Should I Talk To My Ex After 2 Years?

If 2 years went by since your relationship ended and you’re trying to figure out if you should talk to your ex, the answer to this question strongly depends on who broke up with who, how you feel about your ex, and whether you can handle your ex ignoring you or telling you that he or she is happily married.

I’ll make things simple for you. If your breakup was a doozy and you still crave your ex’s affection, you shouldn’t talk to your ex, period. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed because you haven’t worked through all the anxiety, fears, or insecurities created by the breakup. You’re still recovering from the shock and its aftereffects, which means you’re not ready to converse yet.

If you try to converse, you’ll immediately stop relying on yourself for closure and recovery and try to lean on your ex for self-love and support. This will be a desperate attempt to heal, and it may not end well for you.

Especially not if your ex doesn’t do what you want him or her to do.

So keep in mind that you should not talk to your ex after 2 years if you’re still anxious, depressed, or lack direction and purpose in life. The only time you should consider talking to your ex is when you have some kind of important business with your ex (children for example) or when you’re over your ex and won’t get hurt if your ex ignores you or blocks you.

But if you have feelings for your ex (the person who left you) and are hoping that your ex will get back with you, then you have to understand that your ex would have already reached out to you if he or she felt the same.

Your ex would have taken the initiative, apologized, and asked to get back together. Assuming your ex isn’t doing that, you shouldn’t be doing it either. You should be staying in no contact and letting your ex come to you. That way, you can get your stolen power back and be on equal terms with your ex.

A relationship where you chase your ex is very unlikely to work. It’s much more likely that you’ll exhaust your ex and get dumped again. Your ex just won’t find someone who chases attractive.

If your ex was the one who left, however, then your ex has probably processed the breakup by now.

Most people process it in less than two years because they focus on themselves and those around them. So it should probably be safe to reach out and see if your ex wants what you want.

If you want to be friends, you should say that. And if you want your ex back because you’ve realized your ex’s worth and don’t want to live without your ex, then you should invite your ex out and/or tell your ex you’ve made a terrible mistake and that you want to give the relationship another (much better) try.

Your ex might want the same. It depends on how good the relationship was, how you treated your ex after the breakup, whether your ex believes in second chances, and how your ex perceives you and feels about you.

Just make sure that you’re certain you want whatever it is that you want. It’d be unfair to your ex if you message or call, say a bunch of confusing things, and leave after a while. That would make your ex wonder what the purpose of your reach-out was.

So if you have nothing important to say, it may be best not to communicate and let the broken relationship rest. Letting it rest will allow the dumpee to keep healing and moving on and the dumper to continue to self-prioritize and do whatever he or she wants.

This post is for people who wonder if they should talk to their ex after 2 years. We’ll talk about times it’s okay to reach out and times that it’s not.

Should I talk to my ex after 2 years?

What exactly do you want to talk to your ex about? Are you curious about your ex, do you miss your ex, do you love your ex? or do you perhaps feel down and want to rely on your ex for emotional support and validation? Figure out what compels you to contact your ex after 2 years and you’ll soon have the answer you’re looking for.

If you just want to catch up or feel better about something that happened to you, you’d contact your ex for selfish purposes. You’d do it to get something out of your ex without giving anything of value in return. Your reach-out alone would probably cause a lot of problems for your ex because it would disrupt your ex’s peace (detachment from you) and make your ex wonder why you reached out all of a sudden.

Although there’s nothing wrong with being on good terms with your ex, you have to be aware of the consequences your reach-out could have. If you’re not healed or if your ex isn’t healed or doesn’t want to speak, getting in touch with your ex wouldn’t be just pointless but also counterproductive.

It would make the anxious/broken-hearted person emotionally regress and force him or her to analyze everything the secure person says and does. This is especially true if the anxious person interprets things the wrong way and receives false hope because in that case, he or she would get strung along.

So before you pick up the phone and call your ex after two years, learn how you feel about your ex and what your end goal is. Then, try to understand what your ex’s inactions mean. If your ex was downright cruel to you after the breakup and you haven’t heard from your ex since you went no contact, your ex probably doesn’t want to communicate.

Your ex has associated negative thoughts and feeling with you and probably won’t change his or her opinion of you any time soon.

And finally, if you know your ex is dating someone else, contacting your ex likely won’t create any positive results. It will make your ex feel strange (perhaps a bit anxious as well) and put his or her partner on high alert.

With that being said, here are some questions you need to ask yourself if you’re thinking of talking to your ex after a couple of years. You may not get all the answers you want, but the ones you do get should probably be enough for you to understand whether contacting your ex is a good idea.

How to talk to your ex after 2 years?

Once you understand that reaching out to your ex could trigger your or your ex’s semi-processed emotions, reach out with a simple hi or hello and wait for your ex to respond. Don’t say anything until your ex has responded and shown interest in speaking with you.

The reason you need to wait is so you don’t invite yourself into your ex’s life when your ex is busy or doesn’t want to talk. If you don’t get a response from your ex, the message is as clear as it gets. Your ex wants things to stay as they are, and you need to respect that.

But if your ex responds and appears to be A BIT guarded, then you can proceed by trying to break the ice first. Ask simple questions like “how are you” and “what have you been up to for the past two years.” When your ex responds, you should immediately state your reasons for reaching out.

Say that you understand it might be too early for him/her, but that you were wondering if he or she wants to talk and be friends. Say that you wanted to reach out sooner but that you were afraid it would complicate things between you two.

Once you’ve expressed the desire to catch up and be friends, watch your ex’s reply and respect it no matter what it is. Your ex might tell you that he or she has moved on, met someone new, and doesn’t want to talk to an ex and be reminded of the past. Or conversely, your ex might agree to be friends and slowly distance himself or herself from you.

There’s no telling what your ex will do. But no matter what your ex does, you mustn’t try to force yourself into your ex’s life and command your ex to do what you want him or her to do. That will make you look controlling and insecure and might push your ex away and hurt you. Whether you get hurt depends on your expectations and self-esteem.

So if your ex wants to talk to you, start by making things comfortable between the two of you. Do this by learning what your ex has been up to and avoiding anything related to the relationship and the breakup. If you’re reaching out two years later, you probably already got closure and don’t need to know what went wrong. You already came to terms with the breakup and shouldn’t drag the past into the present.

You also shouldn’t have any deep bonding conversations that could pressure your ex. You should strive for light surface conversations as such conversations will lower expectations, reduce fears, avoid problems, and allow you and your ex to talk as ex-partners or friends.

You can talk about things like:

• health
• happiness
• family
• pets
• work
• school
• hobbies
• achievements

Make sure to avoid asking questions that you aren’t ready to hear answers to though. If you’re the dumpee and feel hurt, you shouldn’t be reaching out anyway. But if for some reason you end up breaking no contact, avoid asking your ex what your ex feels about you and if he or she is dating someone else now.

Avoid asking questions that could make your ex feel bad for moving on and cause your ex to lie or act cold. You have to remember that your ex is still your ex. He or she isn’t your friend until your ex discerns it’s safe to communicate from time to time and agrees to be your friend.

So don’t rush things. Try to mimic your ex’s interest at first and take your leave if your ex appears disinterested, mean, or not the way you want your ex to be.

No one says you should talk to your ex after 2 years. No one says you should tolerate rude/unpleasant behavior and get hurt by your ex. You need to understand that the relationship with your ex failed and that it may be safer and better for both of you not to get involved with each other. Not even as friends or occasional texting buddies.

Are you wondering if you should talk to your ex after 2 years of no contact? What would you talk to your ex about? Share your thoughts and plans with us below the post.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.