If your ex promised you the world and looked incredibly loyal, loving, and prudent just before the breakup, you need to know that your ex appeared optimistic for a reason.
Your ex basically went all-in with the intention to increase his or her feelings for you and to save your relationship.
But what your ex didn’t know is that that saving a relationship requires effort from two people.
It demands the attention of both you and your ex—and oftentimes even a counselor or a therapist to get rid of some of the deep-rooted issues.
Had your ex known that, your ex might have been able to repair the issues plaguing the relationship and consequently feel stronger toward you.
But your ex lacked self-awareness and knowledge to do so.
Your ex heedlessly thought that if he or she just tries hard enough and plans the future with you—that his or her feelings of love will return.
But boy was your ex mistaken.
Thanks to your ex’s heroic thinking, your ex became so serious about saving the relationship that your ex put his or her remaining hope on watering the relationship.
Your ex did so by making one last stand and talk about the following relationship hope-instilling topics
- proposal, marriage,
- kids
- sharing finances, moving in together
- going on vacation together, arranging dates, meeting in person
- telling you how perfect you are for him/her
- saying that nobody can replace you
- asking you about your relationship goals and commitment
- promised you great things in the future
In this article, we’re going to talk about what it means if your ex promises you the world and breaks up with you quickly after.
My ex was happy and broke up with me
If your ex appeared incredibly hopeful—more than ever before, your ex was looking for something positive to hold on to.
Your ex was essentially trying to convince himself or herself that you’re a great person and that you’re worth investing in.
By thinking about you in a positive light, your ex expected to feel more positive emotions that could potentially save his or her relationship from its negative spiral.
That’s why your ex single-handedly embarked on a quest to save your relationship/marriage and find happiness for himself/herself as well as for you.
Your ex intended to do this by artificially recreating euphoria from the early stages of your relationship and prove to himself or herself that the relationship has long-term potential.
And to your ex’s surprise, forcefully recreating happiness, peace, and comfort worked for a little while.
The reason why it worked is that’s people can’t distinguish real happiness from fake happiness.
Not until it ends and the reality of the situation hits twice as hard.
Anyway, since your ex felt hopeful about the future of the relationship again, he or she immediately made plans with you, arranged more dates, and expressed intense love for you.
Everything was like out of the fairytale.
The only problem was that it was taking a huge toll on your ex’s emotional health.
Your ex felt overburdened
Since heavy planning and investing required a lot of effort, your ex couldn’t keep up with the unhealthy, unbalanced pace that he or she has set.
As a result, your ex soon began to run on fumes—and eventually came to a complete halt.
Your ex then realized that he or she is out of energy and that trying hard to stay in a relationship is making him or her unhappy.
Your ex’s suffocating, nauseating, and exhausting emotions confirmed that the relationship needed to end—as well as all the suffering with it.
It was the only way for your ex to be happy again.
But what your ex failed to realize is that it wasn’t your fault that your ex ran out of steam.
It was actually your ex’s fault for not communicating with you properly about what he or she feels, wants, and needs to be happy.
So don’t think that you should have detected your ex’s negative emotions, as it’s not your job to do so.
It would have been great if you did, but then again—your ex had decided not to tell you and dismissed you from the team.
Your ex needed to talk to you
As an ordinary human being, you probably don’t possess the ability to sense the negative emotions surging through your ex’s mind.
You don’t know what your ex is thinking and you certainly don’t know what he or she is feeling.
The good thing about it though is that you don’t really need to.
Your ex is perfectly capable of talking to you if he or she is not completely happy with the relationship.
Couples should actually talk to each other about the things that they aren’t happy with so that they can find a workaround.
But since your ex didn’t communicate properly and instead tried to invest in you to feel strongly about you, your ex only ended up getting emotionally exhausted.
Due to the self-created exhaustion, your ex probably felt neglected and likely developed the exhausted victim mentality.
That’s why he or she now refuses to listen to you and give you another chance.
Your ex just can’t invest again after trying incredibly hard to fix things on his or her own.
So if you begged and pleaded with your ex for a second chance after your ex has tried so hard to love you, you now understand why your ex couldn’t change his or her mind about the breakup.
My ex talked about getting married
If your ex talked about marriage and kids just before the breakup, your ex desperately attempted to save the relationship
Your ex’s main intention was to elicit a strong, positive response from you so that your ex could feel strong positive emotions for you.
This is a psychological technique most people use on a regular basis. And they do it without even being aware of it.
Compliments, promises, arguments, cold treatments, tantrums, manipulations, jealousy tricks are good examples of this technique.
They all have a hidden agenda—with the purpose to make a person feel (either good or bad emotions) and extort some sort of response.
The response of this technique can either tell us that:
- a person cares and values us – which makes us feel good
- a person is unhappy and miserable – which either empowers us or in some cases—makes us feel guilty
But no matter what type of response we seek from a person, we always look for feedback to meet our emotional needs and expectations.
What if my ex told me we’ll be together forever?
People promise all sorts of things because they believe that their feelings of love will never change or subside.
They think that they will never run out of happiness and that they are going to stay elated forever.
But as you know, positive, happy emotions can change in matters of seconds.
All they need to change from good to bad is one tiny obstacle and suddenly the whole world can appear upside down.
So when your ex encountered an obstacle that negatively affected his or her mind, your ex obviously no longer felt elated.
On the contrary, your ex felt quite unhappy, so he or she, as a result, started thinking about you in a very negative way.
This went on for quite some time up until the point when your ex’s stressors affected your ex so much that he or she no longer wanted to keep his or her promise.
Due to the negative emotions and negative thinking patterns, your ex instead chose to quickly forget about his or her promises and blame you for the way he or she felt.
Most people (especially younger generations) unfortunately react negatively to stress.
They simply lack the personal maturity and self-awareness to respond in a proper way.
But the truth is that they are the ones responsible for what they feel and that attaching a bad stigma to people they were close to in the past is a personal weakness.
It’s always easier to blame their dumpee for the way they feel than to take responsibility for their own thoughts and actions.
Did my ex lie when he promised me we’ll be together forever?
When your ex made the promise to always stay by your side, your ex didn’t lie.
Your ex felt extremely positive about you and your relationship—and actually saw the light at the end of the tunnel.
He or she thought fondly of you and actually wanted to stay with you forever.
But the moment your ex’s perception of the relationship changed for the worse, your ex no longer wanted to keep the promise and stay devoted to you.
Your ex just couldn’t get out of the self-created negative spiral that he or she fell into.
It was too much for your ex.
And that’s because your ex lacked:
- emotional strength to deal with stressors
- ability to communicate his or her needs efficiently
- relationship mindset that would remind him/her about the importance of the relationship
- self-awareness
- gratitude
What about the dumpers who just up and leave?
Most dumpers, unfortunately, don’t try extra hard right before the breakup.
They don’t promise things they can’t deliver and they certainly don’t attempt to feel stronger emotions toward their dumpees.
They instead rely on their negative emotions for guidance and do what they feel, not think is best for them.
Since they lack a deeper understanding of why they feel the way they do, they tend to blame others for their own emotions and retaliate with destruction.
They basically try to get back at their dumpees for causing them pain when in reality, their pain is self-made.
So if your ex acted on impulse after the breakup and tried to hurt you, your ex is probably not the person whose false promises you want to respect.
You need to realize that your ex had promised you the world on impulse when he or she was happy—and hurt you just as impulsively when he or she wasn’t.
This makes your ex an impulsive, mindless person.
Did your ex promise you the world and left shortly after? What did your ex promise you throughout the relationship and right before the breakup? Comment below.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
My situation was long distance relationship, i live in San Diego, he working in San Francisco, and having a retirement home in Vegas. I admit it wasn’t easy, lots of travelling from his part and mine, but we loved each other, well.. I think I did love him, not sure if he did, but he used to drive 9 hours to see me, and I used to drive to Vegas to see him, or flying to SF.
We spent one week together, December 31 to January 5th, he always did all the planning, we were trying to have a baby, I was willing to have my third child, just to make him happy, he was never married, I was divorced. Mature couple, he relied on me for for emotional support, I was always there for him.
Before he met me, he was all over the place, no promotion, no stability, after he met me, he got three promotions, bought a boat, a car. He used to call me Angel, for bringing so much luck and love.
After he got his last promotion; which put him in a very higher lever, he changed in one week later from his promotion.
Just right after we spent New Year, and he looked into my eyes, and said: My love we are having our baby this year… Next week he dumped, blaming me, he was cold, everything happened really out of the blue… Extremely cold.
I have to admit that I forgave him when he passed me a STI, i gave him a treatment, I never accused of cheating, I just asked him to take his med and contact the person he had intercourse, he denied been unfaithful, he said the only woman that he had anything was priory our relationship. So, I decided to give him another chance.
I am no contact for a month, never heard from him before… He called me his only family…
My questions… Why he drove 10 hours to see me on Christmas, I never demanded that, why he let me spent New Year with him, I never demanded that either, I wasn’t asking for plans, he did.. Deep inside, I never trusted him, I never believed his plans, It was too out of reality.
But what hurt me the most was the way he ended, through text, blaming me for everything.
A few days ago, my best friend and now ex-girlfriend (21F) broke up with me (26M). I’ve known her for almost a year (through work), and then happened to start hanging out with her and a mutual friend/co-worker to go watch a movie in June. Prior to that point in time, I had closed myself off to making friends or finding romance because every friend I made ended up cutting me off or growing distant, and any girl I met would turn out to not be the right one for me. My social life outside of work was nonexistent.
However, after that first movie hangout between the three of us, I found myself hanging out with just her, so often that it started to feel natural. We went to watch movies, had a late night visit to my old high school, walked around in parks, went ghost hunting, tried souffle pancakes for the first time, etc. We even visited the LA County Fair together (it was the first time for me). We were sometimes out past 2 AM in the morning just spending time together. At some point, my feelings for her went from platonic/almost sibling like to romantic. It was probably when she dropped the news that day we went to the county fair that she was going to be leaving to Texas to help take care of her grandparents in October.
We knew all about each other’s quirks. She didn’t like to tie up her shoes, had trouble maintaining eye contact, had a silly catchphrase she’d say if you looked at her for too long or made fun of her height.
On paper, we weren’t perfect for each other. I liked dogs, she is terrified of them. She loved cats, and I’m deathly allergic. I loved eating a lot, she didn’t eat much. Not that I believe in it, but people pointed out that our astrological signs didn’t match. My mom pointed out that our Zodiacs were a bad match (Chinese zodiac). Despite how different we were, she would always bring a big smile on my face whenever I saw her.
On the last day we were together in-person, she wrote me a quick note, saying that she would always be there for me, no matter what. At that point, I already told her I liked her, and she admitted that she liked me a bit too, but couldn’t understand why I liked her. But she wanted to wait until after she was done with her stay in Texas, but that she wanted to give it a try when she comes back. She just had to make sure she was better person for me before then. We both told each other to not wait for one another. When she left, I ate less, went to sleep early, lost motivation to go to the gym. But after texting/talking often, it almost felt like she never left.
A month later, she called me and talked like we usually did. Her grandparents had moved back to Mexico, so there wasn’t any real reason for her to stay in Texas anymore, but she insisted that she wanted to stay there for a while. Even though her mom (who she is close with) also wanted her to come back home. Then she asked me to define our relationship. Said she passed on good things before, so she didn’t want to pass on me. So, going against my better judgment, we agreed that we make it official.
Early on, we would talk for hours on end, (we even managed to hit a . This meant a lot, because she actually hates talking on the phone with people in general, so the fact that she was able to do that with me was a feat in itself. We sent each other music that we liked, presents, texted each other as soon as we woke up in the morning. She would randomly text me and call me just to hear my voice. I would always try to call her before bed and throughout the day. She would talk about how her family kept trying to introduce her to guys, but she kept telling them that she has her Chinito. And how her friends wanted to meet me too. She would talk about how we would one day visit this cool food place together, go on a double date with her friends, visit Rome. She told me that she would give up on cats, just to be with me. I told her that I would skip the dog, just to be with her. She already ended her marijuana use and alcohol consumption just because she knew that I didn’t do any of that. When we were together, I almost always woke up 5 minutes right before she would text me. It was like my body knew that she was going to send me a message before I did. And I would always be able to tell how she was feeling without here even needing to tell me. She was the first person to affect me like this.
But the past two weeks, I felt like she was being distant. And I had a feeling we were going to be over soon. She went an entire week without calling, and was always too busy when I tried to call. Her texts changed from having kissing emojis to just no emojis at all.
And then she broke up with me two days before the new year over text. She deleted her Instagram, but for whatever reason, she didn’t remove me from her Snapchat or block my number. I stopped texting/calling her after my last response on the day of our break up.
I’ve spent the past few days eating less, waking up at 3 AM in the morning, despite working 11 hour shifts 7 days a week for the past 5 weeks. I can’t sleep, because the pain in my chest keeps me up at night. I dream about her too. My playlist on my phone had so many songs and singers she sent to me. I had to specifically change it to remove any songs that would remind me of her. I had to take the shirt and mug she bought me, the letters she wrote me, her pictures, and hide them all away. Because I can’t bring myself to get rid of any of them.
She said that before me, she originally wanted to live alone with a lot of cats. She had self-esteem issues, and was so worried that I would leave her. I was the first person she ever been with, and that she had a lot of things in her past that she was worried would push me away when I learn about them. Over time, I started worrying she might leave me too. But she said she wouldn’t leave me, not even for a guy or girl who loved cats and lived close to her in Texas. She had me believing that we could make this work. Her letter to me referenced lyrics to song we liked, saying that we could do it if we try. And she said she was going to keep trying until I knew she wasn’t going to leave me. After that, I was convinced it would work out. Then she finally left me.
I wake up every morning, hoping to see a good morning text. I drive home from work, hoping to get a phone call. I go to sleep at night, thinking this was all just a bad dream. That I would wake up the next day, and that she’s back home in our city, and that we can finally go to that ice cream shop we missed out on. I can’t cry at home, otherwise my parents will know for a fact that they were right all along, and that I was the idiot for believing in everything my ex told me. And that since I’m a man, I’m not supposed to be cry.
I know that logically speaking, this was for the best. I was probably too clingy, too needy. That me not being there physically was too much for her to bear. I felt that I was holding her back from truly living in Texas. There probably was some amazing guy or girl out there, who loved cats, who could be with her, but she couldn’t experience that because she was tied down to me. Now I need to learn how to be happy again, this time alone. And it really tears me apart inside, because all the things I liked to do, was even better when I did it together with her. And just doing them alone reminds me of her. I just wished she would’ve said something hurtful to me before leaving me, so that it would be easier for me to get over her. It took me 7 years to get over a close friend I was into. And it only happened after she said hurtful things to me in argument.
Part of me hopes that she finds someone amazing out there, and make them happy, just like she reintroduced a daily feeling of happiness in me. If she did, I would finally be able to move on. Another part of me hopes that when she comes back to our city some day in the future, she would want to give us a second chance. But since I know her too well, I know if that happened, she would be too afraid to reach out to me first, even if she was the one who ended it.
Zan, I found your website today, and after reading through some of the articles, I can say that the advice you had, gave me some insight on my own behavior, as well as likely her own. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that my strong need to talk to her on a daily basis for hours on end conflicted with her discomfort of talking on the phone to people in general. And wanting to talk often meant I was needy. I thought that talking a lot was the right move, since we were in a long distance relationship, and she didn’t have access to videochat.
When she couldn’t/didn’t talk to me for a week, I felt depressed, but she told me she was more or less okay with not talking, because she got by with “memories we had together.” Was that a sign that she was starting to lose interest? When she mentioned planning to go with me to meet her friends, family, and to go on dates when she visits California again this upcoming May, how she couldn’t replace me with a cat lover living near her, was that just her trying to hold on?
How should I interpret her last message to me? She acknowledged being distant with me. Then she said she had to let me go. No matter what she liked me for who I was. That she was sorry. But she needed time alone. That she didn’t want to hurt me, but felt like she was hurting me. But she had to do it. Told me to get some rest, and to please don’t call her either. Common things I’ve heard is that important things should be said in-person or at least over the phone. Should I assume that I was likely not important enough for her to end our relationship over the phone, or would it be more likely because she was afraid/didn’t want to hear my reaction?
Was it mistake to tell her:
1) I knew the breakup was going to happen, and to not apologize for doing what she felt was right?
2) That I still cared about her, but if she wanted to cut me off, to just say so?
3) That I know she was going to make someone happy like she did for me, and that I hadn’t felt happy in a while until I met her?
4) And that she was a special person, and was worth it, and that I’ll still be there for her if she wanted to talk?
I just don’t understand why she would go so far convincing me that we could make this work and how afraid she was that I would leave her, just for her to leave me first. My older sister felt like my ex broke up with me because she wanted to save herself from the pain of me ever breaking up with her (I never planned to). Because my older sister did the same to a guy before. Is that a fair assessment?
I know now’s the time to start improving myself, and that I shouldn’t care much about all of this. I’ve already resolved myself to go indefinite no-contact, but I just wanted to know your thoughts.
Thanks for your insight :]
His mother died. He told me that I was his world, that he’d do everything to see me happy, I was his support. After this He made lots of friends who kept asking him why doesn’t he break up to try other people, and yesterday he broke up, telling me that the relationship wasn’t doing him good, but he loved me. he said that he needed to make more friends… after 5 years of sacrifices I have nothing left.
Hi Elisa.
You may have lost him, but you still have the most important person in the world.
You have yourself. And on top of that, you likely have friends and family who support you.
Be strong and find your own happiness again. It’s the most important part of life!
Best regards,
Zan
My ex told me everything under the sun. She chased me constantly, told me everything you could think of from emotional, physical, sexual positive comments. I thought she was so in love with me. She couldn’t get enough of me. It was incredible. We got in a couple of heated arguments on vacation(which also made me realise the things i needed to work on)and i tried to talk to her to figure her out and for her to figure me out. I thought it would make us closer. But instead she went cold on me on the ride home and dumped me over a text a couple days later. Ripped my heart out that what we had wasnt even worth trying. Made me feel like i did something so unattractive that i wasnt worth ever fighting for. How emotionally attached she said she was, how in love, how if i ever left her it would crush her…on and on. After everything she said and how much effort she put in chasing me it blows my mind she’s gone. Time to get to work on myself.
Hi JC.
This is your time to work on yourself and make sure that you don’t repeat your mistakes.
It’s all you can do for now.
Best,
Zan
We had so many plans for the future and she asked for the divorce unexpectedly after being married for 8 months (8 years together). 3 Weeks before asking for the divorce she was talking About having kids, traveling and remodeling our house. Then she met 2 girls at work that helped her make this drastic decision. She became a different person. All she wanted to do it’s be out with them and drink. She stopped talking to me and her family. It’s been 7 weeks and I found out she’s dating one of the girls.
Hi JayCobn.
I’m sorry to hear you got your heart broken. Protect your heart by staying in indefinite no contact. You will heal, trust me.
Best regards,
Zan
You are much better off without these people. I went through a similar situation . Mine was through a sneaky text message and it was cruel. We had been together for 3 years and never saw it coming. Like Zan says you now know the other side of these people. I am so blessed I didn’t end up with her. Also what comes around goes around. These people normally don’t change.
Amen brother! In my case, I could’ve radically changed my life to be with her…then walked right into her ongoing affair. So I was very fortunate that everything worked out the way it did. Seeing what kind of person she really was made it a lot easier to close the door on the relationship and walk away.
Hi Gary.
Most dumpers don’t change. Due to immense relief, they usually start enjoying their lives and stay exactly as they are. Sometimes they even worsen.
Kind regards,
Zan
My ex boyfriend just ended the relationship after 5 months. I know this is a short time, but it was quite serious. We had a long distance relationship (500km), but we told each other that we would make sure it would work. We were talking already about moving in a year or so. We called each other every day (he did not like messaging so much), and we saw each other every three weeks. When we were together we could talk all night, untill the sun came up. It was great. We could not stop touching each other (esp. him) and he met all my friends and i met his.
Last month his parents came over to visit him. He had not seen his parents for more then 2 years, because they life abroad. He wanted me to meet them and asked me if they can stay even a few days in my house. For me it was a signal that this relationship was serious for him, and i said that i would be very happy to welcome his parents.
We went to pick them up from the airport and like i said they stayed for a few days at my place. Then i put them on the train station and they went to his hometown.
Then everything changed….
Like i said we called each other every day, but the moment he went away he did not called me and only sent me one message that they arrived good. I understood that he was probaply very busy with entertaining his parents so the first two days i did not contacted him. Out of respect i waited for him to contact me. But nothing. So after three days i wrote him if everything is ok and that i really miss him and why he did not write me. He reacted pissed and told me why he always need to contact me. I could have called him also. Anyway after a small discussion we were good and the day after i send him a message by whatsapp with some pictures a friend have made of us.
No response…
I waited two days and called him again and told him that i was a bit surprised that he didn’t responsed of the photos i have send him. He told me he did not like the photos and why he should react?
His reaction was so weird. He was always so sweet and thoughtfull and now a bit cold and with distance. We ended the conversation and i told him that i miss him so much and that i wish he just can give me a sign of life sometimes by sending a small message. I think that is not too much to ask? Even if he is busy with his family?
Well…two days later i received a voice message of 5 minutes. Not something he normally does. I already got nervous…and there it was. He told me that he thought about it a lot but he can not give me what i want. I deserve a better boyfriend because he has so much stress now with his family coming over and that he wants to have a break. I called him straight away and asked him why suddenly he wants to have a break. I really did not understand. If he is having stress, i think it is a good thing to have a partner who stands by him. I asked him not to do it and if he needs time with his family, i would give him all the space…but not a break. Anyway, he had made up his mind and didn’t want to continue right now.
I was at that point very emotional and told him that in this case it’s better to end it completely. That i didn’t want to wait for him and in the end to hear that he wants to stop it anyway. So i cut the phone call and said never to contact me anymore. I was completely in shock. Never saw this coming. The week with his family was so nice. He was so sweet and understanding and now after a week he wanted to have a break? What did i do wrong? DId his parents did not like me? Or is it really the stress he has?
The next couple of days were the worst of my life (or at least of the last few years). I felt so down, so depressed and still could not believe what happened. I hoped that he would call me and would say that he made a mistake or something….but nothing. I waited four days when i finally could not resist to call him. So i did….but now he told me something completely different then the last time. Now it was all my fault. Because i wanted to control his life, that i made a drama of everything etc. So suddenly the reason was not that i deserve a partner who is better then him, no…now it was my behaviour he couldn’t stand.
I asked him why he never talked about this before. Why out of the blue he comes with all this? But he did not want to talk anymore and said..’listen…i’m going to watch a movie…its over between us…that’s it.’
He cut the phone…
That happened now 2,5 weeks ago. And still i’m in complete shock. Why i never saw this coming? Why he changed in one week from a loving and caring guy, into an ice cold and horrible person. Not even having the respect to explain me what actually happened to him.
I texted him two days ago…that i hope he is fine and that i still do not understand nothing, but that i’m slowly coming in term with it. He responded with a thumbs up….
Sorry for this long story. And i’m not native speaking english…so sorry for the mistakes.
I’m reading your blogs and it really helps a lot. I still feel like shit and feel very little…but thank god it was only 5 months. Very intense 5 months,..
Greetings,
Irun (Spain)
My situation is almost identical. I also dated someone in a long distance relationship because of work related reasons, but it ended after 3 months. We used to see each other once a week or twice a week, had a little vacation and it was very intense but still she ended the relationship. We’re still on talking terms and distance is no longer a matter but it’s been three months since the breakup and I don’t think she wants to give it a second go. Our relationship was always good and she’s the one who turned cold, after I’ve hit a lower spot on the job and I did the mistakes of begging and pleading a few times.. Stay strong Irun!
Thank you so much!
Oh Irun,
He actually gave you the thumbs up emoji? Yeesh. Sounds like he has issues with stress, better you know now than later if you married/moved in with him. Your breakup broke your heart and he doesn’t have it in him to show you compassion or empathy in his actions at this point. Can you imagine what would have happened if you entered a stressful patch in life such as having a colicky baby with him? What a nightmare.
I doubt you could have prevented this. It was very gracious of you to host his parents, it would take a lot for that situation to make a guy want to break up with you. AND if his parents were that mean and influencing of him, you don’t want to be with that much of a Momma’s boy anyway.
If you were being yourself, you did yourself a favour and he weeded himself out of your life. This is very painful, but also very good. What I imagine he perceived the “drama” to be was you trying to make sense of his treatment of you. You obviously want to feel respected and loved. You obviously want nearly daily contact with your partner, which isn’t a bad thing. He doesn’t sound like he’s into that. Maybe what he was saying had truth:
1. You deserve a better partner
2. He doesn’t like your behaviour
This is OK! There are people out there who can’t stand others because they are “too nice”, “laugh too much”, are “too serious”, are “never serious”
You’d enjoy a relationship with a man so much more if he loved these things about you.
You sound like a lovely person. I would do myself a favor if I were you and not contact him again, you deserve something more fulfilling. Stay strong! This is the bad part, it will get better!
Thank you Carla….i just read your reply. You are completely right. Thanks for your sweet words.
Hello irun,
I read your post and it brought me great comfort..
I too had a similar situation to you lasting 2 years.
I am still broken. He blamed me for everything and never took into account his actions.
How are you now?
Protect your own heart. This person showed you that your heart isn’t safe with him. Don’t contact him ever again. And if you hear from him, I hope you’ll be strong enough to move on, Irun.
I empathize with you. My long-term ex moved to a different city (with me supposedly moving there at a later date). Little did I know that she had started a relationship with someone else in the new place while I was busy looking for a job and readying relocation plans. At the end, she was so hot to dump me and get on with the new guy that she didn’t even tell me it was over: she got one of her family to text me about it. So, yeah, people can be incredibly cruel, self-absorbed and thoughtless. But as Zan has pointed out in several of his blogs, be thankful that you got a chance to see his dark side before you went any further down the road with him. There’s someone much better out there for you.
Hi John.
You definitely didn’t deserve such cruel treatment. I hope that you find the strength to move on from this person and make the right decision if she ever comes back.
Best regards,
Zan
My ex went to another country for 5 months for family reasons, made me move out and get my own place before he left. Didn’t want to get a place with me . He waited till he came back to leave me. Some people are just cruel how they handle it. Been over 100 days and never heard from him again. And it was up to that point an amazing relationship for almost 4 years.
Hi Lisa.
It’s unfortunate the way it turned out. But your ex showed you his true colors, so that’s something you may want to think about when you’re struggling.
Best,
Zan
Well this makes perfect sense for my situation right now. Completely blindsided after 4 years. After making future plans and goals. I helped him pay off his debt, get a new truck, we were going to pay off mine next. I lived with him 4 days a week and I lived at my house, 30 minutes away, 3 days a week.
He had been telling me about how stressed he was feeling. So I backed off, gave him some space, didn’t make any plans, just trying to tone it down and relax a bit. Next thing I know he’s cancelling our family vacation, and has left me. Left all of my things with his mother to be collected from me. Won’t speak to me. Blocked me on everything and it’s been 3 weeks since I heard from him last via email. I’m trying so hard to move on and heal. Which I know takes time. But how can people be so callous and cold? He has left me before and came back. But this has been the worst. He told me he wasnt happy. And when I saw him the day after he broke up with me on the phone he was crying uncontrollably. Which makes no sense.
Trying to heal and move on. Being patient in the meantime sucks.
Hi Carmen.
Your ex must be facing some serious emotional struggles. He connected his stressors with you and instinctually pushed you away. Now he feels guilty, but not so guilty that he’d unblock you and apologize. All you can do right now is to give him some space. It’s what he wants.
But if he comes back, the way he thinks and perceives you must change a lot, Carmen. Make sure he invests in areas of his life that he’s been neglecting so far or he’ll leave again when life gets tough.
Kind regards,
Zan