When an ex shows no emotion after the breakup, you have proof that the dumper has emotionally detached and stopped caring about the relationship. He or she stopped worrying about what you want and started prioritizing his or her own thoughts, emotions, and goals.
Focusing on other people and things excites your ex and allows your ex to feel in control of his or her life.
Your ex wanted to take back control of his or her life (emotions and actions) for a while. But since your ex was with you, your ex was unable to do it. He or she was still committed to you and had to ensure the relationship got what it needed to function.
This changed when your ex realized the relationship couldn’t make him or her happy anymore and convinced himself or herself it was time to leave. That was when your ex stopped caring about his or her obligations to the relationship and how you’d take the abandonment.
Unlike you, the dumper didn’t get rejected and experience gut-wrenching separation anxiety and a loss of self-esteem. Instead, the dumper felt relieved and empowered by the newfound freedom. He or she was excited to move on with his or her life and do the things he or she had been meaning to do for a long time.
The immense desire to leave the relationship and be in total control of his or her life made the dumper appear unaffected by the breakup. This is because it allowed the dumper to emotionally distance himself or herself from relationship responsibilities and how the breakup affected you.
The time to care about your problems and feelings was over. It was time to worry only about his or her wants and needs. Due to a lack of care and personal responsibility, your ex’s beliefs, and the fear of being dragged into a conversation with you, your ex appeared emotionless.
An emotionless response to your highly emotional reaction made it possible for your ex to protect himself or herself from spending time with you and helping you feel better.
Dumpers seldom get as affected as dumpees during or after the breakup. Sometimes they cry, but this tends to happen when they feel depressed, worried about their ex, or guilty about ruining their ex’s relationship goals and investments. Most of the time, they feel uncomfortable and irritated and can’t wait to stop talking to their ex.
Because they crave space and wish to talk to anyone but their ex, they show no emotion and appear not to care. They make their ex think they feel nothing—when, in reality, they feel trapped and annoyed. Despite feeling that way, some dumpers do their best to hide their emotions as doing so avoids hurting their ex and bringing another emotional response out of him or her.
So if your ex shows no emotion after the breakup, bear in mind that your ex fell out of love and is in self-protect mode. Your ex wants to keep a reasonable amount of emotional distance from you and avoid feeling pressured and blamed for the pain you feel. By shutting off emotionally, your ex stays in full control of the breakup and sends you the message that he or she is unwilling to have deep conversations that could potentially cause pressure and make him or her think about the past rather than the present and future.
Always remember that a lack of emotions after a breakup indicates a lack of emotional investment, responsibility to help/empathize, courage to communicate (especially about problems and reconciliation), and willingness to get back together. When the dumper unplugs emotions, turns cold, and becomes unreceptive, the relationship is done and over with.
You won’t be able to “win your ex back” because your ex has made up his or her mind and is happy with his or her decision and emotions. Any attempts to make your ex feel loved and express love back will get in the way of your ex’s post-breakup expectations and boundaries and make your ex want to work things out with you even less.
Don’t think your ex is emotionless because your ex needs more time to think things through. Your ex is unemotional simply because it makes your ex feel guarded and the safest.
If your ex were to show a lot of emotion, your ex could give the impression that he or she cares and wants to stay in touch.
Now, if your ex becomes emotionless only when you ask for love and recognition, your ex probably shuts down emotionally because you’re not respecting his or her boundaries. You’re asking for more than your ex can give and leave him or her with no choice but to go into self-defense mode. Self-defense includes rejecting you cold-heartedly and showing you that you won’t get what you ask for.
Turning off emotions is your ex’s way of making sure you respect his or her decisions, emotions, and post-breakup boundaries.
In today’s post, we discuss why your ex shows no emotions after the breakup and how you should handle emotionless responses.
Why doesn’t my ex show any emotions after the breakup?
Some people are brought up not to show any emotions when dealing with situations they don’t understand or want to be a part of. They learn from parents or society that emotions make them look weak and that they mustn’t show weakness at any cost.
Guys can be especially stoic and inexpressive during or after the breakup. They don’t like to be perceived as emotionally vulnerable or don’t want to give their ex the idea that they’re still in love and willing to make the relationship work.
They’d rather have their ex think the relationship is over for good and that he or she must accept the breakup and find someone else to confide in. Someone who wants to stay in their life and give them the support they crave.
Guys are constantly told and shown that crying is for girls and that emotional situations are too much for them to handle. They’re usually not as emotional as women, so they have a hard time getting on women’s emotional level and empathizing with them. They must try extra hard to develop the ability to understand women’s emotions and support them in ways women want to be supported.
That’s not to say that women can’t be emotionless and completely unreceptive. They can be just as straightforward and harsh as men. When they detach and lose feelings, they can be extremely uncaring, mean, cold, angry, and cruel.
Emotionless and mean responses aren’t gender-specific. They’re caused mainly by people’s personalities and sense of moral responsibility. Those who think their ex’s emotions and problems are their ex’s responsibility and consider their ex a nuisance usually act coldly and heartlessly. They don’t see a reason to be nice and highly empathetic because they don’t want to be around their ex and can’t get anything from their ex.
Since they don’t want love and attention, all they want is for their ex to accept the breakup calmly and give them the space they need.
Also, your ex may have emotionally burnt out. If he or she kept delaying the breakup for weeks or months, it’s possible that your ex doesn’t have any more patience and care left in him/her. Your ex may be done trying to sympathize with you and ensuring you don’t get hurt and offended.
If that’s the case, your ex is emotionless because it protects him or her from your highly emotional responses.
Emotional responses such as:
- crying
- shouting
- threatening (suicide)
- begging and pleading
- demanding compensation for lost time and money
- trying to ruin their ex’s reputation and next relationship
When dumpees act out of control and/or pose a threat, dumpers tend to be very careful. Sometimes they get angry to fend off a perceived attack, but other times, they play it cool and avoid hurting and angering their ex (reacting instinctually to their ex). This is how they attempt to avoid making their dumpee ex emotional and forcing their ex to make their life more difficult than it already is.
So bear in mind that your ex has his or her own reasons for not showing any emotions after the breakup. No matter what your ex’s reasons are, your ex is done with the relationship and thinks it’s safer and easier for him or her not to fake emotions and pretend that he or she still feels something for you.
Dumperes don’t feel hurt and anxious. They’re relieved and want to be left alone. If they aren’t left alone or if they just want friendship, they often react unemotionally with disinterest and keep their guard up.
Having said that, here’s why your dumper ex shows no emotions after the breakup.
What if my dumpee ex doesn’t show any emotion?
If your ex is a dumpee, your ex probably doesn’t want to show you that he or she is hurt and anxious. Your ex doesn’t want to look broken-hearted because he or she wants to impress you and get another chance with you.
Dumpees usually aren’t very good at hiding their emotions. Due to overwhelming separation anxiety, fear of being forgotten, and desperation to prove their worth to their ex, they tend to appear too friendly or too unemotional. They struggle to find a healthy balance between caring and not caring, so they appear strange and out of character.
If your dumpee ex doesn’t show any emotions during the breakup, it may be that your ex lost feelings for you long before the breakup and appreciates you ending the relationship. But if your ex shows no emotions weeks or months after the breakup, then your ex is probably hiding negative emotions to prevent you from thinking poorly of him or her.
Your ex wants you to think of him or her as a strong individual who doesn’t beg and plead for love. He or she is hoping that you’ll respect him or her for not making things emotionally difficult for you.
It’s extremely uncommon for dumpees not to show any emotions. Most dumpees (men or women) show that they’re hurt and willing to get back together with their ex. They show this by entertaining their ex, asking for time, communicating enthusiastically, and wanting their ex to validate them.
When they don’t show any emotions, it’s either because they suffer silently and don’t want their ex to know and think less of them or because they’re over or almost over their ex. Whatever the case may be, it shouldn’t matter unless you want your ex back.
What can I do about my emotionless ex?
You don’t need to do anything. If your ex chooses not to be emotionally expressive and vulnerable around you, you shouldn’t try to force your ex to be. You should instead try to be understanding of your ex’s beliefs and personality and let your ex think, feel, and act how he or she wants.
You shouldn’t let your ex’s lack of emotional responses affect your self-esteem and change your recovery/ex-back strategy. Whether you want your ex back or not, you shouldn’t accuse your ex of not caring about you. The relationship has ended, so any mean or accusatory response will only make things worse.
It will tell your ex it bothers you (when it shouldn’t) and that you have high expectations of him or her even after the breakup. That will, in turn, put immense pressure on your ex, lower your ex’s patience and respect, and make your ex want to talk to you and reconcile with you even less.
The most important thing you can do when your ex becomes unemotionally inexpressive or unavailable is to allow your ex to be any way he or she wants and stop letting it bother you. Consider your ex done with the relationship and incapable of trusting you with his or her emotions.
To want to get back together with you, your ex must first process the separation and find a good incentive for getting back together. He or she must realize that the grass isn’t greener on the other side and that you can fix his or her unhappiness by taking him or her back.
When your ex regrets breaking up with you, your ex will show you the emotions you want to see because your ex will be in pain and dependent on you for recognition.
So don’t expect your ex to show emotions before he or she has discovered your worth and redeveloped feelings. Expect your ex to display (positive) emotions around other people and avoid giving you false hope.
Your ex will come back to you when he or she is ready to come back. In the meantime, follow the rules of no contact and show your ex that you’re in control of your emotions and life.
Does your ex show no emotion after the breakup? Why do you want your ex to be emotional with you? Let us know in the comment section below.
And if you want to chat about the breakup directly with us, go to our coaching page and subscribe to 1-on-1 coaching.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
