Does Your Ex Have A New Boyfriend? Don’t Panic!

So you wake up one morning, make a cup of coffee, check your Facebook page and find out your ex of two weeks has a new boyfriend.

You inadvertently spit a mouthful of liquid in their faces on the screen and remain petrified in bewilderment.

The fear that your ex is over you

Your stomach begins to feel funny and you wonder if it was something you ate. Soon you realize it isn’t that extra bar of chocolate you consumed last night, but rather anxiety levels skyrocketing. You think to yourself “As if I’m not sh*t out of luck already, now I have to deal with this nuisance on top of the break-up.”

Your mind starts racing and you wonder if she had a guy already lined up. Perhaps she is trying to get over you.

“Maybe I never meant much to her in the first place. How could she do this to me after 3 years? Am I that easily replaceable?“

Whatever the case you have got to stop! First, you have to calm down. Take a deep breath. Seriously, do it (deep breath) to the point where it feels like your lungs are bursting.

Now release. Focus on a particular object in your room and say to yourself “calm down, calm down, calm down.” Now that you have temporarily reduced your stress levels, I need you to take a step back and ask yourself this.

“How is worrying going to help me?” Allow me to tell you it will not! Worrying will make you more prone to a heart attack if you’re looking for an easy way out.

Moreover, your anxiety will ruin your chances of ever getting back together (if that’s what you want). Try to stay level-headed so you can avoid the post break up mistakes.

Read a book on “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” to calm yourself down.

Self-control

Now that you’ve got your hands under control from picking up your phone and calling/texting your ex, you should lean back for just a moment. Instead of unleashing the fury on your ex, you should devise your next move.

You may want to start either by removing or unfollowing her on Facebook. I suggest the former because you will need some incredible self-control to stop yourself from giving in to your curiosity. As the saying goes:

Out of sight, out of mind.

You are strong!

If you see your ex in person with her new boyfriend I want you to appear completely unaffected.

She expects you to break down and squeal and grovel like a puppy. Prove her wrong and never acknowledge that her dating another guy is insecurity of yours.

You can’t stop yourself from feeling like sh*t, however, you can control the actions you take.

Even if it feels like your skin is being peeled off your body and bones crushed by a bulldozer, you need to appear like you don’t care. After that, you can indulge in crying marathons if you wish to.

High value

By showing strength, your value will increase beyond imaginable and she will begin to wonder if she was really the one who moved on first. She’s going to feel extremely guilty as a result of your bravado and might even begin to wonder how you developed such resilience. “Maybe he also has a new partner,” could be her initial thoughts.

Without a doubt, she will ruminate about your life and what you have been up to. You might even receive a text message a few days later asking how you are. Without bragging, tell her your life has been nothing, but full of awesomeness.

You want to come off as vague as possible with your feelings for her (if you still pine for her). When she becomes unhappy in her new relationship she will say things like “I miss you, sometimes I wish we could have worked out…“

Instead of saying “we still can,” you want to subtly let her down without ruining your chances forever. Tell her something like: “Yeah, that’s in the past and it was probably for the best.” Let her know it’s better for both of you.

You have yet again increased your value by showing disinterest in her. It’s general knowledge that people want what they can’t get, and she simply isn’t getting you. You are not playing some silly game here.

She’s the one who dumped you, remember? All is fair in love and war, even if it’s by using a little bit of reverse psychology.

Patience

Remain on good talking terms with her, but never show weakness. Trust me, if she wants to get back together she will hint you or tell you. You will feel the time is right when you hang out with her.

Wait for her to make the first move or you could end up ruining your chances forever. Be strong. This will either make you or break you. It doesn’t matter if you’re a sensitive person, as long as you find the right relaxation techniques that work for you.

Now that you know how to turn things around if opportunities present themselves, let’s consider why your ex is dating someone already after just getting out of a long-term relationship with you.

Why is your ex dating again?

Here are the most common reasons:

1) She’s getting over you.

Hold on. Let me correct that. She’s “trying” to get over you… That sounds better. Think I’m kidding? So she jumps into a rebound relationship with or without dealing with her post-break-up blues where everything is fu*king perfect.

She loves the attention she is getting and they are living a fairy tale. For the moment, she has forgotten about you because she is getting her needs met by her new boyfriend.

I bet you’ve heard a million times before that the best way to get over your ex is to get under someone else. Pretty nasty, I agree.

Fast forward 1-3 months later… The honeymoon period has ended and the relationship is bloodier than your grandma’s hemorrhoids. She finds herself in a war zone with this “flawless” dude and everything about him starts to bother her.

On the other hand, the guy can’t deal with her unresolved drama so he becomes short-fused. They are a ticking time bomb.

2)GIGS: Grass is greener syndrome

She either left you for another guy or she found another boyfriend shortly after. “So she wishes to explore her options and see what else is out there, aye?” It’s her free will, so allow her to do so.

If you were a jackass, become the best version of yourself to have another shot later down the road (yes, it’s still possible to get back with your ex). You only have to be better than you used to be (I didn’t mean to say “only”). A complete change inside and out has to be made.

Time is your ally, so make a game plan and follow it. Beating the other schmuck is easy when you take the right actions and have the desire to crush him like a bug he is).

Many times exes come back on their own, without you even having to leave your house. This happens because they realize what they had with you was something special and they couldn’t emotionally connect with their new partner.

Whether you decide to shut the door in her face is up to you. She left you once, she could do it again. Play at your own risk.

3)She’s trying to make you jealous

This is common behavior for both the dumper and the dumpee. There’s not much to say here. Ex-partners often participate in a game of who moves on sooner. It’s immature and serves no long-term purpose.

4)She’s so emotionally insecure, she needs to constantly be in a relationship

Some other guy has probably used her single status as an opportunity to jump in and make himself at home. Since she was always used to you being around, she is incapable of being by herself.

At least you realize how big an impact the break-up has had on her. She is so devastated she needed to find solace in someone else immediately. This is where you want to say to yourself: “I played a big role in her life.“

Comparisons will be made

It’s safe to say that she has already been comparing you to this new person from the very start. This includes parties, chores, personal hygiene, the way you treated her and more.

Humans are habitual creatures.

We don’t like big changes. Instead, we tend to linger in our comfort zone.

Now for the juicy part. Whenever this new boyfriend fails at reaching the standards you have set – let’s say you were a great cook, tidy person, conscientious with chores, she’s going to think to herself “What the fu*k? I’m used to better standards.

My last guy used to take me out and buy me things. This new boyfriend of mine is so cheap he expects me to pay for a scoop of ice cream.”

You honestly wish you could be there when that happens. You would want to get a chair, a box of popcorn ? and enjoy the show.

By now, she has analyzed both relationships in and out. Despite yours having flaws she’s spending more and more time thinking about you and how you served a better purpose than he does.

You put up with her bad habits and respected her wishes. You understood her jokes, innuendos, interests, etc.

To sum up, your long-term relationship with your ex was one gigantic pack of habits and personality commonalities. It’s impossible to break free of something that becomes a part of your life so quickly. You wish you had taken those psychology classes back in the days now, don’t you?

Every time she speaks, she will immediately think of a common personality trait you and she shared “Ha, in her face!” Whenever she passes your favorite restaurant she will think of you and how you spoiled her a**.

How to leverage this “rebound” into your advantage?

It’s a tough one. It’s one of those things you have little to no control over. Some people suggest you should stay friends with your ex and wait until their relationship fizzles out.

Others say you should stay away and make them miss you. I would go with the latter option.

“Why?” They need to see what life is like without you. If you are constantly in their face, they know they still have you where they want you. They have the cake and eat it too.

Ideally, you should disappear off the face of Earth until their relationship is at least 80% over. Since you are not in any sort of contact, I assume it would be hard to determine when to re-emerge.

You might get an idea from a mutual friend, but what do they know. Why don’t you hire a private investigator or something?

Anyway, when the rebound is ending/has ended you casually walk back in there. You present yourself as the white knight and offer a quick fix to the solution (psst, It’s getting back together).

You don’t just say you want to get back. Instead, be subtle, comforting and convey the message that getting back with the new and improved you is best for them.

Odds are in your favor, especially if she has been broken up with by the rebound. “Would you look at that? She’s not so great after all.” 

That’s two failed relationships in a short period of time. Make use of her vulnerability and show her things will be different this time!

There’s a chance she might not want to get back with you. If that happens, you need to walk away and wait for her to change her mind.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.