around strictly for the things she can gain from you.
So watch how she acts when she wants, gets, or doesn’t get what she wants and needs. If she reacts strongly or differently than a grateful person would, you’ve probably fallen in love with someone who only cares about your superficial traits. An ungrateful, love-less, and uncommitted person doesn’t see you for who you are and may replace you with someone else at the first opportunity.
She may already be talking to another person. If you catch her flirting or getting close to someone else, you can be certain that she’s forming a new emotional bond and that she’ll let you go when she develops feelings for the new person.
Once you’ve collected enough evidence, you can simply talk to her. Ask her how she feels and what she wants. She may use the conversation as an opportunity to tell the truth and exit the relationship. If she doesn’t, figure out if what she’s giving you is enough and if it’s possible to change things.
If it’s not, you may want to terminate the relationship and seek happiness elsewhere. Don’t let her friendzone you and use you for her own selfish gain.
Are you wondering what to do if she is stringing you along? Have you noticed any signs? Let us know in the comments below, and we’ll get back to you shortly.
However, if you’re looking for personalized guidance with your girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, or dating prospect, reach out to us. We’ll analyze your situation and develop a plan for moving forward.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
