Before I get into the details of a push-pull technique (what I call the fishing technique), I would like to say that I am personally not an advocate of this method.
It’s a mind game that requires a lot of planning and scheming in order to attract the other person.
This can either work with someone you just started to date, your partner or an ex. It’s a psychological manipulation technique that works like a magnet.
So if you don’t care about your dignity and moral values, continue reading to find out how to use it.
How does the push-pull technique work?
The push-pull technique works like fishing. The girl/guy you are trying to get is the catch, the rod is the push-pull technique and bait is your psychological manipulation scheme.
Essentially what ends up happening with the push-pull technique is that you become the mastermind and direct how the course of the relationship with the targeted person will unfold.
For example, you are talking to a girl and you notice she becomes unsure or aloof and she distances herself from you due to whatever reason.
Since you are desperate, you come across the push-pull technique and you start applying it (of course, at your own risk). I can’t stress this enough. Manipulating someone into being attracted to you is wrong on many levels.
When two people are in contact, they have the desire to connect and feel validated. It’s a basic human desire engraved in our brains to maximize our chances of survival.
This dates back far back in history and evolution of human beings. This need hasn’t changed since. People are still strongly dependent on one another for many reasons. Bonding with another person releases chemicals throughout the brain, leaving us wanting more. Without thinking too much about it, the brain wants what gives us pleasure and avoids everything that causes us pain.
Let’s see how we can exploit this human need by using the push-pull technique.
Instructions
Before using this technique give the person you are trying to attract the best attraction experience no other living person can.
Tell them how important they are in your life and how you wish you could stay friends forever. In this way, you pump them up with the impression of unconditional friendship, loyalty, devotion…
When you have accomplished the goal of making them attracted to you enough, let them go cold turkey by disappearing and acting distant.
Pushing
- Show indifference and anything that shows interest in the following ways:
- become genuinely disinterested in their life
- hang out near their place with the opposite gender to arouse preselection
- stop all contact, reply briefly, pick up the call and make an excuse to leave shortly (friend coming over)
- postpone/cancel meet-ups
- Your feelings for this person are now “vague” which significantly raised your value in their eyes and you went from beta to alpha in a matter of minutes.
Pulling
- You invite them out. By now they should be starving for your attention. They are wondering what you have been up to so you apologize for calling rain check on them. You come up with some bs excuse like your grandma dying or parents’ divorce (sick, I know), and how you have been coping with stress. They now start to sympathize with you and you go back to being your old, friendly self. Now is the time you tell them again how you appreciate their support and make definite plans to enjoy some quality time together.
- Staying positive and upbeat, now allows that person to start forming an unhealthy emotional bond with you. This sort of behavior starts to slowly reel her back into your life. This time, the victim wants to make sure, you don’t push them away again to avoid their pain. They begin to invest more and more, thinking they it’s them who are responsible to soothe your anxiety and the need to pull away.
By now, that person thinks you are a really great person for sticking around. They consciously or subconsciously think they play an important role in your life for which they give themselves credit for. This person appreciates you sharing your vulnerability with them and they, as a result, begin to open themselves up.
Now you want to repeat both the pushing and pulling process but on a milder level (you are going to run out of grandmas at some point and there’s only so much drama they are going to tolerate). I wouldn’t recommend using this technique more than twice or thrice as you will end up overdoing it.
As you start using this push-pull technique, the power in your relationship will shift over to you. They will become dependent on your validation and appreciation of their presence.
Once you’ve successfully pulled off this manipulation, you become the puppet master and hold the cards in the relationship. You are now the mastermind and have complete control of your situation. Since you are willing to go to the means of manipulation, I urge you to find out how to become the best version of yourself. 🙂
Dangers of using this technique:
- decide if it’s the right thing to do for you
- living with a devious past
- over-pushing the other person away
- overdramatizing
- simply failing at applying it properly
Let me know what you think about this push-pull technique. Did it make sense? Have you done it before to someone without thinking about it? Perhaps you’ve been manipulated in this way before? Share your thoughts below.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Are you seriously teaching people how to be asshole jerks and how to gaslight others???
Hi Sil.
I’m teaching people about various psychological techniques and how the mind works. If you read other articles, you’ll see that I encourage people to be moral.
Sincerely,
Zan
My ex used this constantly in our relationship. She knew it, too, but continued to use it. I didn’t realize it until it was too late and she already devalued & discarded. She was manipulative, controlling, abusive, arrogant, narcissitic – more on the BPD end b/c she had several traits of BPD which she listed out in some stupid letter to me (I should have broken it off on the spot at that point but was still patient like the other poster above). She ended up badmouthing me to EVERYONE, blamed me for things that never happened, made me feel crazy like a shell of myself. GLad she’s gone, she can go be someone else’s problem now. Thing is, have seen & heard things regarding her that tell me she hasn’t changed one bit. She’s still as nasty as she has always been.
Hi Maddie.
Your ex won’t change any time soon. She’ll need to undergo a painful experience before she realizes her mistakes. It’s possible she’ll never reflect or reflect in ways that she needs to.
Kind regards,
Zan
the invisible cloth technique the illusion of is it there or it isnt restrain that is best description of how instinct is alive and doesnt make me do stupid shit like try to get unobtainable if i did get it and it wasnt right then their would be severe failure rebound consequences. 5% chance of successful enjoyable one half mexican and one hallf white male and one female or any split enjoy the erotic sense and mental fufillment.
I have had the woman purposefully do what people have told them. never had a full white do anything interesting and a split of any kind do anything interesting a genetic hell of sorts the genes are bouncing since 28 strange thing im 31 now.
the full race and the split races are kept from just naturally fucking and hanging out
kept from a head of household
the intstructions are never fufilling for me
oh well fucking hoover family aint the make a wish foundation
all speculation
Hi,
So long story short: I recently met this woman, got her number, took her out and it got physical REAL quick. We made out HARDCORE but did NOT have sex as she JUST got her period that day. I was a total gentlemen the entire night and treated her like a queen. I was honest with my intentions and I was transparent as not to hurt her or lead her on God forbid. She responded by getting very physical with me.
Fast-forward a week later: I rented an AirBnb for us and to say the least, we didn’t sleep the entire night if you know what I mean.
Since then, we’ve been texting and sexting. She hit me up first on Friday before the weekend saying “May your weekend be filled with (dirty) thoughts of me”.
So this girl clearly likes me but she’s leaving the country for a few months and I’d like to keep myself in her head and thoughts so that when she comes back, we can continue where we left off because I actually like this girl for long term dating. This girl isn’t just a hook up for me.
Any advice you have for me on how to maintain this attraction???
Thank you so much
-Dave-
I think it can be used with some modifications in order to empower oneself and without the goal of manipulating somebody.
Let me explain…
I had a crush. He seemed to be interested and sent me mixed signals. Most of them the kind a woman thinks he is pretty interested but something is holding him back.
So ok. I got excited and did what was possible to show him I was intested too and that he had a green light to go on.
Suddenly things cool off from his side. I didn’t know why but I was so crushed… However, I knew for the sake of my own dignity I had to stop my feelings for him since I wasn’t being corresponded anymore and ultimately it wasn’t right to be looking for a crush (I’ll explain at the end).
So after he cold feeted I began to ignore him. I focused on my workouts (it was at the gym) and watched movies while doing them with headphones on and not even looking to the sides. I looked totally inmersed in my music or videos.
To my surprise he started coming back to have small talks, he stared at me (I saw him in the mirrors), he try to lock our eyes every time he could… Just as when things were hot between us. I guess he missed the flirting we used to have. I got that. It felt amazing.
So what I did without knowing I was doing this push pull technique was ignore him most of the time, then sometimes I responded kindly but inmediately went on to my business looking uninterested on him again, which was totally different than before. Some days I would give him sexy smiles (sorry I couldn’t avoid it, it came naturally) or some day I would hold his gaze and smile back.
By the way, at the end of the day we couldn’t be together for many reasons. So it was my idea to
Ignore him to just forget about him. Remember that he started ignoring me first.
However, without me knowing this I was playing push and pull. Why? Because I would pretend I wasn’t crushed anymore but sometimes our eyes would lock and we would smile in an obvious way to each other.
Other times I would ignore him for days without even lifting my eyes from the phone to say hi, even when he was next to me.
Other days I would say hi with a big smile and engaged in brief conversations and then cut off and leave. (he did that to me before many times)
So yes. I noticed that he bit the hook.
I didn’t do it to manipulate him into liking me again a nd keep playing the flirting gams. I did it to try to get rid of the silent flirtatious game we had that was leading to nowhere and was hurting me, and in which I was the beta because I clearly showed open interest on him. I felt stupid and I wanted to regain my dignity.
What happened? Well, he was obviously very puzzled. He tried to keep orbitating for a while. Until he also gave up and started pretending he wasn’t crushed anymore. And so we both pretended and pretended until we finally gave up and accepted the game of flirting had to stop and we have to move forward.
Now we say hello without any further hidden feelings (he is fine and I am fine) . Two people who just say hello and sometimes talk. that’s it.
The reason why I wanted all to stop? He is married. I am married. I guess we are both happy in our marriages but yes, we did have a crush and he didn’t attempt to have closure because he knew it wasn’t right. I appreciate that.
The push pull technique helped to feel empowered, in control, strong, and got away the needy puppy image I believed I portrayed.
So. It can be used for good porpuses too!
Use it if you need it but never to manipulate!
Do people do it unconsciously? I feel like my ex did that to me when we were together.
Mostly women applying it, wg? I can tell you haven’t been on our side…
My ex is doing the same thing. When we see each other in person. Our chemistry and sexual tension between is super strong. She kept saying nostalgic memories and saying I still love you and care for you. She still keeps me tabs on social media and is the first people to view my stuff. But when I text her after to establish a meetup. Either excuses or no responses. I also recently found out she has been seeing some guy on and off now since December on the side. I don’t know what all this means or if it’s just a phase my ex is going thru. Or is the technique being applied now? Mind you this girl is in her senior year at the university. I also recently unfollowed her on Snapchat.
This is exactly what my ex did, hence my comment on the article about blocking someone on social media. I had to do it to get away from the emotional manipulation. I got so used to the hot and cold treatment that I started to think this was normal and I had to change my behaviour, i.e. being more patient, not setting boundaries as to not appearing needy. No more and never again!
It really suvks to be on the other end of this technique. After awhile you figure out what they’re doing, but it’s still insulting and a waste of everyone’s precious time.
Absolutely, Amanda.
It’s devious and something cowards do.
Kind regards,
Zan
The whole male-female dynamic is built of games like this, and it is mostly women that feel the need to play them, dont hate it when men have to play along.
Well said