When your ex sends you flowers during no contact, this seldom means what you think it does. It doesn’t indicate that your ex wants you back (especially if there’s no desire to meet up afterward), but that your ex feels bad or that he wants to celebrate something with you and/or make you remember him.
If he sends you flowers on your birthday, Valentine’s Day, death anniversary, or some other important event, he does it out of principle rather than to impress you and make you fall back in love. I know that sending flowers is a nice gesture, but when flowers come from an ex (the dumper), it only means that the guy is thinking about you.
He doesn’t know that you don’t want any gifts and reminders of him as such things confuse you and make you overthink his intentions.
Basically, due to obliviousness, he took it upon himself to send you flowers and made you believe that there may be a deeper meaning behind his actions. In reality, it was just his way of saying that he remembers you and wants the best for you.
So if your ex sent you flowers during no contact, know that flowers are typically not a precedent for an opening spiel that would attempt to draw you back in. Most of the time, flowers are just flowers, a gift.
They indicate that your ex wants to do the morally right thing (if it’s your birthday or something) or that he wants to assuage his guilt (if he’s not happy about hurting you, complicating your life, and/or the way he behaved).
When flowers are sent on a random day, they tend to indicate that your ex feels bad for hurting you and causing you trouble. And if they’re sent on a special occasion such as a job promotion, they show that your ex wants you to know he’s happy for you and that he remembers things that are important to you.
Friends or people who are trying to be your friends tend to do that. They want you to know that you’re on their mind and that they care about you as a person (not a lover).
So whatever you do, don’t overthink things. Always remember that random gifts from an ex who dumped you don’t mean love.
They mean that the dumper is having a hard time accepting his behavior and that he wants to be sympathetic to make you and himself feel better. It’s not a selfish, nor a selfless gesture. It’s just something people do when they’re struggling with their conscience.
Due to a lack of breakup knowledge and understanding of their ex-partner’s feelings, they non-verbally communicate with their ex and by doing so create more problems for their ex than they solve. They make things worse than if they didn’t send any flowers.
I’ve been doing this long enough to know that most dumpers who want you back (male or female) will reach out to you and verbally set up a date. They won’t confuse you with flowers and chocolates and wait for you to thank them and make the first move.
Those who want another chance will ask for another chance, simple as that. They won’t have the patience to wait for delivery services to deliver the gifts. Anxiety will make them want you back right away.
I know that some places offer same-day delivery, but you need to keep in mind that your ex doesn’t need to impress you before he speaks to you. He’s the dumper who broke your heart (made you crazy about him), so technically all he has to do is say sorry and ask for another chance.
If you want him back, you’ll say yes. And if you don’t want him anymore, you’ll reject him. It’s your rejection that could make him do desperate things such as sending flowers, letters, and all kinds of gifts.
The first reach-out after an epiphany probably won’t be non-verbal (flowers). It will be a direct approach in which he asks for your attention and forgiveness.
In this guide, we’ll explain why your ex sent you flowers during no contact and show you how to respond.
Why did my ex send me flowers during no contact?
If your ex sent you flowers during no contact and you feel tempted to contact him, try to avoid jumping to conclusions. Think about his reasons for sending you flowers first. You might realize that your ex treated you poorly during or after the breakup and that he finally stopped feeling relieved and began to feel guilty.
Many dumpers feel bad after a while (during no contact) because they realize their ex didn’t deserve to get hurt/treated badly. Their ex deserved respect for sticking around until the end, but instead of showing respect, they kicked their ex to the curb and made him suffer.
They showed no or little empathy and made their ex deal with rejection alone.
This can be difficult for them to forgive themselves for as they’re not used to dealing with so much guilt. They normally don’t have to. They deal with such amounts of guilt only when they break people’s hearts and destroy their plans and expectations.
To deal with guilt, many dumpers reach out and breadcrumb their ex. They talk to their ex, apologize, and offer friendship. They don’t know that a post-breakup friendship offer is an insult and that it decreases their ex’s hope of getting back together.
And because it decreases their ex’s hope, it also hurts their ex and makes their ex more desperate for love and validation.
Your ex may not have reached out verbally, but that doesn’t change much. It’s possible that he sent you flowers to apologize for the problems he’s caused and to forgive himself.
He may not need your response to forgive himself for his mistakes.
A “selfless” gesture may be enough for him to do that. Every person is different, but do bear in mind that the majority of dumpers don’t need to apologize and hear “I forgive you” to forgive themselves.
Most dumpers just need to do something nice for their ex and/or see that their ex is doing okay. That gives them a sense of relief and enables them to focus on themselves.
So if your ex sent you flowers during no contact, bear in mind that flowers without a desire for reconciliation are just a considerate gesture. They typically show guilt or thoughtfulness rather than signs of redeveloped feelings and regret.
What your ex wants by sending flowers may be hard to decipher, but don’t forget that dumpers know they’re responsible for fixing the mess they’ve made.
If they only apologize or send random gifts, they don’t show the willingness to regain your trust and rebuild love. They just do what’s necessary for them to move on with a clean conscience.
That’s why I don’t want you to think your ex wants you back when your ex sends you flowers and breadcrumbs. I want you to know that dumpers do lots of confusing things and that breadcrumbs and gifts are about them.
They send them to forgive themselves and/or consider themselves moral people who care about their exes’ anniversaries and achievements.
With that said, here are some possible reasons why your ex sent you flowers during no contact.
Now that you know why your ex sent you flowers during no contact, bear in mind that it’s not just guys who send gifts and flowers. They may do it 95% of the time, but women send things too from time to time.
I haven’t seen it happen many times, but one particular woman sent her ex flowers because she still wanted her ex back. She left the guy for someone else and regretted it a few months later when her new relationship failed.
The girl was in her early 30s and felt so anxious that she sent his ex flowers, letters, and all kinds of gifts. She wanted to prove how much she loved her ex and ignored the fact that her ex was already with someone new and didn’t want to reconcile.
The point is that an ex who loves you (male or female) will do much more than just send flowers. He or she will make sure that his or her intentions are transparent and that the reconciliation happens as soon as possible.
The dumper won’t wait and let you move on because he or she will want you back for safety and reassurance purposes.
Dumpees are the ones who usually send flowers to their ex in an attempt to lower their ex’s defenses and reconcile. They try to seek validation and love from their ex through desperate measures (after reasoning has failed).
Dumpers, on the other hand, see or rather feel no need to resort to desperate measures. They already feel validated, so they don’t need to feel even more empowered by their ex.
They just want to be on good terms and move on peacefully.
Should I thank my ex for the flowers I received during no contact?
Since you’re in no contact and trying to heal from the breakup, you shouldn’t reinitiate contact just to thank your ex. Flowers or no flowers, your ex has left you and shouldn’t be sending you gifts and talking to you.
Your ex should be leaving you alone and letting you forget about the past. But since your ex isn’t doing that, you must take charge and do what’s best for you. And what’s best for you is to stay in no contact for as long as your ex wants to stay broken up.
That means you shouldn’t initiate conversations and let your ex know you’ve received the flowers. There’s no point in doing that because it won’t make your ex come back. It will only make you anxious and reset the progress you’ve made during no contact.
So if you don’t want to hurt yourself by talking to your ex, don’t thank your ex for the flowers. Instead of thanking your ex, find out what to do about the flowers.
There are a few things you can do:
- keep the flowers
- throw the flowers away
- or give them to someone
If you’re still getting over your ex and analyzing your ex’s actions, I suggest you either throw them away or give them to someone else. Just don’t put them in a vase because you’ll keep looking at them, thinking about them, and wondering if your ex finally realized your worth and wants you back.
Keep them only if you don’t care about your ex romantically, if you like the flowers, and if you see no harm in keeping them.
What if my ex actually wants me back?
In the unlikely event that your ex’s sweet gesture is an attempt to reconcile, you need to wait. Wait for your ex to reach out and check if you got his flowers. When your ex reaches out, your ex will start showing romantic interest.
What is a romantic interest, you ask?
It’s affection and a desire for affection.
You can tell your ex is interested in you romantically when your ex:
- gives you compliments
- talks about the relationship
- shows curiosity and asks about your happiness and plans for the future
- expresses regret and unhappiness
- displays nervousness and anxiety
- appears desperate to see you and be with you
- engages in deep conversations
- smiles authentically with eyes
- speaks enthusiastically
- mirrors your behavior and attitude
- asks you lots of questions (especially about your emotions and feelings)
Mind you that your ex needs to do most of these things to have feelings for you. If your ex just compliments your good looks and flirts with you, that’s not a sign of regret but a sign of sexual arousal guilt, or desire for friendship/friendship with benefits.
You need to make sure that your ex truly cares about you, not just about the things you can do for him.
So before you assume that your ex wants you back after sending you flowers, observe your ex’s behavior for a while. If he has feelings and wants you to reciprocate them, rest assured that he’ll follow up and profess his feelings.
He’ll want you to know how he feels and try to get back with you right away.
As a dumpee, you needn’t entertain your ex and hope that he redevelops feelings. You just need to mind your own business and wait long enough for your ex to come back for you. When he’s back, you can then work on relationship matters such as trust, communication, and commitment.
Did your ex send you flowers during no contact? What do you think this gesture means? Share your views in the comments below.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
such a good article! Always writing the best pieces! You have special way of writing Zan & thank you for all your help 🤝❤️
It makes me happy to hear that, Linda.
Wish you all the best!
Zan